Why are YOU single?

I'm another one in the "shy" group. I'm not too confident approaching or making my feelings clear with girls so I tend not to do anything.

I do think the worst thing you can do is to become bitter and self-loathing in this situation though. It is certainly changeable. The successes (albeit few!) I've had in the past are when I've thrown caution to the wind and just gone for it. Unfortunately I can't seem to repeat this too often.

I just try to keep busy with the gym and my sports to stay positive and not to get too disheartened by it... although that's probably part of the problem as I'm always around guys instead of girls!
 
I broke up with my fiance in September and haven't started looking, however I'm not very self-confident and don't think I'll get anyone for a while.
 
ljt said:
Do you do that by yourself? If so you have more self confidence than me by a long way.

I'm not moaning that I'm single. I know why I am single as i've mentioned earlier in this thread. Yes you may call them excuses, but I call them reasons.

I've tried going out with mates, even just down the pub, but I've never enjoyed it. I'm always wishing I was back home. I also hate going into the city during the day due to the crowds which fuel my anxiety, maybe I have a phobia of crowds?

I'm waiting to see a counselor regarding my anxiety/depression, but I've seen many a psychologist and psychiatrist throughout my life, but none have helped, so i don't hold much hope for this new one.

I've sort of settled for the fact I'll probably never meet anyone, It gets me down a lot of the time, but I get over it. I have fallen in the rut of buying material things as quick fixes of happiness though. I've been single for 7 years now and I dont think things will have changed in another 7.
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No usually I go with a really good friend or two. I have been in town by myself and have met fun people (no exs to talk about though) and opened up a good network of friendships that way yes. :)

Do you have many friends? It just sounds as though you need some good mates to look out/after you. Sounds like you may even suffer mild agrophobia or anthropophobia (I think?!) as it does seem that your anxiety for being out and about is a bit off the scale. I 'm sorry you struggle so much and hope that something clicks within you to enable you to go out and venture and see the world a little. I don't think there's anything I can say which will help (for a start I don't know you!) but talking is a start and at least you're not too proud to admit you have something which isn't quite "right". I wish you all the best and hope that you can meet the right people who will help bring out the best in you. :)
 
iam single because i have FBs,looking for a new one cuz i'm bored with the one i have.
And on the topic of women i think the next door married 26 wife is coming onto me, infact i know she is, keeps telling me come over for coffee while XXXXX is at work, she also asks if i would like a lift.
do i think women are whores yes i do.
 
mattheman said:
iam single because i have FBs,looking for a new one cuz i'm bored with the one i have.
And on the topic of women i think the next door married 26 wife is coming onto me, infact i know she is, keeps telling me come over for coffee while XXXXX is at work, she also asks if i would like a lift.
do i think women are whores yes i do.
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Why are you posting on here? Nail it!
 
Freefaller said:
No usually I go with a really good friend or two. I have been in town by myself and have met fun people (no exs to talk about though) and opened up a good network of friendships that way yes. :)

Do you have many friends? It just sounds as though you need some good mates to look out/after you. Sounds like you may even suffer mild agrophobia or anthropophobia (I think?!) as it does seem that your anxiety for being out and about is a bit off the scale. I 'm sorry you struggle so much and hope that something clicks within you to enable you to go out and venture and see the world a little. I don't think there's anything I can say which will help (for a start I don't know you!) but talking is a start and at least you're not too proud to admit you have something which isn't quite "right". I wish you all the best and hope that you can meet the right people who will help bring out the best in you. :)
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I don't have many friends no. I have 1 from Secondary school (which was not a good time in my life) but unfortunately, hes moved a fair distance away now due to work commitments.

The only other friends I have are work colleagues who i've known for about 5 years. These were the "mates" i talked about earlier. I probably showed them in a bad light when I said "they drink excessively" I don't mean they are louts, or cause any trouble, but its hard to hold a proper conversation with them by the end of the night. Plus they have their own circle of friends who they knew before I met them, who like them, like to go out and have a good drink.

I don't think I have acrophobia as I don't have any fear of the outside, I go out to work, i go out to the local shopping green fine, although I tend to go at quieter times. I definitely don't like crowds, I feel too claustrophobic, so whatever the phobia for that is, its likely i have some form of it.

I find it easier to talk to older people 30+ onwards than my own age group, I generally have more in common with them.

Funnily enough, I would love to settle down, get married etc, I just can't envisage me doing all the bit that comes before that :)
 
Ljt should take up some sports preferably full contact ones such as boxing or more "dangerous" ones that push you mentally and take you out of your comfort zone. soon build up your confidence!

I'm sometimes bored going out a little bit to bars / clubs (usually not tho) but never really anxious because nothing to be anxious of because chances are if a guy harrases me if i have the skill set to take him out or get out of there and retreat without crumbling to a nervous wreck (or more importantly i belive i have these skills :P, rarely get into fights so wouldn't know if i have or not). Didn't have the same confidence a few years ago when sat playing games and my highlight of the week was a lan party. Also helps with women if not scared of some random guy that usually lurking around staring at you.

lan parties are still great fun :] just more like highlight of several months:( don't do them enough anymore.
 
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Reason for, combination of bad timing, wrong girls and shyness.
Though at the moment im in a go with the flow and ballsy aproach (only way to counter my shyness) A spot of alcohol also helps. :)
 
Cos I got high.

Quite frankly hippie chicks are very thin on the ground and that is what I want and I won't settle for anything else.
 
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This post is probably more revealing than i like but what the hell.

I work everyday, i really do. Not out of choice but partly family obligations.

My 9-5 jobs i leave the house at 7:15 for the train to go to work, the people who catches the train are mostly the same faces, and are mostly men on this route. Apart from them are school children and 6th form teenagers going to the private school in Worcester. So unless all of the sudden to have a liking to men or want to go to hit on the 16-17 year olds, no go there.

At work, the firm is not that large, about 35 people there, and only like 4 girls are under 30. Of that 4, 1 is married with a kid, 1 has a bf (but i get along with her really well), 1 that i secretly like is leaving and moving aboard, and the one left is great but i am still unsure of dating people you work with.

Then I get home at 6:45 ish, get change and dinner puts the time to around 8 most nights and having to get up early the next day again i am not in the mood to go out nor do i want to these days.

The weekend i am obligated to go help my parents' place, which rules out going out on Saturday and Sunday nights, and it leaves only Friday nights to go out. Which by about 11pm I am usually ready for bed on a Friday after a whole week of early starts.

So there it is, unless my life suddenly turns into a romantic comedies where i can pick up woman during my lunch break in town or the customers that comes to the Chinese thinks that guy behind the till is a a great guy to date, my chances of finding someone at the moment is pretty slim.

EDIT - i suppose forgot I can also meet people over the net, itsonlyme, feel free to drop me an email ;)
 
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