‘Discovering my true sexual self’: why I embraced polyamory (RSS style post)

[arknor]

I set the bar high from the start – cloth nappies and cooking from scratch.

isnt that fairly normal...

takes like 20 minutes to cook a meal from scratch, probably quicker than putting frozen food in the oven.

so hard to cut some vegetables, put them in a pan for 5minutes, add a tin of chopped tomatoes, some herbs and cook some pasta?

or is she on about baby food which is basically boiling potatoes and carrots for 10minutes, draining the water out and sticking them in a blender

 

[Angilion]

I have known a few people in poly relationships that worked well for long periods of time.

There's an important difference, though - all the people involved consented before starting the relationships.

That's a very different situation to having a mono relationship changed into a poly one after 12 years and two children. A very different situation indeed.

 

[prosk]

So apparently this guy is still reading books and trying to figure out what happened to his marriage. Except the subject has been researched for thousands of years and all the scientists, philosophers and regular people came to the same conclusion: you can't make a ho into a housewife. If he had one decent friend in his life they would've told him that.

 

[LeMson]

 

[Minstadave]

isnt that fairly normal...

takes like 20 minutes to cook a meal from scratch, probably quicker than putting frozen food in the oven.

so hard to cut some vegetables, put them in a pan for 5minutes, add a tin of chopped tomatoes, some herbs and cook some pasta?

or is she on about baby food which is basically boiling potatoes and carrots for 10minutes, draining the water out and sticking them in a blender

I cook your meals from scratch so I demand you let me bang someone else.

I’m going to try similar with my wife, I do DIY so I’m going to go sleep around.

Will update once I’ve checked with her.

 

[helpimcrap]

This sort of thing concerns me because marriage is commitment to another person until death do you part (although this doesn't seem to mean anything anymore to recent wedded couples). I love the idea of marriage and I'm not religious - it's all in the meaning of what it actually is. If I wanted to sleep with other people I'd continue having FBs but that becomes shallow and you want more.

 

[CREATIVE!11]

You know whats funny. Some dudes were like feminisms ultimate goal is to make you think a real man shares his wife.

Basically so she can then get the security of a relationship whilst banging around.

Is this finally the lowest point?

Dude needs to kick her to the curb asap.

 

[Vonhelmet]

Welcome to the frosty flake era

Careful, you can get in trouble for deliberately evading the swearing filter.

 

[CREATIVE!11]

This sort of thing concerns me because marriage is commitment to another person until death do you part (although this doesn't seem to mean anything anymore to recent wedded couples). I love the idea of marriage and I'm not religious - it's all in the meaning of what it actually is. If I wanted to sleep with other people I'd continue having FBs but that becomes shallow and you want more.

Yep.

That's the way I see it. I can understand a marriage won't last forever (so don't go into debt for it). But whilst we both agree to commitment I expect the woman to honor her word as I honor mine. If we decide to split up, fine no hard feelings you are honest break up and move on.

Edit: It also sounds like this guy was probably afraid of divorce rape too so reluctantly agreed...

 

[Dave]

Real news, you should read it some time

Probably not the best article supplied to prove your point

(To me, it feels as though the Grauniad has gone a little downhill over the last few years with regards to becoming click bait-y to compete with the other online sources ... I'm still glad for the occasional piece of solid investigative journalism that they were/are known for)

 

[Vonhelmet]

You know whats funny. Some dudes were like feminisms ultimate goal is to make you think a real man shares his wife.

Basically so she can then get the security of a relationship whilst banging around.

Is this finally the lowest point?

Dude needs to kick her to the curb asap.

According to her more recent tweets, they have since broken up.

 

[Kenai]

Welcome to the frosty flake era

That era starting over 15 years ago on this forum

 

[Hotwired]

he clearly didn't get on with the idea.

It would surprise me if it surprised anyone.

Married with kids for 12yrs, wife decides she wants sex with other people.

That undermines the guy so much it could only have been shock that stopped him reaching for the divorce papers instantly.

 

[Zefan]

The most shocking thing about this story is that we live in a world where we've somehow normalised marriage to the point where we deny ourselves our natural instincts. Stories like this shouldn't be surprising to anyone, our instincts and millions of years of evolution drives us to do this. Once you realise that marriage is only a relatively very recent cultural function to control the power/influence/finances of families it starts to seem like an odd thing for a modern society to obsess over like ours does. Spending your entire life with only one person and not feeling sexual desire to others is not natural. As for "It should have been agreed beforehand" well, hindsight is a wonderful thing I guess? Do many of you remember exactly what you said/did and how you felt/thought 12 years ago? Almost certainly not accurately, so how can you say she felt the same way all through those years? People change, and just because her change was realising she wanted to stop repressing herself it doesn't mean she's a ho. Her only options were to "stiff upper lip" it and continue lying to herself, or bring it up - like adults should - and risk things. It means she was brave enough to be honest with herself, her husband and their kids, go against the quite frankly archaic status quo and deal with the enormous amount of stigma that - as this thread has shown - will undoubtedly be with her for years.

 

[Chojin]

I'm not surprised by this as the rise of tinder means that most women can just swipe and anonymously hook up. I'm sure a lot do it without boyfriend/husband knowing but for this particular woman, hiding it must have become so inconvenient on her time schedule that she needed to make a story up.

 

[Vonhelmet]

The most shocking thing about this story is that we live in a world where we've somehow normalised marriage to the point where we deny ourselves our natural instincts. Stories like this shouldn't be surprising to anyone, our instincts and millions of years of evolution drives us to do this. Once you realise that marriage is only a relatively very recent cultural function to control the power/influence/finances of families it starts to seem like an odd thing for a modern society to obsess over like ours does. Spending your entire life with only one person and not feeling sexual desire to others is not natural. As for "It should have been agreed beforehand" well, hindsight is a wonderful thing I guess? Do many of you remember exactly what you said/did and how you felt/thought 12 years ago? Almost certainly not accurately, so how can you say she felt the same way all through those years? People change, and just because her change was realising she wanted to stop repressing herself it doesn't mean she's a ho. Her only options were to "stiff upper lip" it and continue lying to herself, or bring it up - like adults should - and risk things. It means she was brave enough to be honest with herself, her husband and their kids, go against the quite frankly archaic status quo and deal with the enormous amount of stigma that - as this thread has shown - will undoubtedly be with her for years.

The odd thing with that argument is it’s generally men who we believe to be compelled to “sow” widely, not women.

There’s also the issue of whether humans have evolved to be more monogamous than not, as plenty of other animals have. It’s not enough to just look at some of our ancestors and say they’re polyamorous so we should be too. We could have changed to not be so.

 

[Zefan]

The odd thing with that argument is it’s generally men who we believe to be compelled to “sow” widely, not women.

There’s also the issue of whether humans have evolved to be more monogamous than not, as plenty of other animals have. It’s not enough to just look at some of our ancestors and say they’re polyamorous so we should be too. We could have changed to not be so.

The fact that divorce and cheating is so rife would indicate that we don't particularly suit monogamy. It could be argued that this is caused by more recent social and cultural changes, but it seems unlikely,

 

[Dolph]

I must admit to simply not understanding why so many people (male and female) are so willing to destroy the rest of their lives simply to fulfil a sexual urge.

 

[Hotwired]

The most shocking thing about this story is that we live in a world where we've somehow normalised marriage to the point where we deny ourselves our natural instincts. Stories like this shouldn't be surprising to anyone, our instincts and millions of years of evolution drives us to do this. Once you realise that marriage is only a relatively very recent cultural function to control the power/influence/finances of families it starts to seem like an odd thing for a modern society to obsess over like ours does. Spending your entire life with only one person and not feeling sexual desire to others is not natural. As for "It should have been agreed beforehand" well, hindsight is a wonderful thing I guess? Do many of you remember exactly what you said/did and how you acted 12 years ago? Almost certainly not accurately. People change, and just because her change was realising she wanted to stop repressing herself it doesn't mean she's a ho. It means she was brave enough to be honest with herself, her husband and their kids, go against the quite frankly archaic status quo and deal with the enormous amount of stigma that - as this thread has shown - will undoubtedly be with her for years.

Time has long passed since it was difficult to leave a marriage that was not comfortable for you.

This is simply a creepy route to a divorce by declaring to your offspring and husband that you want casual sex with other partners.

 

[Zefan]

This is simply a creepy route to a divorce by declaring to your offspring and husband that you want casual sex with other partners.

So being honest about your feelings with your partner isn't an acceptable course of action in your eyes? It's either bottle it up or file for divorce instantly? What a black and white world to live in, life must be very simple.