The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[Guest2]

Its not all bad this Tinder/Bumble larky - its exciting until it actually comes to date night then its bag of nerves followed by excitement again

I have started just sending a few messages then suggesting a date instead of chatting on and on for ages. Shows you would rather meet in person and that way its no wasted effort texting if the date goes bad and you are also less nervous - not that i've been on loads but i was bobbing myself on the Tinder one a months back, now they are much easier.

 

[R.O.S.S.I]

I have started just sending a few messages then suggesting a date instead of chatting on and on for ages. Shows you would rather meet in person and that way its no wasted effort texting if the date goes bad and you are also less nervous - not that i've been on loads but i was bobbing myself on the Tinder one a months back, now they are much easier.

ATM i usually chat for the day that we match through Tinder then ask if they fancy going on out for a drink to message me through WhatsApp and sling over my number.

Hopefully you can weed out the psychos a bit more rather than just saying let's meet up straight away.

Mind you had brief chats with an Irish lass who just said she doesn't do texting as we had sent about 3 messages back and forth over a week haha. she just said said she'd prefer to meet up, so i guess just go with what works best for you!

 

[dr_volki]

Reading that, it almost feels as though it was my ex he was talking to! So volatile for absolutely no reason.

reading it just confirmed what some people have said on here before, a lot of the girls seem to just online date for attention.

 

[Guest2]

Whats the protocol for letting someone down who is a nice person and easy to chat to but you are not physically attracted to?
(Never been in this position, maybe im getting too picky!)

 

[Haly]

Whats the protocol for letting someone down who is a nice person and easy to chat to but you are not physically attracted to?
(Never been in this position, maybe im getting too picky!)

Say something about how you're just not really feeling it, or you don't feel that spark. That's what I've done in the past. Seems the politest way of doing it.

 

[exhashdotdot]

Whats the protocol for letting someone down who is a nice person and easy to chat to but you are not physically attracted to?
(Never been in this position, maybe im getting too picky!)

Just give her radio silence. It's the British way.

 

[R.O.S.S.I]

Eurgh the ex has found out i'm having a particularly bad time at the mo after splitting with her as i lost my job and have family in hospital.

Got the usual message of "i want you to know that even though im prob the last person you want to speak to i'm still here for you if need me and im sorry things are so rough for you right now" patter.

Dont really know how to respond to be honest. Dont want to sound a douche but similarly I don't need her pity.

 

[malachi]

Eurgh the ex has found out i'm having a particularly bad time at the mo after splitting with her as i lost my job and have family in hospital.

Got the usual message of "i want you to know that even though im prob the last person you want to speak to i'm still here for you if need me and im sorry things are so rough for you right now" patter.

Dont really know how to respond to be honest. Dont want to sound a douche but similarly I don't need her pity.

This is how you respond.......


You don't.

You are going through a rough time but it's non of her business.

 

[R.O.S.S.I]

This is how you respond.......


You don't.

You are going through a rough time but it's non of her business.

It wasn't an out of the blue message. I did see her today when she came to drop the ring off with me and we spoke about the aforementioned stuff briefly.

 

[The_Abyss]

Ignore.

 

[R.O.S.S.I]

Fair shout boys. Will take heed of your advice.

 

[Steampunk]

Dont really know how to respond to be honest. Dont want to sound a douche but similarly I don't need her pity.

Just ignore. Not worth getting into a discussion about, or even considering her feelings. It's not really anything to do with her any more.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

Eurgh the ex has found out i'm having a particularly bad time at the mo after splitting with her as i lost my job and have family in hospital.

Got the usual message of "i want you to know that even though im prob the last person you want to speak to i'm still here for you if need me and im sorry things are so rough for you right now" patter.

Dont really know how to respond to be honest. Dont want to sound a douche but similarly I don't need her pity.

This is probably less about you and more about her. Don't get involved and ignore it. Focus on you and the people who do want to be with you and those who need your support.

 

[ci_newman]

+1 to ignoring that message.

But if she pushes the issue, say that you've been keeping yourself busy by going on dates with other women. That will shut her up.

 

[Roar87]

+1 to ignoring that message.

But if she pushes the issue, say that you've been keeping yourself busy by going on dates with other women. That will shut her up.

She'd probably have a melt down and beg for him to take her back if he told her that. Completely serious.

 

[Guest2]

+1 to ignoring that message.

But if she pushes the issue, say that you've been keeping yourself busy by going on dates with other women. That will shut her up.

This is the best idea. I've said something similar to a girl before when she didnt want to meet me again - saying i had been going on dates (i had been on 1) ...all of a sudden she changed her mind.

Women are mental!

 

[Roar87]

This is the best idea. I've said something similar to a girl before when she didnt want to meet me again - saying i had been going on dates (i had been on 1) ...all of a sudden she changed her mind.

Women are mental!

Yeah if a guy has other Women attracted to him it immediately makes him more attractive. Women also like to have options and backups, a lot experience anxiety about being alone so it's nice for them to think "I can always go back to Paul if things with Tim don't work out". So then when things with Tim don't work out and they find out Paul has moved on they start to panic and get desperate. The funny thing is us Men also don't like being alone, but they don't give a **** when they're dropping you for seemingly nothing.

 

[R.O.S.S.I]

She'd probably have a melt down and beg for him to take her back if he told her that. Completely serious.

Yeah if a guy has other Women attracted to him it immediately makes him more attractive. Women also like to have options and backups, a lot experience anxiety about being alone so it's nice for them to think "I can always go back to Paul if things with Tim don't work out". So then when things with Tim don't work out and they find out Paul has moved on they start to panic and get desperate. The funny thing is us Men also don't like being alone, but they don't give a **** when they're dropping you for seemingly nothing.

This is the best idea. I've said something similar to a girl before when she didnt want to meet me again - saying i had been going on dates (i had been on 1) ...all of a sudden she changed her mind.

Women are mental!

See this is where you are generalizing your experiences of women to be ALL women. She isn't like that at all, I believe she genuinely does care about me still and wants the best for me but as you all say, her saying this only serves to make her feel better about herself, it doesn't really help me in the slightest.

And in regards to telling her I'm going on dates, again, that isn't going to achieve anything and its none of her business really anyway. She's thought long and hard about her decision to end our relationship, I believe she has made her decision and will stick by it, she won't come "grovelling" back if she finds out i'm seeing other people - nor would I want her to. Its over, I've accepted it and I'm getting on with moving on, as is she.

She will find out sooner or later through the grapevine that I'm on Tinder and have been on dates as I've already swiped past mutual friends and you know what women are like, they love to tell people who they've seen on Tinder and such like! Wouldn't surprise me if she already knew I was using data apps but as she is in no position to have any say or question it, she hasn't mentioned it, which is how it should be imo.

 

[Roar87]

See this is where you are generalizing your experiences of women to be ALL women. She isn't like that at all, I believe she genuinely does care about me still and wants the best for me but as you all say, her saying this only serves to make her feel better about herself, it doesn't really help me in the slightest.

And in regards to telling her I'm going on dates, again, that isn't going to achieve anything and its none of her business really anyway. She's thought long and hard about her decision to end our relationship, I believe she has made her decision and will stick by it, she won't come "grovelling" back if she finds out i'm seeing other people - nor would I want her to. Its over, I've accepted it and I'm getting on with moving on, as is she.

She will find out sooner or later through the grapevine that I'm on Tinder and have been on dates as I've already swiped past mutual friends and you know what women are like, they love to tell people who they've seen on Tinder and such like! Wouldn't surprise me if she already knew I was using data apps but as she is in no position to have any say or question it, she hasn't mentioned it, which is how it should be imo.

Trust me, she doesn't know, when she does find out you'll know about it. Women are generally quite predictable with how they act in relationships and towards Men. They're attracted to specific behaviours and also turned off by specific behaviours, in the same way us Men are generally attracted to feminine behaviour and turned off by Women who act masculine.

 

[R.O.S.S.I]

Trust me, she doesn't know, when she does find out you'll know about it. Women are generally quite predictable with how they act in relationships and towards Men. They're attracted to specific behaviours and also turned off by specific behaviours, in the same way us Men are generally attracted to feminine behaviour and turned off by Women who act masculine.

I can 100% guarantee that she will never utter any words to me about dating or seeing other women, she knows she left and knows its not her place anymore. Maybe my ex just isn't like what most of you are describing/have experienced.