Human v Chimp fight

There's really not a lot to like about Chimpanzees. They aren't cute by a long shot, they're aggressive, prone to throwing their own **** around...

**** Chimpanzees, all things considered.

Uhh ok? Bit mean for like no reason. You can like animals that are aggressive while keeping a distance you know... But whatever they'll all be extinct soon enough and the planet a dustbowl before long, so eh i guess it's irrelevant.

Anyway gotta love all the typical posters in here bigging up like the alpha male's they think they are, megalols.
 
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There’s some crazy speculation and hyperbole in this thread. I don’t think chimps are as strong as some armchair experts make out.

There was a documentary that was often repeated on ITV a few years back where some chimps tried to get a piano up some stairs. They failed miserably and ended up having a cup of tea instead.

Bruce Lee 1 - Chimps 0
false. i don't EVER remember seeing proof of Bruce getting a piano upstairs either.
 
I remember seeing this on Oprah. Absolutely awful, imagine losing your sight.

Apparently a chimp has a thicker skull, denser bones and harder muscles than humans that they won't be as damaged from a strike and the possibility of a knockout is drastically reduced.

Here's an interesting true story.

"I once knew a man named George, and during a break from a jam session I asked "Where are you working now?" He said "At a sanctuary with the chimps and orangutans that are too old or too vicious to be at the zoo".

"Sounds interesting" I said. He then remarked on how territorial they were, and that when they brought the feed into the sanctuary the chimps would throw their feces while puffing up their chests; they were egging on a fight. This is when I had to know, "What would happen if you punched a full grown chimp?"

The only thing he said was that on his first day new trainees all had to read a newspaper article concerning a past employee who bit off more than he could chew. Apparently he was one of these ghetto types, and thought he was tough.

One day while bringing in the feeding buckets, a chimp threw his feces at him and walked right up to this poor fellow. For reasons unknown, the worker threw a hay maker at the chimp's face.

Witnesses say the chimp did not dodge, but took the punch and before the man could retract his arm the chimp was biting his face and apparently removing his genitals with his hand-like feet. Workers subdued the chimp with tranquilizer guns, but the victim did not get to use his. The man later died due to loss of blood, as the sanctuary was very far from a hospital.

DO NOT fight a chimp unless you have a very good weapon, in which case an old world samurai would be a better match for a chimp, provided he gets a good slice in before the pain begin."

This.

Even a punch from Mike Tyson in his prime is unlikely to even make a chimp flinch. I have no doubt there is not a human on this earth that would come within a mm of beating a chimp in a fight, as that's an adolescent chimp, let alone a fully grown male chimp.

And it's not even the strength, i'd rather come face to face with a gorilla or an orangutan on my weekly jungle treks, chimpanzees are absolute ******** and will rip your gonads off for the fun of it.
 
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This.

Even a punch from Mike Tyson in his prime is unlikely to even make a chimp flinch. I have no doubt there is not a human on this earth that would come within a mm of beating a chimp in a fight, as that's an adolescent chimp, let alone a fully grown male chimp.

And it's not even the strength, i'd rather come face to face with a gorilla or an orangutan on my weekly jungle treks, chimpanzees are absolute ******** and will rip your gonads off for the fun of it.

What are you basing this on? A Chimpanzee's skull isn't even as thick as a Human skull, they'd most likely get KO'd or worse if they got punched by someone like Mike Tyson.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5269758/
 
And it's not even the strength, i'd rather come face to face with a gorilla or an orangutan on my weekly jungle treks, chimpanzees are absolute ******** and will rip your gonads off for the fun of it.

Do you have many jungles in which to trek in in Colchester or have you perhaps neglected to update your location?
 
What are you basing this on? A Chimpanzee's skull isn't even as thick as a Human skull, they'd most likely get KO'd or worse if they got punched by someone like Mike Tyson.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5269758/

The fact that I have no actual knowledge on chimpanzees apart from the fact that they’re absolutely terrifying.

Mentality and reactions.

They’d have pulled back enough to take the major sting out of the punch and as the post I quoted previously have pulled his nuts off with their feet.
 
What are you basing this on? A Chimpanzee's skull isn't even as thick as a Human skull, they'd most likely get KO'd or worse if they got punched by someone like Mike Tyson.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5269758/
Not sure if parody or just stupid.txt

Most people: "Chimps will rip your face off and gouge out your eyes, scratch you ears off and eat them, fingerbang your ******* like it was a swingers party and basically go hogwild on you till you stop twitching."

Roar87: "Hold my drink, I've got Mike Tyson on the line."
 
The fact that I have no actual knowledge on chimpanzees apart from the fact that they’re absolutely terrifying.

Mentality and reactions.

They’d have pulled back enough to take the major sting out of the punch and as the post I quoted previously have pulled his nuts off with their feet.

Oh did they learn to go with the punches in Chimpanzee boxing school? I think you're some what over exaggerating how tough and capable Chimps are. They have thick skin, claws, sharp teeth, are strong for their size and can be highly aggressive and destructive. But, if you're much bigger than them and hit them hard enough they'll go down like any other animal.
 
Roar87, ladies and gentlemen :D

e: oh, there's no way we're letting that go away:

Roar87: "Oh did they learn to go with the punches in Chimpanzee boxing school? I think you're some what over exaggerating how tough and capable Chimps are. They have thick skin, claws, sharp teeth, are strong for their size and can be highly aggressive and destructive. But, if you're much bigger than them and hit them hard enough they'll go down like any other animal."
 
https://slate.com/technology/2009/02/how-strong-is-a-chimpanzee-really.html

So Chimps are at best 2 to 3 times stronger than the average human.

Considering the worlds strongest men are anywhere between 3 to 8 times stronger than the average human, the winner would depend who the chimp was fighting.

Even saying all that though if the average human had access to even a pointy stick I would say the human would still have more than a good chance of winning, In my opinion.
 
https://slate.com/technology/2009/02/how-strong-is-a-chimpanzee-really.html

So Chimps are at best 2 to 3 times stronger than the average human.

Considering the worlds strongest men are anywhere between 3 to 8 times stronger than the average human, the winner would depend who the chimp was fighting.

Even saying all that though if the average human had access to even a pointy stick I would say the human would still have more than a good chance of winning, In my opinion.

That 3 to 8 times person is probably a blob of muscle and can't move very quickly at all, still has plenty of nibbly bits to chew/yank off that'd instantly floor them regardless, animal's don't have rules nor do they care about pain as much.
 
Oh did they learn to go with the punches in Chimpanzee boxing school? I think you're some what over exaggerating how tough and capable Chimps are. They have thick skin, claws, sharp teeth, are strong for their size and can be highly aggressive and destructive. But, if you're much bigger than them and hit them hard enough they'll go down like any other animal.

They grow up fighting other groups of chimps, a soft fleshy human is nothing but a toy in their eyes. The strongest and fastest human wouldn’t even have the chance to punch them anyhow, because a chimp would be barrelling off the walls/ceiling and then take your ball bag to flavourtown before they could even contemplate turning around and running.

Mother Nature is terrifying.
 
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Not sure if parody or just stupid.txt

Most people: "Chimps will rip your face off and gouge out your eyes, scratch you ears off and eat them, fingerbang your ******* like it was a swingers party and basically go hogwild on you till you stop twitching."

Roar87: "Hold my drink, I've got Mike Tyson on the line."

The strongest and fastest human wouldn’t even have the chance to punch them anyhow, because a chimp would be barrelling off the walls/ceiling and then take your ball bag to flavourtown before they could even contemplate turning around and running.

Mother Nature is terrifying.
:D to both of these
 
There’s some crazy speculation and hyperbole in this thread. I don’t think chimps are as strong as some armchair experts make out.

There was a documentary that was often repeated on ITV a few years back where some chimps tried to get a piano up some stairs. They failed miserably and ended up having a cup of tea instead.

Bruce Lee 1 - Chimps 0

XD
 
I think it’s fair to say that anyone who thinks a man (be it an MMA Athlete, Worlds Strongest Man or any other type you care to mention) could cause any more than a momentary annoyance to a chimpanzee deserves to be put in a locked cage with said chimp.
 
MMA is a useless sport made up by poor kids who can't technique fight just to give their street brawl tactics a name and to allow it to become a "sport", so yes, absolutely a Chimp would destroy a self titled MMA fighter.
 
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