I thought i would never make a thread like this

Gambisk · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:03

Sorry to hear that man, 7 years is a long time.

I guess try to look on the positives that you are now free to do what every you please (as long as its legal). Try something new that you have been putting off and in time you will forget all about her.

ubersonic · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:06

Ayahuasca · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:13

It took me about a week to get over my ex of 3 years. Everyone reacts differently but moping around feeling sorry for yourself definitely isn't going to help. Go on a few dates, try and meet new people, hang out with your friends more, just do anything to keep yourself occupied.

Definitely don't be a stage 5 clinger and try to make contact.

rossk26 · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:19

Mikoyan said:
I think you need to put less time in reducing your MPG and more time into being a more helpful and understanding person.

7 years is a LONG time, so hugs go out to you Geekazoid!

I don't wish to reduce my MPG!

Virtual hugs aren't going to help him out, sounds like he has a good group of mates already which are going to do things to take his mind of her, that's the first step. Creating this thread was not a good step, however at least some have offered support in how their lives improved after similar situations rather than "aww hugs"

Ayahuasca said:
It took me about a week to get over my ex of 3 years. Everyone reacts differently but moping around feeling sorry for yourself definitely isn't going to help. Go on a few dates, try and meet new people, hang out with your friends more, just do anything to keep yourself occupied.

Definitely don't be a stage 5 clinger and try to make contact.

^^ This guy understands.

[TW]Fox · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:28

rossk26 said:
^^ This guy understands.

No he doesn't, even he said it took about a WEEK.

This guy was dumped less than 24 hours ago. Unless you are totally heartless or didn't care about her in the first place under 24 hours after a breakup you are going to be miserable.

wingman · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:30

Ayahuasca said:
Definitely don't be a stage 5 clinger and try to make contact.

rossk26 · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:32

[TW]Fox;27228345 said:
No he doesn't, even he said it took about a WEEK.

This guy was dumped less than 24 hours ago. Unless you are totally heartless or didn't care about her in the first place under 24 hours after a breakup you are going to be miserable.

Thread was created on 5th Oct! Catch up Fox!

233 · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:34

As above buy the bike oh and steal the batteries out her rabbit before she picks her stuff up

Cosmic182 · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:43

rossk26 said:
Thread was created on 5th Oct! Catch up Fox!

Yeah but I'm a different person to the op

Vidar · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:44

I love this attitude that manly men don't have or show emotions, you shouldn't be vulnerable or sad.... for we are caveman.... Uggg!

Seriously? Would you say those sorts of things to someone who's partner had just died? Because psychologically break-ups and bereavements are extremely similar, you are mourning the loss of a relationship after all.

Guys, I know what it's like to go through an incredibly painful breakup, nobody can tell you how long it will take you to come to terms with it as everyone is different but there is some really good advice in the thread... Take time to mourn but then get out and do things, new things, reconnect with old buddies etc it really helps!

And whatever you do, don't contact those women again.... no matter how much you wish you could, they're not worth it in the end.

CHokKA · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:44

rossk26 said:
Thread was created on 5th Oct! Catch up Fox!

Perhaps you should catch up. Cosmic replied to the OP in response to something he wrote and said he's just gone through a breakup, hence the majority of these replies in here now!

I'm sorry to hear about that Cosmic. As others here have said, it's never easy getting over something like this but find something fun and enjoyable to do, maybe something that you've always wanted to try but couldn't because you were with her, and give it a go! Also, surround yourself with good friends as much as possible. They'll be able to cheer you up!

Cosmic182 · 18 Nov 2014 at 14:51

I struggle to see my friends, I have 5 friends that I've had for around 10 years but the majority have their own lives now. So we maybe go out once or so a month now. I feel really cornered and lonely. Everything was as great as it could be, she was coming to mine for Christmas and I was going for Boxing Day to hers, we had our Switzerland holiday booked for 19th-23rd dec, she came round to my parents house yesterday and told my mum how excited she was for Christmas, (she also never even said anything last Wednesday on her birthday!) she told me she loved me Sunday night then literally half hour after coming here yesterday she said she didn't love me. I really cannot get my head around it. I've sent her a message, so I know I've already messed up but I really can't understand

the worst part is that she lives 5 minutes away

Mikoyan · 18 Nov 2014 at 15:29

rossk26 said:
I don't wish to reduce my MPG!

Increase it I mean!

rossk26 · 18 Nov 2014 at 15:31

CHokKA said:
Perhaps you should catch up. Cosmic replied to the OP in response to something he wrote and said he's just gone through a breakup, hence the majority of these replies in here now!

I wasn't the only one who was still referring to the OP and missed the update...

Admiral Huddy said:
If she was being abusive then it was never meant to be. It's always hard trying to find something positive in situations like this but there is always someone better round the corner. Hope it all work out for you.

Gambisk said:
Sorry to hear that man, 7 years is a long time.

I guess try to look on the positives that you are now free to do what every you please (as long as its legal). Try something new that you have been putting off and in time you will forget all about her.

233 said:
As above buy the bike oh and steal the batteries out her rabbit before she picks her stuff up

wingman · 18 Nov 2014 at 15:32

Vidar said:
Seriously? Would you say those sorts of things to someone who's partner had just died? Because psychologically break-ups and bereavements are extremely similar, you are mourning the loss of a relationship after all.

The overwhelming flaw in this logic when comparing break ups to death is that both people wanted to stay together in death, whereas a break up means that someone isn't happy within the relationship. If people truly believed the other person was unhappy in their relationship then they shouldn't feel the need for them to stay together, and prolong that unhappiness.

Breakups are horrible and oftentimes harsh, but we hear one side of the story on here (normally), remember there's a person on the other side who is probably just as heart broken.

Diesel · 18 Nov 2014 at 15:35

One of my best mates broke up with his fiancée a couple months ago. The first thing I told him was sever contact. Of course, he didn't listen, and she's had him dangling on a thread ever since.

Seriously need to sit him down and get him sorted.

rossk26 · 18 Nov 2014 at 15:53

Vidar said:
I love this attitude that manly men don't have or show emotions, you shouldn't be vulnerable or sad.... for we are caveman.... Uggg!

Seriously? Would you say those sorts of things to someone who's partner had just died? Because psychologically break-ups and bereavements are extremely similar, you are mourning the loss of a relationship after all.

I wouldn't be comparing death to a break up. The fact the OP has admitted to being in abusive relationship suggests this was the right thing to happen for both parties, just the OP doesn't see that yet.

I would never suggest the death of a partner is the best for both parties...

Rich1988 · 18 Nov 2014 at 15:59

Diesel said:
One of my best mates broke up with his fiancée a couple months ago. The first thing I told him was sever contact. Of course, he didn't listen, and she's had him dangling on a thread ever since.

Seriously need to sit him down and get him sorted.

If there is one piece of advice you take from this thread OP it should be the above. Staying in contact is the worst thing you can do for both parties.

Vidar · 18 Nov 2014 at 16:32

wingman said:
The overwhelming flaw in this logic when comparing break ups to death is that both people wanted to stay together in death, whereas a break up means that someone isn't happy within the relationship. If people truly believed the other person was unhappy in their relationship then they shouldn't feel the need for them to stay together, and prolong that unhappiness.

Breakups are horrible and oftentimes harsh, but we hear one side of the story on here (normally), remember there's a person on the other side who is probably just as heart broken.

You completely miss the point, I'm simply referring to an accepted psychological effect that during a break up a person goes through much the same grieving process in their own minds as they do when bereaved. Of course there are differences in severity depending on the persons involved but a completely unexpected breakup for example can be just as crushing as an untimely death on someone.

rossk26 said:
I wouldn't be comparing death to a break up. The fact the OP has admitted to being in abusive relationship suggests this was the right thing to happen for both parties, just the OP doesn't see that yet.

I would never suggest the death of a partner is the best for both parties...

First of all I wasn't responding to the op but to Cosmic and once again I'm not suggesting anyone stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy.... as I've said above I'm simply referring to the effect the break up process has on a person.

wingman · 18 Nov 2014 at 17:23

Vidar said:
You completely miss the point, I'm simply referring to an accepted psychological effect that during a break up a person goes through much the same grieving process in their own minds as they do when bereaved. Of course there are differences in severity depending on the persons involved but a completely unexpected breakup for example can be just as crushing as an untimely death on someone.

First of all I wasn't responding to the op but to Cosmic and once again I'm not suggesting anyone stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy.... as I've said above I'm simply referring to the effect the break up process has on a person.

I didn't miss your point.

I would not say those things to a bereaving party since it was nobodies choice to end the relationship. It's completely unjust to compare the emotional response of those two scenarios, despite the overlap in feeling of loss.