Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

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Ive made a few attempts in the past 19 months at the whole PoF/Match thing and i think it truely sucks so hard. Ive already pretty much given up now. I met the one girl which i wrote about a couple of pages back but damn, its a nightmare using these sites due to my location. Ive written to all girls ive been interested in but there isnt much to choose from in my local area. So, now ive burnt out all my options.

I dont rely on these sites and have had a few dates with girls ive met through friends and day to day buisiness but damn, i seem to just fail everytime. Since my ex left ive had more dates than ive ever had in my life but i keep meeting the wrong people and failing badly. What really does my nut in is getting to know these people before hand. An example would be the last girl i saw. One of the girls at work set me up with her and said we seemed ideal for each other. Anyway she let this girl know i was gonna add her on facebook and say hello, which i did. Weeks go by, emails, texts and phone calls, all seems dandy, we get on great. So, we go on a date and 2 days later i get the 'im not ready for a relationship right now'. Argh.

I still have her on facebook and she moans all the time through her status about how she is bored and lonely. Christ almighty! Its infuriating. What an absolutely waste of time, its so off putting. I also got the courage to ask out a very good looking girl just last week. I always see her about at work and we always have a laugh when we talk to each other and id even heard rumblings from various people telling me she liked me. How wrong they were. She said no.

Im convinced that being a nice guy gets you absolutely nowhere with women. I swear it doesnt work. I try not to get walked all over but thats always a risk when starting up a new relationship. If it doesnt work out you just end up being crapped on. Well i do anyway. Just wondering now how many more times i have to set myself up for more disappointment. My mates cannot believe how bad im doing, its even become a bit of a joke in the office now as the failure tally seems to go up and up. It never used to be this hard in my late teens.
 
net_slayer said:
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Yes being the nice guy does suck.

I wouldn't bother with loads of emails/texts/phone calls. People can seem quite different through communication. You can also accidently give the wrong impression of yourself. I'd probably communicate a bit and then decide if you're both interested in meeting or not.

Otherwise you can just waste loads of time chatting to people who either won't be interested when they meet you or who are wasting your time because they're bored.
 
Nix said:
I wouldn't bank on it. It's a load of rubbish.
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I'm not so sure.

Of the longer relationships I've had, the best 2 came about shortly after me actively stopping looking.

I was actually going to delete my POF profile and my current gf messaged me just after I had decided to do so.

ps. We went to see We Will Rock You last night, twas excellent! :D
 
net_slayer said:
Im convinced that being a nice guy gets you absolutely nowhere with women.
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Previously I've always been a 'nice guy' but all my long term realtionships have ended with the other half leaving me for someone else as I'm 'too nice' which equates to being a push over.

Since my last long term gf nearly 20 Months ago, I've changed into no really giving a crap and not doing any chasing. While I'm still nice on dates etc I don't go out of my way to be a nice guy. Since then I've never had so much attention.

It's all about the right balance.
 
So what does "not being nice" entail?
Seems to differ a lot.

I just can't imagine a situation in my life experience where it would work ;P
 
ChrisJSY said:
So what does "not being nice" entail?
Seems to differ a lot.

I just can't imagine a situation in my life experience where it would work ;P
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Same here, i cant fathom how being a **** and not having any respect for the ladies works for people. It just doesnt make sense but i suppose these are women we are talking about. I see it all the time, these idiots that girls are attracted to or are actually going out with. Whats more is the guys treat them like crap. One of my best friends is a good example, shes constantly in tears because of the bf but refuses to do anything about it and keeps making the same mistake always going for complete tools. Just scum some of them.

Back to everyday life for myself, id like to think i dont care and to hell with everyone but its not so easy. Its just not in my nature. Im always pleasant, polite and have respect for other people aswell and treating others how id like to be treated myself. People tell me im such a nice guy, but it obviously isnt enough for the majority out there.
 
I think it's because women want to change men so a prat is a challenge. They also want to try and see the best in people. That's my take on it anyway...
 
Been a while since I did it, still with the girl I met last year. I would say that you should only message and text for a while, be quite direct that as soon as she feels safe/confident you should meet, just a quick coffee or coke in a pub will do because its all worthless until you meet face to face.

I spent a good long time doing the message, msn, text, phone.. whatever and then got blown out or blew out the moment we met so learnt from that and became more direct about actually meeting people, making changes to my profile to reflect exactly that. Seemed to work for me, it will be 1 year this weekend since I met Nicola :)
 
Some people have it right. It's not about being a ****, it's about not being boring. The problem with being nice is it's predictable. When I go with a girl I'll **** her off just like I would a mate and won't go out of my way to be really nice to her unless it's her birthday or something - basically don't put fit girls on a pedestal because at the end of the day they're just people.
 
krooton said:
I'm not so sure.

Of the longer relationships I've had, the best 2 came about shortly after me actively stopping looking.

I was actually going to delete my POF profile and my current gf messaged me just after I had decided to do so.

ps. We went to see We Will Rock You last night, twas excellent! :D
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Well, looks like you were lucky then man. It's never worked for me, ever.

Also not to be pedantic and whatnot, but you were still on PoF - evidently you were looking. :p

It's seriously got to be some of the most backwards, illogical advice I've ever heard. It's like people think there is some cosmic dispenser of harmony and it'll sit up and take note once people hit a brick wall; nope, not the case - you just hit the brick wall and no-one gives a toss.
 
Nix said:
Also not to be pedantic and whatnot, but you were still on PoF - evidently you were looking. :p
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Was at a friend's for the weekend when I decided to quit, when I got home to delete my profile, her message was there. :p

I don't deny having been very lucky, but I can't think of any meaningful relationships borne of the guy being a bit of a **** at the start, it's more about actually finding someone with the right amount of compatibility.
 
40 year old virgin quote

" your putting the 'feline' ;) on a pedestal " <-- thats the problem, nothing wrong with being nice. Just throw em a curve ball every once in a while :P
 
fluffmct said:
Some people have it right. It's not about being a ****, it's about not being boring. The problem with being nice is it's predictable. When I go with a girl I'll **** her off just like I would a mate and won't go out of my way to be really nice to her unless it's her birthday or something - basically don't put fit girls on a pedestal because at the end of the day they're just people.
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Spot on tbh.

The amount of people who don't know how to act around "fit" girls is amazing. Putting them on a pedestal is definately the phrase i'd use to describe it.

Don't think you have to be an ASOB as opposed to a "nice guy" because that's just retarded. Just don't be boring. Don't be lame. Don't be predictable. Don't take it too seriously, to start with. And most of all, DON'T be over-eager.
 
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