Going T Total : Any advice please

[Boycey0211]

Being in a similar situation (in that I regulary have 4 or 5 pints per night) I can understand your reasoning for doing so, and partially this thread is making me go the same way. Luckily my mrs doesn't really drink and I dont tend to drink when shes around as we live apart so I get a few night off a week as standard.

Every now and again I fall back into bad habits of drinking every night, I don't get wasted but it does help me relax sometimes and while I don't *need* it, I do quite enjoy having beers each evening.

What I try and do is when it becomes an issue, the first step is just to have a beer or 5 every other night. Make sure on the nights that you do have one that you dont compensate by having 10 beers 'because you were good the night before'. I tend to do this and have to stop myself.

Yeah, its not great but its better than nothing, unlike you I have neither the willpower or the commitment to go teetotal so I just make sure I never let myself get out of hand. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you get all the support you might need, you've already made all the right decisions.

 

[neoboy]

Recently did 4 weeks sober which actually ended up being 6 weeks as I simply didn't feel the reason to drink until the right social occasion came up. I did find it easy but in all fairness I'm basically a social drinker and never drink outside of that or in my home, latter rule I've had since before I started drinking in my teens.

Was still interesting though as it made me realise how much of our lives can revolve around alcohol, even in small doses. Lot of gastro pubs have their "drink included" offers, most catch up with friends involve grabbing a pint and even dinners in restaurants normally call for that glass of wine. I simply stuck to drinking water as I'm not a big fan of soft drinks but they are certainly a good alternative as well as juices. In terms of non alcoholic stuff there is sparse choice and it can temp you more as it still has a familiar taste to alcohol variants.

Personally I didn't find much difference in my health but as I mentioned no one would class me as having a problem with drink so I don't think I used to even have enough for it to affect me. From what I seen from some people and family members who have had issues, cold turkey has been the best method for at least first few months. There was simply too much temptation and bad habits to fall back into if they let themselves drink for one day a week, similar to someone being on a diet and then simply stuffing themselves silly on that one day they let themselves eat. Your brain also need a little time to adjust/rewire itself before you start thinking about alcohol differently.

One big pitfall you may find is that you'll have a lot of spare time without sitting around drinking at home and pubs so it would be a good idea to see if both of you can find some kind of a hobby or activity to sink time into. See if there's a 5k run coming up in your area you could train for, start going to the gym, yoga, hike, learn a new language, fund raise for something, etc

 

[regulus]

2 bottles wine between us, 4 - 6 cans each on 5 nights a week at home. If we go out, we can't work out when to stop. Doesn't help we don't like food either and a lot of the time we are on empty stomachs.

Complicated, hence why we need help professionally as well.

Not nice.

Can you not work out for yourself when to stop? I don't mean this in a nasty way as I come from a home where my dad was an alcoholic so I don't think any of this is funny in the slightest. But surely after a few drinks it's not hard to work out that it's probably best to go on to soft drinks? I understand everyone has a big blow out now and again (I do so on occasion myself) but as an intelligent adult, I can't see why it's hard to figure that one out for yourself?

My dad finally stopped when he gone below rock bottom. Lost his family, wife, house, life and nearly his job when he finally woke up from his stupor. Today he's very embarrassed about it all and speaks about it freely.

It seems to go on far more often than we all think. And I guess it's harder for us with no addictions to understand. Especially the ones that witnessed these things firsthand.

No clever suggestions, just best wishes and I hope you can overcome this thing. It's an ugly place to be and just ensure you NEVER bring this around young children.

 

[Cosimo]

Been without a drink for over six years now. Didn't bother with non alcoholic drinks, went cold turkey. Substituted evening wine with a couple of cups of lemon tea and with mineral water/orange juice when socialising. Social life continued as normal, got lots of encouragement and if anything it got better.

It will be difficult for the first weeks but with will power and some support you get through. The benefits far outweigh any pain you go through.

Support each other, don't take any half measures and go for it.

DirtyJester posted a link where you can drop in for a chat/encouragement.

So what are you waiting for! Good luck.

 

[Columbo]

I'm now 38 and haven't touched alcohol for 17 years (my 21st b'day actually), its seriously one of the best decisions I've ever made.
I can't really offer anything other on top of whats been suggested but as said already do not touch the non alcoholic stuff, it won't help you one bit.

Also if your entire social circle revolves around drinking then I suggest you either need to encourage your current set of friends to engage in other non drink related activities or gets some new friends.

 

[dottty27]

Have not had a drink in 6 years .. im water total don't do tea ect I go to the pub hang about with friends who all drink still explain to friends/family what you are doing and why they can support you when you go out
Good luck to you not drinking

 

[Devrij]

Yup and the more we cut down, the worse our tolerance becomes when we stray. Vicious circle. Drink more to avoid.... bad news am I am sure is the slippery slope.

We are reaching out for alternatives.

So far the plan is (after a long chat with my wife)

1. No drinks on school nights.
2. Drinks only on special events / once a week and limit to 1 bottle of wine.
3. If we go out for a meal, drive out of town, no alcohol.
4. Go to AA
5. Ask GP for help
6. Support each other.

Probably what "normal" 40+ year olds do

TBH : T Total is not the answer, maybe use alternatives such as non alcoholic in situations above, but we need help before it destroys us.

Good luck mate. For most alcoholics, the only solution is no booze, as there is no "off switch" as you mention yourself. The hardest part is dealing with the part of your mind that starts telling you it wasn't so bad, or that maybe just on weekends, or just one beer by the TV.

I certainly didn't listen and had to do my own research to see that that was the case, and you might fare better yourself than I did. But if you find yourself in the same place again look for those two key elements: despite your best efforts did you find yourself somehow convinced that you were going to be fine having a drink when you hadn't planned to, and once you started, did you drink a lot more than you had planned to? If so, you're probably one of us and cutting down isn't an option. Especially because that realisation really screws up your drinking.

 

[Elixir]

Have not had a drink in 6 years .. im water total don't do tea ect I go to the pub hang about with friends who all drink still explain to friends/family what you are doing and why they can support you when you go out
Good luck to you not drinking

You're still teetotal rather than water-total, it doesn't mean you have to drink tea...

 

[jsmoke]

I am giving up drink first thing next year not that I drink that much, want to get fit again though,, and btw I think AA is a church based group, not that that is a problem with me but it may be with some people.

Apparently it's mainly psychological also, if you drink every night your brain will be wired into expecting a drink, need to depattern your psyche, which is obviously the difficult part, try cold turkey, no pain, no gain, no guts no glory.

 

[Dj_Jestar]

Good for you, OP.

 

[semi-pro waster]

It might be best to avoid even de-alcoholised drinks but if you did want something with minimal alcohol content as an alternative then Natureo wines (both red and white) are both about as close in taste to ordinary wines as I've found. The white is somewhat better than the red but that's possibly because it's usually going to be chilled anyway. For beer then Erdinger 0.5% or Bitburger Drive taste relatively close to their versions with normal alcohol contents. If you're expecting it to taste exactly the same you'll probably be disappointed but it's a reasonably close facsimile.

I wish you luck with cutting down or stopping, whatever works for you as if you can't drink in moderation it is something that can be very destructive.

 

[Em3bbs]

Been without a drink for over six years now. Didn't bother with non alcoholic drinks, went cold turkey. Substituted evening wine with a couple of cups of lemon tea and with mineral water/orange juice when socialising. Social life continued as normal, got lots of encouragement and if anything it got better.

Hmmm, you gave up six years ago, joined the forum six years ago, 153,000 posts since then. Are you sure about that.

 

[Bony Maloney]

Yup and the more we cut down, the worse our tolerance becomes when we stray. Vicious circle. Drink more to avoid.... bad news am I am sure is the slippery slope.



TBH : T Total is not the answer, maybe use alternatives such as non alcoholic in situations above, but we need help before it destroys us.

Based on what you have said T Total is THE answer, how you get there is your choice. You seem to have started doing all the right things. Easy? no way, doable? most definitely. Good luck on this journey. Well done for you both being honest enough to do something before you lose someone you obviously want to care more about (yourself!)

Best thing I ever did was to quit drinking. I now have a wonderful life and the love of a good woman.

Yes life has it's ups and downs, that's life. But the idea that drink makes it better is delusional. I cope better with life sober than I ever did drunk.

You are choosing to rid yourself of a toxin,depressant and a cause of anxiety just for starters. When you look at the known facts around alcohol its a no brainer.

Good luck and again well done to the both of you.

 

[dowie]

^^You clearly have no grasp on what being an alcoholic is.

An alcoholic needs to consume alcohol mentally and physically, there is no point of 'thats enough for today'.

Spent 10 years of my life living for drink and covered in ****.

I do have a tipple occasioanly, but can control it now with support from my partner. Once an alcoholic, alway an alcoholic.

OP sounds like he/they have realised a problem - Thats the main thing.

Admit the problem / Talk to a GP ( cold turkey is actually dangerous if you are too dependant )

You've made the first, and often hardest step in speaking about it.

I wish you well

Isn't clear the OP is a full blown alcoholic like you, no reason why someone who has been overdoing it can't try drinking in moderation. Frankly trying to drying sensibly is quite a reasonable approach even if groups like AA have spread the myth that you have to completely eliminate alcohol.

 

[dowie]

Yup and the more we cut down, the worse our tolerance becomes when we stray. Vicious circle. Drink more to avoid.... bad news am I am sure is the slippery slope.

We are reaching out for alternatives.

So far the plan is (after a long chat with my wife)

1. No drinks on school nights.
2. Drinks only on special events / once a week and limit to 1 bottle of wine.
3. If we go out for a meal, drive out of town, no alcohol.
4. Go to AA
5. Ask GP for help
6. Support each other.

Probably what "normal" 40+ year olds do

TBH : T Total is not the answer, maybe use alternatives such as non alcoholic in situations above, but we need help before it destroys us.

2 and 4 won't work

AA advocates abstinence

If you're going to try the moderate approach then don't do AA

 

[platypus]

I'm not tea total, but rarely drink. My advice to you though would be to forget non-alcoholic drinks, and non boozey drinks in the pub are usually so expensive, we stopped going to the pub a long time ago.

Catanonia, best of luck with it, I would recommend expanding your tea collection .

Edit: I've just read your list, and doubt most of it will work, but its true you need to support each other. Who does the shopping?

It's a tough cycle to break, but unless you're honest with yourselves nothing will change. Replacing alcholic drinks with non/low alch beers seems to be just substituting the crutch.

Good luck.

 

[Kenai]

Yup and the more we cut down, the worse our tolerance becomes when we stray. Vicious circle. Drink more to avoid.... bad news am I am sure is the slippery slope.

We are reaching out for alternatives.

So far the plan is (after a long chat with my wife)

1. No drinks on school nights.
2. Drinks only on special events / once a week and limit to 1 bottle of wine.
3. If we go out for a meal, drive out of town, no alcohol.
4. Go to AA
5. Ask GP for help
6. Support each other.

Probably what "normal" 40+ year olds do

TBH : T Total is not the answer, maybe use alternatives such as non alcoholic in situations above, but we need help before it destroys us.

That post already reads like your willpower is slipping from the start of the thread.

No Drink... well except special occasions... like once a week...

I can't help but feel for someone who considers themselves to have a problem with alcohol that turning it into a once a week 'treat' is doing anything other than placing it on a pedestal.

It will turn it into the focus of your week, looking forward to that one release and once you're there and half a bottle of wine in, the willpower to not walk to the corner shop and come back with a 3 for 2 on wine and a 6 pack won't be there.

What you need is to find good alternatives, not non-alcoholic alcohol substitutes but other drinks that distract your focus entirely. There are a wealth of 'not Coke' soft drinks out there.

Sainsbury's have 'adult soft drinks' on their website for example, with things such as Appletiser, Elderflower Presse, Shloer, Sicilian Lemonades... Use those to accompany meals and if you drink outside of mealtimes. Top up with water to keep yourself properly hydrated.

 

[Kenai]

AA is not a church based/God based group. If you go they will emphasize that point. It his spiritual elements (just believing in your self is enough to satisfy that aspect).

Sounds like it is to me - taken from the AA Great Britain website;

The relative success of the AA program seems to be due to the fact that an alcoholic who no longer drinks has an exceptional faculty for "reaching" and helping an uncontrolled drinker.

In simplest form, the AA program operates when a recovered alcoholic passes along the story of his or her own problem drinking, describes the sobriety he or she has found in AA, and invites the newcomer to join the informal Fellowship.

The heart of the suggested program of personal recovery is contained in Twelve Steps describing the experience of the earliest members of the Society:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Newcomers are not asked to accept or follow these Twelve Steps in their entirety if they feel unwilling or unable to do so.

They will usually be asked to keep an open mind, to attend meetings at which recovered alcoholics describe their personal experiences in achieving sobriety, and to read AA literature describing and interpreting the AA program.

AA members will usually emphasize to newcomers that only problem drinkers themselves, individually, can determine whether or not they are in fact alcoholics.

At the same time, it will be pointed out that all available medical testimony indicates that alcoholism is a progressive illness, that it cannot be cured in the ordinary sense of the term, but that it can be arrested through total abstinence from alcohol in any form.

Sure, it chucks in the caveat that you aren't asked to accept all 12 steps in their entirety but I think it's fairly clear that the core message of the whole thing is rooted deeply in predominantly Christian religious beliefs of higher powers, AA GB specifically referring to God, rather than 'a god' or 'gods'.