There was this one time I was playing CS-Source. I was camped and I got a bead on this nasty terrorist - I had him lined up in my sights. I clicked fire and knowing how bad the lag was I could probably get something to eat while I waited for my dude to actually fire the shot off. It was August 2004.
I went into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich but there wasn't anything in the fridge so I decided to go out for something to eat. I went to The Ivy as I felt a little bit flush. Really, there Shepherds Pie is excellent. I met a friend of mine who works for Channel 4 and we had a bottle of wine, and then another. It got quite late so we decided we had better make a move. I knew a rather louche drinking den in Soho so we went there for cocktails.
I was amazed to find Shane Ritchie at the bar surrounded by an array of women. He spotted me and yelled out "Spudbynight, get over here, it's your round". I couldn't stand Ritchie, he was always too much of a cheeky chappy for me - not my sort at all. I turned around and left quickly. In doing so, I must have dropped my favorite gold fountain pen (with eagles on him) as when I got into a taxi I didn't have it on me. I went back and my fountain pen and Ritchie were gone.
It was September 2011 before I caught up with Ritchie again. He had been avoiding me for some time. I finally tracked him down to that same spot in Soho. He was at the bar drinking alone, his friends had long since deserted me. I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. At the sight of me all the blood left his face. He knew I wanted my pen back. "sp-sp-spud" he blurted out. I grabbed his lapels and picked him up. "Where is my pen you oik?" I bellowed. He looked at me with the most forlorn expression on his face and mumbled the words "I lost it playing cards a few years ago, I don't know where it is now". I knew at that moment my gold fountain pen (with eagles on him) was gone for good. I turned and left the bar.
I made my way home to Hove on the train. My head hung low with the ill news I had received. When I finally arrived home it was close to midnight. I sat down at my PC to see that my dude had finally fired his shot off. The site of a clean headshot cheered me a little but couldn't totally sooth my loss.
That was the worst lag I ever experienced. If I had a Bigfoot Killer 2100 NIC I might still have my gold fountain pen. I have a silver one, help me to hold on to that.