Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

apeZ · 23 Jan 2012 at 14:59

SKYNHEDD said:
I'd lose the piercings and the beard.

Women are not really into that stuff much. A bit of stubble and/or a stud in the ear, but dangling hoops and metal in the mouth is not something at the top of most womens wishlist.

Hope this helps.

I don't think this is good advice. It's better to just be yourself, and you'll find someone who accepts that, even if it is a smaller pool of women.

I'm not shaving my beard off for a woman -.-

Narj · 23 Jan 2012 at 16:20

apeZ said:
I don't think this is good advice. It's better to just be yourself, and you'll find someone who accepts that, even if it is a smaller pool of women.

I'm not shaving my beard off for a woman -.-

This, why try to be someone that you're not just to get people interested in you. It'd make for an unhappy, unstable relationship IMO. Best to be honest and open. I'm sure if I was to put up a profile with my interests, it'd put off over 99% of women there but that'd be cool, because I don't want anything to do with someone who won't put up with my hobbies and pastimes.

Might give this a go towards the end of the year, when I'm less busy.

TrixiBuG · 23 Jan 2012 at 17:17

Sinny said:
I was quite shocked to be honest, I thought things were going so well, she was even asking me if I'd get married in a church...

I've honestly never felt this strongly about anyone before, but she wants to be single and can't promise she wont see anyone else, I even asked her that I'd rather know if it was over because I would rather just get over it.

she even told me she'd never let me down ever which I believed like an Idiot.

Honestly and truly, if she came back I would give her a second chance as I believe in second chances but anything beyond that I would feel like an idiot.

I really needed someone in my life at the minute as I litterally have nobody to go and see or nothing to look forward too, don't think I can continue being friends.

Why are girls so callous, not that I'm saying they all are, just the ones I meet. I tell them I don't do short term relationships to which they say it's ok then bugger me over.

Awww...I read this and I instantly felt for you.

I have had a similar thing happen to me many moons ago, and it is a really heard place to be

Just a few things that might make things easier:

1. She doesn't want to be your friend. She said this cause she knew how upset you would be. She said this because she didn't want to feel guilty about splitting up with you

2. I personally don't believe that you can have a friendship after an intense relationship, mainly cause there will be one person who will always want more than friendship and they will be settling in the vain hope that they will get back together.

3. Please don't contact her. If she feels the way i think she feels, she will not want to hear from you for a while. When i contacted ex boyfriends after we had split up and we were "just friends" I hardly ever got a reply, cause they didn't really want to hear from me. Plus the head f*ck you have to go through while you wait for a reply from them is horrible...don't get me started on when they don't reply at all...

I know most will read this and think "oooh that's a bit harsh" but in the experience I have had this is mostly 100% true.

As much as you felt for her, she cant, wont or doesn't feel that way about you, but there is someone who will feel like that for you, and hopefully you will find that person and i really really hope that you both feel the same for each other

And one final point, you have us! Internet friends are great, cause they cant judge you from face value, so you can speak to us in your darkest moments and we still wont judge you

Saytan · 25 Jan 2012 at 20:59

Here's an interesting one for you lot

there's a girl on a dating site i frequent that i've toyed with messaging a couple of times, but always had a slight feeling i already knew her

it clicked today, she works on the reception at my gym, and we sometimes exchange slightly extended pleasantries.

What's the form here then?

peterattheboro · 25 Jan 2012 at 21:00

Saytan said:
Here's an interesting one for you lot

there's a girl on a dating site i frequent that i've toyed with messaging a couple of times, but always had a slight feeling i already knew her

it clicked today, she works on the reception at my gym, and we sometimes exchange slightly extended pleasantries.

What's the form here then?

Ask her out?

Saytan · 25 Jan 2012 at 21:01

peterattheboro said:
Ask her out?

this was my thought, and just steer clear of the online full stop.

doing anything online would just be.... weird

peterattheboro · 25 Jan 2012 at 21:07

Yeah. Just ask her out for a coffee.

If you're a bit cheeky like me I'd make a little joke about seeing her online.

Sinny · 25 Jan 2012 at 21:17

trixilux said:
Awww...I read this and I instantly felt for you.

I have had a similar thing happen to me many moons ago, and it is a really heard place to be

Just a few things that might make things easier:

1. She doesn't want to be your friend. She said this cause she knew how upset you would be. She said this because she didn't want to feel guilty about splitting up with you

2. I personally don't believe that you can have a friendship after an intense relationship, mainly cause there will be one person who will always want more than friendship and they will be settling in the vain hope that they will get back together.

3. Please don't contact her. If she feels the way i think she feels, she will not want to hear from you for a while. When i contacted ex boyfriends after we had split up and we were "just friends" I hardly ever got a reply, cause they didn't really want to hear from me. Plus the head f*ck you have to go through while you wait for a reply from them is horrible...don't get me started on when they don't reply at all...

I know most will read this and think "oooh that's a bit harsh" but in the experience I have had this is mostly 100% true.

As much as you felt for her, she cant, wont or doesn't feel that way about you, but there is someone who will feel like that for you, and hopefully you will find that person and i really really hope that you both feel the same for each other

And one final point, you have us! Internet friends are great, cause they cant judge you from face value, so you can speak to us in your darkest moments and we still wont judge you

Thanks very much for the reply but it's quite a bit complicated, we still talk as she genuinely wants to be friends and still has a lot of feelings for me, we've been talking for the past week.

However I've had this strong "breakup" pain in my stomach for the past week which won't go away, I'm really trying my best but I just don't know what to do. I think the best option is to tell her that I can't talk to her for a month or two until I feel I'm over her, then start slowly, or she will just have to stop flirting with me as it's killing me.

Looking for job's all day doesn't help either as it's quite distracting, I think for the for sake of myself I need to give her a choice, leave me alone for a while or see if she wants to talk about us properly.

I can't really concentrate on anything at the minute.

mikeyparkster · 25 Jan 2012 at 21:27

Saytan said:
Here's an interesting one for you lot

there's a girl on a dating site i frequent that i've toyed with messaging a couple of times, but always had a slight feeling i already knew her

it clicked today, she works on the reception at my gym, and we sometimes exchange slightly extended pleasantries.

What's the form here then?

winner!! Approach her in person and say - tell her you just realised - see if she blushes!

Pate · 25 Jan 2012 at 21:35

peterattheboro said:
Yeah. Just ask her out for a coffee.

If you're a bit cheeky like me I'd make a little joke about seeing her online.

Why mention it at all? Make it look totally genuine and upfront. I'd only use it as a source of knowledge (eg knowing she's looking for it).

Not that I'd consider online dating. Tried a few troll profiles before thanks to a certain other forum and a few lulworthy threads.

Saytan · 25 Jan 2012 at 21:37

Pate said:
Why mention it at all? Make it look totally genuine and upfront. I'd only use it as a source of knowledge (eg knowing she's looking for it).

it has confirmed for me she's a kiwi and not an aussie. in my experience kiwis love it when you dont call them aussies. I'll use that i think.

Narj · 29 Jan 2012 at 00:28

Slightly OT but a friend turned up at the pub with his new GF tonight. He is 5'8 and 17st, no Adonis by anyone's standards but the stunning girl he was chatting to last week (and who I thought was winding him up) is now his GF; I took the mickey last week saying she was just being nice! :eek:

Good luck to him, jammy get

wijcc · 29 Jan 2012 at 02:37

PianoBasher said:
Slightly OT but a friend turned up at the pub with his new GF tonight. He is 5'8 and 17st, no Adonis by anyone's standards but the stunning girl he was chatting to last week (and who I thought was winding him up) is now his GF; I took the mickey last week saying she was just being nice!

Women seem to like confident guys with the gift of the gab.. so you don't have to look like a model or be super rich to land yourself a stunner..

SheepBeast · 29 Jan 2012 at 03:18

what do you guys make of my profile...

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=35875697

i know i'm eliminating a great number of girls by mentioning gaming but if i'm honest, it's such a large part of my life i think it's pretty much a requirement for any potential match anyway.

Subliminal Aura · 29 Jan 2012 at 03:30

SheepBeast said:
what do you guys make of my profile...

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=35875697

i know i'm eliminating a great number of girls by mentioning gaming but if i'm honest, it's such a large part of my life i think it's pretty much a requirement for any potential match anyway.

I've spent 10 minutes trying to come up with a suitable reply......

................................... still thinking

Aedus · 29 Jan 2012 at 03:31

SheepBeast said:
what do you guys make of my profile...

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=35875697

i know i'm eliminating a great number of girls by mentioning gaming but if i'm honest, it's such a large part of my life i think it's pretty much a requirement for any potential match anyway.

It's awful, not even joking. If you want to be serious about it then you need to change everything.
The 10 facts about you will just put off most girls, followed by:

beer, indian takeaway and noob-pwning.

Really?

The first thing someone reads about you is "I'm weird", doesn't matter what the following part of the sentence really says, that would be enough for people to judge and they won't get a good first impression at all. The whole profile screams immaturity to me, and whilst it's good to be honest, it's better to just say things people want to hear in these regards, and let the other bits of information come out in drips and drabs.

theNude · 29 Jan 2012 at 09:54

So, its evident you don't know much about women... change EVERYTHING!

Concentrate on the fact your in a band, this should equal instant pastysmash!

Get a better picture/haircut

Remove all the negative things. I dont like clubs, football etc... tell them what you do like!

dont tell them you have a good sense of humour, everyone thinks they have but its up to them to decide whether you have.

expand on number 10, the best line in the whole thing.

delete number 1,2,3,4, 8 and 9.

You won't meet a girl that is into just playing xbox and eating curry, they are girls. well you might but she will be 56 stone with a face like a rogan josh.

not being an arse, just constructive!

RoachycaL · 29 Jan 2012 at 13:06

theDude said:
So, its evident you don't know much about women... change EVERYTHING!

Concentrate on the fact your in a band, this should equal instant pastysmash!

Get a better picture/haircut

Remove all the negative things. I dont like clubs, football etc... tell them what you do like!

dont tell them you have a good sense of humour, everyone thinks they have but its up to them to decide whether you have.

expand on number 10, the best line in the whole thing.

delete number 1,2,3,4, 8 and 9.

You won't meet a girl that is into just playing xbox and eating curry, they are girls. well you might but she will be 56 stone with a face like a rogan josh.

not being an arse, just constructive!

Nothing wrong with his picture or haircut. I've never liked going down the route of changing my hair so more girls will like me. That would simply be attracting the wrong audience to be honest.

If it were me, I would simply take the negative bits out. There is nothing wrong with saying you like video games, but just moderate it a little bit.

I've come across plenty of profiles that are "girl gamers" so saying you won't meet one is rubbish. They were pretty good looking too!

Raymond Lin · 29 Jan 2012 at 13:10

Saytan said:
Here's an interesting one for you lot

there's a girl on a dating site i frequent that i've toyed with messaging a couple of times, but always had a slight feeling i already knew her

it clicked today, she works on the reception at my gym, and we sometimes exchange slightly extended pleasantries.

What's the form here then?

Facts you know about her already

1 - She is single
2 - She is looking
3 - She is not a lesbian (may be Bi but that's a bonus?

)
4 - She has a job
5 - You've seen her in person so no first date "OMG she is way bigger than her photo" shock

1 & 2 alone should be enough for you to ask her out.

SheepBeast · 29 Jan 2012 at 17:45

Aedus said:
It's awful, not even joking. If you want to be serious about it then you need to change everything.
The 10 facts about you will just put off most girls, followed by:
Really?

The first thing someone reads about you is "I'm weird", doesn't matter what the following part of the sentence really says, that would be enough for people to judge and they won't get a good first impression at all. The whole profile screams immaturity to me, and whilst it's good to be honest, it's better to just say things people want to hear in these regards, and let the other bits of information come out in drips and drabs.

I know it'll put off most girls but that's kinda the point.... I don't want to waste time with people I have nothing in common with. Done enough of that already and it never ends well. There are plenty of girls out there who like people like me. Regardless the honest feedback is appreciated.