Monogomy?
- Thread starter nero120
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VeNT said:
But what if you'd never cheat with someone you saw in the street? If you watch porn, surely your fantisizing of another women in a sexual context?
Why should it be any different?
Burnsy
burnsy2023 said:
It's hard to explain and I can't even get it straight in my own head but it's just different
I think it's because with porn the turn on is the actual sexual act that's going on in front of you so of course it's going to turn you on... you're not necesarily getting turned on or oggling at the woman as such ( some of them are complete munters anyway
). The women/men involved are on the TV and not in front of you so they are theoretically unobtainable whereas the women you're oggling at in the street is I know of course that men just don't go running off with some random bird in the street but the thought is sub conciously there I suppose
Not sure if that's explained it or if I've just confused myself even more :/
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Piggymon said:
So really, it's not got a lot to do with the act itself, but more with your insecurities that your other half could cheat?
If you've got a guy like Desmo, should you still have these insecurities?
Burnsy
burnsy2023 said:
I don't know mate .. I can't even explain it to myself let alone try and put it into text to try and explain on here
I'm not an inscecure person but I'd be fibbing if I said I was 100% secure and that's not a reflection on Desmo ... I wouldn't think for a second he would cheat on me but past experiences, during my formative years, have moulded my thinking a little and it's hard to change it
Piggymon said:I wouldn't compare it to cheating but I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't bother me
I don't fantasise about other men so I don't see why he would fantasise about other women
Besides ... he's got me and my boobies .. he doesn't need anything else
HA! Yep, you certainly understand guys all right! Dont worry, you have absolutely nothing to worry about!...
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Piggymon said:I don't know mate .. I can't even explain it to myself let alone try and put it into text to try and explain on here
I'm not an inscecure person but I'd be fibbing if I said I was 100% secure and that's not a reflection on Desmo ... I wouldn't think for a second he would cheat on me but past experiences, during my formative years, have moulded my thinking a little and it's hard to change it
You know what they say: once bitten, twice shy.
Burnsy
nero120 said:
Hmmmm interesting thread, well for me my gf lives on the otehr side of the world...i love her with all my heart and hopefully end of this yr ill be marrying if things go to plan etc. She feels the same way as well as far as i know.
Now ill freely admit to looking at other lasses while im out and about. But and its a big but my thoughts are solely restricted to yeh shes hot or she has a lovely pair of norks or a cracking arse etc etc. Not once have i ever thought abotu cheating on my gf, even though shes thousands of miles away...i could if i really wanted to..cheat on her and she wouldnt know a damn thing about it as none of my mates know her well enough and none of her mates can keep an eye on me etc. But regardless thats where my thoughts stop, i will admire a good looking lass but doesnt necessarily mean that i want to nail her at the first opportunity etc. Ive had a few offers from women that i wont lie about but i have yet to take any of them up on their offers of some sexual fun. As i said before im in the ideal situation for being able to cheat on my gf but i CHOOSE not to because i love her too much and respect her way too much. I know if i lost her because of one night of fumbling then im the one whos going to suffer, its because of her that my life has become somewhat more calmer...before i was runnin around like a headless chicken with really no aim in life other than to make plenty of money and spend it like crazy.
Fact of the matter is that she gets jealous if any woman looks at me or if i look at another woman in front of her. So when im with her, i dont look or try not to look at other women..fact is it saves on a lot of arguements and i can see her point of view about having respect etc etc. Other women that i have dated etc have had no problems with me oggling other women but then they arent the ones that im hoping to spend the rest of my life with.
Anyways thats my view, i dont like people who cheat on their partners...its not big nor is it smart. A few of my mates who have gfs or wives, do cheat on their partners and i really cant understand why...as their other halves are very good looking themselves. Personally it disgusts me when i find a mate of mine went out, got drunk, pulled some random bird then went back to her place to nail her...the thing that makes me angry is that my mates turn round to their other halves and say they were with me...and because im such a nice fella i cover for them as they have kids and a family with these women. The last thing i want to do is break all that up...but now its got to the stage where i have stood up to my mates and told them i dont want to be a part of their cheating ways....sadly its cost me their friendship but i dont really give a **** as i cant respect someone who does such things.
Phew went on there a bit..apologies lol
Piggymon said:
Actually, no where in this thread did I say that. I certainly dont oogle other women because I consider it rude, especially in the presence of someone you are in a relationship with. What I did say is that I can fantasise about other women (in private) when it suits me and understand the difference between fantasising and cheating. Maybe i should throw in that I fantasise about my lovely girl too! Sometimes I also fantasise about my girl with another girl! But hell, I dont think Id really get much out of that in real life.
burnsy2023 said:You know what they say: once bitten, twice shy.
Burnsy
Indeed
It's unfortunate that people who cheat have no thought for the damage that they're doing to the other person
I had a very very bad experience between the ages of 17 & 22 .. .the very period that moulds your thoughts and views as you grow up
Thankfully I ( mostly ) got over it before I met Desmo at the age of 25 and although I can be a little touchy over some things we have a very healthy relationship and no issues .. it helps that Desmo is a very understanding man who doesn't feel the need to ogle at other women
Piggymon said:
I never said that you did say it. Though, yet again I feel obliged to remind you that I suggested women stay out of this thread as it mind shatter some illusions. If you decide to stay then fine, but please dont think what you read here gives you a right to judge any guy, or even your own guy for that matter if they do fantasise about other women. Judge people by their actions, not by how you interpret their thoughts.
Piggymon said:
See Id disagree with you there. Fantasising about some porno or about some hot girl in the street is no different at all. One is not more wrong than the other, a fantasy is a fantasy - it is fiction. Does reading a book about a murderer mean you wanna murder people in real life? Of course not. It is simply a journey in exploring ones sexual and psychological makeup.
Now let me ask you another question: What if your boyfriend fantasised once about doing it with your best friend? I would assume that would be something you would find unforgivable, because you do not share the view that mind and reality are different. Is it so hard to appreciate that ones actions define them, not ones thoughts?
Piggymon said:That says to me you have told her and she knows that you ogle other women ?
Apologies if I have the wrong end of the stick
Ah I see now. I meant that she now understands (or much better than she did) how my mind works. Looking back at some posts I can forgive people for thinking Im some sick ******* who oogles all over other women while my girl is standing next to me! No, she knows that I can fantasise about women (though obviously I dont rub this fact in her face!) and it does not mean I want to cheat on her, nor does it mean she doesnt satisfy me. Im not as bad as I seem to be making out!
Maybe I should also add that I have a great deal of honesty with my girl, and in the past that has lead to some hurt feelings - but I feel it would be better to make her understand rather than her going around with some idea that I am an angel and only ever think about her! There is also such a thing as being too honest - we need some thoughts to remain private to escape the real world for a little while. But the funny thing is I cant remember the last time we had a proper fight, it must be over 3 years ago! 
nero120 said:
Who are you to tell me I can or cannot post in a thread ?
I'm am not judging anyone in this thread I was merely aruging the point that not ALL men think the way you do
Desmo posted himself his thoughts and yet you still feel you cannot accept these as fact so that's your problem
nero120 said:
I don't have a best friend so that's a moot point
nero120 said:
Fair enough, my apologies for getting the wrong end of the stick and thanks for explaining a little better
I'm sure you're not a bad person and I never said you were but people just think differently and have different relationships with different ways of thinking ... this is all I have been trying to get across mate
Piggymon said:
I never said you couldnt post, but I did warn that it may be better not to get involved, as this is a historically touchy subject. I liek discussing touchy subjects.
People of course do think differently, but there is also a commonality that all men share, and all women share. I am simply interested to know to what degree men share their monogomous sexual drive.