How To Get Hubby To Pay His Way

I just can't comprehend how you can end up married to someone for ten years who is full time employed and flat out refuses to contribute to the family finances. Utterly baffling.

I guess this is just another example of how seemingly 'normal' people get themselves into abusive, exploitative relationships, which is what this is.

Whilst coming home with a 40k Porsche at the same time!
 
I just can't comprehend how you can end up married to someone for ten years who is full time employed and flat out refuses to contribute to the family finances. Utterly baffling.

I guess this is just another example of how seemingly 'normal' people get themselves into abusive, exploitative relationships, which is what this is.

Its hard to break the status quo.
If you're a passive person in particularly and things are "ticking along" it can take a lot to mentally want to rock the boat.


The fact that she's been in this 10 years + and if this has been a theme in the relationship the entire time I can't see what would make her

1) want to change
2) act on that

If the first one isn't present in her mind the 2nd one isn't even on the radar. Even the first one ticked isn't often enough. How often do people stay in dead relationships because it's easy?


Loads
 
I don't know how much it would be possible for him to do this, but you are right in that it is an area of concern. He certainly makes mistakes when it comes to things like that, he seems to think he has an automatic right of shared ownership, when of course he doesn't.

That's why she needs to check her own credit files for loans/finance etc. that he may have taken out in her name.

It might actually be that it is she who unknowingly owns a 40k Porsche! :D
 
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That is true.
I can see how this situation developed, but really that's not the point. It HAS developed and it's a question of how to get the mess sorted.

The mess will never be sorted unless one or both of them changes their attitude towards the nature of the relationship.

People asking 'How could she let this happen?' are making a reasonable enquiry, because it's hard to know what practical advice could help resolve the situation without knowing how it developed in the first place.
 
That's why she needs to check her own credit files for loans/finance etc. that he may have taken out in her name.

It might actually be that it is she who unknowingly owns a 40k Porsche! :D

How would she know if this has been secured say against the house? I mean as far as I know it's not possible becuase his name is not on anything, but it wouldn't surprise me if he tried.
 
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That's why she needs to check her own credit files for loans/finance etc. that he may have taken out in her name.

It might actually be that it is she who unknowingly owns a 40k Porsche! :D

Yeah!

I'd certainly be on

Credit karma
Clear score
Money saving expert: credit club.


Those are 3 free services that cover
Trans Union
Equifax
Experian


They will show everything from financial relationships to store credit cards, mortgages etc etc.
If he's taken anything out in her name or jointly she will also see the debt left and changes over time
 
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How would she know if this has been secured say against the house? I mean as far as I know it's not possible becuase his name is not on anything, but it wouldn't surprise me if he tried.

There'd be a charge against it on the publicly accessible Land Registry. About a ten to twenty quid fee to download the records from memory.
 
Yeah!

I'd certainly be on

Credit karma
Clear score
Money saving expert: credit club.


Those are 3 free services that cover
Trans Union
Equifax
Experian


They will show everything from financial relationships to store credit cards, mortgages etc etc.
If he's taken anything out in her name or jointly she will also see the debt left and changes over time

Have made that recommendation immediately.
 
But is that even possible when his name is not on anything?

In theory, no, but he might be able to convince the Land Registry to change things, it's been done before. In fact there was a spate of people buying houses from sellers who later turned out not to own them. Conveyancers can be sloppy, even bent, the number of solicitors charged with fraud in the UK these days is frightening. Plus the LR is far from infallible.

Unlikely but possible would be my take. It will take you 30 minutes or less to get the documents. Who has the actual paper form deeds?


Caveat, like with most government sites, there are a plethora of likely sounding web sites that add their cut on to get the info for you, go direct:

 
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That is probably more likely the case if the woman was not working (and potentially looking after the home,children, pets etc).

It would be seen as very odd, even the other way around, if both were working full time.

Absolutely - I had no problem paying for everything when the kids were younger and the other half was "working" full time looking after them, but now one is in school and the other is in nursery full time, she's a) expected to work, and b) expected to contribute her fair share. Of course since she's a decent human being it wasn't even a conversation we needed to have (other than discussing the right time for it with regards to logistics & childcare costs).
 
Unusual thing there.
My sister is married. Both work full time. She pays ALL the bills. The mortgage, everything. Her hubby flatly refuses to discuss the matter. He refuses a joint account. He won't answer any questions on his income. He is a dark secret financially. Realistically, how does she put pressure on him to stop this nonsense?
How did she even get in this bizarre situation. This is an absolute blatant "I don't really want to be married" from him.
 
Practical: I would propose a separation if he is unwilling to discuss and be open about finances quite frankly. Or being completely blunt: An ultimatium of pay X amount per month/week by X date, or a formal separation will be put in process.

I would make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that this is about money, and dishonesty. It has zero to do with love as such. If person is willing to come to the table and provide the money as agreed, then no-separation will occur.
 
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Can get a clear answer on this from OP.
Did she come to you with concerns?
Or
Has nothing changed and you're just worried?

If its the latter not going to much you can do.
 
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