*** Anonymous Confessions Thread v6 ***

I resent and despise my GF's grandmother.

She is one of the most miserable, selfish and depressing human beings I have ever met.

She is depressed because her husband passed away years ago - this I can understand. But due to this, she feels it is appropriate to bring everyone else in the room down with her. Nobody else is allowed to be happy because she isn't.

Whenever I ask her how she is, there is always something wrong. She can barely walk due to her age, but always insists on doing everything (the dishes etc) without accepting help when offered, then will complain about the pain later on to make everyone else feel guilty. Because of reasons like this, she is physically exhausting to be around.

Once when she was visiting and stayed over, I went downstairs to grab a drink and say goodnight, I deliberately avoided the living room she was in and crept past so she wouldn't know I was there.

Same when she was leaving the next day, I used an alternative route through the house and trod quietly so she wouldn't know where I was so I didn't have to say goodbye to her.

She feels it is acceptable to display no manners anymore. When speaking to people, when at the table or anything really. I sat next to her at the table once and almost gagged at the noises that were coming out of her cement mixer of a mouth!

Every time I go to bring this up with my gf as I always want to be honest. I feel bad and decide to just leave it. It isn't her fault and there is no point burdening her with any stress over it.

I used to just let it slide. But one time when we were passing by we knocked on the her door to say hello and there was no answer. We thought nothing of it and went home. My GF called her grandma just to make sure all was ok and all she got was yelled at down the phone for "leaving" her there when she could've fallen over and been in pain or something and we would never known because we walked away after knocking :rolleyes: it reduced my GF to tears. Since then I'm blunt enough with her to the point where I am just outright rude. My GFs Dad (the grandmas son) has clocked the change and understands. He understands what his own mother is like and doesn't blame me for the way I act at all.





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I've been fighting myself, wondering if I should share this story....here goes nothing...

I share an office with a guy. Let's call this guy Simon. Simon likes to go for long 30 min poo's. When he leaves the office for a poo, it's obvious to me that he's going for a poo as he takes his Andrex wet wipes with him, which he keeps in his desk drawer.

Here's where the fun begins.

10 mins after he leaves for his poo, I also leave to go to the gents toilet. However I also take with me a piece of fruit. Sometimes it's a clementine. Sometimes an orange. This one time, though strictly not a fruit, I took an avocado.

When I go to the toilet, I take my leak, clean my piece, wash my hands and leave.

BUT, and a big BUT, just before I leave, I roll a piece of fruit under his cubicle door.

Why? Because it's hilarious. The first time I did it he said "excuse me mate, you've dropped your orange" and rolled it back underneath his cubicle door, not knowing who was there. I promptly rolled it back to his cubicle!! :D He was so confused! :D

The second time I did it I tossed a banana over his cubicle door. His response was "FFS mate, sort it out". He then flung the banana back over his toilet door. I flung the banana back, he shouted, and I legged it.

He's told everyone that sometimes he goes to the toilet someone throws fruit over. He doesn't know what to do. He tried changing where he poo's. However I've always sussed it out, and fruit abused him.

Things were getting hot, and he started complaining about it a lot. He asked people in my office to keep an eye out for any one leaving with fruit. So I laid low for 2 months. Just when he thought the mystery fruit man had stopped, I started doing it again! :D

HA HA HA HA HA

I'm challenging myself to lob over a microwave pack of mac and cheese. I think it might be too much. Though I'm struggling to see how I'll get away with leaving the office with a mac and cheese packet without being caught.

Ideas are welcome! :D





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Lob a fake poo over the cubicle!

[FnG]magnolia;30040696 said:

I have a crippling prostitute addiction and constantly find myself jacking off to these pictures I have taken at trade expos with booth babes. It seriously harms my ability to have meaningful relationships with women, especially given my already sadbrains, but I cannot fight this crippling addiction to looking like such an alpha male.


picture redacted.
Click to expand...

:D Hmm I wonder who this is :D.
 
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[FnG]magnolia;30040694 said:

Well I told the wife about the money and within 24 hours I had some of her family over asking what we were going to do with the money. I said it was nearly all spent already and the fun hit the fan!

Basically I was told that "family come first" and as I suspected it was uncles of hers that I have no time for, were asking about was I looking to help family member out. When I told them there was only £3k left to be split between "family" they were livid lol.

One uncle had the cheek to ask me what I'd spent it on. I said the mortgage and a fund for my kids university degrees so they won't have to take out loans.

As uneducated as they are, the didn't see that as a good thing in that I hadn't given more to family members. It'll be fun to see how things pan out. I'll give another update later this week after the dust settles a bit.

Family eh?
Click to expand...

I would have politely, but firmly, asked him to leave my house. I hate freeloaders.
 
Hades said:
I would have politely, but firmly, asked him to leave my house. I hate freeloaders.
Click to expand...

Definitely. If they have no logic or sense in their reasoning as it is simply about them as you describe then continuing to talk about it isn't a discussion its just them begging. Should be no need for further talks unless you're going to cave in which case hello to the rest of your life :D
 
The fruit man... amazing :D

I say you need to up your game though. Roll a melon under, maybe a grapefruit, or... go the whole hog and slam a pineapple over the top.
 
EVH said:
The fruit man... amazing :D

I say you need to up your game though. Roll a melon under, maybe a grapefruit, or... go the whole hog and slam a Durian over the top.
Click to expand...

Fixed. :p

On a more serious not how about a bunch of grapes? Pre seperated for his convenience. First just one and wait for his relief that it's just a small grape, then a slow trickle of more, until the hundreds to over the top at the end.
 
What you want is a loaf of bread then get the saw puppet "I want to play a game" sound on your phone.

Play it and chuck the loaf of bread.

Wait for the utter confusion this brings/drives them so mental they quit and you get a less ****** colleague.
 
Housey said:
Tis all about her eyes....

29092068523_71a2f10e28_b.jpg


Right, back on topic.
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She looks a bit cross eyed?
 
[FnG]magnolia;30040694 said:

Well I told the wife about the money and within 24 hours I had some of her family over asking what we were going to do with the money. I said it was nearly all spent already and the fun hit the fan!

Basically I was told that "family come first" and as I suspected it was uncles of hers that I have no time for, were asking about was I looking to help family member out. When I told them there was only £3k left to be split between "family" they were livid lol.

One uncle had the cheek to ask me what I'd spent it on. I said the mortgage and a fund for my kids university degrees so they won't have to take out loans.

As uneducated as they are, the didn't see that as a good thing in that I hadn't given more to family members. It'll be fun to see how things pan out. I'll give another update later this week after the dust settles a bit.

Family eh?
Click to expand...

Woo, follow up :D

Money grabbers are not cool.
 
@#338, You'll find someone when you stop looking mate, but you gotta be happy with yourself first so work on that for now. Then when someone enters your life and it feels right, just go with it!

Richeh said:
Definitely. If they have no logic or sense in their reasoning as it is simply about them as you describe then continuing to talk about it isn't a discussion its just them begging.
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Those people have a thing I call 'Soap Opera Syndrome', when they are so indulged in watching mind numbing television all day that they feel they are the lead character of a show and everyone else's sole purpose is to be a supporting role for their story.

It really is quite common and honestly I don't know if there's an actual term for it, but it's annoying as hell.

Amp34 said:
On a more serious not how about a bunch of grapes? Pre seperated for his convenience. First just one and wait for his relief that it's just a small grape, then a slow trickle of more, until the hundreds to over the top at the end.
Click to expand...

Okay, maybe not hundreds, but I like the way you think :p

Mynight said:
What you want is a loaf of bread...
Click to expand...

I heard Malt Loaf is pretty good.
 
[FnG]magnolia;30040703 said:
I've been fighting myself, wondering if I should share this story....here goes nothing...

I share an office with a guy. Let's call this guy Simon. Simon likes to go for long 30 min poo's. When he leaves the office for a poo, it's obvious to me that he's going for a poo as he takes his Andrex wet wipes with him, which he keeps in his desk drawer.

Here's where the fun begins.

10 mins after he leaves for his poo, I also leave to go to the gents toilet. However I also take with me a piece of fruit. Sometimes it's a clementine. Sometimes an orange. This one time, though strictly not a fruit, I took an avocado.

When I go to the toilet, I take my leak, clean my piece, wash my hands and leave.

BUT, and a big BUT, just before I leave, I roll a piece of fruit under his cubicle door.

Why? Because it's hilarious. The first time I did it he said "excuse me mate, you've dropped your orange" and rolled it back underneath his cubicle door, not knowing who was there. I promptly rolled it back to his cubicle!! :D He was so confused! :D

The second time I did it I tossed a banana over his cubicle door. His response was "FFS mate, sort it out". He then flung the banana back over his toilet door. I flung the banana back, he shouted, and I legged it.

He's told everyone that sometimes he goes to the toilet someone throws fruit over. He doesn't know what to do. He tried changing where he poo's. However I've always sussed it out, and fruit abused him.

Things were getting hot, and he started complaining about it a lot. He asked people in my office to keep an eye out for any one leaving with fruit. So I laid low for 2 months. Just when he thought the mystery fruit man had stopped, I started doing it again! :D

HA HA HA HA HA

I'm challenging myself to lob over a microwave pack of mac and cheese. I think it might be too much. Though I'm struggling to see how I'll get away with leaving the office with a mac and cheese packet without being caught.

Ideas are welcome! :D





----
Sent using GuerrillaMail.com
Click to expand...

Absolutely tears in work reading this!
 
[FnG]magnolia;30040694 said:

Well I told the wife about the money and within 24 hours I had some of her family over asking what we were going to do with the money. I said it was nearly all spent already and the fun hit the fan!

Basically I was told that "family come first" and as I suspected it was uncles of hers that I have no time for, were asking about was I looking to help family member out. When I told them there was only £3k left to be split between "family" they were livid lol.

One uncle had the cheek to ask me what I'd spent it on. I said the mortgage and a fund for my kids university degrees so they won't have to take out loans.

As uneducated as they are, the didn't see that as a good thing in that I hadn't given more to family members. It'll be fun to see how things pan out. I'll give another update later this week after the dust settles a bit.

Family eh?
Click to expand...

RoboCod said:
Yes! Where is 300k guy!? Be was telling her last week.
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This is the story so far.
 
Brilliant thread.

I find the confession below hilarious for some reason. Trying to stop laughing at work lol.


[FnG]magnolia;30016415 said:

I recently ran over someones cat, it was still sorta alive but I had to leave it or get caught. They blame the postman who has now taken stress leave over the abuse he received.
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