The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Is it a mindset though? I.e. is it something you can control?

I’m not attracted to tall women , is that just the way I’m wired or am I consciously discriminating ? I think it’s the former

That’s not to say I dislike like tall women, I just don’t feel any attraction
 
JBuk said:
Is it a mindset though? I.e. is it something you can control?
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Yes, I believe it's the effect from growing up with just one ethnic group. The other ethnicities are considered outsiders and therefore not suitable for dating/marriage.

JBuk said:
I’m not attracted to tall women , is that just the way I’m wired or am I consciously discriminating ? I think it’s the former

That’s not to say I dislike like tall women, I just don’t feel any attraction
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Possibly as above, I just hope you aren't short otherwise you'll struggle to find someone who fits that criteria.
 
Gzero said:
Yes, I believe it's the effect from growing up with just one ethnic group. The other ethnicities are considered outsiders and therefore not suitable for dating/marriage.
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saying that I don't find any black women attractive would be racist, but saying black women are my type is not, which the BBC article was trying to imply
 
I have never and would not date an English white woman. I just don't find them attractive, looks, voice, everything, they just don't 'do' it for me, too plain. Whenever any have showed interest in me I just though meh.

All my girlfriends including current one have exotic roots, as in they or their family are originally from a different country, and can speak at least one more language. Mainly Latinas as that's my 'thing' :p although now I'm with an Oriental and loving it. Never thought I would switch from Latinas but I had to change my mindset to give another 'type' a chance and it was a good thing I did as I'm very happy and hope to get married with her.

I am from the Mediterranean.
 
A2Z said:
I have never and would not date an English white woman. I just don't find them attractive, looks, voice, everything, they just don't 'do' it for me, too plain. Whenever any have showed interest in me I just though meh.

All my girlfriends including current one have exotic roots, as in they or their family are originally from a different country, and can speak at least one more language. Mainly Latinas as that's my 'thing' :p although now I'm with an Oriental and loving it. Never thought I would switch from Latinas but I had to change my mindset to give another 'type' a chance and it was a good thing I did as I'm very happy and hope to get married with her.

I am from the Mediterranean.
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You're from the med so are used to better looking women. My type is the dark haired olive skin type too. So usually Italian and Latina
 
Gzero said:
Because she's white she's on the radar for you? Take mixed race celebrities for example, would you find Rita Ora attractive, or do you not even think about because she's not white.

P.s Susan's too fat for me, that makes her unattractive to me.

P.s.2 I'm not saying that you are a bad person for having this mindset, yes you could be more open, but that's up to you to decide.
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No, it's got nothing to do with skin colour, they just don't do it for me. I first realised this when Charlie's Angels came out and everyone lost their minds of Lucy Liu. Don't get me wrong, absolutely gorgeous woman, just doesn't do it for me.

As for the upbringing thing, I'm a saffer, I don't need to explain the racial history there, so that is probably a large part of it.
 
When I look back at my dating history I realised a few years ago that I've only ever dated one white British girl (I'm white British). Everyone else has been asian, oriental or black. It wasn't a conscious decision or even something I realised at the time. But in hindsight I found the non-white girls more interesting for various reasons.

Edit: I married non white too and have mixed race kids. Maybe I am biased but I think mixed race people can often be very attractive indeed (whatever combination of races).
 
Rarely do I like non Caucasian girls from a looks perspective. Mixed race is fine but rarely do I like black or Asian for example.
I also like tall girls and would never date a fat girl.

All these things are visual attributes.
With so much choice its fine to be fussy.

There's a whole host. Of reasons people haven't 'types' some of those can (it seems) begin to get put in the racist pile
 
Hey all,

So basically, a few months ago I broke up with my ex of almost 4 years. Now even though I broke up with her I am struggling to get over the relationship, I find my self with a lot of free time in comparison to before, I am spending my weekends partying / going out in an attempt to keep my self busy, and working during the week, gym on week nights etc, but its tough filling all that time where you previously were always with someone, know what I mean?

I don't know how long it has been, but I still feel crappy about the whole thing.

Any words of advice guys?

Cheers!
 
Just takes a while to get used to being single again after being in a relationship for ages, you sound like you're keeping busy though, it's good you've got a regular routine of going out on a weekend and training through the week.
 
I split with my ex about 18 months ago, had been with her for 23 years. Its hard to adjust and takes time but you will make it.

Me personally cannot be arsed with women anymore, one man band from now on for me. Ham shank money in the bank.:p
 
Did you get closure in the break up and did you come to terms with it? You need to turn it into a positive thing. What are all the great things you can do now? You can mess around with Tinder/Bumble. Is there a holiday location you wanted to go to that your other half was never interested in?
 
AlphaMale1 said:
Hey all,

So basically, a few months ago I broke up with my ex of almost 4 years. Now even though I broke up with her I am struggling to get over the relationship, I find my self with a lot of free time in comparison to before, I am spending my weekends partying / going out in an attempt to keep my self busy, and working during the week, gym on week nights etc, but its tough filling all that time where you previously were always with someone, know what I mean?

I don't know how long it has been, but I still feel crappy about the whole thing.

Any words of advice guys?

Cheers!
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This looks like bait to me with a username like that.

Smells like a secondary account used to troll.
 
Firstly thanks everyone for the advice and replies. I am currently at work but as soon as a i get a chance I will reply to these.

Ayahuasca said:
This looks like bait to me with a username like that.

Smells like a secondary account used to troll.
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Hi mate, no it's not a troll at all. It's a genuine situation I am finding my self in. Just looking for some help to cope with this.

Thanks
 
Roar87 said:
Just takes a while to get used to being single again after being in a relationship for ages, you sound like you're keeping busy though, it's good you've got a regular routine of going out on a weekend and training through the week.
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I would echo this. 4 years is a lot of time and healing time can be a few months to a year.

You're doing the right stuff. Maybe go on a few dates just to allow your mind to see there are better options out there. Even if you don't have any intentions of a relationship. A few months is a good time to try dating
 
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