Work toilet seat pre-heated

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trigger-happy said:
Trigger's Poop Rules of Engagement. (TPRoE)

1. Never poop in a public loo EVER!
2. Only peeing is permitted - but standing up.
3. If poop is needed, go home and use your own loo.
4. If home is too far away, then use public loo (last resort!)
i. Stuff the loo with toilet paper to prevent splash back into bum crack.
ii. Don't get a stiffy when going to the loo or you nob will be in contact with the inner toilet all the time - wait it out and then go!
iii. Always place toilet paper around the toilet seat before sitting.
iv. Use female toilets or use the disabled - there always clean and follow the rules above.
5. Always be prepared, take a some toilet paper with you and some wet wipes.
6. Flush the loo.
7. Wash your ****ing hands! Seriously.

With these rules you will surely win the battle, good luck commander.....
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Are you a lady?

I poop like a man.

1. Drop trousers
2. Locate toilet facilities
3. poop whilst making those grunting sounds you only ever hear in public toilets
4. Wipe if I'm seeing the missus later.
5. Don't wash hands, go up to most hated collegue and pat him on the back.
6 Repeat about 4 times a day because I eat like a horse.
 
jimbob27 said:
1. Drop trousers
2. Locate toilet facilities
3. poop whilst making those grunting sounds you only ever hear in public toilets
4. Wipe if I'm seeing the missus later.
5. Don't wash hands, go up to most hated collegue and pat him on the back.
6 Repeat about 4 times a day because I eat like a horse.
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I particularly like the order of 1 and 2 in that list :D
 
trigger-happy said:
Trigger's Poop Rules of Engagement. (TPRoE)

1. Never poop in a public loo EVER!
2. Only peeing is permitted - but standing up.
3. If poop is needed, go home and use your own loo.
4. If home is too far away, then use public loo (last resort!)
i. Stuff the loo with toilet paper to prevent splash back into bum crack.
ii. Don't get a stiffy when going to the loo or you nob will be in contact with the inner toilet all the time - wait it out and then go!
iii. Always place toilet paper around the toilet seat before sitting.
iv. Use female toilets or use the disabled - there always clean and follow the rules above.
5. Always be prepared, take a some toilet paper with you and some wet wipes.
6. Flush the loo.
7. Wash your ****ing hands! Seriously.

With these rules you will surely win the battle, good luck commander.....
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Rules 1 & 4 don't compute.
 
StoutMeister said:
It sounds better than "contracting herpes from a toilet and immediately developing an itch". Was this medical-marvel passed on to you behind the bike shed or in the pub?
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did I miss something?

B@Th*nG said:
he HAD an itch there almost straight away; who knows whether it's anything to do with the herpes.

B@
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he told me in privately and in confidence. I don't know any of you and none of you know me so I don't have a problem re-telling the tale. Plus, what on earth would possess anybody to lie about catching herpes? what would anyone hope to gain from that? If he caught it shagging some tart I (personally) would have gone with that story, as it's better and less pathetic than the actual turn of events, but he didn't.

B@
 
maccapacca said:
I sit down and play Gun Bros till my legs get pins and needles, I have to use a reasonably busy loo otherwise the lights go off after 10 minutes
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"Bog leg" (Pins and needles) is the worse thing in the world, it normally doesnt set in till after you've stood up and then your left going "Oooh ahhh!" in the toilet :(

For me, Crash mats are a must in any toilet other than my own, and the seat just gets a wipe in 99% of cases.

Sitting on paper is a waste of time!
 
B@Th*nG said:
ye, really.

As he went in he remembers clocking this guy coming out looking white as a sheet and genuinely considered asking him if he was ok. He went in, sat down and was only having a number 1 but wanted to roll a cigarette (as you do :confused:), did the usual and his old chap touched the front of the seat. He didn't think anything of it but he left and he said it as much as started itching straight away; as he went down the corridor (he was at uni). A couple of days later he had a welt there.

I'm certain the virus cannot survive outside the body as you say, but seeing as he was so certain the guy he saw coming out of the toilet had literally just deposited his little payload there, I doubt it made much of a difference.

He was very unlucky admittedly, another few minutes and it probably wouldn't have been a problem, but it isn't impossible; just ask him ;)

B@
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or he's just lying because he cheated on his misuses/did it with an embarrassingly ugly slagathor?
 
BennyC said:
Can't beat getting paid to do a poo on work time. OT: I also donate blood on work time too :)



Or right up your jaxie if you've just laid a chopper. If it's a hot one it can have a cooling effect.



This is disgusting. Someone at work here does it. Looks like total sewage and not even the suggestion of a wipe as it's literally just **** and **** in the bowl, no paper (often a mr whippy which would require excessive wiping and probably flossing too)

I saw something that looked like a mixture of spag bol and ketchup in a toilet in London once. I do hope that particular individual took themself to hospital.

Edit: I don't mind a warm seat (as long as it doesn;t pong in there still) though would prefer one that's cold. Preferably without pubes or dangleberries.
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All this made some genuine lolz:D
 
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