The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[Roar87]

Just don't pay attention to what she says, mcast, but also let things naturally evolve by being a dick, like Roar suggests.

Where on earth did I say be a dick? Can you stop harassing my posts if you aren't going to at least be intellectually honest with your dull pointless critique?

Women speak in subtext a lot, they do it to each other, it's not exactly a revelation to suggest they may say one thing but actually mean another. Hence why I said you should pay attention to her actions rather than her words. I'm very eager to get your advice, though I know you making a contribution to a post and leaving yourself open to criticism will never actually happen.

 

[Steampunk]

Actually, I agree with Roar87. Three weeks is too soon to be putting pressure on the relationship and to make it mean something serious. Men tend to think they've found the girl of their dreams at the drop of a hat, where women tend to be more cautious. Take it a day at a time, make each other happy, and see how it goes.

Declaring undying love for a woman you've only known a few weeks just comes across as crazy. Just be chill about it, have a good time, do things that make her want to spend her time with you, and the relationship will grow from there. If she means as much as you say she does, then calm down and stop scaring her off with how much you want her to commit to a serious, long term, relationship straight away.

If you can't cope with not having her promise of a life together after a few weeks of dating, then maybe she's the one who should run away from the crazy.

 

[mcast]

Actually, I agree with Roar87. Three weeks is too soon to be putting pressure on the relationship and to make it mean something serious. Men tend to think they've found the girl of their dreams at the drop of a hat, where women tend to be more cautious. Take it a day at a time, make each other happy, and see how it goes.

Declaring undying love for a woman you've only known a few weeks just comes across as crazy. Just be chill about it, have a good time, do things that make her want to spend her time with you, and the relationship will grow from there. If she means as much as you say she does, then calm down and stop scaring her off with how much you want her to commit to a serious, long term, relationship straight away.

If you can't cope with not having her promise of a life together after a few weeks of dating, then maybe she's the one who should run away from the crazy.

You're mostly right, it's these brain chemicals when I find a woman really attractive, screws me up.

I'm not looking for undying love, just any kind of acknowledgment that we might be dating, she's saying we're nothing.

 

[wedrum]

geez you know when its right and when its not, move on and find someone who wants you just as much.
plenty out there.

 

[mcast]

Women speak in subtext a lot, they do it to each other, it's not exactly a revelation to suggest they may say one thing but actually mean another. Hence why I said you should pay attention to her actions rather than her words.

If she speaks with her actions not words, then she's crazy about me.

 

[krooton]

If she speaks with her actions not words, then she's crazy about me.

Maybe she finds that relationships only last a few months, so she goes all in at the start to enjoy them before they fizzle out.

 

[Steampunk]

You're mostly right, it's these brain chemicals when I find a woman really attractive, screws me up.

I'm not looking for undying love, just any kind of acknowledgment that we might be dating, she's saying we're nothing.

Then accept it as is, and make sure she wants to spend all her time with you. It's only a label to call things, and it's immaterial if in reality, you actually are dating. She'll probably move in, marry you, have kids, and still tell you that you're not dating.

If her thing is that she doesn't want to label the relationship, then let her have that for the time being, because it's still early days for her. If you make an issue of it, it will blow up in your face, and at least this way you have time to make her think that she really does want to be with you above all others.

 

[Roar87]

If she speaks with her actions not words, then she's crazy about me.

That's the take away here, not her saying she doesn't want any commitment because she doesn't want to feel vulnerable due to being ****** over by some other guy. When she says she doesn't want commitment just smile and say cool, me neither. Then just carry on seeing her and making plans.

 

[rxr-v2]

The usual biochemical timeline (duration) for rabbiting (hot sex) is 6 months from the start.

 

[Guest2]

I've had a birthday message for this week from an ex (split up 9 months ago) saying hope I'm well, happy birthday and a kiss.
I ended up having to block her personal email, phone no. and all social media then she contacted me via friends on social media for things. Now she sends me messages through her work email
Do I be nice and reply, ignore or tell her to F off. I am tempted to do the last, but think i'll just ignore

FYI, this girl was a POF find. Totally mental. Now i'm with someone i met at the gym and couldn't be happier, she said to just ignore her

 

[malachi]

I've had a birthday message for this week from an ex (split up 9 months ago) saying hope I'm well, happy birthday and a kiss.
I ended up having to block her personal email, phone no. and all social media then she contacted me via friends on social media for things. Now she sends me messages through her work email
Do I be nice and reply, ignore or tell her to F off. I am tempted to do the last, but think i'll just ignore

Go ghost and ignore her.

You are with someone else now, so you shouldn't be even asking this question.

 

[Terminal_Boy]

Block/bar/ignore on all platforms.

There is no need to ever been in contact with an ex unless you have kids by them.

 

[gonda]

Yeah ignore 100% I reckon. If she's been that resourceful to get in touch with you, replying will only spur her on.

 

[Steampunk]

I've had a birthday message for this week from an ex (split up 9 months ago) saying hope I'm well, happy birthday and a kiss.
I ended up having to block her personal email, phone no. and all social media then she contacted me via friends on social media for things. Now she sends me messages through her work email
Do I be nice and reply, ignore or tell her to F off. I am tempted to do the last, but think i'll just ignore

FYI, this girl was a POF find. Totally mental. Now i'm with someone i met at the gym and couldn't be happier, she said to just ignore her

Just ignore. No point in wasting a moment of thought on her at all. Just like when a phone scammer calls you, instead of trying to engage them or convince them what they are doing is wrong, just hang up and give it no more thought.

 

[Deleted member 77746]

Big Hugs today from me for everyone who needs them on here.

 

[413x]

Ignore. Don't respond

A response invites followup, that you still value her etc etc.

 

[omnomnom]

If it was the other way round you'd expect your girlfriend to ignore...as others have said, block and ignore.

 

[R.P.L]

See if you can get her round for a threesome?

Only joking - ignore her.

 

[GiraffePencils]

Hey, so my partner of ~10 years, mother of my child, has said she doesn't feel she loves me anymore.
It seems she's felt like this for the last while, and doesn't feel we should stay together.

She says she doesn't feel towards me, the way I clearly feel towards her, and she wants me to find someone who it would be mutual with.

Well..... that's that eh? Talk about feeling lost. On one hand, I feel this is really mature, we get on really well and I'd had to grow that into a bitterness and break up later on. On the other, I feel exactly as I always have and think she's the most beautiful person in the world.
TBH it's hard living with her right now, because my mind goes to intimacy and I have to keep reeling it in. But I still enjoy her company, we watch films and talk etc.
Just thought I'd post in here.

 

[Roar87]

Hey, so my partner of ~10 years, mother of my child, has said she doesn't feel she loves me anymore.
It seems she's felt like this for the last while, and doesn't feel we should stay together.

She says she doesn't feel towards me, the way I clearly feel towards her, and she wants me to find someone who it would be mutual with.

Well..... that's that eh? Talk about feeling lost. On one hand, I feel this is really mature, we get on really well and I'd had to grow that into a bitterness and break up later on. On the other, I feel exactly as I always have and think she's the most beautiful person in the world.
TBH it's hard living with her right now, because my mind goes to intimacy and I have to keep reeling it in. But I still enjoy her company, we watch films and talk etc.
Just thought I'd post in here.

I feel like because that's the case you need to get out of there asap, she isn't going to regain her feelings for you, what's going to happen is she's going to move on and meet someone else; to save yourself the pain of this you need to remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible. Bear in mind when women reach the point of telling you that they need to break up with you because they've lost feelings, they've felt like this for months or years. Mentally she's been broken up with you for ages, so her moving on and meeting someone else will not be an issue for her. Where as for you it obviously will.