Natural/in built motivation?

[Nickl245]

Motivation is good.but discipline is better, lasts longer.

@OP, get tested for low testosterone at your GP, HRT gave me back the energy and drive I had as a teenager.

You've gotta find a way out of the anhedonia in my experience,.new experiences are a good way to do it.

 

[LeeUK]

I'm exactly the same as the OP although I hate work and long for the weekend, then when the weekend comes I do nothing.

 

[Bassmansam]

I think that you haven't gotten to know yourself. Do you push your feelings down? If you do this long enough, you don't know why you feel the way that you feel.

Are you lonely? Some people are fine living a solitary life, but there's a huge difference between being alone and lonely. You might be lonely and not even realise.

Sounds like you have a lot to unpack and examine. Do yourself a favour and get to know yourself. Identify the good bits that you want to hold onto, and capitalise on, and the not so good bits, the bits that you want to learn not to react to, and eventually change.

Get some help, you won't regret it!

whats the difference between pushing your feelings down and learning not to react to certain ones?

 

[bainbridge]

whats the difference between pushing your feelings down and learning not to react to certain ones?

Self awareness.

 

[Bassmansam]

Self awareness.

can you give an example of what you mean bu pushing feelings down please?

 

[bainbridge]

can you give an example of what you mean bu pushing feelings down please?

Have a look online, there's lots of info and it's quite interesting.

 

[flea.rider]

i've got motivation it's just the older i get the slower i do things .. and the less things i need to do .. ie: i used to mountain bike like a fool doing 300+ miles a week all tho a few yrs ago now .. my new hobby is metal detecting .. yes i'm that old

 

[413x]

I know it's hard.
I have same.

It takes me ages to do DIY jobs. Especially painting. I think for DIY I'm quite perfectionist so it is frustrating seeing bad bits. And this can easily happen with feature walls etc. So it kills motivation.

Worse still is hobbies. I have hobbies that I love but simply getting out of the house is difficult.
It's OK if I book. Or I'm going with others. Then I'll always go. But if I'm just going for a bike ride it can be hard to get.out.


Depression runs in my family and this absolutely doesn't help. Also I'm not got with an organised life.


I always try to motivate myself. But I have to say its always a struggle. And time is always slipping by in the background

 

[explicit4u]

I think that you haven't gotten to know yourself. Do you push your feelings down? If you do this long enough, you don't know why you feel the way that you feel.

Are you lonely? Some people are fine living a solitary life, but there's a huge difference between being alone and lonely. You might be lonely and not even realise.

Sounds like you have a lot to unpack and examine. Do yourself a favour and get to know yourself. Identify the good bits that you want to hold onto, and capitalise on, and the not so good bits, the bits that you want to learn not to react to, and eventually change.

Get some help, you won't regret it!

Great post, 100% this, talk to your GP op.

All these suggestions are likely to make you feel worse if it's just more **** you cant bring yourself to do.

 

[mid_gen]

Best thing you can do is get in shape....once you've hit 40 you really need to put some effort in if you want to stay in shape to enjoy your later years.

Climbing/mountaineering ticks all the boxes for me. Even on a crappy wet windy weekend like this you can just go to an indoor wall and have a good session. It's not mindless exercise like going to the gym, it occupies your mind, can be as social or asocial as you want it to be.

Do you drink? If you do, try knocking it on the head for a few weeks, you might be surprised what effect even moderate amounts have on your energy levels.

 

[Bassmansam]

Great post, 100% this, talk to your GP op.

All these suggestions are likely to make you feel worse if it's just more **** you cant bring yourself to do.

how will a gp improve his will to do things? Thats got to come from within.

 

[Ayahuasca]

how will a gp improve his will to do things? Thats got to come from within.

Because it very much sounds like he could be depressed. I know people like to **** on SSRI’s but they absolutely can work and have changed millions of peoples lives.

OP has already made it pretty clear he doesn’t have the ability to make a change from within.

 

[Bassmansam]

Because it very much sounds like he could be depressed. I know people like to **** on SSRI’s but they absolutely can work and have changed millions of peoples lives.

OP has already made it pretty clear he doesn’t have the ability to make a change from within.

so will meds give him the ability to join groups/ do social things? Genuinely curious how they will help.

edit: do they remove anxiety?

 

[Efour]

so will meds give him the ability to join groups/ do social things? Genuinely curious how they will help.

edit: do they remove anxiety?

Woman at my work started taking anti depressants and she just turned into a overly talkative, smiling idiot
I think they just take the edge off of your mind and open you up to communicating/interacting/talking, get your mind from its self deprecating cycle of doom.
Like a "few" beers or smokey things do to "normal" people.

She would often repeat herself in conversation but id pretend to no notice

The dudes absolutely depressed but i think if we are honest most of us have been there, especially computer forum losers... most people here have issues physically or "mentally"

But getting to the age of 40 and still not having a clue or doing the social norms like having family and kids (i included myself there) is truly deemed as failure by most modern standards...
Without the drive of supporting a family or partner or anyone? (get a cat)
You will find, like you have, you really have no point in existing. Youre a zero contributor to society or the future of humanity. (mostly like me too But i do go on holiday 4x a year and enjoy life more these days after moving here to Sweden)

I think if you are single its compounded 10x worse. You should find someone in you're life to share your misery with... Seriously it is hard but you must have something in common with a man/woman whatever your preference is....

If you have no friends/family then as others suggested you will need to go down the NHS route and it wont be fun or easy but you need a kick back onto the rails. If you do wanna change..

 

[explicit4u]

so will meds give him the ability to join groups/ do social things? Genuinely curious how they will help.

edit: do they remove anxiety?

It's a lot more complicated than that, it's like taking a decongestant when you've got a cold. It won't cure you of the cold, but it makes the symptoms a lot more bearable and means you can go about your day to an extent. I've often heard taking SSRI's are like clearing the fog in your brain, it won't cure you of depression or anxiety but it gives you that extra mood lift to help combat it and start tackling the root causes, it's usually why you're prescribed medicine and therapy at the same time... but we're verging on medical advice here so i'll leave it at that

 

[potatolord]

None of those appeal, but I feel like I should do some of them anyway just to avoid becoming a social leper.

People I can take or leave, I don't have a passport but have seen a lot of the UK. I have been trying for the past 6 months or so to think of a physical activity I can get into, as I mentioned above it would have to be a sport or something with a purpose, just going to a gym for tedious exercise has zero appeal.

Looking for purpose just blocks you from trying new things. You won't know what you'll enjoy and when it may be useful.

Go to as many different classes as you can. Don't commit to a long course- you want one or two sessions to find out if you like it.

I went to dancing lessons with my wife (before she was my wife), despite my misgivings. It turned out to be fun- and useful when it became clear (at a friend's wedding) that we were the only couple who could dance properly.

 

[Telecaster]

Woman at my work started taking anti depressants and she just turned into a overly talkative, smiling idiot
I think they just take the edge off of your mind and open you up to communicating/interacting/talking, get your mind from its self deprecating cycle of doom.
Like a "few" beers or smokey things do to "normal" people.

She would often repeat herself in conversation but id pretend to no notice

The dudes absolutely depressed but i think if we are honest most of us have been there, especially computer forum losers... most people here have issues physically or "mentally"

But getting to the age of 40 and still not having a clue or doing the social norms like having family and kids (i included myself there) is truly deemed as failure by most modern standards...
Without the drive of supporting a family or partner or anyone? (get a cat)
You will find, like you have, you really have no point in existing. Youre a zero contributor to society or the future of humanity. (mostly like me too But i do go on holiday 4x a year and enjoy life more these days after moving here to Sweden)

I think if you are single its compounded 10x worse. You should find someone in you're life to share your misery with... Seriously it is hard but you must have something in common with a man/woman whatever your preference is....

If you have no friends/family then as others suggested you will need to go down the NHS route and it wont be fun or easy but you need a kick back onto the rails. If you do wanna change..

Like you say, you've got to want it. I want to want it but I'm not sure you can just make yourself do anything by purely will power alone. There's got to be a serious mindset shift and at the minute that leap is a massive gap the size of the grand canyon not something you can wake up all happy-clappy one day and talk yourself into.

I've a short time frame of tolerance for being around people, I can do the whole smiley/polite 'how are you doing? me I'm good thanks' BS until the cows come home but I can't put up with much more than that, the thought of living with someone or spending more than an hour with them fills me with dread.

Pets are a no-go due to the amount of time I spend out of the house, leaving them alone like that all day wouldn't be fair, apart from that the tenancy doesn't allow them.

I think my first step should be trying some form of sport or activity, a racket sport or similar would be OK.

 

[EdButler]

This sounds a little like depression to me. To everyone who says 'just do something' you need to understand that people suffering from this simply don't respond the same way.

Serotonin and Dopamine are our brain's way of getting rewards for things we do, from washing the pots to having a good night's out. They are absolutely key for motivation because that rush is like an addiction (albeit a good one!)

Anti depressants can help bring these levels up for people who are deficient of these hormones. I would recommend the OP share their experiences with the GP.

 

[UTmaniac]

I'd like to try and exercise more- apart from that I get from my job- I struggle with exercise purely for the sake of it and wouldn't consider a gym but some kind of sport would appeal if I could figure out how to do that as a billy no mates.

Get yourself a decent spec/weight bike and go exploring the local countryside?

I'm 48 and had bikes as long as I can remember, but until 2017 when I started cycling to try and regain some fitness of my youth, they were largely just a tool for commuting or popping somewhere like the shops. I've lived in Southampton since late '92, but I only discovered the rural lanes (especially climbs) between Owslebury/ Rake/ South Harting/ Shedfield in the South Downs ~4.5 years ago. I don't go up there typically Nov-Mar, but during the winter I'll frequently use my turbo trainer to keep me ticking over until the weather improves in spring.

Besides the challenge of climbing hills, the fresh air and countryside help recharge me from the daily grind of work and general life stresses... I so wish I'd done this decades ago!

 

[Bassmansam]

me and my gf played badminton for the first time at a local leisure center. Not something i would usually have done but i wanted to start getting my more physical hobbies. I realise in the past i used to put up barriers in my mind about doing things outside my comfort zone. I'm only 32 but i don't really want to have that attitude as its kind of limiting in when it comes to life outside of work. I realise now that its so easy to work and then not have a life outside of it and it terrifies me.

I was very social in my teens and early 20s and then in my mid 20s i kinda stopped going out much socially(maybe once a month). I think i was in a job i didnt like and it reflected in my social life. Over the last few years i have worked to get a more interesting job and it's pushed me to get more out there again socially/doing stuff I wouldn't of done before.

Sometimes you just have to "go for it" otherwise you will be stuck in a rut.