How To Get Hubby To Pay His Way

How long have they been married and has this been going on for? Did I miss that?

200 pre tax a day = 4000 a month and he's never paid for a thing?!

Who pays for food at home and stuff when they go out?
 
randomshenans said:
How long have they been married and has this been going on for? Did I miss that?

200 pre tax a day = 4000 a month and he's never paid for a thing?!

Who pays for food at home and stuff when they go out?
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Don't think duration has been mentioned yet. But from implication, everything that relates to money has come from the woman (sister). So that should include when eating out.
 
randomshenans said:
How long have they been married and has this been going on for? Did I miss that?

200 pre tax a day = 4000 a month and he's never paid for a thing?!

Who pays for food at home and stuff when they go out?
Click to expand...

Erm, you know I am not actually sure how long they have been married. Must be close to ten years.

She pays for all the food and the takeaways. If he is left to himself for a meal he usually buys a packet of crisps for himself. I have no idea who pays when they go out for a meal.
 
SpellowHouse said:
Erm, you know I am not actually sure how long they have been married. Must be close to ten years.

She pays for all the food and the takeaways. If he is left to himself for a meal he usually buys a packet of crisps for himself. I have no idea who pays when they go out for a meal.
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10 years? Damn. I was expecting 1 or 2.
If she's put up with it for this long I doubt anything will change
 
Probably a controversial take but I'd stay the hell out of it, your sisters a grown ass woman so is more than capable of making her own decisions and if she's moaning to you about it then you need to ask her if or even what she'd like you to do, how she'd like you to help, or whatever.

I say stay the hell out of it because a) I assume you're only hearing one side of the story (not that i think your sister is lying or exaggerating) and b) if you get involved off your own back, like having a private word with him, you could overstep the mark and pee off both your sister and him or create tension between the two of them.
 
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Murphy said:
Probably a controversial take but I'd stay the hell out of it, your sisters a grown ass woman so is more than capable of making her own decisions and if she's moaning to you about it then you need to ask her if or even what she'd like you to do, how she'd like you to help, or whatever.

I say stay the hell out of it because a) I assume you're only hearing one side of the story (not that i think your sister is lying or exaggerating) and b) if you get involved off your own back, like having a private word with him, you could overstep the mark and pee off both your sister and him or create tension between the two of them.
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You could well be right. Although having said that, I am not sure what "other side of the story" there could be. He either pays some bills or he doesn't. And he doesn't.

Having said that, I don't think my sis is a good negotiator. I think she is too quiet and will probably let it build up and up and then scream at him. My guess is that conversations may well start civil but won't end that way and this is why it never gets resolved. Anyway, I can offer advice, but truth is the only person sis listens to is sis.
 
What does she even gain from this relationship? Is he a mega piece of crumpet?

Does seem like nothing the OP can or should do. It's sad to see a family member being used. But if you've mentioned it and she's not bothered not much more you can do.

I guess I'd want to be sure there's no mental abuse going on there. But really, it's hard to define. It's pretty much there already. Manipulated maybe is the best word.
 
I've only ever known one couple like this.
Every penny he earned went on beer and she paid for everything, if she had any left over he also took that for beer.
He died last year and unless he was insured she probably got nothing out of the marriage.
However she loved him so it was worth it.
 
10 years is ridiculous.

What is she getting from the marriage? If he's not willing to pay a penny towards anything - why is she still with him? Do they not go out for dinner, cinema, on holiday etc? As a couple - what do they do?

Honestly - you need to tell her to move on with life without him if that is the case. But to the best of your ability - stay out of it. If she stays put, I've got zero sympathy for anyone that doesn't look out for themselves in life.
 
Ah, the truth will out!
She rifled through his work diary last night, while he was in the shower. Turns out he is massively in debt. Almost all of his income is going on debt payments - the largest of which is that car he bought.
 
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SpellowHouse said:
Ah, the truth will out!
She rifled through his work diary last night, while he was in the shower. Turns out he is massively in debt. Almost all of his income is going on debt payments - the largest of which is that car he bought.
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Wow, is in debt and the largest one is his 40k Porche? Well the first thing to do there is sell it and buy a ten year old focus or something. What a dumbass.
 
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This whole situation sounds too unreal.

How on earth do these sorts of conversations go.

Did he just at one point say "I'm not paying for anything I'm afraid", and then she went "oh, ok".

:confused:
 
I almost have a grudging respect for the guy to be able to pull off such an audacious move.
However, in this day and age it seems accepted when the situation is the other way round, and the husband pays for everything, houses, cars, holidays, wifes clothes etc.
Some, playing devils advocate, might say welcome to equality.
Guy must look like Brad Pitt.
 
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I dunno what the monthly finance payments are on a 40k loan are, but selling the porche will free up money to allow him to buy a cheap runnabout, contribute to the household and start servicing his other debt much faster no?

Fancy sports cars are expensive, not to mention service costs and tyres etc... he needs a reality check.
 
Jono8 said:
This whole situation sounds too unreal.

How on earth do these sorts of conversations go.

Did he just at one point say "I'm not paying for anything I'm afraid", and then she went "oh, ok".

:confused:
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Love is blind and love is foolish :)

Things like this happen all the time.

But honestly I feel like people are spending far too much time, effort and post-count on making negative comments towards the OP's sister in regards to "how could she let this happen" and "is she a giant doormat?".

Could we show at least a little respect here and focus on the "what to do about it now" rather than the "how did it happen" or "why did she allow it" ? :) :)
 
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