Work toilet seat pre-heated

whitecrook · 9 Mar 2011 at 15:19

Some great replies in here. (posted while curling one out at work)

FutileBreadMachine · 9 Mar 2011 at 15:20

Kerplunk said:
If its warm and you can smell no smell it was most probably a fapping station

lol @fapping station

A guy I work with heard someone rubbing one out in one of the cubicles at work. My colleague made some noises to make sure the guy knew he was in the next cubicle, in the hopes he would stop, but the guy just kept on going

joey1211 · 9 Mar 2011 at 15:21

BennyC said:
Can't beat getting paid to do a poo on work time. OT: I also donate blood on work time too

You should eat more fibre :eek:

Columbo · 9 Mar 2011 at 15:24

1 trap between the 9 men in my office...
Needless to say the seat is never cold from about 7am though to 5pm.

Walked into trap 1 last week, throne seat in the down position. I lifted it to find a laminated '1st Prize' sign on under there.

I then preceeded to lift up said sign knowing I'd regret it.....

and there half in & half out of the water was King Kong's index finger.....

I did not drop at work that day...

Prophet · 9 Mar 2011 at 15:25

We have a guy at work who was referred to as 'the phantom crapper' until we found out for sure it was him. He'd leave the toilet in a right state, where no one would use it afterwards.

Personally I line every toilet I don't own with paper plus a few sheets in the danger zone to prevent splash back. I don't feel my manlyness has taken a hit at all.

Participant · 9 Mar 2011 at 15:28

ManCuBuS said:
1 trap between the 9 men in my office...
Needless to say the seat is never cold from about 7am though to 5pm.

Walked into trap 1 last week, throne seat in the down position. I lifted it to find a laminated '1st Prize' sign on under there.

I then preceeded to lift up said sign knowing I'd regret it.....

and there half in & half out of the water was King Kong's index finger.....

I did not drop at work that day...

Lol 'King Kong's index finger' lol.

B@Th*nG · 9 Mar 2011 at 15:31

moss said:
Isnt it a myth that you can get herpes from a toilet seat?. Its not possible as the virus cannot live outside the body.

StoutMeister said:
Go on...really?

ye, really.

As he went in he remembers clocking this guy coming out looking white as a sheet and genuinely considered asking him if he was ok. He went in, sat down and was only having a number 1 but wanted to roll a cigarette (as you do :confused:

), did the usual and his old chap touched the front of the seat. He didn't think anything of it but he left and he said it as much as started itching straight away; as he went down the corridor (he was at uni). A couple of days later he had a welt there.

I'm certain the virus cannot survive outside the body as you say, but seeing as he was so certain the guy he saw coming out of the toilet had literally just deposited his little payload there, I doubt it made much of a difference.

He was very unlucky admittedly, another few minutes and it probably wouldn't have been a problem, but it isn't impossible; just ask him

B@

Kazz · 9 Mar 2011 at 15:32

trigger-happy said:
you guys want to know whats worse?

while sitting on a public loo your nob touches the inner toilet.

Mason- · 9 Mar 2011 at 15:43

Must be warmer more often for women, ya know the sitting down always whereas us men, you get the idea.

I hate crapping anywhere but at home. Just doesn't feel right.

trigger-happy · 9 Mar 2011 at 15:48

Trigger's Poop Rules of Engagement. (TPRoE)

1. Never poop in a public loo EVER!
2. Only peeing is permitted - but standing up.
3. If poop is needed, go home and use your own loo.
4. If home is too far away, then use public loo (last resort!)
i. Stuff the loo with toilet paper to prevent splash back into bum crack.
ii. Don't get a stiffy when going to the loo or you nob will be in contact with the inner toilet all the time - wait it out and then go!
iii. Always place toilet paper around the toilet seat before sitting.
iv. Use female toilets or use the disabled - there always clean and follow the rules above.
5. Always be prepared, take a some toilet paper with you and some wet wipes.
6. Flush the loo.
7. Wash your ****ing hands! Seriously.

With these rules you will surely win the battle, good luck commander.....

checjb · 9 Mar 2011 at 16:04

For all those people who put toilet paper down as a germ barrier, it just doesn't work. Bacteria and viruses have been proven to pass straight through multiple layers of paper (>5 sheets IIRC) so all you're really doing it wasting time. Wipe up any drops of pee, then get on with your business. Your immune system can handle it.

As for the herpes story, he got an itch almost straight away?! That must be the most horrendously contagious and virulent virus ever to have existed. If it penetrated the skin and cause the reaction so rapidly it must be Super-Herpes.

StoutMeister · 9 Mar 2011 at 16:05

B@Th*nG said:
ye, really.

As he went in he remembers clocking this guy coming out looking white as a sheet and genuinely considered asking him if he was ok. He went in, sat down and was only having a number 1 but wanted to roll a cigarette (as you do ), did the usual and his old chap touched the front of the seat. He didn't think anything of it but he left and he said it as much as started itching straight away; as he went down the corridor (he was at uni). A couple of days later he had a welt there.

I'm certain the virus cannot survive outside the body as you say, but seeing as he was so certain the guy he saw coming out of the toilet had literally just deposited his little payload there, I doubt it made much of a difference.

He was very unlucky admittedly, another few minutes and it probably wouldn't have been a problem, but it isn't impossible; just ask him

B@

Are you sure hid didn't throw him a fiver for a "flick of the wrist"?

mrk · 9 Mar 2011 at 16:07

checjb said:
For all those people who put toilet paper down as a germ barrier, it just doesn't work. Bacteria and viruses have been proven to pass straight through multiple layers of paper (>5 sheets IIRC) so all you're really doing it wasting time. Wipe up any drops of pee, then get on with your business. Your immune system can handle it.

As for the herpes story, he got an itch almost straight away?! That must be the most horrendously contagious and virulent virus ever to have existed. If it penetrated the skin and cause the reaction so rapidly it must be Super-Herpes.

Your immune system might handle it but your mind will be wondering wtf

clv101 · 9 Mar 2011 at 16:14

fullmetaltony said:
Honestly, I despair for the male gender sometimes. It's a toilet, there's gonna be germs, there's gonna be faeces. None of it will kill you, or make you terribly ill even... unless you have next to zero immune system because you sat on tissue whenever you went to the loo instead of manning up and sitting on the seat itself.

I only managed to read this far, jeez there are some wimps around here. A warm seat is mingin'? Folks sitting on paper? What has the British man become. :rolleyes:

mrk · 9 Mar 2011 at 16:18

Ok Rambos, calm down.

B@Th*nG · 9 Mar 2011 at 16:20

checjb said:
As for the herpes story, he got an itch almost straight away?! That must be the most horrendously contagious and virulent virus ever to have existed. If it penetrated the skin and cause the reaction so rapidly it must be Super-Herpes.

he HAD an itch there almost straight away; who knows whether it's anything to do with the herpes.

B@

Pate · 9 Mar 2011 at 16:25

ManCuBuS said:
1 trap between the 9 men in my office...
Needless to say the seat is never cold from about 7am though to 5pm.

Walked into trap 1 last week, throne seat in the down position. I lifted it to find a laminated '1st Prize' sign on under there.

I then preceeded to lift up said sign knowing I'd regret it.....

and there half in & half out of the water was King Kong's index finger.....

I did not drop at work that day...

Genuinely laughed out loud at this.

StoutMeister · 9 Mar 2011 at 16:27

B@Th*nG said:
he HAD an itch there almost straight away; who knows whether it's anything to do with the herpes.

B@

His pvc underpants were chafing.

Pestilence · 9 Mar 2011 at 16:34

Just do the "Jackie Chan": Use your legs to anchor yourself off the ground midway up the cubicle, and dropship into the bowl.

Bonus points for going "OOOWWAAAAAAA!" after each log exits.

Cosimo · 9 Mar 2011 at 16:38

trigger-happy said:
Trigger's Poop Rules of Engagement. (TPRoE)

1. Never poop in a public loo EVER!
2. Only peeing is permitted - but standing up.
3. If poop is needed, go home and use your own loo.
4. If home is too far away, then use public loo (last resort!)
i. Stuff the loo with toilet paper to prevent splash back into bum crack.
ii. Don't get a stiffy when going to the loo or you nob will be in contact with the inner toilet all the time - wait it out and then go!
iii. Always place toilet paper around the toilet seat before sitting.
iv. Use female toilets or use the disabled - there always clean and follow the rules above.
5. Always be prepared, take a some toilet paper with you and some wet wipes.
6. Flush the loo.
7. Wash your ****ing hands! Seriously.

With these rules you will surely win the battle, good luck commander.....

I bet you carry those around and read them each time you go to the loo.