Family dispute incoming

[Slam62]

Why does she need to provide a reason, let alone a sound one? Nothing to do with him.

Of course it has everything to do with him, makes me wonder what sort of relationship you have with your parents, did you go to a boarding school by any chance.

My parents were always at great pains to be as fair as the could even though it was next to impossible as they lived close to my sister and a hundred miles away from I just sucked up an awful lot of stuff.

 

[Pants]

.

 

[Pants]

Of course it has everything to do with him, makes me wonder what sort of relationship you have with your parents, did you go to a boarding school by any chance.

My parents were always at great pains to be as fair as the could even though it was next to impossible as they lived close to my sister and a hundred miles away from I just sucked up an awful lot of stuff.

Boarding school no

I have a great relationship with them

 

[potatolord]

What do you want the outcome of that conversation to be?

To be given a house too? To have a row about being lied to so you can blow off some steam?

Think about what you actually want as an end result and that will guide you as to how to approach things.

I honestly don't know what I want. I'm so disappointed with the lying. Understanding why she made that decision and didn't tell me, I suppose.

My plan is to see her at the weekend and ask her why she did it, and see where it goes from there.

 

[Mr Badger]

In short, because she's lied to me and people who lie often get very defensive. I have no way of knowing why she couldn't be honest with me as she's lied to me about it. That's one if the things I want to know.

Yes, she can do what she wants with her property. However, she could have at least told me her plans.

I intend to be reasonable, but I'm shocked my mum has been lying to me for years. That was why I posted-

Given the conversation with my auntie earlier this week, mum must have told her. I am the only one who didn't know. It hurts to know that.

Perhaps you need to really ask yourself "Why?" before you ask your mother. Do you actually want to find out and try to understand her position, or are you just looking to tell her that she's wrong?

I'm beginning to see why she didn't tell you tbh.

Intensity intensifies...

 

[ivrytwr3]

As a son with 3 siblings, I would not expect my parents to explain their decisions to me.

As a parent I would be careful to avoid resentment or favouritism.

But, we don't know it's "and not the other" as they could be leaving their house to him for all he/we know...

No one is 'expecting', but it is what i would do. To avoid resentment and quash any rumour or mis-information.

 

[gingergundog]

I'm beginning to see why she didn't tell you tbh.

How on earth did you come to that conclusion?

 

[Slam62]

I honestly don't know what I want. I'm so disappointed with the lying. Understanding why she made that decision and didn't tell me, I suppose.

My plan is to see her at the weekend and ask her why she did it, and see where it goes from there.

Actually tbh, I don’t think you can gain anything from the confrontation, best to let it lie, but be very wary in the future.
I know I said the opposite in this very thread, but on reflection you can’t win.

 

[gingergundog]

Not sure why OP is getting such a hard time. Just imagine being in that situation.

 

[darael]

There will come a time in your life when you realise that your parents and family are far more important than money. I just hope that realisation doesn't come too late.

 

[Richie]

Gotta wonder what your aunt's motives are with her "dropping heavy hints".... Just be careful she's not fighting any issues she has with your mum by proxy.

 

[potatolord]

Perhaps you need to really ask yourself "Why?" before you ask your mother. Do you actually want to find out and try to understand her position, or are you just looking to tell her that she's wrong?



Intensity intensifies...

I genuinely want to know why she couldn't involve me when she made such a big decision. She's hidden this from me, and lied to do it.

 

[Mr Badger]

Slight tangent: Without knowing the actual family circumstances and history it's impossible to guess at whether actions are reasonable or not. Perhaps his mother is just playing favourites, or maybe the OP has a history of telling his mother what to do (but he doesn't see it that way) or has received help in the past that he has forgotten. For example I have a family member that has essentially rewritten history and refuses to acknowledge the significant help they received from someone that helped them get on the property ladder, or indeed that they subsequently treated that person (who has since died and so can't tell their side) rather poorly.

 

[Kenai]

I honestly don't know what I want. I'm so disappointed with the lying. Understanding why she made that decision and didn't tell me, I suppose.

My plan is to see her at the weekend and ask her why she did it, and see where it goes from there.

You say in your OP "gave it to her" but also "ridiculously low valuation", which implies a sale.

What if the answer is "your sister asked to buy the house and as family, we didn't feel like we should charge her the full going rate"?

Would that sort of answer be 'acceptable' to you?

 

[potatolord]

Actually tbh, I don’t think you can gain anything from the confrontation, best to let it lie, but be very wary in the future.
I know I said the opposite in this very thread, but on reflection you can’t win.

Totally get your point, but I don't think I can suck this one down. It'll poison me over time. Better to be honest and try to get to the truth, I think.

 

[ivrytwr3]

I genuinely want to know why she couldn't involve me when she made such a big decision. She's hidden this from me, and lied to do it.

As above, you only have your Aunts version - already you are wound up about your mum, it won't end well if you go in with half a story. I'm all for an adult chat, to get it all out in the open, but you should give your mum the benefit of the doubt first.

It may all be BS on your Aunts side, your mum may have made some other provision for you, or it may be the truth and you have have to live with that. But have all the facts first before deciding what do with the information.

 

[robfosters]

I’d go ******* mental. It’s totally bang out of order. If you don’t confront her about this then it will eat away at you for years.

My mums already done her will. 50/50 straight down the line between me and my bro. She’d never do anything different. I’d be exactly the same.

 

[Mr Badger]

Gotta wonder what your aunt's motives are with her "dropping heavy hints".... Just be careful she's not fighting any issues she has with your mum by proxy.

Another good point. Well meaning concerned aunt, or just stirring up trouble for her own ends? Families can be messy!

I genuinely want to know why she couldn't involve me when she made such a big decision. She's hidden this from me, and lied to do it.

I think you may be missing the subtlety of what some people are trying to say to you here. Rather than just pin it all on your mother, might a bit of soul searching help you understand why she didn't feel that she could be upfront and discuss it with you? Hopefully the goal here is for you to clear the air and not just burn all your bridges with your mother and sister.

 

[Stu999]

Totally get your point, but I don't think I can suck this one down. It'll poison me over time. Better to be honest and try to get to the truth, I think.

You know what the truth is, the house was sold / given to your sister. You just don’t know the reason.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

How on earth did you come to that conclusion?

Short version of OP:

"Money, $$$, $300k, rent free, none for me.

Oh by the way worried that my mum has been lying to me."

In conversation we lead with what concerns us most.