Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

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bakes0310 said:
Hey Richdog and zefan i asked her out for a drink and something to eat, she only got herself to blame and said yes:D
Really looking forward to it (a bit anxious but the good kind) and ive never had a girl who is really into me. She already mentioned me to her mum so thats good and i can see a few comments on facebook. So i think im off to a good start.

Im thinking meetup for a couple drinks at about 7:30pm then go down to the restuarnt about 8:15-8:30.
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Well done man i'll keep my fingers crossed for you! :)
 
Voltar said:
Essentially, I met someone online, met up, knew she was really keen, didn't think she was particularly attractive and photo didn't match etc. But I thought I'd see what happened so met up again resulting in "smashing success" . Then left it a week or so and she's very keen so meet up again with the same result. Thing is I don't particularly fancy her, she seems like a nice girl but I don't want to jerk her around and lead her on. She is nice but I don't feel any particularly chemistry or spark there. It's been 3 dates and I get the impression she is super keen and I'm just not.
Question is how do I let someone down gently? I've not been the dumper in this type of situation so would appreciate some advice.

Yes it could come across as shallow because there's nothing wrong with her, but I just don't fancy her that much but wanted to give her a chance to have her personality shine through and win me over. It hasn't really. Very nice girl but I just can't see it going anywhere for me.
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Exact same situation here! Just gonna play it by ear for a bit. Feel bad though.
 
Jambo said:
Exact same situation here! Just gonna play it by ear for a bit. Feel bad though.
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See I thought I'd do the same initially, you know a fling for a month or two. But actually I realised that would be totally unfair as people get attached when it gets physical and essentially I'd be in more of a position to really mess with her mind. That's not cool really to you with people's hearts and minds. Also it would be wrong as I'd be using her for sex at the end of the day. Therefore the decision to cut off now was made easier. Could easily have continued a few meetings more but I figure it would be best to get rid now.

Still debating whether a text is inappropriate/ unchivalrous.

The text reads: (feel free to help me out)

"
Hey, hope you had a good weekend. I've really enjoyed our dates, and think you're a really sweet girl, but I just don't feel a spark between us and can't picture a long term future for us. I'm sorry to let you down but I don't want to string you along or start dating multiple people as that's just not fair and its something I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing"

Not sent yet. Contemplating doing so or calling to say it.

Any thoughts?
 
Voltar said:
See I thought I'd do the same initially, you know a fling for a month or two. But actually I realised that would be totally unfair as people get attached when it gets physical and essentially I'd be in more of a position to really mess with her mind. That's not cool really to you with people's hearts and minds. Also it would be wrong as I'd be using her for sex at the end of the day. Therefore the decision to cut off now was made easier. Could easily have continued a few meetings more but I figure it would be best to get rid now.

Still debating whether a text is inappropriate/ unchivalrous.

The text reads: (feel free to help me out)

"
Hey, hope you had a good weekend. I've really enjoyed our dates, and think you're a really sweet girl, but I just don't feel a spark between us and can't picture a long term future for us. I'm sorry to let you down but I don't want to string you along or start dating multiple people as that's just not fair and its something I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing"

Not sent yet. Contemplating doing so or calling to say it.

Any thoughts?
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Just call mate it's actually good for learning to better deal with awkward situations (seriously), and she will (probaly) appreciate it too I reckon. :D
 
Richdog said:
Just call mate it's actually good for learning to better deal with awkward situations (seriously), and she will (probaly) appreciate it too I reckon. :D
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The deed is done. I said I enjoyed it, didn't think it wa fair to continue or lead on and that I didn't feel a spark or see long term. She sounded extremely disappointed and I do feel bad as she's a nice girl but I think it was the right call.

Thanks for the help guys.

I'm going to revamp my profile next week and try again.
 
Glad to see some people have luck.

Got messaging someone on Pof, set a date for the Saturday just gone, Nothing, She ignores my messages now.... :rolleyes:
 
Don't let it knock you. Some people will always flake. Just send out some more messages and keep at it :)

Also think whether you'd want to be with someone like that too- that has helped me in the past.
 
Lol thanks but meh, It hasn't knocked me as such, I'm used to it by now, been single for the majority of my adult life so. Just fed up with wasting my time and effort lol
 
Voltar said:
The deed is done. I said I enjoyed it, didn't think it wa fair to continue or lead on and that I didn't feel a spark or see long term. She sounded extremely disappointed and I do feel bad as she's a nice girl but I think it was the right call.

Thanks for the help guys.

I'm going to revamp my profile next week and try again.
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Fair play to you, you handled that situation like an adult. Typically on POF at least i find people just are cowards who engage stealth mode when it suits them to do so.
 
Stolly said:
Fair play to you, you handled that situation like an adult. Typically on POF at least i find people just are cowards who engage stealth mode when it suits them to do so.
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I find most people will go stealth mode and it really sucks to be honest. I still can't believe I was toying with texting instead of calling- that's just plain rude and disrespectful. think i considered it because it had only been three dates....
I wish more people would be a bit more thoughtful and grown up about the way they treat others.

I'm looking forward to reading some more success stories in this thread soon :)
 
Voltar said:
I find most people will go stealth mode and it really sucks to be honest. I still can't believe I was toying with texting instead of calling- that's just plain rude and disrespectful. think i considered it because it had only been three dates....
I wish more people would be a bit more thoughtful and grown up about the way they treat others.

I'm looking forward to reading some more success stories in this thread soon :)
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Fair play to you for getting it sorted. In truth I don't think a call was really necessary after only 3 dates, you didn't exactly have a relationship. Personally if I was on the receiving end of that I would MUCH prefer a text rather than an awkward conversation, but every situation is different I guess.

When I said I'm playing my situation by ear I don't mean I'm going to continue to date and have sex with the girl. I'm just going to give it time to see if she is keen enough to press for more dates. To be honest I get the impression she will but I don't want to cut if off too promptly leading her to think I was just playing her for sex as it wasn't that way at all.

The fact is I tried to see how it went with a girl I wouldn't ordinarily be attracted to. Now I know I need to stick with what I like!
 
Ive just stuck a profile on POF recently and seems to be getting plenty of views but not many msg's. Any chance of getting feedback on what could be wrong with my profile?
 
only a few things, which tbh are minor and the opinion of some one who is very much different to you. i also will be completely honest here, other members were to me and it worked a treat.

for starters you're 29 and list clubbing as an interest, i'd say if a girl listed clubbing as an interes past 23/24 it's a downer in my opinion of them (not a big one though), but you're 29 so you're looking to attract i'd sa 25-30 all of which i assume will have grown up by now and not looking for a clubber. i'd still list you're a dj though.

your first photo is the best, in fact i'd say the only decent one of you, even if you're hiding behind glasses. you may get people seeing your first photo, so then viewing your profile, and then being turned off from the rest "fun" ones. i know i had a lot once and members advised me to shorten it, i've now got just one which i think is enough as it shows me smiling and quite clearly me, which imo is working better.

"Hey ladies" isn't a great start, sounds like a lame chat up line. Hey will do, if that. writing hey imo is as bad as writing "thanks for reading"

i'd lose the scooter photo as you don'ty own a car. not owning a ca at 29 might be something you can get away, but owning a scooter imo wont. 16 year olds own scooters. gives the impression, along with the clubbing etc, that you haven't grown up yet.

i don't list music either, though i do like it when girls list what they like, as being a guy it's us who looks for them, reads their profile and then sends the first message, and then girls select the ones they like out of the 100 offers they've had that day alone, and read the profile, which imo needs to be simple and enough to get them interested, but not too much that they know some basics about you. i like to be able to surprise a girl that i'm into the same music as her in a convo. today i asked a girl what she'd been listening to today as she LOVES music, and then she asked me, i listed a song she has mentioned she really likes in her profile, and asked if she'd heard of it jokingly, and she wrote back she loves me ;)

as mentioned though, we're clearly different people, and i have seen plenty girls like guys like you, however imo you're too old to realistically find a girl your age who's still into that.
 
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