Badly explain what you do for a living.

bloodiedathame · 27 May 2021 at 21:54

My wife: 'i make commission from selling products to my friends and family that they don't really need'

Ooh I'm in trouble.

K.C. Leblanc · 27 May 2021 at 21:56

Last week I was pushing milk in the cold.

This week I'm making sure students can be seen.

rockermark · 27 May 2021 at 22:41

I check how badly people treated their cars, before they get sold to someone willing to pay more for it than anyone else.

caff · 27 May 2021 at 23:20

Money comes in, money goes out. This is done by some people using some computers.

HangTime · 27 May 2021 at 23:44

I think of suitable words to convince my team that decision makers are making progress, whilst thinking of suitable words to convince decision makers that my team are making progress.

RxR · 28 May 2021 at 00:04

I bite chunks off Natures invisible Rs and turn them into hats and hands.

jaybee · 28 May 2021 at 00:13

I make lots of computers talk to loads of other computers in special ways.

DanTheMan · 28 May 2021 at 08:00

I politely ask people for your money back, after they have convinced themselves that they were legitimately entitled to it in the first place.

lurkio · 28 May 2021 at 08:23

I design technology to electrocute people and bring them back to life

Basher · 28 May 2021 at 08:24

bloodiedathame said:
My wife: 'i make commission from selling products to my friends and family that they don't really need'

Ooh I'm in trouble.

Or "I'm in a pyramid scheme"

Haze · 28 May 2021 at 09:57

drakulton said:
you're a chicken?

Feel like it some days

Uhtred · 28 May 2021 at 11:02

I maintain a system that reduces user productivity all in the name of security

sHo0sH · 28 May 2021 at 11:12

I talk to people and they usually increase their earnings.

jokerguv · 28 May 2021 at 11:24

I make my bosses look awesome infront of the board so they could take all the accolades, bonuses and promotions for themselves.

EddScott · 28 May 2021 at 11:52

I gamble with other peoples' money.

Ryan-3 · 28 May 2021 at 11:57

Push hot gas through a suspicious white powder and see what lines appear on the screen.

RevBillyG · 28 May 2021 at 15:10

I fix the things that nurses break.

Jokester · 28 May 2021 at 15:12

RevBillyG said:
I fix the things that nurses break.

A doctor?

RevBillyG · 28 May 2021 at 15:13

Jokester said:
A doctor?

Far from it

dlockers · 28 May 2021 at 15:42

FortuitousFluke said:
I over complicate the act of purchasing things to the point where people actively try to avoid talking to me.

I used your post in a conversation with a CxO yesterday. We lolled at how true this is.