OcUK Dadsnet thread

theone8181 said:
Had a call from school today, my 6 year old son has slapped somebody and they needed an ice pack to soothe it. I'm going to give him a telling off, but now the Mrs is flapping about some way of getting rid of his aggression. Any thoughts? I think he's just going through a phase and hopefully he won't do it again. Might have to slap him so he knows not to do it /s (semi sarcastic :p ).
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Have you shown him the Gilette adverts? That should put him on the right path.
 
Camalot said:
I had my IVF daughter smack bang in first lockdown.

She's NEVER been able to sleep on her own, in her own bed. Literally tried everything. She will just cry and cry until shes physically sick, then I just can't leave her alone any longer.

Any one else had this? A few others have said their child with IVF has been very similar and very difficult.
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YMMV. Our first was IVF and was a great sleeper. Number 2 natural and a complete git about it.
 
Had a conversation with the special educational needs coordinator for the school nursery my daughter will be attending from September, and left feeling relieved. She has a speech and language delay, with concerns being raised by the health visitor when she had her two year review last August. She’s been referred to a paediatrician for a diagnosis, as in my far from expert opinion, she shows some signs and behaviours indicative of ADHD or autism, but with a 42 week waiting list, even though that was almost a year ago, and so far, she’s yet to be seen.

However, my daughter is talking, and although her speech is limited and behind where she should be, the school has experience of bringing on kids who have been completely non-verbal. I was worried she’d be left behind, but it seems to be that our predicament isn’t that uncommon, and there are people in the school and educational authority who have the right expertise in dealing with this.
 
So turns out he was annoyed this other kids was taling so long on the play area. Really tempted to march round with him to this other kids house and get him to apologise.
 
ci_newman said:
It entirely depends on what your local schools (both public and private) are like.

My local secondary is outstanding (and a school both myself and my wife attended), and I see no reason at all to push my kids into a private school.

I have a number of friends who teach at 6th form and they give scathing reviews of children that have been taught at some of the local private schools. They just aren't equipped to actually deal with the world and are utterly useless on their own.
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Our local schools are pretty good.

My experience with privately educated individuals are the opposite from your friends' experience. I've had a few work-experience engineers come through here, and their confidence, skills and maturity are just mind-blowing to me. I'm talking, 20-21 year old university students, doing a piece of work and presenting it at a meeting of very senior engineers and management, and having their solutions adopted on the spot. But the hint of arrogance is very detectable too. Probably not a terrible thing.

I'll definitely have to think it over a bit. The missus is quite against it for the usual reasons (no common sense, entitlement, etc etc).
 
Camalot said:
I had my IVF daughter smack bang in first lockdown.

She's NEVER been able to sleep on her own, in her own bed. Literally tried everything. She will just cry and cry until shes physically sick, then I just can't leave her alone any longer.

Any one else had this? A few others have said their child with IVF has been very similar and very difficult.
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The IVF has nothing to do with their sleep. Some kids are just out to break you (both of ours were evil with sleep until 3).
 
The Funktopus said:
Had a conversation with the special educational needs coordinator for the school nursery my daughter will be attending from September, and left feeling relieved. She has a speech and language delay, with concerns being raised by the health visitor when she had her two year review last August. She’s been referred to a paediatrician for a diagnosis, as in my far from expert opinion, she shows some signs and behaviours indicative of ADHD or autism, but with a 42 week waiting list, even though that was almost a year ago, and so far, she’s yet to be seen.

However, my daughter is talking, and although her speech is limited and behind where she should be, the school has experience of bringing on kids who have been completely non-verbal. I was worried she’d be left behind, but it seems to be that our predicament isn’t that uncommon, and there are people in the school and educational authority who have the right expertise in dealing with this.
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Im glad a post like this popped up, it reminded me to post about my lad. In your case, just keep emailing, talking to school, communication is key. They will push it through to get the Paediatrician to see your daughter sooner. Also to add, once you have a diagnosis (if you do) apply for DLA. It was a god send for us as we couldnt afford provisions at home for him. He is High rate care and low rate mobility, we get about £1000 month for him. If you do go that route, make sure you keep every document between you and every professional you have regarding your daughter. My lad was slow to talk, quiet most of the time. Now hes fine. However my youngest, 3 next week was seen a bit late by the health care worker and was worried about his speech, again, we are not bothered as this last 3 weeks hes been coming out with loads of stuff.

My eldest lad (8) has ADHD and ASD. First noticed in playgroup when he was 1.5. Had all speech and language, assessments etc. He got progressively worse during his time at nursery and reception. The school were great though. The inclusion officer, teachers, all getting a variety of professionals in to see him assess him etc. Managed to get a pedatriction to see him and get him on medication. This was during lock down. The school during Y1 and Y2 were great with him. They got provisions in place to help in class. He struggles with transitions so social stories were used for lots of things, such as going to the shops or for a day out. His transition to junior school, next door was great, no issues. Things at school were good, he had issues most days, not going into detail but something happened in February this year. He changed at home and school. His issues were more frequent and disturbing to his class were they all had to be taken out of class and go to the hall or something. Lashed out at his teacher, and the head teacher threatened with expulsion. Teacher is absolutely amazing by the way, he said, taking him out of school wont help him, so school reduced his hours. Every week we reassessed and increased his hours. Since then he has done really well and the last 3 weeks hes done amazingly. hardly any issues. Even at home hes better.

We still scratching out heads on what could have happened in Feb, was it a case of a development phase. Now, can he regulate better thats why hes doing better in school.?

He has an EHCP in place but the local authority decided to keep him in mainstream. We want him in a SEND school. Thats another thread altogether.
 
This question is more aimed at the dad's and the mums but how many of you have experienced long term sexual rejection from your partner's since having children? I have struggled with my wife now for years and it double downed after the second was born 5 years ago.

It's heartbreaking to be frank, especially when you have tried everything to resolve any potential health or any unfair responsibilities around the house.
 
azazl187 said:
This question is more aimed at the dad's and the mums but how many of you have experienced long term sexual rejection from your partner's since having children? I have struggled with my wife now for years and it double downed after the second was born 5 years ago.

It's heartbreaking to be frank, especially when you have tried everything to resolve any potential health or any unfair responsibilities around the house.
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In what way? My Mrs seems to see sex as a chore sometimes, and it's a bit grating.

With regards to private schools, arent drugs normally rife due to the money they usually have? Pros and cons imo. Also depends if you can afford 10 grand per term, I certainly can't.
 
azazl187 said:
This question is more aimed at the dad's and the mums but how many of you have experienced long term sexual rejection from your partner's since having children? I have struggled with my wife now for years and it double downed after the second was born 5 years ago.

It's heartbreaking to be frank, especially when you have tried everything to resolve any potential health or any unfair responsibilities around the house.
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Very common. Priorities change, confidence and body image issues, tiredness.
 
azazl187 said:
This question is more aimed at the dad's and the mums but how many of you have experienced long term sexual rejection from your partner's since having children? I have struggled with my wife now for years and it double downed after the second was born 5 years ago.

It's heartbreaking to be frank, especially when you have tried everything to resolve any potential health or any unfair responsibilities around the house.
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Get yourself down to a couples therapist if possible would be my advice. The long term resentment of something like this will gradually eek into everyday life (if it hasn't already).

I think it's extremely common post-partum for couples sex life to be different... why wouldn't it be! You're both knackered, bodies have changed and your priorities are now a little bit different. If you're saying that it's been difficult for the past 5 years or so then I'm sure (as you said) that everything between the two of you has already been tried so I'd definitely suggest some external help, even if it's just to help guide the conversation.

Although we only have one kid (20 months), we've made a concerted effort on the physical side of things. We don't have sex as often as we did pre-baby but I'd like to think the time we have now is of better quality (oo-er).

Best of luck, keep us updated if you find that it helps. I'm sure others will be happy to share their experiences as well!
 
theone8181 said:
Had a call from school today, my 6 year old son has slapped somebody and they needed an ice pack to soothe it. I'm going to give him a telling off, but now the Mrs is flapping about some way of getting rid of his aggression. Any thoughts? I think he's just going through a phase and hopefully he won't do it again. Might have to slap him so he knows not to do it /s (semi sarcastic :p ).
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This is a phase, my 6 year old went through it, ended up me saying if he does it again and the school phone me I'll do to him what he done to other kids...

Been an angel since.

My wife is rather soft and feels talking to him is sufficient..... It really isn't, sometimes they just need a stern telling off.

Me and my wife don't really argue unless it's about my boy, and different parenting styles. With me when being told off he knows it's serious and really hates it when I tell him off, with her if he's being told off he just smiles/laughs and basically ignores her..
 
regulus said:
Our local schools are pretty good.

My experience with privately educated individuals are the opposite from your friends' experience. I've had a few work-experience engineers come through here, and their confidence, skills and maturity are just mind-blowing to me. I'm talking, 20-21 year old university students, doing a piece of work and presenting it at a meeting of very senior engineers and management, and having their solutions adopted on the spot. But the hint of arrogance is very detectable too. Probably not a terrible thing.

I'll definitely have to think it over a bit. The missus is quite against it for the usual reasons (no common sense, entitlement, etc etc).
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With the Uni Engineering students, you aren't seeing the benefit of a private school you are seeing the benefit of an expensive Uni education and well-connected / rich parents (almost certainly those people would have attended an Oxbridge level Uni too). There's a very small subsection of Uni students who can afford to take a year of work experience, primarily those with very rich parents who can financially support them on their path. I'd argue that comes from their background, and not whether they attended grammar school.

Minstadave said:
Absolutely. Drugs, eating disorders, mental health problems are rife.
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My experience is anecdotal, but yes I have seen this first hand too. I volunteer with the Scout association so I work with a large range of kids. The only time I've come across a child with a cocaine addiction at 16 years old was one attending a private school.

azazl187 said:
This question is more aimed at the dad's and the mums but how many of you have experienced long term sexual rejection from your partner's since having children? I have struggled with my wife now for years and it double downed after the second was born 5 years ago.

It's heartbreaking to be frank, especially when you have tried everything to resolve any potential health or any unfair responsibilities around the house.
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It is very common but that doesn't mean you have to sit on your hands and do nothing about it. As others have commented, it can breed resentment and break down the marriage (if it hasn't already).

Couples (and maybe individual) therapy is absolutely a good idea, otherwise divorce or an affair on your part will be in your future.
 
regulus said:
Any fathers (or families) here considering private or independent schooling for your children?

This is suddenly being foisted upon us. While my daughter is only 3 years old, the local public school is already looking at their future numbers, and as such, the question is something I've been kicking around since her birth.

All my contemporaries at work are big advocates for private schools, but, I can be convinced either way. I certainly prefer to save on the cost ..
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Something we've been kicking around for ages.

Private school is a vast expense. In the region of quarter to half a million per child to do primary and secondary school privately, potentially much more as they're pushing up prices faster than wages (10% this year for our local).

That money buys a lot of memories/experiences/opportunities or is just a fantastic foundation for a child going into adulthood.

Many of my colleagues have children in private school. Some love it, others have pulled their kids out as either seen as poor value or to increase their chances of getting a good university place as there is a drive to reduce private school intake to Oxbridge and similar.

The environment is not perfect, yes classes a smaller, extra curricula opportunities are good, there's lots of networking but the privilege/entitlement leads to a warped sense of reality and drugs/mental health problems are more common.

I think we'll just move to be in a grammar school area.
 
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Minstadave said:
Very common. Priorities change, confidence and body image issues, tiredness.
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This ^^^
Another option is a couple weekend away. Having kids around asking for breakfast/lunch/supper/snacks then loading/unloading the washing machine/dishwasher or vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom or dusting etc etc etc are all things she/you are thinking about at home along with entertaining the kids. Also, you are not so worried about making any noises that may wake them up or worry about anyone walking into the bedroom/dining room/kitchen/lounge/staircase/swimming pool/garden shed/stables/workshop/garage/trampoline :D :D :D

This way you can hopefully switch off as granny/grandpa look after them for 48 hours.
 
Noughtboy said:
This ^^^
Another option is a couple weekend away. Having kids around asking for breakfast/lunch/supper/snacks then loading/unloading the washing machine/dishwasher or vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom or dusting etc etc etc are all things she/you are thinking about at home along with entertaining the kids. Also, you are not so worried about making any noises that may wake them up or worry about anyone walking into the bedroom/dining room/kitchen/lounge/staircase/swimming pool/garden shed/stables/workshop/garage/trampoline :D :D :D

This way you can hopefully switch off as granny/grandpa look after them for 48 hours.
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Thats alright for some. We have zero relatives so we never get a day away from the kids, let alone a weekend, aaaaaaaarrggggghhhh:p (we have one friend whos girls are in same school as our lads, who are all friends, she sometimes has 1 of them for tea or play date)
 
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