Soldato
Unfortunately that wouldnt fly with the other half, shes perfectly accepting of her son being nearly 22, having a drug problem, living at home, not contributing and not doing anything for himself...
Do you charge your children "keep" or rent? Do/did you pay it yourself?
- Thread starter jaybee
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Unfortunately that wouldnt fly with the other half, shes perfectly accepting of her son being nearly 22, having a drug problem, living at home, not contributing and not doing anything for himself...
Soldato
It's geting to the point where my patience with her is running dry.
As for him, I've been in his life since he was 2, but she has said that he's not mine so I get no say, the old script of, step father, all of the responsibility and nothing else, I certainly wouldn't have done it if I had known then what I know now.
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Soldato
that's BS mate... what happen to splitting everything.. including kids.
Heck I know step kids that hate their natural parent and love their step parent.
One of the girls I knew was getting married and asked her step dad to walk her down. Her mum was so vex'd at her for asking her step dad rather than her real dad who really couldn't give two ****..
When she was telling me, I was like.... WHHHHAAAATTT he's not your real dad? as I known her and her "dad" since junior school.
Sounds like you're in between the rock and a hard place. Don't know what to suggest to be honest. You'll think of something
Man of Honour
Strange straw man given I've explained my reasoning ad nauseum.
Still, I'll bite.
"Equal" is one of those words that sounds like it has meaning, but it's really highly contextual and subjective. If by this you mean "the same" then, this is a silly hypothesis on which to base any argument. Your wording, pitting "being supported" against "being equal" makes me think this is your intended meaning, which is a disappointingly simple way of looking at things given my effort in explaining my thoughts thus far. Almost no two people are "the same" however much our society might like us to pretend they are. In the context of my feelings on this, it's important to remember that men and women are fundamentally different, and so expecting default so called "equal" treatment is... I'm afraid, not based in reality.
Ref "Supported by a man", well it depends on what you mean by supported. I would expect my daughter to understand the importance of children in her future and her role in their upbringing. By this, I mean that she would understand that the optimal support for children is a traditional family unit consisting of both biological mother and father, with the former spending a good period of her time - especially with children in infancy - out of the traditional worker/employee economic category. She does this in order to focus her attention on the children, avoiding at all costs abdication of responsibility/arguably neglectful practice that is handing them over for someone else to care for, as well as to fulfil her maternal instincts. This obviously informs mate selection criteria towards those that will be able to support her and their future family.
I'm particularly proud of my achievement to free my wife from the chains of having to "go to work". She is free to focus on more important things and take risks with her own business ventures, comfortable in the knowledge that her husband is supporting them. Is this "being equal'. You tell me. Is it good? I think so.
So, instead of the boolean "supported by man or equal?", I propose the following:
Supported? Absolutely.
Equal? Yes, but not in the way you're framing it.
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I paid 200 per month from when I got my first job (10 years ago) till I moved out (1 year ago)
My parents didn't really need or want it but we basically agreed that it would pay for their holiday each year
They are not well off by any means, I had more money in the bank than they did (was saving for a house), but I wanted to pay something and it took pressure of them wanting to go away somewhere as the money was there, was put into a separate account that was never touched until they wanted a break abroad.
My parents didn't really need or want it but we basically agreed that it would pay for their holiday each year
They are not well off by any means, I had more money in the bank than they did (was saving for a house), but I wanted to pay something and it took pressure of them wanting to go away somewhere as the money was there, was put into a separate account that was never touched until they wanted a break abroad.
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Soldato
I used to pay £75/week which i didn’t mind as i knew there were bills to pay and only my father worked out of my parents
What i did mind is that the amount myself and my siblings paid was unevenly split.
Me at £75, my three sisters each paid £50 whilst there and my brother still to this day at the age of 42 still pays £20 a week.
I never understood why this was the case but it did always feel unreasonable
What i did mind is that the amount myself and my siblings paid was unevenly split.
Me at £75, my three sisters each paid £50 whilst there and my brother still to this day at the age of 42 still pays £20 a week.
I never understood why this was the case but it did always feel unreasonable
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13 years ago I was paying my parents £300 per month, I didn't begrudge it, my parents didn't have lots of money back then and went through a period of time just about keeping afloat.
I'd also cook and clean and not expect to be waited on.
Along with paying rent house rules also relaxed, only rule was not to wake my parents up when staggering in from the pub.
I plan on doing the same thing with my boy when he's old enough. However I would put his money in a savings pot for him and put towards a house deposit.
I personally don't feel it's a bad thing, it's usually still cheaper than living on your own.
I don't think it's right for kids to refuse to pay keep/rent/lodgings when asked, but if parents don't want to ask for it, then fair enough.
I'd also cook and clean and not expect to be waited on.
Along with paying rent house rules also relaxed, only rule was not to wake my parents up when staggering in from the pub.
I plan on doing the same thing with my boy when he's old enough. However I would put his money in a savings pot for him and put towards a house deposit.
I personally don't feel it's a bad thing, it's usually still cheaper than living on your own.
I don't think it's right for kids to refuse to pay keep/rent/lodgings when asked, but if parents don't want to ask for it, then fair enough.
That's a bit odd, did you earn more than them?
Brother still paying £20 at 42? Seems a bit of a pee take to me. Don't know the circumstances but on the surface there is a couple of things wrong there.
Soldato
I thought it was odd that girls weren't asked to pay as much as boys but it actually seems the norm, bind moggles
Probably stems from women used to earn less than men.
Good to see equality working well then.
Seems a bit chauvinistic and about 30 years out of date. In a world where a woman can do everything a man can (apparently) and that gender should not play a part in people's decision making seems an odd statement to say.
Soldato
No, but then I moved to university at 18 and never had a job whilst living at parents.
Actually, that's a lie. I moved in with them for a couple of months during COVID whilst working remotely and they asked for something paltry like £20 a week from me to cover food. I did actually offer more to make it fairer!
Actually, that's a lie. I moved in with them for a couple of months during COVID whilst working remotely and they asked for something paltry like £20 a week from me to cover food. I did actually offer more to make it fairer!
Do you not feel like you've failed them? Genuine q without judgement. I'd feel super odd about this given how many people seem to manage it.
Man of Honour
It comes down to the fact that I simply reject that worldview.
Soldato
He has always been mums “special boy” but there is nothing that can tangibly explain why it’s £20 for him. He’s is a lazy **** though works as little as possible and scrapes by. If my mum wasn’t there i suspect neither would my brother.
at some points i earned less than a couple of the girls but i still paid more. Again i don’t begrudge paying what i paid i just don’t understand why it was more.
either way i live with my partner now where we split our bills and i wouldn’t change anything
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You really should try living together. LolHe has always been mums “special boy” but there is nothing that can tangibly explain why it’s £20 for him. He’s is a lazy **** though works as little as possible and scrapes by. If my mum wasn’t there i suspect neither would my brother.
at some points i earned less than a couple of the girls but i still paid more. Again i don’t begrudge paying what i paid i just don’t understand why it was more.
either way i love with my partner now where we split our bills and i wouldn’t change anything
He has always been mums “special boy” but there is nothing that can tangibly explain why it’s £20 for him. He’s is a lazy **** though works as little as possible and scrapes by. If my mum wasn’t there i suspect neither would my brother.
at some points i earned less than a couple of the girls but i still paid more. Again i don’t begrudge paying what i paid i just don’t understand why it was more.
either way i love with my partner now where we split our bills and i wouldn’t change anything
My wife's brother is similar, I always say to my wife, when your mums gone how is he going to survive? The house is council rent, he only gets dole money £80 per week I think it is, gives his mum and her partner £50 per month.
My wife never answers me, but I can tell she's thinking of saying he can come live with us, so I've made it known That absolutely won't be happening, I've said if it does we're divorcing and I'm taking my half of everything, I'm not paying for no scrounger
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Caporegime
You could have saved us all some time and explained that you expressly want a (hypothetical) daughter to be a trad wife, have babies, look after them at the expense of any notion of wanting a career.
"Free my wife from ..." - I assume by this stage that you're on the wind up because no one truly, please, thinks like this?
My parents charged me rent and I lived with them until I was about 28 and met my now wife.
When we decided we wanted a house my parents turned round and told me all that rent is paid then they'd actually saved up and it became our house deposit.
My dad often encouraged saving by always offering to double what I saved so birthday money is always save half and spend half, that above bought me my first car.
Already setting my children up they each already have a pension and an ISA. They'll be set for a nice early retirement, ISA should easily cover a car or house deposit.
Times are hard now and 18 year head start is not to be wasted.
When we decided we wanted a house my parents turned round and told me all that rent is paid then they'd actually saved up and it became our house deposit.
My dad often encouraged saving by always offering to double what I saved so birthday money is always save half and spend half, that above bought me my first car.
Already setting my children up they each already have a pension and an ISA. They'll be set for a nice early retirement, ISA should easily cover a car or house deposit.
Times are hard now and 18 year head start is not to be wasted.