How To Get Hubby To Pay His Way

CaptainCaracaras said:
I almost have a grudging respect for the guy to be able to pull off such an audacious move.
However, in this day and age it seems accepted when the situation is the other way round, and the husband pays for everything, houses, cars, holidays, wifes clothes etc.
Some, playing devils advocate, might say welcome to equality.
Guy must look like Brad Pitt.
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She wouldn't mind paying for everything and even supporting him. What she does mind is the way he won't discuss it, or as events are turning out, that he has loan for an unnecessary item that is stopping him contributing fairly. Contribution should be his first concern.
 
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Devilman said:
Love is blind and love is foolish :)

Things like this happen all the time.

But honestly I feel like people are spending far too much time, effort and post-count on making negative comments towards the OP's sister in regards to "how could she let this happen" and "is she a giant doormat?".

Could we show at least a little respect here and focus on the "what to do about it now" rather than the "how did it happen" or "why did she allow it" ? :) :)
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That is true.
I can see how this situation developed, but really that's not the point. It HAS developed and it's a question of how to get the mess sorted.
 
CaptainCaracaras said:
I almost have a grudging respect for the guy to be able to pull off such an audacious move.
However, in this day and age it seems accepted when the situation is the other way round, and the husband pays for everything, houses, cars, holidays, wifes clothes etc.
Some, playing devils advocate, might say welcome to equality.
Guy must look like Brad Pitt.
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That is probably more likely the case if the woman was not working (and potentially looking after the home,children, pets etc).

It would be seen as very odd, even the other way around, if both were working full time.
 
Devilman said:
More interested in finger pointing and blaming than trying to help with a solution.
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What is there to discuss about a solution?

She either gets him to be honest and pay his way or gets rid.

Regardless, I still like to express my incredulousness at the situation.

It is truly baffling.
 
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SpellowHouse said:
That is true.
I can see how this situation developed, but really that's not the point. It HAS developed and it's a question of how to get the mess sorted.
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Does he still have the car? If so he can sell the car to pay some of his debt, get a cheaper car as a run around and then work off the rest of the debt but he needs to be transparent with her now she knows.

If he's not willing to do that to pay off his debt (or some of it) and then help with the bills then she should tell him he has to leave. (Assuming it's his house). If not then she will need to leave. Probably will be better off.

This isn't going to end well.
 
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SpellowHouse said:
Ah, the truth will out!
She rifled through his work diary last night, while he was in the shower. Turns out he is massively in debt. Almost all of his income is going on debt payments - the largest of which is that car he bought.
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I would say she definitely needs to "have it out with him" and get him to 'fes up. Given the financial issue seems to be debt related and he still got himself a fancy car etc... He's not going to change his spending habits unless confronted.

I would also be quite concerned about the dates of some of those loans and whether he (may have, just theorizing worst outcomes) has used her name or joint names for any of those loans, leaving her shouldered with 50% of that debt.
 
Devilman said:
Love is blind and love is foolish :)

Things like this happen all the time.

But honestly I feel like people are spending far too much time, effort and post-count on making negative comments towards the OP's sister in regards to "how could she let this happen" and "is she a giant doormat?".

Could we show at least a little respect here and focus on the "what to do about it now" rather than the "how did it happen" or "why did she allow it" ? :) :)
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Its easily done. And this far in its hard to get out of.

Its same issues people who are abused get into. Or how people struggle to get out of addiction.
 
randomshenans said:
Sorry but a 40k Porsche does not equate to all his money. There is more to it.
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This was my feeling. Especially as he's only recently got it.


SpellowHouse said:
He recently decided he wasn't using his car enough (he has a work car too) so he sold it, but then gave in and bought an even more expensive one. I believe he paid around £40000 for a second hand porsche.
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She's a grown woman, she's capable of leaving him, he clearly is just doing what he can get away with. I don't even mind the debt situation that much, people are stupid with debt and bury their heads in the sand, but the lack of communication and hiding it all away is disrespectful. How does your Sister know bailiffs aren't going to turn up and start taking property?
 
SpellowHouse said:
That is true.
I can see how this situation developed, but really that's not the point. It HAS developed and it's a question of how to get the mess sorted.
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I think she has to want to sort it. If she doesn't it's very very hard. Worst case you could be blamed for interfering and excluded.

Very fine line between "her choice" and "being manipulated". I wouldn't want to call it in this one
 
Devilman said:
I would also be quite concerned about the dates of some of those loans and whether he (may have, just theorizing worst outcomes) has used her name or joint names for any of those loans, leaving her shouldered with 50% of that debt.
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I don't know how much it would be possible for him to do this, but you are right in that it is an area of concern. He certainly makes mistakes when it comes to things like that, he seems to think he has an automatic right of shared ownership, when of course he doesn't.
 
I just can't comprehend how you can end up married to someone for ten years who is full time employed and flat out refuses to contribute to the family finances. Utterly baffling.

I guess this is just another example of how seemingly 'normal' people get themselves into abusive, exploitative relationships, which is what this is.
 
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