Poll: Were you Smacked as a child?

[theleg]

Originally posted by MindYerBeak
Don't try and bend my words, sir, you know full well I mean violent retribution not quiet words.

I did no such thing..

You missed my point.

You said that parents use violence, or smacking to distort the childs personality into something its not...Im saying that other methods of discipline, IE the nice, friendly whisper in the ear, do the exact same thing.

 

[kandyman]

Just one thing I've been wondering about.
Out of all the people that have said that it's ok to smack a child as a form of discipline how many of them have kids.

 

[[ASSE]Hinchy]

Originally posted by MindYerBeak
As it now stands, 140 as opposed to 27 people on these forums condone violence towards kids. Don't gloss it over, folks, you're living in denial. Violence is violence, don't justify your actions by saying you only administer a light smack. It's violence, pure and simple, toward a person who cannot defend himself.

Gloss it over all you like, put a shine on it and polish it up, but you're administering violence towards a defencless child, someone you "love". Is it any wonder the world's in the state it is when so many people interpret the meaning of "love" to mean a violent act? Don't take it personally, but reflect on what I'm trying to get across.

Oh for christ's sake, it's not violence. The type of smacking people on here will be referring to is a smack on the arse. More humiliating than painful. If it was a smack across the face, thats violence. But that is not what we are referring to. It's teaching the child right from wrong. If there is another way of dealing with the situation then you have to trust people's judgement on what action is more appropriate.

You teach them right and wrong because you love them. If you don't do it then they grow up like the little ***** that you see on the streets smoking pot and all sorts, harrassing adults, terrorising shop keepers.

There is a 10 year old kid that has been named in the newspaper who has already been banned from areas in Blackpool. I bet every penny I have that he wasn't smacked as a child and was just left to work out for himself in his "freedom" what was right and what was wrong, and look how he turned out. If thats the kind of society you want then you push this do gooder argument you have all you can. I however, like the 77% percent other people in here, will push for proper disciplining.

 

[[ASSE]Hinchy]

Originally posted by kandyman
Just one thing I've been wondering about.
Out of all the people that have said that it's ok to smack a child as a form of discipline how many of them have kids.

I'm 19 but have seen how little brother and little sister have been brought up and have compared it to what I have seen of kids being brought up ever since. I also speak to other parents about how kids are nowadays and they think exactly the same as me.

 

[theleg]

Originally posted by kandyman
Just one thing I've been wondering about.
Out of all the people that have said that it's ok to smack a child as a form of discipline how many of them have kids.

Going by the age thread, i think most of us were kids until very recently.

 

[shroom]

at the end of the day, nothing can decide what is going to happen except the parents. At the time when i was smacked, i was enraged, but looking back, i realise completely why it was done. I personally think that services like Childline are serving their purpose when things like this come to discussion; if you are getting beaten severly, and you have even tried to defend yourself unsuccessfully when its being done (i.e. your parent(s) can see that you are suffering) then you have the capability to call childline and attemt to sort it out. It isnt all that difficult to solve the problem, but i wouldnt actually know. but from similar experiences, talking to someone about something bad that was happening to me usually made it feel a lot better.

i dont think that you can class something like this as child abuse at all - if it was, then there wouldnt be such an acceptance of it as shown on the poll, there would be a dispute, as children who have grown up being smacked would then realise and try to do something about it, but nothing substantial has been done.

 

[Dogbreath]

Originally posted by MindYerBeak
As it now stands, 140 as opposed to 27 people on these forums condone violence towards kids

You are now making accusations that are simply not true. The 140 people see smacking as an effective last resort in disciplining a child, not as condoning physical abuse.

It's clear to me that a violent childhood has strongly affected your perception of violent behaviour. If responsible parents smack a child, they are not taking any kind of pleasure from that, they are simply reinforcing the concept of right and wrong.

You said: "if banning smacking a child saves just ONE child from becoming a model of it's insane parent, then that, to me, makes the banning worthwhile".

If saving that one child creates thousands of uncontrollable, undisciplined scrotes, would it still be worth it?

 

[MindYerBeak]

Originally posted by Fedaykin
The main problem is... there is no way to effectively 'control' the 'level' of 'discipline' its simply not possible , parents have to use their own judgement , and sadly sometimes that judgement is pretty poor.
The only thing I can think is the government offering advice in some kind of public information format , perhaps 'how to be a good parent' leaflets in doctors surgeries and whatnot. It seems ridiculous that something like this would be neccesary , but not all parents are born with the skills..
I'm sure many parents on the forums will agree that once their first child or children are born , that from that moment on , parenting is a new and constant learning curve!
Smacking is neccesary because I guarantee , children are never really going to know whats good for them unless its drilled into them one way or another!
Smacking , is , a severe thing , either thorough a small amount of pain or a large amount of embarassment , if I caught any child of mine playing with knives in the kitchen for example , I'm not going to have time to explain to them why stabbing it in their chest isn't a good idea , i'm going to have to act swiftly and decisively and clip em round the ear to let them know what they're doing is SEVERELY dangerous , and thus warrants a SEVERE warning.
Again were back to conditioning , if htey know something 'severe' is going to happen then they won't do it again..
The only problem is , what some parents idea of 'severe' is , and that is the crux of the problem , parents need more education..

Again, sir, I stress the point, why hit someone you "love"? My argument is that the human race are not the luvvie duvvies we portray ourselves to be, we are violent by nature and ALWAYS will be, until the end of time. The only way forward is to end the conditioning of our species which says a whack for a child is a good thing.

Imagine a child who picks up a kitchen knife, is gently retrieved from them, given a gentle kiss and explained their wrongdoing. Time and time again. How will this person grow up compared to one who's been whacked? A more loving, caring person, I'm sure you'll agree.

That's why I maintain that a woman who gives birth to kids should forfeit her right to work and remain with the youngest child until it's 5 years old, the formative years. It's one of the problems of today's modern society, in my opinion, in that greed has taken precedence to a child's welfare. Going to work and earning a crust is more important. Living in the "right" place takes precedence. Don't take this personally, sir, it isn't aimed at anyone in particular, but nevertheless is a sad fact in today's modern society.

 

[theleg]

Originally posted by MindYerBeak
Imagine a child who picks up a kitchen knife, is gently retrieved from them, given a gentle kiss and explained their wrongdoing. Time and time again. How will this person grow up compared to one who's been whacked? A more loving, caring person, I'm sure you'll agree.

Im not sure whats more worrying, the fact that the mother let her child get its hands on a kitchin knife or the idea that a child will understand something so easily.

Yes children are intelligent but they arent infallible...a child isnt going to understand you every single time you sit them down and explain nicely...Its in those situations where a smack comes in.

Obviously those who smack first without trying every other alternative are out of order....but what do you do when your kind explanations arent working? What happens when the child keeps picking up the kitchen knife? Explain once again and hope he understands before slicing his hand off?

 

[[ASSE]Hinchy]

Originally posted by MindYerBeak
Imagine a child who picks up a kitchen knife, is gently retrieved from them, given a gentle kiss and explained their wrongdoing. Time and time again. How will this person grow up compared to one who's been whacked? A more loving, caring person, I'm sure you'll agree.

Obviously it depends on the age of a child and what they were doing with the knife. Were they 4 years old and just holding it like a ldrumstick?

A talking to would help in this case.

However, if it was a 4 year old swinging it dangerously, a 'whacking' as you so nicely put it, would scare the child from picking up a knife like that again. A gently talking to would run the risk of the child not being scared off doing it again.

I'm not saying you have to scare the child away from everything, I say "scare" the child in a way that means they just would think twice before touching the knife again.

I think I have explained properly?

 

[astralcars]

Originally posted by MindYerBeak
Again, sir, I stress the point, why hit someone you "love"? My argument is that the human race are not the luvvie duvvies we portray ourselves to be, we are violent by nature and ALWAYS will be, until the end of time. The only way forward is to end the conditioning of our species which says a whack for a child is a good thing.

Imagine a child who picks up a kitchen knife, is gently retrieved from them, given a gentle kiss and explained their wrongdoing. Time and time again. How will this person grow up compared to one who's been whacked? A more loving, caring person, I'm sure you'll agree.

You're far too idealistic Beaky. What do you thing a parent should do with a child who refuses to listen to a logical explanation about why xyz shouldn't be done. No method of discipline works all the time. Not every child will respond to a smack and not every child will respond to non-physical means. Do you seriously think a properly delivered smack is on a par with murder? Its pointless dismissing smacking just because it comes under the blanket term of 'violence'.

 

[MindYerBeak]

Originally posted by [ASSE]Hinchy
Oh for christ's sake, it's not violence. The type of smacking people on here will be referring to is a smack on the arse. More humiliating than painful. If it was a smack across the face, thats violence. But that is not what we are referring to. It's teaching the child right from wrong. If there is another way of dealing with the situation then you have to trust people's judgement on what action is more appropriate.

You teach them right and wrong because you love them. If you don't do it then they grow up like the little ***** that you see on the streets smoking pot and all sorts, harrassing adults, terrorising shop keepers.

There is a 10 year old kid that has been named in the newspaper who has already been banned from areas in Blackpool. I bet every penny I have that he wasn't smacked as a child and was just left to work out for himself in his "freedom" what was right and what was wrong, and look how he turned out. If thats the kind of society you want then you push this do gooder argument you have all you can. I however, like the 77% percent other people in here, will push for proper disciplining.

You're getting confused, sir. I ain't a DoGooder as I've already stated. A smack on the arse is okay, you say, yet it's not violence? Then what is, pray tell? I've been "smacked on the arse" until I've had difficulty breathing, and was extremely demoralising. Why hit a kid on the arse? Because it makes you feel powerful, makes you feel good, administers the most pain? Or to administer embarrassment to the child? Because that is what it does.

You're confusing the issue between discipline and spoiling a child, as exemplified in your above account. Ordinary children will respond to love and affection, whereas they find it difficult to relate to an embarrassing slap on the arse. You, too, if I remember rightly, was subjected to strict slapping discipline. As a result you now accept it as the norm. I tend to disagree.

 

[theleg]

Originally posted by MindYerBeak
You, too, if I remember rightly, was subjected to strict slapping discipline. As a result you now accept it as the norm. I tend to disagree.

He was smacked in the way he is advocating, IE in a decent way..You were beaten by your parents as you said..If his experiences have influenced him, yours must have influenced you..Are you so against smacking because its wrong or because of your own personal experiences?

 

[MindYerBeak]

Originally posted by Balddog
Im not sure whats more worrying, the fact that the mother let her child get its hands on a kitchin knife or the idea that a child will understand something so easily.

Yes children are intelligent but they arent infallible...a child isnt going to understand you every single time you sit them down and explain nicely...Its in those situations where a smack comes in.

Obviously those who smack first without trying every other alternative are out of order....but what do you do when your kind explanations arent working? What happens when the child keeps picking up the kitchen knife? Explain once again and hope he understands before slicing his hand off?

That's where diligence and patience comes in, sir. That's why I said a mother should not be allowed to work during the formative years. 'Tis her duty, as a mother, to look after and instruct her child and watch it constantly. Her child should be more important than Coronation Street, whereby the child could wander into the kitchen and play with knives. Parenting is a great responsibility; unfortunately far too many are unwilling to accept it, hence the problems with youth in today's society. Mankind is a beast. He needs laws to make him behave and act responsibly.

 

[[ASSE]Hinchy]

Originally posted by MindYerBeak
You're getting confused, sir. I ain't a DoGooder as I've already stated. A smack on the arse is okay, you say, yet it's not violence? Then what is, pray tell? I've been "smacked on the arse" until I've had difficulty breathing, and was extremely demoralising. Why hit a kid on the arse? Because it makes you feel powerful, makes you feel good, administers the most pain? Or to administer embarrassment to the child? Because that is what it does.

You're confusing the issue between discipline and spoiling a child, as exemplified in your above account. Ordinary children will respond to love and affection, whereas they find it difficult to relate to an embarrassing slap on the arse. You, too, if I remember rightly, was subjected to strict slapping discipline. As a result you now accept it as the norm. I tend to disagree.

After reading your posts I get the impression you are a dogooder. Sorry if you are not

No a smack on the arse is not violence. It doesn't have to be done as hard as you can, only hard enough to let them know that what they have just done is bad, so that they won't do it again.

No it wouldn't make me feel good. It's quite sick if it makes anyone feel good.

No it wouldn't make me feel powerful. If I wanted to feel powerful I would attach a ball and chain to their leg and make them walk around holding a sign saying "My dad is the greatest".

No it doesn't administer the most pain. That would be a punch in the stomach or a slap across the face. You know, VIOLENCE. But that isn't what I am saying is acceptable..

A smack on the arse is used because it doesn't hurt particularly much, but still lets the child know that what they are doing is wrong and that they shouldn't do it. If you have been smacked on the arse to that extent and have had a rough upbringing then I'm sorry for you, but that is not what 90% of parents will do to their children.

 

[theleg]

Originally posted by MindYerBeak
That's where diligence and patience comes in, sir.

Any answer to me question though? What does a parent do when they child doesnt take heed of explanation and reason? There is no other option so the child will not learn that its wrong.

Smacking the child is a last resort after everything you are advocating has failed. and it does fail occasionally....god forbid it should fail when it comes to knives.

 

[MindYerBeak]

Originally posted by astralcars
You're far too idealistic Beaky. What do you thing a parent should do with a child who refuses to listen to a logical explanation about why xyz shouldn't be done. No method of discipline works all the time. Not every child will respond to a smack and not every child will respond to non-physical means. Do you seriously think a properly delivered smack is on a par with murder? Its pointless dismissing smacking just because it comes under the blanket term of 'violence'.

Raising your voice and shouting can have a very dramatic effect on children. The primordial scream was designed to warn others of danger and at the same time request assistance. A loud shout can achieve more than a smack could ever achieve. Your senses are immediately on the alert for danger, you're stunned and you look around for the explanation and the source. It's also nature's way, whereas a smack is not. No animal smacks it's kids, but it does do a lot of shouting and roaring. A smack is man's interpretation of confused "love".

 

[theleg]

You seem to be missing a fundamental point here MYB...Its not an either/or situation..

The shouting and roaring take place in both of our scenarios...We are saying that the smacking should take place only if the shouting fails...You have yet to say what you would do in that situation.

 

[MindYerBeak]

Originally posted by Balddog
Any answer to me question though? What does a parent do when they child doesnt take heed of explanation and reason? There is no other option so the child will not learn that its wrong.

Smacking the child is a last resort after everything you are advocating has failed. and it does fail occasionally....god forbid it should fail when it comes to knives.

In that case there is either something wrong with the child or the parenting is at fault. That's why I say "lazy parenting". It takes a great deal of hard work to chastise a kid without whackies. It's extremely time consuming and most parents can't be bothered. As I said I ain't no DoGooder and understand a *light* tap on the hand can be administered, but I like to think that there are other, more "humane" methods of teaching a child, via hard work and patience. Hence we don't live in a perfect world, because mankind lacks hard work, diligence and patience in bringing up offspring.

 

[homerio]

I consider myself to have had a pretty perfect upbringing. My mum took 5 years off work when i was born, and then only went back to work on a part time basis for a few years after that, paying my friends from schools mothers who she had known for a long time before to look after me on a certain day of the week if she was working that day. Yes I was smacked, if i was being a little brat my dad would count to 3. By the time he got to two i would already be in tears and would have succombed, not because the smack would have hurt, but because i didn't want my parents to be annoyed with me. My mum only ever smacked me once and that made her cry a bit later, but it was a neccessary thing to do.