The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

A2Z said:
From this it looks like you are way too quick to jump in relationships. Just because a woman shows interest doesn't mean you need to jump into a relationship with her. Sleeping together does not mean having to start a relationship.

Take a step back.
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Treat every night like a one night stand? :confused:
 
Vidar said:
Guys, the fruit loop ex and so called mother of my children is at it again... I text said psycho to inform her of worrying but probably innocent behavior our daughter was displaying while with me this weekend (Daughter aged 3) the response "my children are fine" before going into tirades of abuse at how stupid I am and what a laughing stock I am etc etc


Court on the 30th can't come fast enough.... Hopefully the courts will finally see through this colossal gob ***** and realise that the kids aren't being looked after properly.
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Hope it goes well for you, I know how you feel and you know what my situation is and I feel for you. I had no idea you were in this position yourself. Best of luck.


Vidar said:
Well that's me absolutely heart broken today... I was supposed to be going to my little girls very first Christmas play at 1:30, something I have been looking forward too for weeks however at 10am this morning I get a phone call to ask why I hadn't come as my daughter was very upset because I'd promised her I would be there.

As it turns out when the school had emailed me to tell me of the dates and times they had neglected to tell me that my Daughter would only be in the morning show, not the afternoon one too like the rest of the classes (My sons is tomorrow)

I'd text that vile ex of mine to say I'd be going to the afternoon one, if she wanted to avoid running into me and she deliberately didn't say anything!

I'm actually genuinely bloody crushed by this... the thought of my 4 year old daughter standing up in the middle of her play and getting upset cause she couldn't see Daddy is killing me, I'm so angry that in order to score a point against me that creature would do that to our daughter!!!

The school and head teacher got an absolute ear full from me as they've been thoroughly made aware of the situation over the past two years and are supposed to keep me informed every bit as much as my ex partner.

oh they've promised it won't happen again and have apologized but it already has happened, I'll never be able to go to my daughters very first school play again!

Furious isn't the word for it.
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Again I feel for you, I had no idea you were going through this when you offered freely your own advice to me.

nuttyprot said:
This morning my marriage finally ended been fighting for the last year to keep it together. I have no family or close friends and currently staying in a b & b until find a place to stay sooner rather than later or will be out of cash fast then homeless
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Been there, still there, chin up, keep fighting.

Steampunk said:
You're actually mixing up a couple of different posters. There were no kids or marriage involved with the guy who had the ex turn up in the thread.
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I think he's referring to me, I requested my thread to be deleted for legal reasons and the fact she knew I posted on these forums.

I don't mean to be rude or dramatic but some of the stuff I have read in this thread is so trivial in comparison to my own recent circumstances and to those of others. Any advice I can give, if it means anything to those of you who have just 'split up' is, there are people out there who have endured more and are still here and fighting. If you haven't been abused, arrested, lost your family, your children, your home, money, home, wife and career, then you should feel yourselves lucky at just being 'dumped'...

I do not mean that to sound self important or selfish but that is the way it is. There is always someone worse off than yourself, use that fact and tell yourself things will get better and if people who are worse off than yourself can do it, then so can you.
 
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Ahh there you are. :D No wonder I couldn't find the thread then!
I must admit the same, the grief some people go through in their lives is mind boggling.
I'm kinda glad I don't have any of that sort of **** to deal with.

Chin up dude.. Not the best evening of the year to dwell on things like this..
 
I'm not dwelling tonight, Christmas day was the worst day of my life, the first one without my girls who adored me and I in return. Things got really seriously stupid a few days ago and it almost ended very badly. However I see tomorrow as a new chapter, I have a goal, and that goal is justice and the prevailing truth to all that were fooled by her.

At this moment in time my chin is up and I have to say that some of you here gave me the courage to see things through. I can't say too much (again she monitors this forum) but I'm about to play the few aces I have up my sleeve very soon and hopefully justice will prevail :)

Cheers though I appreciate your comments :)
 
justbeats said:
I'm not dwelling tonight, Christmas day was the worst day of my life, the first one without my girls who adored me and I in return. Things got really seriously stupid a few days ago and it almost ended very badly. However I see tomorrow as a new chapter, I have a goal, and that goal is justice and the prevailing truth to all that were fooled by her.

At this moment in time my chin is up and I have to say that some of you here gave me the courage to see things through. I can't say too much (again she monitors this forum) but I'm about to play the few aces I have up my sleeve very soon and hopefully justice will prevail :)

Cheers though I appreciate your comments :)
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Best wishes! Things will turn out for the better.
 
Thought I'd share my story...

Met up again with this girl I've known since we was kids.

Anyway, 4 months ago we met up after not seeing each other for a few years and we kicked off straight away.

Since then been talking every day and seeing each other, but she split up with her ex in may, they had a child born on xmas day last year, he walked out on her.

Anyway I feel like I've pretty much been a rebound, she is pretty messed up in the head, her first bloke for 5 years messed her head up abused her and beat her etc.. she has 2 kids with him.

Anyway, she is now pregnant with my kid! but she always said she don't know what she wants to do with it, but sends me pics of her stomach and talks about names etc, and pics of rings to buy her to ask to marry etc... then now she is aborting the baby next week and doesn't want to know me anymore, not replying to texts etc etc. trouble is I have pushed her away as I am too pressuring and I drain her by going on all the time, I need constant reassuring, I have slight mental health issues so that's probably why and I also have Aspergers Syndrome which isn't as bad as it was as a child.

I do love her girl though and want this baby but obviously aint the right person, I don't know what to do, It feels horrible not speaking to her, can't get her out of my head... I can't deal with rejection like normal people and breaks my heart.
 
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ci_newman said:
Man thats harsh :( I'm not sure that many people have been through that. Did she say why shes had a change of heart?
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I wouldn't say harsh, there are enough unloved children in the world, without bringing another into a dodgy family environment where two already exist.

Had you been trying for a child with her after four months? Or did it happen by mistake?

-edit now I sound incredible harsh, but what would the life plan be, here broken from a man, 2 children with him, and the OP now as a new man with a third child, where is the support structure, the provision, the thinking, the strategy?
 
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deltalinx said:
Thought I'd share my story...

Met up again with this girl I've known since we was kids.

Anyway, 4 months ago we met up after not seeing each other for a few years and we kicked off straight away.

Since then been talking every day and seeing each other, but she split up with her ex in may, they had a child born on xmas day last year, he walked out on her.

Anyway I feel like I've pretty much been a rebound, she is pretty messed up in the head, her first bloke for 5 years messed her head up abused her and beat her etc.. she has 2 kids with him.

Anyway, she is now pregnant with my kid! but she always said she don't know what she wants to do with it, but sends me pics of her stomach and talks about names etc, and pics of rings to buy her to ask to marry etc... then now she is aborting the baby next week and doesn't want to know me anymore, not replying to texts etc etc. trouble is I have pushed her away as I am too pressuring and I drain her by going on all the time, I need constant reassuring, I have slight mental health issues so that's probably why and I also have Aspergers Syndrome which isn't as bad as it was as a child.

I do love her girl though and want this baby but obviously aint the right person, I don't know what to do, It feels horrible not speaking to her, can't get her out of my head... I can't deal with rejection like normal people and breaks my heart.
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Wear a condom next time.
 
Hikari Kisugi said:
I wouldn't say harsh, there are enough unloved children in the world, without bringing another into a dodgy family environment where two already exist.

Had you been trying for a child with her after four months? Or did it happen by mistake?

-edit now I sound incredible harsh, but what would the life plan be, here broken from a man, 2 children with him, and the OP now as a new man with a third child, where is the support structure, the provision, the thinking, the strategy?
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It's one thing to know from the beginning that she was going to have an abortion, but to indicate that he was going to have a child and the emotions that come with that, to then having that removed without any choice in the decision at all - that is what is harsh.

I agree with Janesy though, use a condom next time.
 
ci_newman said:
It's one thing to know from the beginning that she was going to have an abortion, but to indicate that he was going to have a child and the emotions that come with that, to then having that removed without any choice in the decision at all - that is what is harsh.

I agree with Janesy though, use a condom next time.
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Yes true.
 
deltalinx said:
Thought I'd share my story...

Met up again with this girl I've known since we was kids.

Anyway, 4 months ago we met up after not seeing each other for a few years and we kicked off straight away.

Since then been talking every day and seeing each other, but she split up with her ex in may, they had a child born on xmas day last year, he walked out on her.

Anyway I feel like I've pretty much been a rebound, she is pretty messed up in the head, her first bloke for 5 years messed her head up abused her and beat her etc.. she has 2 kids with him.

Anyway, she is now pregnant with my kid! but she always said she don't know what she wants to do with it, but sends me pics of her stomach and talks about names etc, and pics of rings to buy her to ask to marry etc... then now she is aborting the baby next week and doesn't want to know me anymore, not replying to texts etc etc. trouble is I have pushed her away as I am too pressuring and I drain her by going on all the time, I need constant reassuring, I have slight mental health issues so that's probably why and I also have Aspergers Syndrome which isn't as bad as it was as a child.

I do love her girl though and want this baby but obviously aint the right person, I don't know what to do, It feels horrible not speaking to her, can't get her out of my head... I can't deal with rejection like normal people and breaks my heart.
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What is more important to you? Her or the child? Who deserves your love and attention, her or the child? If she isn't the right person so what, save the child and make the child the right person? If she doesn't want it tell her you do. Trust me, a child is worth more than any woman, think about it...

Sorry if I come across as abrupt but to me, my children, in fact anyones children are more important than anything in the world.
 
NeoReloaded said:
So I was seeing one of my sisters mates for a few months and out of the blue it all blew up in my face last Tuesday and I had a suspicion it was to do with an ex, but I've just gotten this txt from her;

"Hey, I hope you're ok. I miss you a lot, but I'm txting you to say goodbye babe. I've been looking at houses and jobs in Norfolk to move in January. New place and new start for a while. I want to train to be a midwife and they have a good uni up there. Keiran's (her son) coming with me, but I'm saying goodbye to you :( I want you to be happy and find someone who brings out what I did in you, you are one special amazing person and such an amazing guy! I'll never forget how happy you made me :) but it won't work now :/ xxxxxxxxxxx"

I am absolutely devastated right now and have no idea how to respond :(
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Seriously what is up with some women?! After that txt I heard nothing and didn't respond. I then get a txt at midnight last night saying "Happy New Year babe xxxxxxxxxx" and I txt back Happy New Year just to be friendly. She then phones me because "she misses me and wants to hear my voice" and we speak for a good half hour and she says maybe she thinks she should stay and we should really give it a go and it'll be a great start to the new year... I then message her on Facebook early this afternoon... she reads it and 10 hours later no reply!

Seriously what the heck :o
 
Mind ****

Move on, don't reply any more... Sounds very similar to the cray cray Agnes is having to deal with, she's just bait texting you.
 
Who knows... my (significant) ex left me after almost 10 years leaving little but a scrawled note saying she needed space... 3 days later she rings me up bawling her eyes out down the phone about how miserable she feels blah blah blah I miss you blah blah blah but it doesn't change anything I'm not coming home.

Glad those days are all well behind me now.

However, if you're serious about her, just step back a bit and keep your emotions at arms length - it's won't do for her 'confusion' about what she wants to mess with your head any more than it probably has already.

Also, Social Media?! Are you ******* serious? Responsible for more ******** where people need to communicate properly than I care to think about. Enough status updates, likes, pokes and seeing that someone has read your message but not replied to it yet.
If you're a bit wonky from her trying to break up with you nicely (it's never nice) then have her throw you a bone which now keeps you even more uncertain about what's going on, the absolute last ******* thing you need to be doing is communicating with her, checking responses, status updates, relationship status etc etc on faceboot of all things.

That said, just get on with doing your own thing - if she happens to want to talk properly, then that's cool; she already knows how to pick up the phone and speak to you in person.
On the other hand, if she can give you the old "you're such an amazing guy.... but we can't be together" line (for whatever reasons she might give) - then don't wait about for someone who doesn't appear to value you a great deal as far as a future together is concerned.

If she really wanted you to be happy and still be a part of her and her sons life, she might have bothered to explore options about you maybe relocating together, or at the very least discussing the possibilities... instead she unilaterally decided for the both of you.

Ok, I mean she decided for herself.

Just my thoughts - you know the situation better. But don't start 2015 waiting about for someone else to make up their mind... that's a real ****** way to roll in the new year, man.
 
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jumpy said:
Who knows... my (significant) ex left me after almost 10 years leaving little but a scrawled note saying she needed space... 3 days later she rings me up bawling her eyes out down the phone about how miserable she feels blah blah blah I miss you blah blah blah but it doesn't change anything I'm not coming home.

Glad those days are all well behind me now.

However, if you're serious about her, just step back a bit and keep your emotions at arms length - it's won't do for her 'confusion' about what she wants to mess with your head any more than it probably has already.

Also, Social Media?! Are you ******* serious? Responsible for more ******** where people need to communicate properly than I care to think about. Enough status updates, likes, pokes and seeing that someone has read your message but not replied to it yet.
If you're a bit wonky from her trying to break up with you nicely (it's never nice) then have her throw you a bone which now keeps you even more uncertain about what's going on, the absolute last ******* thing you need to be doing is communicating with her, checking responses, status updates, relationship status etc etc on faceboot of all things.

That said, just get on with doing your own thing - if she happens to want to talk properly, then that's cool; she already knows how to pick up the phone and speak to you in person.
On the other hand, if she can give you the old "you're such an amazing guy.... but we can't be together" line (for whatever reasons she might give) - then don't wait about for someone who doesn't appear to value you a great deal as far as a future together is concerned.

If she really wanted you to be happy and still be a part of her and her sons life, she might have bothered to explore options about you maybe relocating together, or at the very least discussing the possibilities... instead she unilaterally decided for the both of you.

Ok, I mean she decided for herself.

Just my thoughts - you know the situation better. But don't start 2015 waiting about for someone else to make up their mind... that's a real ****** way to roll in the new year, man.
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You are completely right mate! I did get a response though with a phone call at half 4 this morning... she said she hadn't been to sleep because she misses me and can't get me out of her head, but she is still going up to Norfolk next Monday (12th) for the week until Saturday (17th) to stay with her aunty and look at places while she thinks about what she wants. She knows I can't relocate as I have a little boy too and he lives with his mum down here, but she goes on to say we'll speak when she gets back and she hopes I'll be waiting for her and maybe we can become the little family we always talked about because she still wants that! Mind **** or what :( I guess I can't do anything except keep my head down for a couple of weeks and see what happens :confused:
 
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