Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

Status
Not open for further replies.
aln said:
I think you pay too much creedence to the games mate. Sure, some females will feel that way. Some men feel such a thing is an affront to their masculinity. Some people just don't give a **** though.

No offense intended, but I wouldn't pay too much mind to peoples opinions. Everyones an indivdual and the lions share of people participating in this thread aren't actually having as much success as they obviously desire.

If it doesn't seem to bother her, it doesn't need to bother you. Do what you think is right and if it doesn't work out, it was doomed anyway.

P.S. If all woman are as thickle as you seem to believe they are, Richdog, then I'm pretty much willing to settle into a life of solitude. I can only hope you're wrong. :)
Click to expand...

Of course I don't take offence... because I fully believe in what I wrote, and I am fine with people disagreeing with me. Think what you want to think and see what works for you, but I know what works for me and all my opinions I give have been formed from experience.

Those "games" you refer to have been going on since time immemorial, men have expectations upon them that women instinctively place, and they respond unconsciously to many triggers based on what their ideas of male and female roles are.

If you think that it a winning formula to go for an expensive meal that you essentially cannot afford, and have the woman pay 75% of the bill, without some adverse affect to your pride and image, then good for you. Personally, I like to maintain as healthy an amount of self-respect as possible.
 
i cant speak from experience but IMO..
if i was going out with a girl that earned more money than me and she was fine with paying for more than me, i have to admit it would bother me a bit, but i would make sure the woman knew how i felt, and there is something called saving, so i would take the girl out and pay 100% a couple of times maybe, this would then prove that i am willing to pay more and also save, and not be leach and expect her to pay for everything.

this issue has popped up a couple of times in this thread, but i think it all comes down the the individual and also the woman he is dating and how they both feel about it :)
 
Richdog said:
Thought: if you let a girl pay for more than 50% of a meal, then you have already weakened your position, and silently admitted that you cannot provide for yourself when going out for a meal like you did. That really isn't good.

To avoid that situation EVER happening (too late with this girl, sorry, but if you're lucky you may get away with it) make sure you go a to a venue you can afford. I'm quite surprised you need to be told that in the first place, because it's a position no man should really ever find himself in.
Click to expand...

What is this 1940?
 
Went on a first date with a really nice tall/pretty girl on Friday night :)

Had a couple of drink and chatted till late which was pretty cool, would like to have another date with her as this daring thing is turning out to be pretty fun!
 
Richdog said:
Thought: if you let a girl pay for more than 50% of a meal, then you have already weakened your position, and silently admitted that you cannot provide for yourself when going out for a meal like you did. That really isn't good.

To avoid that situation EVER happening (too late with this girl, sorry, but if you're lucky you may get away with it) make sure you go a to a venue you can afford. I'm quite surprised you need to be told that in the first place, because it's a position no man should really ever find himself in.
Click to expand...

Not sure if I agree as some girls don't care about money they just want to be loved. If not most.
 
Skillmister said:
What is this 1940?
Click to expand...

A women paying for your meal on a date, in a way that makes you feel weird (the guy obviously does uncomortable with it, or he wouldn't have posted it), is not cool. Not in the 1940's, and not in 2013 either.

Have a bit of pride in yourself.

mrbell1984 said:
Not sure if I agree as some girls don't care about money they just want to be loved. If not most.
Click to expand...

Saying "some girls don't care about money" is not a reason to qualify that money doesn't matter. It does matter to some extent, especially if there is a large imbalance, and especially if that imbalance is very unfavourable to the guy.
 
Last edited:
Richdog said:
A women paying for your meal on a date, in a way that makes you feel weird (the guy obviously does uncomortable with it, or he wouldn't have posted it), is not cool. Not in the 1940's, and not in 2013 either.

Have a bit of pride in yourself.



Saying "some girls don't care about money" is not a reason to qualify that money doesn't matter. It does matter to some extent, especially if there is a large imbalance, and especially if that imbalance is very unfavourable to the guy.
Click to expand...

People are different, some like to pay for themselves regardless of how much money you have. I been there and everything was fine but she wanted to pay for her meal and me mine.

On the other hand some girls do prefer the man to pay because they don't have money themselves. It's swings and round abouts depends on what type of girl you go for at the end of the day IMO.
 
Judgeneo said:
I've been dating this girl for a couple of weeks now, and everything is going well. However, she is much more wealthy than me (rich Chinese parents), which can make dates quite expensive. Shes more than happy to pay her share or more, but it doesn't feel right letting her pay for so much... E.g. Last night I paid 25%, she paid 75%

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

makes no difference,

if girls like you they don't care about such things, that's a male only phenomenon. I had girls pay my way before. Don't see the issue, men do it all the time for hot girls and they do it to multiple guys. So why can't I be the freeloader for once :D
 
Richdog said:
A women paying for your meal on a date, in a way that makes you feel weird (the guy obviously does uncomortable with it, or he wouldn't have posted it), is not cool. Not in the 1940's, and not in 2013 either.

Have a bit of pride in yourself.
Click to expand...

How does not caring if a girl pays for things mean i have no pride in myself? :confused:

If a girl earns more, and knows it, i'd have no problems with them then paying more if they want to.

I think it's more of an issue that you feel it would hit your pride.
 
Moses said:
Posting about it doesn't necessarily mean he was uncomfortable with it. It's entirely possible he was fairly comfortable with it, but just wanted a second opinion.

---

TBH I don't really see a massive issue with either party paying more over the course of a relationship, if there's a significant different in income. Personally, I've always paid 50/50, basically (usually 50/50, then sometimes I've paid, then sometimes the girl has paid... but the occasions I paid more than equalled the number of times the girl's paid).

But now, being a student, I wouldn't see it as a bad thing to meet a professional woman with a good job and end up in a situation where they're paying more than me... it's simple to understand I'm a university student getting by on a student loan, whilst they're a professional with significantly higher disposable income. The same would apply if I was in a low paid job (hopefully temporarily/as a stepping stone!) whilst they were in a well paid job. It's just reality.

Obviously I'd only ever suggest places I could afford... but, if it's their decision to go somewhere nice, when they obviously know your basic financial situation, that's their prerogative :shrug:.
Click to expand...

I know what you mean, and appreciate the sentiments, but a professional woman who earns good money is very likely not going to be interested in dating a student with little income unless the guy became a student while the relationship was already in full swing. Professional women look for professional men with stable jobs and incomes, and they have a very large pool to choose from. Anyone who thinks financial stability is not an issue for many women when looking for a guy (beyond the early twenties) is kidding themselves.

As for whether the guy was uncomfortable, well, he said "It doesn't feel right". Not sure how many other ways there are of interpreting that.

Skillmister said:
How does not caring if a girl pays for things mean i have no pride in myself? :confused:

If a girl earns more, and knows it, i'd have no problems with them then paying more if they want to.

I think it's more of an issue that you feel it would hit your pride.
Click to expand...

Yes of course it would hit my pride, I think that is a tad obvious form what I wrote. It's all down to the individual I guess... personally i like to feel like I am in control of my life and not financially reliant on anyone else. If you don't, that's your perogative. However I know which I, and pretty much 99.9% of women I have ever met, seem to prefer. If a woman is paying your way on a regular basis then you will not have the respect in her eyes than if you were paying at least your own half, it is a clear lack of balance and she pretty much has control of the relationship. For me personally, that's a huge no-no.
 
Last edited:
Richdog said:
Yes of course it would hit my pride, I think that is a tad obvious form what I wrote. It's all down to the individual I guess... personally i like to feel like I am in control of my life and not financially reliant on anyone else. If you don't, that's your perogative. However I know which I, and pretty much 99.9% of women I have ever met, seem to prefer. If a woman is paying your way on a regular basis then you will not have the respect in her eyes than if you were paying at least your own half, it is a clear lack of balance and she pretty much has control of the relationship. For me personally, that's a huge no-no.
Click to expand...

Well there's no point me trying to argue with reinforced stereotypes.

Maybe it's an age thing but the majority of girls i've met couldn't care either way. Most insist on at least paying their share, sometimes more and sometimes i've paid more. Certainly doesn't make me feel more or less 'financially reliant' either way.
 
Moses said:
The example that kicked this off - they're both students, but one happens to have rich parents. She knew straight away that he almost certainly had far less money, but is obviously comfortable with it.
Click to expand...

Well, one of my points was that while she may be comfortable with it... is he comfortable with it? Just because a woman WANTS to pay for all your expensive meals doesn't mean that you should let her. He said it "didn't feel right", that's because any guy friend I know that I can think of wouldn't "feel right" with that either. Regardless of whether you or anyone on the forum would personally would be fine with it, it's not normal behaviour, and I'm sure you can understand why many people would be uncomfortable with it. Men generally don't want to feel like they are financially reliant on someone else for the reasons I stated in several posts above. Pride, self-respect, and not wanting to appear like they are not able to support themselves.

Ok fine, he's a student so his tolerance may be higher due to lack of stable income, but from the tone of his post he doesn't seem like he finds it quite so natural either.

Personally I think 50/50 is the ideal way to pay for any meal and avoids all of that hassle. If you really can't afford to eat at a venue, then find one more affordable, unless it really is a special one-off treat.
 
Last edited:
Second date with the above mentioned lady. We're going to a pub up in the hills near me followed by a walk. She seems very keen, she's constantly talking about what we can do together in the future.... Not sure if I need to be concerned. :p
 
Annnnnnd I'm back!

The girl I was seeing (and got into a relationship with) since January decided we were moving too quickly. She stayed over night at mine once... A week later she got back with her ex of 6 years.

All part of the fun I suppose!
 
Moses said:
It's only not normal because professionals normally date professionals, students normally date students, etc - but in the abnormal situation where a student dates a rich person, it's fine if everyone knows what's going on. And it is normal for one party to be reliant on the other in marriages, and so forth, especially when kids are involved.
Click to expand...

Ok then lets just politely agree to disagree, as I am also referring to the psychological aspects of that kind of setup, and we seem to be on slightly different tracks.

And yes, being married with kids is of course completely different to what I was talking about, so no need to include that as a comparison as that it's just so self-explanatory.

Kemik said:
Annnnnnd I'm back!

The girl I was seeing (and got into a relationship with) since January decided we were moving too quickly. She stayed over night at mine once... A week later she got back with her ex of 6 years.

All part of the fun I suppose!
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear that dude, get back on the horse asap! :)
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top Bottom