How to cope?

EVH said:
No!!!! If you are going to record anything, definitely don't show him!!!

Playing your trump card to the enemy (unless in a formal HR meeting where it is being used as evidence) is suicide. All you'd do is reveal to him that you've been sneaky and force him to do things non-verbally instead.

What I will suggest is that you collate evidence. I think you're thinking that all your evidence has to be presented in a dossier of photos and video so let me explain what I mean :p

Facts - Record them in a diary of sorts with times and dates. It doesn't have to be long, just something like "date, time, event" and a one line of what happened. Do this after work if you don't have the time or ability to log them in work.

Colleagues - leverage them as witnesses. If you take it further, make sure at least 2 other people are willing to give their take on the situation. This can be tricky as they might feel that they'll get victimised but make it clear that you don't want them to give their verdict on him as person, but rather a summary of events from their perspective.

Tangible - If he's making your life hard over targets then try to quantify your performance. If you need to make x/hr and you've exceeded it, then note it. Likewise, see if there's a pattern of his abuse in there... is he most angry on Monday morning or Friday afternoon? I had a boss that went through a messy divorce and he would be a complete **** on Mondays as he get drunk on the weekends and feel rough come the start of the week.

If you make formal requests to chat to a superior/chaplain/HR then document those. The more entries and the more you prove the better.

Medical leave - your most powerful weapon - if he's making you feel like this, go to the doctor and get signed off for stress. Make it known that you've got a problem with your boss, so the doctor records it. In the back to work interview, they'll ask why you've been off and you can tell them. This is when it'll go nuclear but at least you're a) protected whilst on sick leave b) not just making up stories. They'll see that you've been off with a tangible illness and want to do something about it. In an ideal world, you'd want to go armed to the interview with your diary and list of times you've raised concerns but I appreciate that you may already be at the end of the road.

I suppose my message to you is, you may think that you have no evidence but any times you've raised a concern is a piece of evidence. Collate it up, write it down and drop the nuke on him.
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What EVH said, but just to add:

Don't bank on colleagues going on record in your defence.
 
alexakasloth said:
Have you tried mediation? I believe a SNCO or Officer from another unit would come in to mediate. Alternatively I would speak to welfare.
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Again, I need proof of any wrongdoing which at this stage is impossible to prove.

I might take up that welfare option though, as all the other channels including medical all lead to the same conclusion that I have no 'proof'.

I'm trying my hardest not to go sick as that would leave one other guy taking all the stuff I'm dealing with and I don't want that on him, although he's now been making enquiries to leave as he's had enough.

Plus on top of that if I go sick I'll probably get deemed as 'unfit to cope' in that post and will lose my dream job that I'm perfectly capable of doing when i'm not under this ridiculous regime.

On another note I really appreciate all the comments in this thread, its probably taking 10% of the stress of it all being able to at least talk about whats going on. I've re-read all my own posts time and time again to make sure I'm not embellishing details and its all 100% accurate. So far this is my only written account of what has/is happening/ed and I feel like I'd be happy to send a link to someone as my account of things.
 
I am a proponent of looking after number 1, what you say about not dumping everything on the remaining guy is admirable, but it's not looking out for your best interests.

You shouldn't have to go into work to be bullied, you shouldn't have to accept the stress and anxiety that comes with that.

Getting signed off should be seen as a tool for your ammo belt, I'd not use it lightly personally, but if you can't get anything done in any official capacity I would definitely leverage it. It would at least give you some respite and time to think things through properly.

If you do nothing, then nothing will change.
 
HungryHippos said:
I am a proponent of looking after number 1, what you say about not dumping everything on the remaining guy is admirable, but it's not looking out for your best interests.

You shouldn't have to go into work to be bullied, you shouldn't have to accept the stress and anxiety that comes with that.

Getting signed off should be seen as a tool for your ammo belt, I'd not use it lightly personally, but if you can't get anything done in any official capacity I would definitely leverage it. It would at least give you some respite and time to think things through properly.

If you do nothing, then nothing will change.
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I can't leave him to take the fall as this has been his life for the last 20 years. I'm not prepared to use going sick as a tool in the slightest, when I say its affecting my health it really is. Without going to the doctor (which at this rate I'm going to have to in the next couple of days) its ticking all the severe symptoms of stress. But at the same time I can't be on sick leave and be worrying about the lads i've left in work as thats what i do anyway.

I appreciate the 'do nothing expect nothing' but with respect to the service, in my opinion nothing will change as a result of any complaint, and if anything I will lose my job.
 
Boycey0211 said:
I can't leave him to take the fall as this has been his life for the last 20 years. I'm not prepared to use going sick as a tool in the slightest, when I say its affecting my health it really is. Without going to the doctor (which at this rate I'm going to have to in the next couple of days) its ticking all the severe symptoms of stress. But at the same time I can't be on sick leave and be worrying about the lads i've left in work as thats what i do anyway.

I appreciate the 'do nothing expect nothing' but with respect to the service, in my opinion nothing will change as a result of any complaint, and if anything I will lose my job.
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Sorry maybe my wording was bad, when I say use it as a tool, I mean that in the sense that it's something you can actually do, not that you should use it when you don't need to. Hopefully that makes more sense.

The unfortunate truth is that you've stated two opposing facts there, one that you can't leave your colleague to deal with things on his own (again admirable in my view) but that you also might need to, because it's affecting your health. Doc will sign you off for your own good. The two can't really co-exist, and unfortunately in that case I would go with what benefits you the most.

Can't you find something with good long term prospects in the private sector instead? I get that it sucks leaving a long term career, but it sounds like you have very few options here. Can you go over this guys head?
 
You should never ever get stuck in the thought process of believing you need to be in a specific role/career to give your life value or that you can't leave because of what it would do to others, management and higher up folk are there to deal with the consequences of people leaving. There's always a choice and whilst you may need to make some short term sacrifices it's going to improve your future in the long term if you manage it properly.

You seem to be stuck in some kind of negative feedback loop.
 
Boycey0211 said:
Again, I need proof of any wrongdoing which at this stage is impossible to prove.

I might take up that welfare option though, as all the other channels including medical all lead to the same conclusion that I have no 'proof'.
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Did you read what I wrote?

You may not be able to prove he's done xyz, but if you're keeping a diary and logging complaints with people then you'll have loads of evidence!
 
@Boycey0211 i've not been about much for a yarn but i'll try and get on this evening/tomorrow if you're about. didn't realise it had gotten as bad as this.

advice wise @EVH is pretty much 100% bang on.

document document document - his superiors will be forced to act. it's nigh on impossible to use the defence that everything documented was a lie/taken out of context/don't remember saying that. he might not get binned over it but he would certainly end being brought to task. for example they aren't going to run the risk of seeing documented evidence popping up on the front page of The Daily Mail with the headline 'Bullying in the Armed Forces is rife' to protect some total nut job - i'm not suggesting you'd go to the press but i can guarantee those higher up the food chain from him will be thinking there's a risk of that happening. could you imagine the utter **** storm that would produce if it were to end up in the media!!
i witnessed from quite close up, as a union rep many years ago, a very similar situation play out and the boss in question was indeed severely reprimanded. from then on they were good as gold even though it was obvious their own natural instinct was to still be a **** but whatever was said to them was clearly serious enough that it kept that natural instinct to be a **** under control. the complainant had virtually no witnesses (from memory he had 1 co-worker who signed his notebook in relation to something negative the boss had said about the complainant to them but it was relatively trivial iirc) HR dude, who i had a very good relationship with, told me some time later that the company had had no choice but to come down hard as they would have been hung out to dry had it went to an employment tribunal. i know your situation being the RAF is possibly somewhat different but the 'guts' of my little anecdote still hold firm.......document document document.

hopefully chat to you later mate. i'll maybe carry you in ROE or PUBG, that'll cheer you up :p
 
Boycey, have you thought of talking to the padre? I have a friend who was having issues with shift management (not quite to what I've read about yours), got the padre involved and was given a)time off to sort himself out, and b)the entire shift management was reshuffled, with a couple of the most toxic guys (they love the word toxic,....) being posted elsewhere. Fairly certain tribunals were involved too but dont quote me on that.
You'd be surprised at the help the padre can give, plus free tea and biscuits.
 
I don't know you, i don't know your situation, but what i do know:

  • there are 2 sides to every story

  • if you are RAF/Military, there are MANY options available to you.

alexakasloth said:
Have you tried mediation? I believe a SNCO or Officer from another unit would come in to mediate. Alternatively I would speak to welfare.
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If you cannot speak to the individual, then mediation is a good starting point. There are trained people who will take on your case and you will be offered to put your points across in a neutral environment. You superior HAS to take it seriously as it is all logged and an outcome is required.

  • Padre - will listen and advise. The padre sits on the Stn Welfare board and has the ears of the Stn Cdr and the Stn Authorities, let him know and something will be done.

  • SSAFA as above with the padre

  • Medical - get to the docs, they will sign you off for a few days and advise you.

  • Service Complaint - if all else fails, submit a service complaint. This is an investigatory procedure and one in which you identify what can be done to resolve this issue.
You are coming across as young and naive and a bit of a snow-flake. There are many, many options available to you, it is up to you to do something about it. Speaking with your Chf Clk, WO PMS will start the ball rolling.
 
I can't emphasise enough the advice already detailed on here. Record EVERYTHING, written diary, conversations recorded on your phone/dictaphone, report up over his head to his superior when you have enough evidence. Everytime he criticizes you ask for it in writing.

Any organisation, private, public or military, have a legal obligation to remedy abuse and bullying in the work place. If it backfires and you get released or reposted you can lodge a grievance. My experience of this is most organisations realise the damage of a wrongful dismissal/bullying case and will scapegoat him in a heartbeat in exchange for you dropping a complaint.

If you get called in and he claims you've been lazy, incompetent etc insist on specific examples and where they have been recorded. He has to provide the burden of proof that you aren't performing not the other way around.
 
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Apologies for staying quiet for a while in here, there has been developments which I can't reveal here unfortunately not relating to my issues.

However, I have voiced my concerns to the powers that be and had a useful chat about options open to me whatever action I decide to take. At the moment things have improved but I'm still not in a great place and I'm not dropping it.

ivrytwr3 said:
I don't know you, i don't know your situation, but what i do know:

  • there are 2 sides to every story
  • if you are RAF/Military, there are MANY options available to you.
You are coming across as young and naive and a bit of a snow-flake. There are many, many options available to you, it is up to you to do something about it. Speaking with your Chf Clk, WO PMS will start the ball rolling.
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Yep, I've considered the options and looked into all the ones you've listed already, problem is this blokes nickname is teflon man for a reason. You're right, there are always two sides, but I'm not the only one going through this so I'd wager I might be in the right.

I'm 32 so not a newbie, naive maybe as I've never encountered someone as bad as this in all my working life and never even known of anyone else having a complaint put in against them either military or civilian. As for snow-flake I assumed I was being, hence why I sat on it and did nothing for 12 months prior to creating this thread.

I'm aware theres plenty I could do to get away from it, but the ultimate immediate solution (that PSF etc would suggest) would be a posting and for me to leave my dream job after working hard to get to it that's giving in to me and I may aswell just leave the forces now. I'm not prepared to do that over one ****hole.

Had a chat with my line manager last week before raising my concerns with management and he's agreed that he'll back me up, which is a step forwards as previously I was convinced he wouldn't. I'd like to think that if I was being unreasonable he would have tried to sort that out, but as he's in the same position as me I don't think its just me being fragile.
 
Sounds a crap situation however, you say you're 32? So cpl or sgt? You say you line manager is in the same situation? So sgt/fs? Why isn't he stepping up and 'educating' the boss he is being a dick?

Sounds like weak management all around and so perhaps if a grown up chat isn't happening then stn authorities need to be informed.
 
ivrytwr3 said:
Sounds a crap situation however, you say you're 32? So cpl or sgt? You say you line manager is in the same situation? So sgt/fs? Why isn't he stepping up and 'educating' the boss he is being a dick?

Sounds like weak management all around and so perhaps if a grown up chat isn't happening then stn authorities need to be informed.
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Because the moment anyone shows weakness/steps up they are threatened with career moves. All of this is behind a closed door so theres no witnesses and as much as I keep telling people to record conversations they won't.

And of course stn authorities cant do anything without proof.
 
Why OP do you allow this guy to behave in this way though? I would be laughing in his face. It's a job. Tell him not to speak to you like that and he is lucky to have you. What's that? He'll report you for the remark? What remark? See it works both ways.

You need to fight fire with fire. It's hard to hear people tell you to man up and I do sympathize but honestly these bullies are complete pussy cats and back down when you stand up to then as then they realize they can't manipulate you anymore.
 
Just a quick update for those interested.

Theres other stuff going on behind the scenes unrelated to me which I can't divulge, however I have made my senior management aware of my issues.

Nothing untoward has happened for a number of weeks, I'm happy going in to work and my line manager is back to his normal happy self and its amazing, its like a whole new workplace, the place I started at. Person is question has not really spoken to either of us and its fantastic.

Time will tell how long this lasts, fingers crossed forever.
 
Update for those who would like to read....

I've been struggling in general with a complete lack of self worth with moving into an instructoral role at the same place since my last post, it's not what I do as I'm an on the tools guy at heart.

So, the initial problems in my OP are no longer current, I've had no issues with said individual since my last post, he is actually due to leave very soon.

However, my personal stress levels never reduced. This led to in February this year me breaking down under the question 'is something wrong' and I just couldn't hide it any more.

I've been on medication since then for anxiety, and apart from making me twice as good at PC games I feel like nothing has changed apart from I dont give a flying **** about anything.

If anything since then I've taken up more work, skipped lunch breaks etc as the role I've been moved into is the one people punt stuff into if they cant be bothered doing it themselves.

Long road ahead.
 
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