The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

I couldn't do it. I'd steer clear .
Unless you're into that before I can't imagine it ending well.
It's a complete blur of traditional friend /relationship thing but neither of them

If you develop feelings you'll have a hard time
 
snips86x said:
Has anyone been in a poly relationship? Just wondering how it might have worked for you and how you managed to set boundaries?
Short story, I've met someone incredible and she's poly. I don't mind that much and I probably need to understand more about how this type of relationship might work, but curious to those who've been in one or are.
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I'm not sure you can make that work unless you are very good at compartmentalising, or you don't care that much for her because you've got someone better on the side anyway. You're already sounding a bit enamoured because she's "incredible".

What are you going to do when she's shagging someone else, or when she's emotionally involved with someone else because she doesn't feel the same about you? If you care about her, she's just going to hurt you. If you're not fussed and it's just a bit of fun, then go for it, but don't think it's going to lead to a long term exclusive relationship. It might, but that's obviously not what she's looking for, so don't count on some Hollywood rom-com ending where she suddenly professes her undying love for you.
 
Mason- said:
From your end I'd just treat it as a friends with benefits situation otherwise you will get jealous. And don't go into it under some illusion that eventually she'll see the light, fall for you, and be with you solely. Go in it for some fun, but that's it.
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That's kinda where it started in all honesty, but it would seem that things outside of those benefits are developing. I had to actually read up on that type of relationship to be honest, it's a completley alien concept to me but I can see how it would be of interest to people.

Steampunk said:
I'm not sure you can make that work unless you are very good at compartmentalising, or you don't care that much for her because you've got someone better on the side anyway. You're already sounding a bit enamoured because she's "incredible".

What are you going to do when she's shagging someone else, or when she's emotionally involved with someone else because she doesn't feel the same about you? If you care about her, she's just going to hurt you. If you're not fussed and it's just a bit of fun, then go for it, but don't think it's going to lead to a long term exclusive relationship. It might, but that's obviously not what she's looking for, so don't count on some Hollywood rom-com ending where she suddenly professes her undying love for you.
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I can't lie, she's growing on me. ATM it's exclusive in the traditional sense, but she's bi so does play around with women....that I don't mind to be fair.
 
snips86x said:
I can't lie, she's growing on me. ATM it's exclusive in the traditional sense, but she's bi so does play around with women....that I don't mind to be fair.
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At some point (for most people) being bisexual fails to be an excuse for non-exclusivity in a relationship. Most people, straight, bi, gay, etc make a commitment to one person, and stop sleeping with others. Gender/sexual identities is not a get-out for that point when you have to decide if you want to have a long-term relationship with someone that's more meaningful that just casual sex.

If exclusivity is what you want, but she wants to sleep with other people (who happen to be bi or lesbian women), then you're going to be unhappy. If she's making physical and emotional connections with other people outside of your "ATM exclusive" relationship, then you have to question if she feels enough for you that you're the one she wants to spend her time with and dedicate her exclusivity/fidelity/etc to.

Basically, don't get to attached, because she isn't.
 
snips86x said:
I can't lie, she's growing on me. ATM it's exclusive in the traditional sense, but she's bi so does play around with women....that I don't mind to be fair.
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You probably don't mind because subsconsciously you think she will only have fun with the women and that you will win in the end when she wants to settle down properly, but if she is really bi, then those women have just as much of a chance as you do of being 'the one' (if she ever decides to commit to one person).
 
snips86x said:
Has anyone been in a poly relationship? Just wondering how it might have worked for you and how you managed to set boundaries?
Short story, I've met someone incredible and she's poly. I don't mind that much and I probably need to understand more about how this type of relationship might work, but curious to those who've been in one or are.
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Sounds like she's suggesting this and not you. So you know this isn't going to end well and you end up getting attacted then hurt.
 
malachi said:
Sounds like she's suggesting this and not you. So you know this isn't going to end well and you end up getting attacted then hurt.
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She's laid all her cards out and afaik there is only one other person (female) she's messing around with. I'm only asking based on what I've read from articles where couples have made a poly relationship work.

From someone who grew up in a religious environment, this is very alien lol
 
snips86x said:
She's laid all her cards out and afaik there is only one other person (female) she's messing around with. I'm only asking based on what I've read from articles where couples have made a poly relationship work.

From someone who grew up in a religious environment, this is very alien lol
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I can imagine pal. There's certainly nothing wrong with it as long as all parties are aware of the situation at hand. But as others have said, in a Poly relationship you MUST be comfortable with where you're standing. It's OK to feel things, it's only natural. But as soon as those feelings begin to develop into something more, peg it out of there. It's not worth the mental distress in the long run.
 
snips86x said:
Has anyone been in a poly relationship? Just wondering how it might have worked for you and how you managed to set boundaries?
Short story, I've met someone incredible and she's poly. I don't mind that much and I probably need to understand more about how this type of relationship might work, but curious to those who've been in one or are.
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If she is sleeping about and the others are sleeping about you may as well be going on a 6 months bareback Lady Boy rodeo, as that is about as much control you will have over your sexual health protection or not.
 
Started having sex with a girl who I met on bumble. She is sweet, fantastic body, beautiful eyes and a nice personality. Still miss the ex who dumped me 6 months ago. Objectively this girl is much more attractive and the sex is much better (sex with the ex was dire towards the end) but I just miss my best friend. Never let your guard down boys you might catch feelings.
 
Deus Ex said:
Started having sex with a girl who I met on bumble. She is sweet, fantastic body, beautiful eyes and a nice personality. Still miss the ex who dumped me 6 months ago. Objectively this girl is much more attractive and the sex is much better (sex with the ex was dire towards the end) but I just miss my best friend.
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Six months isn't long. In another six months you might be with someone better who makes you happier. Friends who turn out not to be friends... well, life moves on and you leave them in the past and you make new ones. Don't let your past ruin something good in your future. Don't let it sabotage whatever you have growing with this new woman.

Deus Ex said:
Never let your guard down boys you might catch feelings.
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Nothing wrong with feelings. You just have to be strong enough to put yourself out there, and if you get knocked down, get back up and do it again and not give a flying ****. Yes it's a risk, but better that than going through life never being yourself and never giving a chance to commit to being with a great person.

Maybe your ex was awful at the end, but I bet you had a lot of good times before that. I wouldn't cut myself off from enjoying more good times with someone new, who can become a new best friend - maybe even better than the ex. It's all right to move on and stop mourning a relationship that's gone and in the past. It's all right to feel guilty and sad about doing that, even though you know it's the only way forwards. It gets better with time and new relationships.
 
Gym girl has started approaching me for conversations now. We have good chat. A few weeks ago she would barely acknowledge me. I generally chat to the regulars in my gym to pass the time. This may have escalated slightly. Last week she was like 'I'll be in the gym on Sunday', and I'm like 'at what time?', at which point she gives me a time. I didn't turn up though because it was quite late in the day and I don't want anything more than friends (I'm quite enjoying that she is easily an 8/9 and doesn't chat to any of the other guys in there). I was tempted to present my phone to her with the 'add contact' screen open at some point. Could make it awkward though. Idk.
 
CaptainRAVE said:
Gym girl has started approaching me for conversations now. We have good chat. A few weeks ago she would barely acknowledge me. I generally chat to the regulars in my gym to pass the time. This may have escalated slightly. Last week she was like 'I'll be in the gym on Sunday', and I'm like 'at what time?', at which point she gives me a time. I didn't turn up though because it was quite late in the day and I don't want anything more than friends (I'm quite enjoying that she is easily an 8/9 and doesn't chat to any of the other guys in there). I was tempted to present my phone to her with the 'add contact' screen open at some point. Could make it awkward though. Idk.
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If you don't want to be more than friends, why ask her for her number? Those are definitely "I want to date you" vibes.
 
KillBoY_UK said:
My FWB came over to mine on my birthday after not seeing her in a month and told me we she can no longer do the "WB" part, which sucks but did understand her reasons (will save the story for a different post if people are interested, kinda tragic in places).
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I have some updates if anyone remembers the rest of the tale lol
 
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