Matthew Perry dead at 54 - RIP

Semple said:
Yep 100%. Not sure if it's specific to Britain, but typically alright is a greeting rather than a question/response.

I typically always respond with I'm okay regardless of how I'm feeling.

The topic of men opening up more always comes up, but I'd imagine the majority of men despite agreeing, will still keep their feelings to themselves and not bring issues up.

It's okay to not be okay.
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In my (limited) experience, I've found that anything resembling 'not okay' tends to be met with something along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry - well hopefully things will improve... anyway", or "Oh - well, maybe you can get some help with that... anyway". Nobody really wants to help - they weren't actually interested, as it is just a greeting, and they don't want to share any burdens (understandably in most cases).

So you just end up in 'self-pity' and don't bother any more.
 
Koalaboy said:
In my (limited) experience, I've found that anything resembling 'not okay' tends to be met with something along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry - well hopefully things will improve... anyway", or "Oh - well, maybe you can get some help with that... anyway". Nobody really wants to help - they weren't actually interested, as it is just a greeting, and they don't want to share any burdens (understandably in most cases).
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Absolutely, you can only open up so many times and get a 'stock' answer off folk before you retreat back inside to start dealing with it on your own again. I'm quite open about some struggles i've had on the mental health thread here but i'm nowhere near as open in RL. Also many others have their own full loads they probably aren't sharing and don't have the mental fortitude to take on other peoples issues.
 
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Building Candy said:
He had been in rehab 15 times, I dont think this is a case of, if only he'd asked for help we could have saved him.
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The 'help' obviously didn't help though. There's no way to tell what went wrong, but it's clear that we still don't understand humans and how to support them, mentally.
 
Koalaboy said:
In my (limited) experience, I've found that anything resembling 'not okay' tends to be met with something along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry - well hopefully things will improve... anyway", or "Oh - well, maybe you can get some help with that... anyway". Nobody really wants to help - they weren't actually interested, as it is just a greeting, and they don't want to share any burdens (understandably in most cases).

So you just end up in 'self-pity' and don't bother any more.
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Yeah I imagine most will say they're experience is the same.

Perhaps the messaging to men (and women I suppose) is not just be open about what's on your mind but also be open to others if their response has any hints of not being okay. If you care enough to ask, you should also be able to follow up with a genuine conversation to listen to what that person is going through. I think we're probably all a bit on the fence / it's none of my business to ask etc...
 
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Koalaboy said:
The 'help' obviously didn't help though. There's no way to tell what went wrong, but it's clear that we still don't understand humans and how to support them, mentally.
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Listen to his book and you will see how much of it is entirely his own fault and the lengths others went to to stop him and how he'd do everything to go bakc to drugs at times.
 
BeeP said:
Unfortunately not enough of us actually do ask "How you doin" and even more unfortunately when asked the stock answer is mostly "alright" even when it shouldn't be. I watched the reunion thing and felt quite sad for him, even in that he often looked a bit out of place.

RIP to a guy who actually made me laugh despite being troubled himself.
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Yeah thats exactly what I meant :(
 
Perry did say in the reunion that "nobody ever calls me" and I don't think he was joking either.

Yet they are 'utterly devasted'.
 
Smokey Deza said:
Perry did say in the reunion that "nobody ever calls me" and I don't think he was joking either.

Yet they are 'utterly devasted'.
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How would he know when he's high on 50 pills a day? Why should they? So that they can hear him unable to follow a conversation? How many times should they be expected to call and try to help until enough is enough?

What a silly thing you've said. Of course they can be devasted.

Out of interest, how many friends so you have that are bad alcoholics?
 
unwashed potato! said:
How would he know when he's high on 50 pills a day? Why should they? So that they can hear him unable to follow a conversation? How many times should they be expected to call and try to help until enough is enough?

What a silly thing you've said. Of course they can be devasted.

Out of interest, how many friends so you have that are bad alcoholics?
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Yeah alrite mate. Utterly devasted. Something sudden and unexpected followed by profound levels of sadness or physical ruin. Like the end of a long-lasting relationship or marriage. Or maybe just losing everything you hold dear in an earthquake.

And I'm sure they are upset, of course. Some of them deeply so, and I never said they weren't. But claiming they're all this emotionally distraught over someone they regard as family, where I suspect most of them haven't seen or even spoken to the guy in years, I find the choice phrase distasteful.
 
AndyCr15 said:
Whilst it has a high rating on Audible, the people who have taken time to write reviews generally pan it saying he spends his time wallowing in self-pity and blaming everyone else... Will see what @SixTwoSix thinks of it. :)
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I've still got about a third to go, and I can certainly see why it has some of these comments/reviews.
SixTwoSix said:
I think anyone who hasn't had to deal with that could see it as very self pitying.
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And this is what I'm aware of. To me, I just think "Well, why did you do X or Y or Z?!". To me, it seems completely his own fault but he makes a few comments like "What chance did I have" and "If he hadn't given me those, I think the next 30 years would have been very different." But I get that I don't really understand addiction and even mental health issues. Unfortunately, to me, he comes over as a bit of a d*ck unfortunately (Which he kind of acknowledges, now he's older and wiser, he knows he was a d*ck). It's kind of a shame as someone else could have really enjoyed his life if he didn't mess it up. (And it was messed up a long way before Friends made him a global star)

It's a very interesting and honest book though which I am certainly enjoying.
 
Koalaboy said:
The 'help' obviously didn't help though. There's no way to tell what went wrong, but it's clear that we still don't understand humans and how to support them, mentally.
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He will have had a massive supportive network and community via AA and other organisations. Sponsors, lots of people looking out for him etc. I agree that some people are beyond saving but I haven’t read anything that says his cause of death was drugs or alcohol, quite possibly just resulted from the damage he did to his system in earlier years, it sounded pretty horrendous.
 
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