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Does anyone else have no friends?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by AHarvey, Sep 17, 2016.

  1. Slam62


    Joined: Jan 3, 2006

    Posts: 7,358

    Location: Monaco

    Err yes and hot women you see are at that stage are just passing and therefore really irrelevant in every way.

    Not only that but you can't just have sex with anyone you like, relationships are what matter not fantasy sex.

    To be honest I've been away for the weekend with a group of older blokes some of whom did the old corr look at that thing and it was pathetic.
  2. R.P.L


    Joined: Mar 20, 2012

    Posts: 843

    Location: Locked Down

    Not for everyone.
  3. Psycho Sonny


    Joined: Jun 21, 2006

    Posts: 32,392

    Do you talk to your wife about how voluptuous "Kim K's" assets are, etc? Would you go on a bender with your wife? etc, I would say some people probably do. Others know the boundaries whereas with friends usually there aren't many boundaries other than the sexual ones even then sometimes not.

    Wife is a friend of sorts but I wouldn't answer if someone asked me who my friends are, etc. It's a different relationship than from a friend. Soul mate is more apt IMO. I'm not saying you can't be friends with your wife you can be. It's just to say I only have 4 friends and 1 of them is my wife. To me that then says you only have 3 friends tbh.

    If I was to add family into the friends circle then hell my numbers would easily triple.
  4. Slam62


    Joined: Jan 3, 2006

    Posts: 7,358

    Location: Monaco

    Yes but are you happy?, really
  5. morbid42


    Joined: Mar 24, 2011

    Posts: 296

    Location: Sherwood Forest

    My enemies are my friends
  6. AHarvey


    Joined: Mar 6, 2008

    Posts: 9,924

    Location: Stoke area

    You can have friends you don't talk certain subjects with.

    New hot girl in the office, not one to talk to your missus about. Christmas plans, not your Muslim mate. Immigration, not your mate who's sound but also a bit thick and supports BNP/UKIP etc.

    You cater your conversation topics to the friend you're talking too.

    I know a lad called James, the only thing he likes to talk about it sports, I hate talking sports, but if I didn't I'd talk to him about that, not about the latest news in information security like I do with the other lad I know, Nathan.

    Just because you can't talk to your missus about wanting to bend the new girl over doesn't mean she's not a friend.
  7. SexyGreyFox

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Mar 29, 2003

    Posts: 49,735

    Hmm, all my Muslim mates will be having a Christmas Day meal and be buying their kids presents.
    My Muslim manager is taking me for a Christmas meal and guess what, little baby Jesus is a Muslim Prophet.
  8. MrPotato

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Mar 5, 2017

    Posts: 1,004

    Location: Cambridge

    Don't worry. You're doing well.
    Me and the Mrs don't even host a single meal per year.
    Brother live nearby, with children, and the only way I see them is if I go there, which I do, as long as they're young and can't come to see me at their own accord.
    I've been living in the UK for over 13 years now, but as I moved here at the age of 24, all the usual friendship from school years or teenage was past for me.
    Coming from Brazil, were people really get along and have strong connections with neighbours, work colleagues, it's quite challenging, but not to the point to regretting moving here. Just a different culture, I guess.
  9. mrk

    Man of Terrible Jokes

    Joined: Oct 18, 2002

    Posts: 85,118

    Location: South Coast

    Misconception most of the time lol. I think ocuk is one of the few places where people meet up through the different sub forums at leats annually or do community based things and people stay in touch. I've made a few friends off here that I'm still in contact with.

    Thing is most people will only have a very small handful of truly best friends and those will be people typically they've met later on in adult life rather than grew up with. Everyone else is just a standard friend. Someone you'd share a drink or meal with and a chat maybe even regularly, but not something with a close bond if that makes sense.

    People mentioned not drinking above and a such find it boring when out with workmates/friends. I don't drink either but do go out once a month with workmates as a team meal night out, whilst they drink I have tea and it's just become a thing over time. If the people you are around are like minded then nothing like this is ever an issue.

    It definitely is a bloke thing but also about mindset. a few of my male mates are indeed good mates, we do stuff together whether it's photo related, an event or meal and so on. It's just that, guys chilling out. But I'm actually closer friends to their other halves than them which works out really well. When I want to do guy things I'll chill out with the former, but when I want a deep and/or meaningful conversation about a topic over lunch/dinner or just to catch up or whatever then it's with those ladies. That sort of dynamic works really well as you get both sides and everyone's better off for it.

    If you're struggling to find the right people, then a) don't struggle, and b) don't try to find them. If you're presenting yourself as an approachable/genuine person to people you meet day in day out because that's who you are then the same types of people will automatically cross paths with you. You can try and search for years and nothing will ever come of it, but the moment you forget about a and b, everything just falls into place without you having to even lift a finger. Genuine people will attract genuine people, it's like some kind of invisible force.

    Being negative about any situation and brooding over it will distance people not bring them closer.
  10. RxR

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Aug 16, 2019

    Posts: 1,280

    Some people need interaction with people more than others. Some (a minority) really dont. I am never lonely when I am on my own. However, I find that my ability to speak without vocal impairment (form the correct word sounds) really diminishes around the three week mark of not having uttered a single word to another in that time window.

    e: aside, there are a few (5) core behavioral traits that are assessible in early life and life-long - sociability is one of them. Irritability another.
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2019
  11. Tom|Nbk


    Joined: Mar 12, 2006

    Posts: 22,038

    Location: England

    Spoke about this with my mrs recently and we joked, apart from family who would come to the wedding :D, I have an extremely small circle and so does she, we don't feel we need anymore, life just works as is. When I was younger I think it bothered me, not so much now.
  12. Digital X


    Joined: May 25, 2013

    Posts: 8,156

    Location: Kent.

    I had a few friends at secondary school, left that at 15 to private education and made some more there (ended up at raves etc, was a good time) Moved to another town and here I don't have one, guy I used to speak with moved to Florida with his wife, I don't mind being alone though quite happy with it.
  13. Nitefly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Sep 24, 2005

    Posts: 31,906

    I think you’re both right in different ways. Or, less diplomatically, that you’re both wrong :p

    Your partner should be one of your best friends. Very few people can find everything they want in a single person. It’s just not possible.

    For example, you probably aren’t going to find the comradery you find as being part of a man’s football team in your wife. That have each other’s back, ‘die for the squad’ / ‘mighty ducks for life’ feeling provides a great sense of belonging and fun. Within that group, there is likely to be zero sexual or administrative conflict.

    A long term intimate / sexual relationship is far, far more layered and complex than any other relationship (probably). For a start, you’re probably going to live with them. Living with anyone can provide conflict that needs resolving. Then there is often some level of sexual / reproductive conflict (do you have kids? do they truly satisfy all your sexual needs?) - so really open channels of communication are necessary for the relationship to thrive, in a way that’s just not necessary for any other sort of relationship. Therefore other relationships where there is less scope for conflict are likely to be more care-free. It’s just a different type of relationship, both are great.

    There’s many different types of loves. You love your mum, your sister, your daughter, your wife, your pet and your friends. They are all different sorts of relationship. I will boldly suggest that ideally your partner is mix of all of the different loves, which all overlap in different ways at different times (plus the bonus fulfilment of sexual / reproductive needs).
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2019
  14. MichaelAwkward


    Joined: Jul 22, 2014

    Posts: 3,218

    Location: Oxon

    I'm friendly with people from work, keep in touch with a few people from the internet, live with my partner and one of my work friends is perhaps what I'd call my best friend at the moment.

    We go running together twice a week after work, go to see films and eat together or on a double date with our partners, went to the Lake District a few weeks ago for the weekend, etc.

    I think that's fairly healthy for a busy nearly 30 year old with a full time job. Don't keep in touch with anyone from school, uni, etc though. We all moved away to different places.
  15. the shadow


    Joined: Dec 22, 2006

    Posts: 5,761

    Location: Around Town

  16. moon man


    Joined: Nov 17, 2003

    Posts: 2,733

    Location: St Breward Cornwall

    My only friend is my ex tbh ,shes the only person I actually meet up with ,my family are all up country,

    found making new friends at school easy and as a teen and young guy (had a lads night out gang)

    then lost touch when I had kids ,

    I have an amazing lifestyle but im now a solitary person ,can go weeks without a conversation face to face {talk to family a lot ,voice call and wattsapp)

    but not trying to make friends ,i dont feel conversation wise I have anything to offer ,sometimes I try to talk more and its just forced and dosnt flow

    ive just done the Camino (5week walk across spain) and that involved sleeping in alburgues (hostels) with up to 100 m&f sharing a room ,this has helped take the edge of my nerves meeting people but my conversational skills are still dire
  17. Slam62


    Joined: Jan 3, 2006

    Posts: 7,358

    Location: Monaco

    Yes my conversation skills are dire and I quite often feel like I've said the wrong thing by trying too hard.
    The wife just silently roll eyes and moves on.

    I'm not really that interested in other people, apart from very occasionally something clicks and I find the others very interesting, mainly because of their past and present life. Gives me an insight I wouldn't otherwise get.
    But some people can be just pointless to talk to, I hate forced conversations.
  18. Puzzled


    Joined: Jul 9, 2003

    Posts: 6,335

    Out of interest how did u meet your partner?

    I'm amazed at how many people have commented in this thread that they don't like talking to people and yet have managed to get married.

    Did you all just meet up on a drunken night on the dancefloor and make enough grunts to win her over :p
  19. malachi


    Joined: Jun 27, 2006

    Posts: 9,809

    Location: Earth

    Internet..... don't need talking skills with it.... Lol.
  20. John Stape


    Joined: Nov 29, 2018

    Posts: 8

    Signing in

    Enjoy my own company