Am i being tight ( gf related thread )?

  • Thread starter Thread starter dal
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There are some men who chose to pay all the time. It's stupid self-harming because they're taking on the disadvantages of dead sexed roles without having any of the advantages, but there are men who do that. Maybe they're just idiots. Maybe they're following their social conditioning without thinking about it. The reason doesn't matter - such men still exist and they can be upset by a woman insisting on paying her fair share.

Since you chose to establish a precedent by paying for both of you on the first date, she might be thinking that you're one of those men.

If you are, you're a fool who's probably going to be a doormat. Sexed roles, stupid though they are, can make sense if there's some degree of matched sex roles. That doesn't exist any more and good riddance to it. Anyone who willingly accepts the disadvantages of a sexed role when the advantages no longer exist is making themselves a doormat to be walked over.

If you aren't, talk about it with her. Maybe, as I suggested, she has interpreted your initial unwillingness to split the bill as an indication of your position in general. If so, then communication will sort it out. If not and she expects you to pay because you're a man, walk out. A woman who can't handle sexual equality isn't worth speaking to, let alone dating.
 
been with the wife 5 years now and she's only ever paid for meals on my birthdays. I've gladly paid everything else and it never crossed my mind that it should be any other way.

She's offered to pay many times in the past but i've always had more money so it seemed fair. She's stopped offering now and i have no beef with that.
 
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he said hes been round hers numerous times although theres only been 3 'dates', hes probably been eating and drinking her stuff, or just her, those times, so thats why she expects him to treat her
 
Been with my Girlfriend for over 2 years now, and I used to completeley refuse to let her pay for anything, meals/nights out were all on me, we now live together though and don't have seperate finances (even though she earns more than me), everything is put together. Seems to work really well for us.
 
Angilion said:
There are some men who chose to pay all the time. It's stupid self-harming because they're taking on the disadvantages of dead sexed roles without having any of the advantages, but there are men who do that. Maybe they're just idiots. Maybe they're following their social conditioning without thinking about it.
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Or maybe they're just an ugly sonofabitch, but one who is well off enough to attract some fine (albeit slightly gold-digging) poon ;)
 
As with anything like this - be honest! The timing is down to you.

I'm of the view that the guy should pay for everything anyway but if you can't afford it then at some point (before the date) just say something along the lines of that you like to go out for meals etc just you don't have much money after rent/mortgage or whatever so could we do 1/2 each.
 
Did you ask her out on the date or did she ask you to take her out?
I wouldnt be too happy if I was asked to go for a meal that cost a fortune and he slapped the bill in my hand as I dont earn all that much. But if it was her who suggested to go out then its naughty to not pay unless you had offered.

If im taken to a pub i'll always offer to get a round in, and even if he has invited me to a meal I explain that my money wont stretch too far, thats usually when they say its ok, their treat, if not i make sure I can afford to pay for at least my share (or dont go lol).
 
OK latest on this : Last night we was suposed to go out for meal but ended up getting take away ( baby sitter let us down ) I paid as usual for the chinese + bottle of wine total cost = £30
I commented on the chinese costing £21 thinking she might say do you want somthing towards it but nothing was said.
I have since found out that she has practically nothing in her bank account but is getting paid Tuesday so she may be a little bit more willing to pay after then. She does only work part time as nursery nurse so we wont be on much money, still dont think I should have to pay for everything though.
 
I don't understand how you can go out with someone without discussing money and how you approach spending it. I always make it clear to someone I date that I will go halves because it's the decent thing to do. If they totally insisted I didn't pay then that's their own problem. Why beat around the bush? Hints are almost always ignored. Just openly discuss it because if you can't discuss something as simple as that then it's not worth continuing.
 
I think i paid for the first few dates with my girlfriend but then if i'm offering to take someone out i kind of accept it's my treat to them.

If we plan to meet up and do something then it's pay your own way.
 
dal said:
OK latest on this : Last night we was suposed to go out for meal but ended up getting take away ( baby sitter let us down ) I paid as usual for the chinese + bottle of wine total cost = £30
I commented on the chinese costing £21 thinking she might say do you want somthing towards it but nothing was said.
I have since found out that she has practically nothing in her bank account but is getting paid Tuesday so she may be a little bit more willing to pay after then. She does only work part time as nursery nurse so we wont be on much money, still dont think I should have to pay for everything though.
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You are not female, do not hint or suggest. You are the alpha male; make her pay or else you PITTB.
 
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