Girlfriend's Contributions

[Haggisman]

If you had a friend moving in and that friend was earning significantly less than you would you let them pay less due to having lower disposable income?

You're right of course, having a friend moving in is exactly the same as a girlfriend...

Well, actually, I don't know about you, but I don't tend to randomly sleep with my friends, but if that's what floats your boat then who am I to judge

Personally I think too many men are willing to give women a free ride. We are in an age of equality and so we need to apply it.

You're making the mistake of assuming it's always the man who would be the one paying more.

Would you rather have a relationship where you both have disposable income and so can do things together, or where one of you can't afford to do anything, and so therefore the other one has to either do things by themselves, or not at all?

what would happen if you owned the house outright?

If they paid rent/towards the upkeep, then I guess it could probably be argued they had a claim on the property.

 

[Arthur Hucksake]

Speak to a solicitor, get some sort of paperwork written up stating she has nothing to do with the mortgage.

Trust me on this, I got burnt and it took me 7 years to recover. It near ruined me.

 

[squired]

Quote:

Originally Posted by squired

If you had a friend moving in and that friend was earning significantly less than you would you let them pay less due to having lower disposable income?

You're right of course, having a friend moving in is exactly the same as a girlfriend...

Well, actually, I don't know about you, but I don't tend to randomly sleep with my friends, but if that's what floats your boat then who am I to judge

Quote:

Originally Posted by squired

Personally I think too many men are willing to give women a free ride. We are in an age of equality and so we need to apply it.

You're making the mistake of assuming it's always the man who would be the one paying more.

Would you rather have a relationship where you both have disposable income and so can do things together, or where one of you can't afford to do anything, and so therefore the other one has to either do things by themselves, or not at all?

OK Haggisman, look at it this way... Is the fact that the woman sleeps with you the determinant that automatically earns her a discount? Going back to my friend example, imagine the friend is your best friend since primary school. You've known each other for decades and probably will do for decades more. However, no sleeping together so the poorly paid friend must pay 50%. Is it pay to play? Or, imagine it is a poorer relative. Do they deserve a discount or does the sleeping together bit again determine whether a discount is given? Of course the friend or relative are still likely to be on the scene 20 years for now, whereas the odds of the female companion being there are significantly lower.

Sadly I know of too many relationships where men allow themselves to get into a situation where they become the bank (his money is hers), while her money stays with her. Going back to the OP, it is important that she pays her way. That means utility bills, replacing broken items, etc.


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[Kenai]

This. The idea of scaling it depending on income is nuts imo. My rent is the same regardless of how much I earn, how is it fair to scale it for others. I live with 4 other mates at the moment, we all pay 1/5th and that's that.

There is a difference between mates and a girlfriend though, a group of mates are all there to fend for themselves and if they earn more than the others then good for them, they reap the benefits of that.

A girlfriend is a partner though, not a competitor, so arriving at a situation mutually beneficial that leaves both with spare money and each pulling their financial weight according to ability is clearly much more desirable.

I can't imagine being in a relationship where I feel in competition with my girlfriend and would happily live with money rolling in, spending freely whilst she had nothing spare because I demanded 50% and that used up all her cash.

 

[rG-tom]

I'm discussing something similar to this with my girlfriend, I will realistically move into her place in 6-12 months as her flatmate moves out.

She owns the property (well, has a mortgage on it), and has made it clear if i move in she will get me to sign a contract stating that the money i am paying her is rent and that I have no equitable interest in the property....which is fair enough. Her stance is that she will charge just below half market value, ie half what other similar properties are on the rental market for minus a bit, plus exact divide on bills etc, which is the exact same position that she takes with her current housemate.

If i want an equity position on the property, i will have to buy out some of her equity.

So yeah, thats how someone who understands a little is handling it if that helps

I don't think her way of thinking is wrong, our salaries don't come into it at all, just pure market rates and no discount for being a partner vs being a random lodger...only fair way IMO! You wouldn't and shouldn't subsidise someone for poorer life choices unless you're actively insisting on a more expensive property than they can afford.

It's probable that she will earn more than me at some point, but unless she makes the decision in the future to live somewhere overly lavish that makes splitting 50/50 unrealistic on my salary then we have agreed it will be split evenly.

 

[adam98150]

Our money all goes in to one pot (my wife earns more than me anyway) but then again we are married. If you are serious about her and trust her enough to move in with you then getting a joint account and one pot is easier.

That's the thing though. It's really not a smart move to trust anybody.

How many couples think they're destined to be together forever only to break-up/divorce a few years down the line?

Cynical I know, but it's the truth.

 

[Haggisman]

OK Haggisman, look at it this way... Is the fact that the woman sleeps with you the determinant that automatically earns her a discount? Going back to my friend example, imagine the friend is your best friend since primary school. You've known each other for decades and probably will do for decades more. However, no sleeping together so the poorly paid friend must pay 50%. Is it pay to play? Or, imagine it is a poorer relative. Do they deserve a discount or does the sleeping together bit again determine whether a discount is given? Of course the friend or relative are still likely to be on the scene 20 years for now, whereas the odds of the female companion being there are significantly lower.

Sadly I know of too many relationships where men allow themselves to get into a situation where they become the bank (his money is hers), while her money stays with her. Going back to the OP, it is important that she pays her way. That means utility bills, replacing broken items, etc.


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Convenient that you failed to address the second part of my post

And actually, if I was significantly better off than a housemate who happened to be my best friend, or a relative, and splitting 50/50 left them with little to no disposable income, then I would come to an arrangement where I paid more, if they were that close a friend then it wouldn't be an issue. I'd rather they had enough money to come to the pub with me occasionally or grab a pizza or something, rather than being stuck like a hermit in their room because that's all they could afford to do.

Maybe that makes me a "bank" or whatever, I don't really care

 

[Deleted member 651465]

3 years and you've already been on/off multiple times?

Good luck!

 

[Mr Joshua]

Payment in kind thats all you need

I tried that, she's 3 months in arrears.

 

[Mr Jack]

If you had a friend moving in and that friend was earning significantly less than you would you let them pay less due to having lower disposable income? Personally I think too many men are willing to give women a free ride. We are in an age of equality and so we need to apply it.

Your girlfriend is not simply "a friend" and it's absurd to expect the same arrangement to apply.

(Also, I have let friends stay with me at reduced rates when they were on hard times).

Back to the OP: in my view, it's important that you have a fair setup that doesn't make your girlfriend feel like she's simply living in your place at your expense. Either the %age based on income, 50/50 split or some compromise between seems like the most sensible outcome.

Talk to your girlfriend, not us.

 

[gradyhawks]

no girlfriend would pay for a guy in a million years.

My GF pays for mostly everything. Where do you live? In the 19th century?

Me and the misses moved in 11 months ago. We split the rent/bills/ food 50/50. She pays for her car, and i pay for the train to work.

 

[Mr Jack]

I'd absolutely do the same, no girlfriend would pay for a guy in a million years so why is it different when it's to do with a woman?

You're objectively wrong.

 

[Schlong&Stable]

It's almost like women don't get paid as much as men!

Women may earn less, but they are not paid less. When you understand that distinction, you'll be just a little bit wiser than you were when you made this post.

 

[Terrier_Jimlad]

If you're financially comfortable as you are without her input, I'd just let her decide how much to give and reap in the "benefits" of having her stay over more than she usually does

 

[Marmot]

Any negative implications can be avoided by living in rented accommodation, and allowing her to contribute as much or as little as she wants. You could retain your purchased property and rent that out, breaking even on the rental property and limiting any claim she has to your assets. Just don't get married.

Life can be so complicated sometimes.

 

[Hades]

Any negative implications can be avoided by living in rented accommodation, and allowing her to contribute as much or as little as she wants. You could retain your purchased property and rent that out, breaking even on the rental property and limiting any claim she has to your assets. Just don't get married.

Life can be so complicated sometimes.

While this is true there are tax implications for renting your own property out.

 

[No1newts]

Apologies if it was said after the first page but everyone saying "don't let her pay toward the mortgage" is pointless as case law recently courts will infer contribution toward a mortgage through other actions including paying bills, buying food and even childcare.

So that backhand tactic is pointless, probably better off having an adult conversation eek about the situation or alternatively question yourself about if this is the right move considering you have all these doubts about the relationship.

 

[Bensons]

That's the thing though. It's really not a smart move to trust anybody.

How many couples think they're destined to be together forever only to break-up/divorce a few years down the line?

Cynical I know, but it's the truth.

What? If you don't trust who you are living with then you have some serious things to think about.

 

[HEADRAT]

Split rent, food and bills 50/50. It doesn't matter how much more you are earning, she needs to be able to provide for herself and it will only make her work harder to get more money. You'll be doing her a favor.

Nope that's not fair, work it out pro rota.

 

[Shoza]

Speak to a solicitor, get some sort of paperwork written up stating she has nothing to do with the mortgage.

Trust me on this, I got burnt and it took me 7 years to recover. It near ruined me.

if she is moving in and you own the property, doesn't contribute materially to the mortgage payments and you dont have kids you don't need this at all. Since you own the property, contributed the entire initial deposit and seem able to pay the mortgage without her assistance you are absolutely fine.... until you have children.