Yes, it shows how bad mannered and cowardly people are these days. When they think that's acceptable.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
Yes, it shows how bad mannered and cowardly people are these days. When they think that's acceptable.
Yeah it's just straight up rude, if you're no longer interested in someone then just let them know so they can move on to the next one!
Okay, need to more vent/write this down so hope people done mind.
Me and my wife have been married for nearly 3 years in 2 weeks, once married we started trying for children, however she suffered from hypothalamic amenorrhea (basically she did too much exercise and didn’t eat enough so lost her cycle). She ended up having nearly 1.5 years of stopping all exercising and gaining a stone to eventually have it return, once it did obviously trying was her main priority and everything else just really faded away.
Therefore after around 4months and 2 small chemical pregnancy’s she finally got pregnant in December last year…. However this is when things took a turn as she went into full OTT hyper mode of pregnancy, I could touch her cause something would hurt I would hurt the baby, we couldn’t hug, we couldn’t do anything, in bed I had to keep distance and literally sleep on the edge. I really found the 9 months crap really, as everything was just baby and everything else was just me getting blamed for not saying how amazing and attractive I find her (sorry pregnancy doesn’t do it for me), however anything sexual was a no go. She spent a good 9 months training me to be someone who isn’t close and doesn’t do anything like that.
Roll on 3 weeks ago, our lovely baby Lara was born, she is brilliant, love her to bits, however me and my wife’s relationship I literally feel now is spiralling, as still even after a good 15months of “everything is to do with me” here we are in the same boat, except now everything no matter how small comes back to being my fault. So I bit my tongue through the 15months I don’t feel I should any more she should be happier now she has Lara and finally we can relax abit, however no….. I love spending time with my daughter but at the moment this is pulling me down so much im struggling just to be happy.
I have just been away in London for 3 days on business, the only texts I had were moaning about how I didn’t text to say miss you (I sent good night, love you), or she sent me a pic saying “ back in size 8 leggings”, I said “that’s good” she then proceeded to pop cause I didn’t say how good she looks in the photo…. Noting I am mid way through my work day etc.
I am just left feeling really really frustrated and annoyed by the situation and it leaves me not sleeping at night, the most awful thing is we have been through this 5 years ago, where she went into this same mode and keep trying to push me into doing things I didn’t feel I wanted to do, such as compliment etc even though im annoyed and all it did was push me away more. The only fix to that was a 4month break where we split up.
However now im worried as obviously I have my little girl……
Any other dads been through this or anything like it?
Me and my wife have been married for nearly 3 years in 2 weeks, once married we started trying for children, however she suffered from hypothalamic amenorrhea (basically she did too much exercise and didn’t eat enough so lost her cycle). She ended up having nearly 1.5 years of stopping all exercising and gaining a stone to eventually have it return, once it did obviously trying was her main priority and everything else just really faded away.
Therefore after around 4months and 2 small chemical pregnancy’s she finally got pregnant in December last year…. However this is when things took a turn as she went into full OTT hyper mode of pregnancy, I could touch her cause something would hurt I would hurt the baby, we couldn’t hug, we couldn’t do anything, in bed I had to keep distance and literally sleep on the edge. I really found the 9 months crap really, as everything was just baby and everything else was just me getting blamed for not saying how amazing and attractive I find her (sorry pregnancy doesn’t do it for me), however anything sexual was a no go. She spent a good 9 months training me to be someone who isn’t close and doesn’t do anything like that.
Roll on 3 weeks ago, our lovely baby Lara was born, she is brilliant, love her to bits, however me and my wife’s relationship I literally feel now is spiralling, as still even after a good 15months of “everything is to do with me” here we are in the same boat, except now everything no matter how small comes back to being my fault. So I bit my tongue through the 15months I don’t feel I should any more she should be happier now she has Lara and finally we can relax abit, however no….. I love spending time with my daughter but at the moment this is pulling me down so much im struggling just to be happy.
I have just been away in London for 3 days on business, the only texts I had were moaning about how I didn’t text to say miss you (I sent good night, love you), or she sent me a pic saying “ back in size 8 leggings”, I said “that’s good” she then proceeded to pop cause I didn’t say how good she looks in the photo…. Noting I am mid way through my work day etc.
I am just left feeling really really frustrated and annoyed by the situation and it leaves me not sleeping at night, the most awful thing is we have been through this 5 years ago, where she went into this same mode and keep trying to push me into doing things I didn’t feel I wanted to do, such as compliment etc even though im annoyed and all it did was push me away more. The only fix to that was a 4month break where we split up.
However now im worried as obviously I have my little girl……
Any other dads been through this or anything like it?
Caporegime
Unlikely as he said she was the same 5 years ago and before she gave birth.
Sounds like an attention seeking loony from your post but as always it’s only one side of the story. Do you ever compliment her or do a nice deed without being asked/forced? It’s not that uncommon that people stop bothering with the romance after a few years and the relationship becomes more like friends who have sex now and again.
I regularly do all chores etc around the house without being asked, have always done so, more so than her around the house. In terms of nice things yes i do try, however they dont come naturally now after 9months of strict do not do this, do not touch me etc, i feel like were now just more friends.
The problem is from her side, she now says i have made it worst cause i actually brought it up and confronted her about it. I said nothing through the pregnancy and bit my tongue and obviously showed i wasnt happy but got with it.
Therefore now all she is saying, is I am making her worry and hence she will keep pushing to fix it but my pushing she will just do the opposite in reality.
Therefore now all she is saying, is I am making her worry and hence she will keep pushing to fix it but my pushing she will just do the opposite in reality.
Associate
Since i split up with my last Ex June of last year iv never been happier being single!
Soldato
Do you still love her? Sounds like you've reached your limit and things have changed for you.
Thats the thing i do love her, i care for her to the point i struggle with the thought of hurting her.... hence I think the problem .
@Matutu Am sorry to hear things have been so tough, some women are insane, I know!
It sounds like she's trying to over compensate for the hell she's put you through but with the fact it takes about 18 months after pregnancy for a woman to feel themselves again she's clearly feeling insecure. My daughter is 11 months and the missus just isn't happy about her body and doesn't even really want to talk about rude things. Just as well really with being in physio rehab.
You're in a bind but ultimately how things progress depend on you both, try your best to reconnect if you still love her. If its a struggle suggest couples councilling, if she refuses don't allow youself to be miserable you'll end up resenting each other. Don't be a dick but take that break if you need it. Trust me I know.
It sounds like she's trying to over compensate for the hell she's put you through but with the fact it takes about 18 months after pregnancy for a woman to feel themselves again she's clearly feeling insecure. My daughter is 11 months and the missus just isn't happy about her body and doesn't even really want to talk about rude things. Just as well really with being in physio rehab.
You're in a bind but ultimately how things progress depend on you both, try your best to reconnect if you still love her. If its a struggle suggest couples councilling, if she refuses don't allow youself to be miserable you'll end up resenting each other. Don't be a dick but take that break if you need it. Trust me I know.
Thanks Vidar, much appreciated mate. I must admit the last 3 days in London i was looking forward to just getting away, however was hounded the whole time but texts demanding things. A real break could be good but almost impossible to achieve in reality for us in our situation.
Have you had to take any break from your situation?
Have you had to take any break from your situation?
Associate
If you count 3 months courtesy of our nhs then yes... My situation is different to yours, while pregnant until things got to bad for her she still took care of my needs in one way or another. Its been the last 12 months that have been trying in that things had become simply functional and very infrequent.
Talking about it has really helped us to reconnect though especially with the forced abstanance of a hospital stay. Having a baby hanging of you all day and getting touched out to the point of wanting space while not feeling sexy anyway isn't exactly a recipe for fireworks. I understand how she feels now.
Just as important she understands how I've been feeling about wanting to feel wanted and things to be fun again instead of obliged and we're both willing to make changes. And work together.
Just try to talk mate, don't accuse just gently state how you feel with out blaming her. It might still sting but hopefully will bring you both closer.
What exactly do you want?
Talking about it has really helped us to reconnect though especially with the forced abstanance of a hospital stay. Having a baby hanging of you all day and getting touched out to the point of wanting space while not feeling sexy anyway isn't exactly a recipe for fireworks. I understand how she feels now.
Just as important she understands how I've been feeling about wanting to feel wanted and things to be fun again instead of obliged and we're both willing to make changes. And work together.
Just try to talk mate, don't accuse just gently state how you feel with out blaming her. It might still sting but hopefully will bring you both closer.
What exactly do you want?
Soldato
Anyone else in a similar situation? The Mrs has 2 lads from her marriage, they're 7 and 9. We have a 5 month old child together, live together etc.
We're currently on maternity pay which is crippling us but we're getting by. The kids don't go without, we moved to a bigger house, they have a bedroom each, we treated them to an Xbox each in their rooms, they had none of this before we were together.
The eldest is being an ungrateful spoilt little brat, every time we have to do something other than what he wants to do, he throws everything in our faces, we don't do anything for him, he has nothing. He seems to forget about the iPad, Xbox, school trip at nearly £300, the kick boxing every week he wanted to do, all of which is tough on maternity pay.
He's a bright kid but he's bossy, manipulative (he'll tell his Dad he's not allowed to do kick boxing for an example), he also regards himself as an elder.
My Mrs is too soft on him which I have said to her time and time again but nothing changes. I'm gonna be honest, I can't stand him, he's driving a wedge between me and her. I pray for the weekends without him, we're much happier, it shows.
She's picked up on my feelings towards him and I've been honest with her but the brat needs punishing. Xbox removed, iPad confiscated, fed to the dogs , questionable if the last ones legal?
It's tough because I'm not his Dad, but I can feel myself losing it with him.
We're currently on maternity pay which is crippling us but we're getting by. The kids don't go without, we moved to a bigger house, they have a bedroom each, we treated them to an Xbox each in their rooms, they had none of this before we were together.
The eldest is being an ungrateful spoilt little brat, every time we have to do something other than what he wants to do, he throws everything in our faces, we don't do anything for him, he has nothing. He seems to forget about the iPad, Xbox, school trip at nearly £300, the kick boxing every week he wanted to do, all of which is tough on maternity pay.
He's a bright kid but he's bossy, manipulative (he'll tell his Dad he's not allowed to do kick boxing for an example), he also regards himself as an elder.
My Mrs is too soft on him which I have said to her time and time again but nothing changes. I'm gonna be honest, I can't stand him, he's driving a wedge between me and her. I pray for the weekends without him, we're much happier, it shows.
She's picked up on my feelings towards him and I've been honest with her but the brat needs punishing. Xbox removed, iPad confiscated, fed to the dogs , questionable if the last ones legal?
It's tough because I'm not his Dad, but I can feel myself losing it with him.
He's living under your roof, and if you're co-parenting, you and the mother should be setting boundaries and supporting each other as a united front. What happens at his Dad's house is nothing to do with what happens at yours. Does his mum not realise she's letting the kid down by not setting boundaries and reminding him that he's the kid, not the adult? He's playing you against his mother and against his father to get his own way - and you're all letting him. You're all being outsmarted by a seven year old. Time for you and the mother to get your act together, because you're not doing the kid any favours in the long run, and it's damaging your relationship with the mother.
Are you and your wife on reasonable terms with the father? Could try to discuss it with him, if possible ask the father if he acts up that way with him? Careful with this though because your wife could go all "You're siding with my ex partner and not me".
You told us that you told your wife those things but what was her response?
Removing the ipad and xbox sounds like a good start, see how he responds.
Soldato
I wouldn't say he's outsmarting us, I can certainly see right through his behaviour and the manipulation but it's very difficult when they're not biologically yours, if this were my son he'd know about it and I'd be nipping it in the bud.
Me and the Mrs had a good chat about my feelings towards him. She's agreed that she's too soft on him and has promised going forward that there will be consequences for his actions, but I need to help reinforce them when she starts backing down (she will confiscate his Xbox for example but then he'll sit of his iPad, apologise when he's calmed down and then he gets the Xbox back). He may hate me for it but it'll make me feel better. I'd much prefer us to all get along as one family and not have this feeling of hatred towards him.
Yes, we are now, we weren't at the start. When he last went to see his Dad, he had a melt down, saying we don't do anything for him, he's no friends at school, he's not allowed to play football at school, all of which are lies, his Dad was obviously concerned. The Mrs discussed it with him then. From the sounds of it, he behaves the same when he's with him. Everything has to be his way otherwise the toys get thrown out the pram.
She agreed with me surprisingly, she knows things need to change but wants us to work together.
Oh it's happening, and I'd be lying if I were to say I'm not looking forward to it. He's making things unpleasant for everyone.