Soldato
Drag him off-site to a pub and talk to him an option?
How to cope?
- Thread starter Boycey0211
- Start date
Caporegime
A brilliant option in sabotaging your own career, yeah.
Soldato
Sometimes frank conversations in nuetral environments make the world of difference - so yeah not sabotage
Thanks all for the replies, today wasn't too bad, only got glared at a few times. I'm on my own next week which is usually when it gets worse so will keep you informed.
The first time this started happening I actually did this, I had pent it up so long that after a couple of beers I couldn't put up with it. I asked him for a quick chat in private and he agreed. I asked him if he had a personal issue with me and explained the whole needing advice situation I described earlier and it wasn't what it looked like etc. Now I'm not a confrontational person at all and there was no anger in my side of the conversation as to me it was just to clear the air. That got me screamed at about how I was lazy and bone idle.
Correct. However in the job I do it doesn't get results, and people working under that sort of pressure make mistakes that are unacceptable. I'm not ready to leave yet, as I love the job I'm doing and in my eyes this is now affecting my own progression as I'm double guessing myself at every decision incase I get bawled at.
For those who will say 'its the military, its supposed to be like that', nope, at least not in this bit of it. I've never met a single person in the last 12 years treat me like this and neither has anyone else, let alone work for them.
The first time this started happening I actually did this, I had pent it up so long that after a couple of beers I couldn't put up with it. I asked him for a quick chat in private and he agreed. I asked him if he had a personal issue with me and explained the whole needing advice situation I described earlier and it wasn't what it looked like etc. Now I'm not a confrontational person at all and there was no anger in my side of the conversation as to me it was just to clear the air. That got me screamed at about how I was lazy and bone idle.
Correct. However in the job I do it doesn't get results, and people working under that sort of pressure make mistakes that are unacceptable. I'm not ready to leave yet, as I love the job I'm doing and in my eyes this is now affecting my own progression as I'm double guessing myself at every decision incase I get bawled at.
For those who will say 'its the military, its supposed to be like that', nope, at least not in this bit of it. I've never met a single person in the last 12 years treat me like this and neither has anyone else, let alone work for them.
Deleted member 651465
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Deleted member 651465
I'd avoid the pub, it would send the wrong message.
You want to be keeping everything above-board and should start by asking for an informal meeting with him. He probably doesn't realise what he's like so explaining your perspective would be beneficial, if only to say "I think we've got off on the wrong foot". Hit him with the HR torpedo if he continues to be an assclown, but at least give the guy a chance to rectify it without getting him drunk.
Edit: seen the above. Go for the kill, talk to your boss first then escalate to HR and tell them that you are feeling pressured and bullied. Say that you can feel it affecting your job and well being that you haven't been given a fair chance because he sees the negative in everything.
The mere word "stress" will get them twitching. Just make sure you know what you want to come of it because him being sacked isn't a likely outcome... can you live with him being more annoyed that you've escalated it?
You want to be keeping everything above-board and should start by asking for an informal meeting with him. He probably doesn't realise what he's like so explaining your perspective would be beneficial, if only to say "I think we've got off on the wrong foot". Hit him with the HR torpedo if he continues to be an assclown, but at least give the guy a chance to rectify it without getting him drunk.
Edit: seen the above. Go for the kill, talk to your boss first then escalate to HR and tell them that you are feeling pressured and bullied. Say that you can feel it affecting your job and well being that you haven't been given a fair chance because he sees the negative in everything.
The mere word "stress" will get them twitching. Just make sure you know what you want to come of it because him being sacked isn't a likely outcome... can you live with him being more annoyed that you've escalated it?
personally I don't care if he's annoyed but I'm terrified of losing my job because of it, which I know will be the response.
'Oh you're not happy with how I treat you? Well you can go somewhere else then'
hence why its so difficult, that's exactly how I can see it panning out.
'Oh you're not happy with how I treat you? Well you can go somewhere else then'
hence why its so difficult, that's exactly how I can see it panning out.
Soldato
You need to call him out on his behaviour, while keeping your cool.
Next time you're put down openly ask exactly what he means by that, and ask for some education on how you can avoid it happening again and whether he can help you. Repeat criticisms back to the person as part of the conversation.
Next time you get a glare, stop what you're doing and ask what is wrong. You need to challenge this behaviour, if you don't you're allowing it. It's wrong and he sounds like a crap manager but you need to call him out.
Discuss this with colleagues, why does he do this? What can you do to stop him treating you like this? Play dumb and make his behaviour a regular topic of conversation.
I'd also be looking for another job but while you're there shine a light on this guy.
Next time you're put down openly ask exactly what he means by that, and ask for some education on how you can avoid it happening again and whether he can help you. Repeat criticisms back to the person as part of the conversation.
Next time you get a glare, stop what you're doing and ask what is wrong. You need to challenge this behaviour, if you don't you're allowing it. It's wrong and he sounds like a crap manager but you need to call him out.
Discuss this with colleagues, why does he do this? What can you do to stop him treating you like this? Play dumb and make his behaviour a regular topic of conversation.
I'd also be looking for another job but while you're there shine a light on this guy.
Soldato
Go above him and speak to his boss. Schedule a meeting with the boss and Mr Dickbag at the earliest convenience of said boss and say your piece, keep your cool and maybe take a witness.
Snide remarks on the side is the sign of a cowardly bully. Have it out in the open.
Snide remarks on the side is the sign of a cowardly bully. Have it out in the open.
I seriously can't believe how much this is affecting me. I've been offered help and support from a friend which has been fantastic and taken some weight off my mind and yet im still sat here at 3am panicking about what monday is going to bring.
How the **** can one person have this much mental control over people? It's ridiculous. I feel ashamed of myself for being a weaker person and giving in :/
How the **** can one person have this much mental control over people? It's ridiculous. I feel ashamed of myself for being a weaker person and giving in :/
Soldato
Bad bosses ruin lives! It effects not just you but the people in your life as well.
Some of the posts I read here lately feels like it's part of my story. Having to go through a similar situation I am soon to decide what is more important to me, my dream job or my wellbeing. I need my dream job, but I want my wellbeing.
Some of the posts I read here lately feels like it's part of my story. Having to go through a similar situation I am soon to decide what is more important to me, my dream job or my wellbeing. I need my dream job, but I want my wellbeing.
Permabanned
I got bullied a lot in school and this is exactly what it was like. You have to get this person out of your life. Wage war on them. Do everything you can think of to try and get them fired/transferred/promoted. Go right up to the top of the food chain if you have to. Be a crazy person with nothing to lose. If you're up at 3am? Spend the time plotting how to wreck him, that's time you've spent preparing when he hasn't.
Soldato
indeed, do research into the organization policies and legal responsibility, start using the phrase bullying and harassment, initially they will scoff, once they realise you know what you're talking about and take it to a grievance things will dramatically change.
Is there any union type representation you can draw on?
Usually in a large organisation, the boss is the one who is adjusted. Just make sure you are being reasonable,
Do you have an occupational health you could visit and put something on record?
Man of Honour
Mate, if you want to speak about this in more detail in private then feel free to send me a PM or a message to my trust address. I might not know the exact situation but I totally understand the dynamic at play here, something I I think is difficult for a civilian to do.
Not from my experience - the chain of command works wonders in this situation. Talk to your superior, build a case, you win. Unless you are lying of course - then you lose all credibility.
I seem to remember you being in the RAF? If I am right, you lot get treated better than any other service! Bloody crabs!
Anyway, to the OP - it doesn't seem worth it. Have you tried actually confronting the bloke head on? If you do get pulled up for chatting or whatever, have the people you talk to for advice back you up?
Sorry just seen this bit. Out of interest, what service and what rank is the bloke? Who is his superior?
No one is bullet proof, especially in todays pink and fluffy forces.
I'll send you a more detailed trust tomorrow, I'm making the best of my weekend that i can so trying not to think about it too much. Thanks though.
I'm not willing to clarify details as I don't want it affecting anything. This is far from pink and fluffy, I can and do deal with discipline and standards ect, thats fine. This kind of bull**** isn't.
That's fair enough - I would do the same.
I would assume that you are not being harassed because of a protected characteristic (age, sex, gender, etc), so it doesn't fall under the Equality Act 2010 - if you are, this is a massive no-no and could get your superior massively in trouble.
I would imagine this is simple straight up bullying?
The military has had bullying issues for it's entirety and in the last 10 years have really tried to clamp down on it. Even though you might not be getting grief for a protected characteristic, you can still raise a formal service complaint. If the bloke already doesn't like you, it won't make much of a difference to that if you chose to go down the complaint route.
The service complaint would go to the CO of the unit - he would (or his XO / EWO - whatever) then interview both you and your superior to see what is going on. Maybe interview people around the workplace to see who's story holds up.
There you have an opportunity to speak to one of the people running the unit - it is in their interest for all of the lads to be happy at work to gain a higher quality of work. So if he carries on bullying you, then the question would be why - because of this he will probably start to tone it down a bit so the whole process didn't happen again. If you feel as bad as you do - a service complaint is the way forward.
To me this potential response is all the more reason to call him out on it. If he turns around and says this then im afraid that this says it all, you need to wake up and treat this position with what it deserves. Get in there and prove that you are the person for this role and no one can tell you otherwise or bow out and move on.
If you cant rely on your boss or HR then its balls to the wall time and own the entire place. If you cant do that then move on buddy.
I know it sounds a bit harsh but you will most likely find that if you are a little more aggressive yourself then you may fit in a bit better and then you will feel more comfortable.