News on Wife (reason for being away for a day)
- Thread starter Calranthe
- Start date
This whole ordeal has to be one of the most emotionally destroying things I've read and that's coming from a Sperg whom a common trait shared is a lack of empathy. You're a very strong person and I can only hope I could be half as strong as you are if I was faced with a similair situation. I wouldn't wish what I've read on my worst enemy.
Soldato
I am extremely sorry to read through this thread, and also that I got to it so late, but I've spent most of the last month in Bulgaria with work, and have only just gotten back to normality.
This is such a terrible thread to read through, I lost my partner earlier this year (complications brought on by pneumonia, a heart condition and a thyroid problem), and even now 8 months on, I don't think I have really been able to accept it. Often times I don't think that I want to.
The only thing that I have found that helps most days, is to hold onto the memories, even if they reduce you to tears. Hold her close to your heart, and never forget.
It is not something I would wish on anyone, and I am so sorry for your loss.
As others have said, it really does help to simply talk to people, to let it out, and should you ever need it, myself and so many others will always be willing to help where we can.
This is such a terrible thread to read through, I lost my partner earlier this year (complications brought on by pneumonia, a heart condition and a thyroid problem), and even now 8 months on, I don't think I have really been able to accept it. Often times I don't think that I want to.
The only thing that I have found that helps most days, is to hold onto the memories, even if they reduce you to tears. Hold her close to your heart, and never forget.
It is not something I would wish on anyone, and I am so sorry for your loss.
As others have said, it really does help to simply talk to people, to let it out, and should you ever need it, myself and so many others will always be willing to help where we can.
At least here I can say exactly how I am feeling, it is draining to smile for people at Christmas because you do not want to ruin the day for them, too me now Christmas all that comes to mind is I'll never get another beautiful card made by her, I'll never have to make a special meal for us, I'll never get to watch her crafting and planing presents for others and I will never get to see her smile again.
I see all the adverts on telly showing family and celebration even more than normal Television.
All that on top of every time I leave the house I expect to be struggling to get her wheelchair over the big step, every time I leave the house now, I know that nothing is waiting for me when I get home because for 20 years the only time I would leave the house without her it was to pick up something or fetch a take out but the best part about leaving that house was getting back home to her.
I have no family, no close friends , it was basically her and me for the last 20 years, since her death I have probably had apart from the funeral one visitor to the house.
Not that I am in any shape to have visitors or make new friends yet.
I have talked to Samaritans, Douglas Macmillan bereavement councillors my GP is worried about me, I've been referred to clinical psychology (2nd January).
People think I am a suicide risk.
Lets be honest I am in certain ways, its not that I am planning to top myself but lets say I have this surgery and the prognosis afterwards (they will check how bad it is once they have it out of me) its all about how far it has spread, if the prognosis is bad as in I can't be cured of this cancer (I don't mind going through chemo if its not just a backstop to give me a couple or 6 months more). So if it is good news even if it means a year of chemo I will fight it, if its bad news then I am damn well going out on my own terms, If Paola was alive yes I'd fight for every single extra day alive.
Even if I fight it and beat it, I will still be coming home to an empty house.
Those in this thread who have suffered this kind of tragedy are the only ones who can truly understand the physical pain and torture of this kind of loss and like most people I have talked to, it never goes away, it helps if you keep busy or have family or children, you can focus and distract yourself, but every quiet moment is filled with feels and loss so dark and lonely its hard to put into words and believe me I am so so happy that most of you have not had to feel this, I am so happy that most of you good people here don't understand because I honestly wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Imagine it a depressing dark and lonely pain so bad that your actually grateful for the distraction of Bowel Cancer.
I am not giving up and I do plan on setting up a games/movie/bbq/VR night/afternoon at my place after all this is done, I do plan on visiting places Paola would have loved to, I may even volunteer at the local hospital after all I already have all the skills.
I am just in a very dark place at the moment.
I see all the adverts on telly showing family and celebration even more than normal Television.
All that on top of every time I leave the house I expect to be struggling to get her wheelchair over the big step, every time I leave the house now, I know that nothing is waiting for me when I get home because for 20 years the only time I would leave the house without her it was to pick up something or fetch a take out but the best part about leaving that house was getting back home to her.
I have no family, no close friends , it was basically her and me for the last 20 years, since her death I have probably had apart from the funeral one visitor to the house.
Not that I am in any shape to have visitors or make new friends yet.
I have talked to Samaritans, Douglas Macmillan bereavement councillors my GP is worried about me, I've been referred to clinical psychology (2nd January).
People think I am a suicide risk.
Lets be honest I am in certain ways, its not that I am planning to top myself but lets say I have this surgery and the prognosis afterwards (they will check how bad it is once they have it out of me) its all about how far it has spread, if the prognosis is bad as in I can't be cured of this cancer (I don't mind going through chemo if its not just a backstop to give me a couple or 6 months more). So if it is good news even if it means a year of chemo I will fight it, if its bad news then I am damn well going out on my own terms, If Paola was alive yes I'd fight for every single extra day alive.
Even if I fight it and beat it, I will still be coming home to an empty house.
Those in this thread who have suffered this kind of tragedy are the only ones who can truly understand the physical pain and torture of this kind of loss and like most people I have talked to, it never goes away, it helps if you keep busy or have family or children, you can focus and distract yourself, but every quiet moment is filled with feels and loss so dark and lonely its hard to put into words and believe me I am so so happy that most of you have not had to feel this, I am so happy that most of you good people here don't understand because I honestly wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Imagine it a depressing dark and lonely pain so bad that your actually grateful for the distraction of Bowel Cancer.
I am not giving up and I do plan on setting up a games/movie/bbq/VR night/afternoon at my place after all this is done, I do plan on visiting places Paola would have loved to, I may even volunteer at the local hospital after all I already have all the skills.
I am just in a very dark place at the moment.
I have no words - nobody should have to go through this, really hope things find some way of improving for you. No clue how you could feel right now, find comfort in the memories of such an angel in this age of apathy. It sounded like the two of you had something special, much more so than what the average person manages to find in someone else. All the best 
Calranthe, you have to ask yourself what Paola would want. Would she want to see you being negative and lonely, or making friends, being positive and enjoying your time? I suspect the latter. It isn't at all easy to begin with - in fact it might even feel forced - but as time goes on, it will become easier for you.
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Honestly, random TV is bad overall at this time for you:
Adverts that have family remind you of being alone now.
Adverts that show old and elderly and nearing their time remind you of mortality and those gone now.
Adverts that show things that you used to do remind you of the past.
Most shows bring up romance and relationships every episode because it's a thing now. Or need to have death in them to push the story. Neither of which you need being thrown around your head. Not at your current moment.
The only good thing about having the TV on at this time is that it keeps the place "lively" and doesn't feel as though you are alone (as easily).
If you have to watching anything, you should aim for something that doesn't reference loss so easily (which is why I said something like the 80's Thundercats series, as it's all about heading on up and getting up again if you're down, and if I haven't mentioned yet, the music is uplifting without being too specific. Mostly it's always about coming through the other side despite what you face, better and stronger.). But not many shows like that these days. You need to feel like it's not all down (you need to regain the feeling that there's life in you), which is why although there are other shows as well these days that are just as good or better (I like NCIS for example), especially considering tastes (some consider something like Thundercats just a cartoon and can't take it seriously depite its themes), the problem is I feel you're still too raw (too soon) after your loss, and not really quite emotionally or mentally ready to just watch anything and be good with it.
The having people around you and smiling even though it's hard, is to basically "rewire" your brain, that you can still be OK in a way. And over time, it'll work itself out. It's also so you essentially force yourself to not allow any stray thoughts to take you to places you don't want to be. And if they do, someone could help refrain you. That's why, despite the difficulty of guests, you should have people around you that you can't walk away from.
All the best.
Adverts that have family remind you of being alone now.
Adverts that show old and elderly and nearing their time remind you of mortality and those gone now.
Adverts that show things that you used to do remind you of the past.
Most shows bring up romance and relationships every episode because it's a thing now. Or need to have death in them to push the story. Neither of which you need being thrown around your head. Not at your current moment.
The only good thing about having the TV on at this time is that it keeps the place "lively" and doesn't feel as though you are alone (as easily).
If you have to watching anything, you should aim for something that doesn't reference loss so easily (which is why I said something like the 80's Thundercats series, as it's all about heading on up and getting up again if you're down, and if I haven't mentioned yet, the music is uplifting without being too specific. Mostly it's always about coming through the other side despite what you face, better and stronger.). But not many shows like that these days. You need to feel like it's not all down (you need to regain the feeling that there's life in you), which is why although there are other shows as well these days that are just as good or better (I like NCIS for example), especially considering tastes (some consider something like Thundercats just a cartoon and can't take it seriously depite its themes), the problem is I feel you're still too raw (too soon) after your loss, and not really quite emotionally or mentally ready to just watch anything and be good with it.
The having people around you and smiling even though it's hard, is to basically "rewire" your brain, that you can still be OK in a way. And over time, it'll work itself out. It's also so you essentially force yourself to not allow any stray thoughts to take you to places you don't want to be. And if they do, someone could help refrain you. That's why, despite the difficulty of guests, you should have people around you that you can't walk away from.
All the best.
well I have to wonder if I am an NPC in some messed up game of the sims and the one in charge is the kind of person who removes the ladder to the swimming pool.
I have one light in my life that is my dogs, a Terrier named beryl and a staffie named Bertie, both rescue dogs (both of them have always been healthy), this morning when sitting with them I noticed that Beryl is squinting in one eye, I take a look and its slightly milky and painful for her.
Now I'm not in the best of head space but one thing I would never neglect is my dogs, so I make an appointment to see my vet and its Glaucoma, could be primary or secondary, worst case scenario it takes both eyes and she ends up blind.
I mean seriously I go into hospital on the 3rd, its pretty much the worst time of the year to organise anything pet wise and this happens?
Did I screw over a Gypsy in a past life ?
I have one light in my life that is my dogs, a Terrier named beryl and a staffie named Bertie, both rescue dogs (both of them have always been healthy), this morning when sitting with them I noticed that Beryl is squinting in one eye, I take a look and its slightly milky and painful for her.
Now I'm not in the best of head space but one thing I would never neglect is my dogs, so I make an appointment to see my vet and its Glaucoma, could be primary or secondary, worst case scenario it takes both eyes and she ends up blind.
I mean seriously I go into hospital on the 3rd, its pretty much the worst time of the year to organise anything pet wise and this happens?
Did I screw over a Gypsy in a past life ?
Calranthe I just wanted to wish you all the best fella, you've been an inspiration to many on here, myself very much included. You've put all our petty troubles in to real perspective and some of the more serious ones too, you're a real gentleman and a genuine fighter. I honestly, sincerely hope that you pull through this awful year and find the happiness you deserve, with Paola no doubt watching over you smiling, proud that she was fortunate enough to call you her husband. Be strong my friend, and I'm fairly confident when I say this that I speak for many in this thread: If there's anything I or anyone else here can do to help, we'd jump at the opportunity.
You don't have to go through this alone, it might help to have someone at your side, please reach out if you find yourself in a dark place with nowhere to turn, as you're well aware life is too short to waste it. Thanks for being such an amazing person <3
You don't have to go through this alone, it might help to have someone at your side, please reach out if you find yourself in a dark place with nowhere to turn, as you're well aware life is too short to waste it. Thanks for being such an amazing person <3
Someone definitely did, I think it may have been @Participant but I may be wrong. As said above I'd hop in the car right right away to take Calranthe out for a day, even if only for a film and lunch just to take his mind off things for a bit. This guy deserves some good company after the year he's been through / still going through.
I'm in shelton stoke on trent, I would not be against some company even if its just to have a chat, I may not be up to going out for a film or anything like that, anyone who wants to Drop me a Trust. (be warned we do have two dogs who will probably try to lick you to death).
Caporegime
They do, but in a nice way, very affectionate pair!
I’d love to pop by again, but right now I’m pretty ill and wouldn’t want to spread what I’ve got!
Good idea, sorry to hear you are ill, I can't really chance catching anything before my surgery.
Three things have given me at least some kind of distraction.
1)Books, I am listening to a lot of books from Audible, Monster Hunter Inc is a great series of books as is the Dresden Files plus Old Man's War.
2)Walking, whenever I feel restless I just go for a walk remembering to take a drink of water and tissues because I walked nearly everywhere within a 10 mile radius of my house with Paola in her wheelchair so it hits me all the damn time.
3)Playing Star Trek Online, we used to play together, instead of playing my old characters, I created a new one modelled on myself and created one modelled on Paola as my first officer (science) I always played the engineer, I always loved that game and going through all the content (which is classed as extended cannon for the Star Trek Universe, a lot of the Actors come back to reprise the roles) is a great distraction.
It probably isn't healthy but who cares when I get back from the hospital I plan to either hire a Skyrim mod maker or make one myself, create a follower companion in the image of her character she played skyrim with, then I will travel SkyrimVR with her at my side.
1)Books, I am listening to a lot of books from Audible, Monster Hunter Inc is a great series of books as is the Dresden Files plus Old Man's War.
2)Walking, whenever I feel restless I just go for a walk remembering to take a drink of water and tissues because I walked nearly everywhere within a 10 mile radius of my house with Paola in her wheelchair so it hits me all the damn time.
3)Playing Star Trek Online, we used to play together, instead of playing my old characters, I created a new one modelled on myself and created one modelled on Paola as my first officer (science) I always played the engineer, I always loved that game and going through all the content (which is classed as extended cannon for the Star Trek Universe, a lot of the Actors come back to reprise the roles) is a great distraction.
It probably isn't healthy but who cares when I get back from the hospital I plan to either hire a Skyrim mod maker or make one myself, create a follower companion in the image of her character she played skyrim with, then I will travel SkyrimVR with her at my side.
Caporegime
Got to be healthier than sitting around doing nothing 
The grieving process, given the circumstances here, will be quite a long one, so I wouldn’t worry too much about not feeling productive or “normal” again anytime soon.
The grieving process, given the circumstances here, will be quite a long one, so I wouldn’t worry too much about not feeling productive or “normal” again anytime soon.
I just set a fire in the back yard, no I wasn't trying to burn the house down, we have an incinerator which I use to burn anything paper and cardboard like, I used to really enjoy sitting outside at night with a drink of water and just watch the flames, when I did it tonight had no enjoyment like most of what I do.
It is strange to think that in early November I came thanking Overclockers for all the support and they offered for us to come visit and have a tour, a week before we were supposed to visit on my birthday is when she got really ill.
Even though it wasn't that long ago it feels like a million miles away a place I can never get back too.
It is strange to think that in early November I came thanking Overclockers for all the support and they offered for us to come visit and have a tour, a week before we were supposed to visit on my birthday is when she got really ill.
Even though it wasn't that long ago it feels like a million miles away a place I can never get back too.
Soldato
No...but you can move forward, one day at a time.
I’m a big fan of Star Trek, and have multiple characters in the game!
What race is your character, and what’s your favourite ship/spec?
I’m a big fan of Star Trek, and have multiple characters in the game!
What race is your character, and what’s your favourite ship/spec?
I would have swung round to say hello for sure, but unfortunately you are about a 6 hour drive away!