Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!
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I find this term amusing, online dating is part of real life, it isn't a game (although some act like it is, but then they do offline too). It is all the same, online and offline dating services, it's all part of life but due to the internet it is instantly not real? I guess because it is less personal (tapping away at a keyboard as opposed to talking face to face) people just class it as 'not real'.
Exactly, hence why I put quotation marks around real life. To me the online world is the same as the real world; the one is part of the other. I don't lead a separate life in the online world; I act with the same morals and decency as I do in the physical world so to speak
Which is why I was so shocked at the atitudes to what is basically using people, which I would never ever do.
I find this term amusing, online dating is part of real life, it isn't a game (although some act like it is, but then they do offline too). It is all the same, online and offline dating services, it's all part of life but due to the internet it is instantly not real? I guess because it is less personal (tapping away at a keyboard as opposed to talking face to face) people just class it as 'not real'.
It probabaly stems from people who have spent a fair chunk of time on forums/games where 'irl' has become the all encompasing term for 'not online'.
Soldato
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Edit: See multi below.
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Yeah that is likely a huge part of why people use it like that.
Soldato
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Yep. One is online, looking at a pic from a favourable angle. The other is real
Also I was just using that term as the quote I was using used it as did the quote in that post from the poster (MisChief)
That wasn't so much directed at you really, just a general thing. I see them as online and offline, rather than real life and something else...completely OT though and mostly irrelevant.
The problem is, with the internet people can be much pickier because there is more choice and they can essentially, keyboard warrior their way around.
Yeah, it's how I figure it came about. Some friends don't view online dating as real, it's not like you're going on dates in computer games or anything. Just a different way of meeting people as opposed to the pub or something.
There’s a world of difference between being picky and using somebody though.
In respect to dating, the way I look at it is, you only pick and pursue a person that you think you would be happy to share your life with. You don’t pick somebody who you’re not sure of, but carry on dating them whilst actively looking for somebody else, and if/when you do meet somebody better looking etc, just drop the current person. That is frankly disgusting in my mind.
Stringing? I wouldn't call it stringing someone along. Yes some people are low enough to use and abuse someone until a better person comes along, but not everyone has that intention. Can I ONLY talk to someone if I want a relationship with them? Can't I talk to someone just for the sake of talking to someone?
If I'm not interested in someone I'll tell them straight, or I would just not flirt or act in a way that would mislead them. What am I to do though if the person still continues to talk to me in hope for something more than just friendship? If I continue talking to them, that's called 'stringing' them along? If I stop talking, then I'm a bitch? There's no pleasing some people.
![[TW]Fox](/data/man-of-honor/2009.png){kind=avatar}
I think you overthink it. Everyone has a list of ideal attributes and things they want in a partner. If you wait for this list to be mostly satisfied, let alone partially, you'll be waiting a long time. When you find the right person - which you may never if you discount them based on arbitary things before even meeting them - none of the stuff on a list of desired features even matters anymore.
It's very difficult to accurately judge somebody in real life based on purely online interaction. Very difficult indeed.
Much of the whole attraction thing is natural anyway, you don't need to have ticked 10 of your 15 boxes for it to work..
It's very difficult to accurately judge somebody in real life based on purely online interaction. Very difficult indeed.
Much of the whole attraction thing is natural anyway, you don't need to have ticked 10 of your 15 boxes for it to work..
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Associate
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Well I'm starting to get a lot of attention from 'undesirables' since tweaking with my profile. Even though the top tier babes so far aren't messaging me, I assume they're getting bombarded with messages from every fella on the site, they don't bother searching. I feel quite flattered by the attention I'm getting, even if I feel a bit queasy looking at the pictures attatched. So I make sure to respond and try to end it there. I agree with some comments on here about mocking and stringing people along is just shameful behaviour, and hopefully karma will kick them up the bum.
Obviously dickheads deserve it but doing it out of boredom is a bit simple. Go do something else, I'm finding it a chore being on this site, so trollers, you know who you are....
Obviously dickheads deserve it but doing it out of boredom is a bit simple. Go do something else, I'm finding it a chore being on this site, so trollers, you know who you are....
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I think it's the medium that makes it inappropriate though. If you were single in work and were talking to some fellas, no one would accuse you of stringing anyone along. but putting 'looking for a relationship' and lets say creating a string of messages WILL give the other person the wrong impression and result in anxiety/frustration from the other end when you suddenly stop messaging after 10 conversations of seeming enthusiastic. If you're just responding to questions, and not asking anything then to me that shows no interest so I stop there. Not saying you do that, but some do and not making it clear you're not interested from the start or after second message is a bit inappropriate in my opinion.
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I flirt with nearly everyone (generally female though 
), whether it be in a shop, restaurant, or in a queue or anywhere - it doesn't mean I want to do anything. It's in my character, and it's nice to have some friendly banter, and for that brief moment in time lift that person and your own mood. Just because someone likes chatting or interacting with someone of the opposite sex, it doesn't mean it has or is going to lead anywhere.
Let's face it, it's all about attraction initially - I'm not talking about online dating (I have no experience), however, when you're out and about (and single), if you like the look of someone you talk to them or you make it clear you like them, or at least perhaps attempt to do so - if you're not attracted to the person, are you likely to make an effort to chat? Probably not.
I can only guess that the online world is even harder as you cannot gauge reactions, see facial expressions or get a feel for the character - and so much is lost in text. Going by pics, and hoping that the conversation and personalities match is all you can go on afterwards. Personally, I would have thought that trying to establish a date as soon as an attraction is established to be of prime importance if you're going to succeed.
Let's face it, chatting to people on the internet is so dispassionate, and it's easy to pick and choose who you do and do not chat to. I'm not surprised a lot of people feel led on, but then again let's not be too ignorant, we all have standards and some have shorter attention spans than others - just don't take it personally if someone ignores you or moves on.
As has been said, you have the ability to pick and choose - sometimes you start chatting and perhaps that person realises that actually they have nothing in common?
Personally I'd say, go out there, meet people, and try chatting to people (even if you don't fancy them) just to get used to a bit of banter/small talk.
Good luck - don't get frustrated, take a break from it all if you're getting cross - take up a hobby and lose yourself in it for a while.
), whether it be in a shop, restaurant, or in a queue or anywhere - it doesn't mean I want to do anything. It's in my character, and it's nice to have some friendly banter, and for that brief moment in time lift that person and your own mood. Just because someone likes chatting or interacting with someone of the opposite sex, it doesn't mean it has or is going to lead anywhere.Let's face it, it's all about attraction initially - I'm not talking about online dating (I have no experience), however, when you're out and about (and single), if you like the look of someone you talk to them or you make it clear you like them, or at least perhaps attempt to do so - if you're not attracted to the person, are you likely to make an effort to chat? Probably not.
I can only guess that the online world is even harder as you cannot gauge reactions, see facial expressions or get a feel for the character - and so much is lost in text. Going by pics, and hoping that the conversation and personalities match is all you can go on afterwards. Personally, I would have thought that trying to establish a date as soon as an attraction is established to be of prime importance if you're going to succeed.
Let's face it, chatting to people on the internet is so dispassionate, and it's easy to pick and choose who you do and do not chat to. I'm not surprised a lot of people feel led on, but then again let's not be too ignorant, we all have standards and some have shorter attention spans than others - just don't take it personally if someone ignores you or moves on.
As has been said, you have the ability to pick and choose - sometimes you start chatting and perhaps that person realises that actually they have nothing in common?
Personally I'd say, go out there, meet people, and try chatting to people (even if you don't fancy them) just to get used to a bit of banter/small talk.
Good luck - don't get frustrated, take a break from it all if you're getting cross - take up a hobby and lose yourself in it for a while.
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[TW]Fox;22554088 said:
Said much better than my attempt.
My previous comments were based on things you said earlier about backing out of dates due to you thinking "Can I get over his looks though?", "Do I really want to meet him?", "Am I just 'settling' for 2nd best?"
In which case, in my opinion, no you shouldn’t be speaking to somebody via a dating site for so long that arranging a date has come up in the conversation. The conversation should have been ended when you had your first doubts. If you were that unsure to begin with, then you should have either not replied to his first message, or politely said that you are not interested. But hey, that’s just my outlook on relationships.
Soldato
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I flirt with nearly everyone (generally female though
And I'd flirt right back at you big boy xox
(only online though, in real life I wouldn't even make eye contact)
I flirt with nearly everyone (generally female though
I get told off by my wife for being the same. I'm not trying to start anything but I'll happily chat to women and have a friendly interaction.
She says I flirt too much, but I'm just being me lol, not trying to flirt specifically
Not everything is black and white. Some people would say give the person a chance and talk to them, get to know them and maybe their personality will win you over. Some people like yourself, would say " you should have either not replied to his first message, or politely said that you are not interested." But as you said though, it's just your opinion. This is why I said there's no pleasing some people.
Some people really need to stop getting so wound up over internet dating..
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<3
I get told off by my wife for being the same. I'm not trying to start anything but I'll happily chat to women and have a friendly interaction.
She says I flirt too much, but I'm just being me lol, not trying to flirt specifically
Just the way I are!
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