@Telecaster it seems so strikingly obvious to me that you are suffering from depression, I see you posting a fair bit in the crypto section and never would have thought from those posts to the point that at first I wondered if you were just trolling in this thread. But if you genuinely feel as you describe then 95% of the suggestions in this thread to get out and just try new things aren’t going to work. You absolutely have to want to fix it, and in my experience with loved ones suffering that might only happen when you hit rock bottom and in that scenario you need someone there to help you up. I’d suggest seeking help before you get there.
Don’t be fearful of medication or any stigma attached to it, it can work wonders for getting you back on track. As another poster mentioned, it is just to rebalance chemicals in your brain that you aren’t producing enough of. Coupled with therapy to better understand yourself and you could find that you can be in a very different place quite quickly.
The longer you ignore it though, the worse it will get, as it seems like you’ve experienced over the years but just haven’t put a label on it.