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Caporegime
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There has been an outbreak at my child's nursery although my son hasn't got it yet he will break up for holidays in two days. Better to have it young than get it later in life.
Meanwhile I was washing the car and while I wasn't looking my son dropped his pants and urinated in the street in front of my neighbours. Why are boys such mischievous little buggers?!
Meanwhile I was washing the car and while I wasn't looking my son dropped his pants and urinated in the street in front of my neighbours. Why are boys such mischievous little buggers?!
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Soldato
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. Needs a /s.My girls friend often wanders naked. He ****** at the end of the slide a while back and she basically copied 3 hours later. Lol
My favourite/most frustrating moments are when they do something wrong that deep down you find funny, you're trying your absolute hardest to give them a telling off and they grin and just set you off laughing.
My wife and I have a constant game where we try and set each other off while one of us is being serious with our son.
Haha. Sounds like a fun game. I wonder if his solicitor will try it with the magistrate in 20 years time
Fingers crossed he doesn't follow in my footstepsHaha. Sounds like a fun game. I wonder if his solicitor will try it with the magistrate in 20 years time
Caporegime
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That is my problem I end up laughing because he pulls a funny shocked face when he knows he has done something wrong. It is a problem though because then he then thinks it is okay then does something naughty at nursery. Boys are just wired differently to girls as we never had any of this with our daughter!
Soldato
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Saw the paediatrician today and laid out our concerns, while she was also able to observe and interact with my daughter for about an hour so, after which she stated that she was going to refer us to an autism specialist, and she’d be surprised if she didn’t get a diagnosis.
Not sure how I feel to be honest. While it helps explain some of her behaviour, which is a relief, in that we know what we’re dealing with, it also puts paid to the hope that some of this just a phase she’ll grow out of, and something we’re going to be dealing with long term.
Not sure how I feel to be honest. While it helps explain some of her behaviour, which is a relief, in that we know what we’re dealing with, it also puts paid to the hope that some of this just a phase she’ll grow out of, and something we’re going to be dealing with long term.
Caporegime
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On the upside if there is a problem early diagnosis is really important.
Had a weird interaction whilst on holiday, playing mini golf.
Couple of Spanish lads behind us about age 6. Another family behind them.
We finished and walked off. Then we heard the scream of a child and looked back.
Stood for a moment and one of the Spanish kids was screaming in pain, with the other family next to him, and then they started to walk towards us, back to the main part of the resort.
We saw a fair amount of blood.
I looked back to the other family that were staring at our direction. A fair distance, but just shout-able distance.
I shrugged and one of the women in the family shrugged back.
I shouted out “are you just leaving him?” Partly as they were looking in the direction of the kid so I thought they were considering if all was ok or if they should do any more.
The response from a bloke in the group retorted “he isn’t our kid!”
To which I replied “well he is someone’s kid” a little aggressively than my jovially shouted first question, and then we followed the child as he navigated the resort back to the comfort of his parents.
I saw the kid reunite with his parents and the other family who eventually followed, explained what had happened. But I wasn’t in ear shot as once I saw them together we just backed off and went to hand our golf clubs back at reception.
The bloke caught up with us and explained that they had nothing to do with it and it was one kid accidentally hitting the other kid and that they didn’t speak Spanish but understood he was going to find his mum and knew where he was. I just replied “ok, fine.” Not really wanting to debate what I didn’t see as a debatable topic. Not sure how he knew so much if they couldn’t speak Spanish to the two kids.
About 10mins later as we’re having a end of mini golf drink at the bar, the bloke made some threatening words from a distance (punch in the face, whilst with his own child) at me.
I can only assume my few words angered him as he felt it was perfectly fine to leave a 6 year screaming with blood coming from his mouth, and I shouldn’t have called them out.
Clearly my view on helping a young child in distress is different to others. And perhaps I shouldn’t have called them out…but really just seemed so bizarre.
Needless to say I didn’t get a punch in the face. Idiot.
Couple of Spanish lads behind us about age 6. Another family behind them.
We finished and walked off. Then we heard the scream of a child and looked back.
Stood for a moment and one of the Spanish kids was screaming in pain, with the other family next to him, and then they started to walk towards us, back to the main part of the resort.
We saw a fair amount of blood.
I looked back to the other family that were staring at our direction. A fair distance, but just shout-able distance.
I shrugged and one of the women in the family shrugged back.
I shouted out “are you just leaving him?” Partly as they were looking in the direction of the kid so I thought they were considering if all was ok or if they should do any more.
The response from a bloke in the group retorted “he isn’t our kid!”
To which I replied “well he is someone’s kid” a little aggressively than my jovially shouted first question, and then we followed the child as he navigated the resort back to the comfort of his parents.
I saw the kid reunite with his parents and the other family who eventually followed, explained what had happened. But I wasn’t in ear shot as once I saw them together we just backed off and went to hand our golf clubs back at reception.
The bloke caught up with us and explained that they had nothing to do with it and it was one kid accidentally hitting the other kid and that they didn’t speak Spanish but understood he was going to find his mum and knew where he was. I just replied “ok, fine.” Not really wanting to debate what I didn’t see as a debatable topic. Not sure how he knew so much if they couldn’t speak Spanish to the two kids.
About 10mins later as we’re having a end of mini golf drink at the bar, the bloke made some threatening words from a distance (punch in the face, whilst with his own child) at me.
I can only assume my few words angered him as he felt it was perfectly fine to leave a 6 year screaming with blood coming from his mouth, and I shouldn’t have called them out.
Clearly my view on helping a young child in distress is different to others. And perhaps I shouldn’t have called them out…but really just seemed so bizarre.
Needless to say I didn’t get a punch in the face. Idiot.
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A hard post to write this one, but I don't know really who to talk to about it. My son, 18 years old basically hates me. I tend to be the "strict" one, trying to bring up my kids the right way, where as my wife - whilst amazing - is a soft touch. He plays this to his advantage and often whenever I end up in arguments with him about his behaviour, she backs him up, completely undermining my attempts to teach him how to behave. He's 18 now.
I don't really know why I'm being such a soft **** but mine and my son's relationship break down recently has really hurt me. I literally love all my kids, and go out of my way to bring them up the right way even if that means sometimes punishing them with things like electronic/internet bans/car usage bans etc. Lately I've really tried to tackle the complete lack of ownership and care for anything in our household in terms of laziness and pulling your weight. Basically trying to minimize selfishness. This has generally been received badly by all. I feel like none of them respect me as much as they did as they've got older. Perhaps I'm too hard on them but I genuinely believe they all have it so easy, and get everything they want in life. They are all relatively successful and have good lives, yet I don't feel loved so much by my elder two of three. My son in particular, I have clashed with the most even from early teens. Lately it feels like once he moves out soon to go off to uni, I might never truly see him much again.
As the person that has cradled them in my arms through thick and thin, hard times as a very young Dad, worked non stop from the day I moved out at 19, to have them grown to adults and then hate me for no apparent reason I'm finding very hard to take. Honestly it's broken me lately.
I don't really know why I'm being such a soft **** but mine and my son's relationship break down recently has really hurt me. I literally love all my kids, and go out of my way to bring them up the right way even if that means sometimes punishing them with things like electronic/internet bans/car usage bans etc. Lately I've really tried to tackle the complete lack of ownership and care for anything in our household in terms of laziness and pulling your weight. Basically trying to minimize selfishness. This has generally been received badly by all. I feel like none of them respect me as much as they did as they've got older. Perhaps I'm too hard on them but I genuinely believe they all have it so easy, and get everything they want in life. They are all relatively successful and have good lives, yet I don't feel loved so much by my elder two of three. My son in particular, I have clashed with the most even from early teens. Lately it feels like once he moves out soon to go off to uni, I might never truly see him much again.
As the person that has cradled them in my arms through thick and thin, hard times as a very young Dad, worked non stop from the day I moved out at 19, to have them grown to adults and then hate me for no apparent reason I'm finding very hard to take. Honestly it's broken me lately.
I totally understand where you are coming from. It hasn't happened to me as yet but I can see how it could. Also the disciplinarian in the house and wife is also amazing with them but sometimes I feel too easy with them as well.
What I would do is maybe take your son out to a pub or go for a walk in the forest/green areas and take a couple of beers with you. Sit him down and explain how you have all these wonderful memories of him being held in your arms, his first tooth falling out etc. Explain that you know that you have always been strict but it because you want to instil certain values in them before he is all grown up and moves out. Things that you believe will benefit him in the future even though he views them as "child labour" or particularly onerous on him now.
Explain how he is going to university soon and will have to start doing all these things you and mom have been taking care of etc.
Then explain you can feel that he is pulling away and you know he needs to show his independence but his independence and your love for him (and his love for you) are not mutually exclusive. You feel he is growing into a fine/upstanding *** fill in your own words here*** young man but you are very scared about the distance between you...feel free to show your vulnerability to show that you have both sides in you. Explain you absolutely expect to be a part of his life going forward despite the (physical) distance when he leaves home.
Ask him the open ended question of how he sees things going forwards in the future, sip your beer and let the silence hold until he answers. He may take a minute or two to articulate.
Along those lines. When you have thrashed it out, give him a big hug and leave it there for the time being. Play music in the car or walk home letting him think or initiate any further conversation.
I really hope it works out.
What I would do is maybe take your son out to a pub or go for a walk in the forest/green areas and take a couple of beers with you. Sit him down and explain how you have all these wonderful memories of him being held in your arms, his first tooth falling out etc. Explain that you know that you have always been strict but it because you want to instil certain values in them before he is all grown up and moves out. Things that you believe will benefit him in the future even though he views them as "child labour" or particularly onerous on him now.
Explain how he is going to university soon and will have to start doing all these things you and mom have been taking care of etc.
Then explain you can feel that he is pulling away and you know he needs to show his independence but his independence and your love for him (and his love for you) are not mutually exclusive. You feel he is growing into a fine/upstanding *** fill in your own words here*** young man but you are very scared about the distance between you...feel free to show your vulnerability to show that you have both sides in you. Explain you absolutely expect to be a part of his life going forward despite the (physical) distance when he leaves home.
Ask him the open ended question of how he sees things going forwards in the future, sip your beer and let the silence hold until he answers. He may take a minute or two to articulate.
Along those lines. When you have thrashed it out, give him a big hug and leave it there for the time being. Play music in the car or walk home letting him think or initiate any further conversation.
I really hope it works out.
Soldato
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I personally think it's a bloke thing. I always found my dad more difficult to deal with than my mum, and I think we clashed a lot. Sometimes you just outgrow your patents and need to move out to spread your wings. Fwiw I'm 37 and move out at 24 and still felt it was too late. He might just need space, remember teenagers are full of hormones and tbf I'm not sure they know what they're doing half the time
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Soldato
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I found my mum pretty oppressive and uni was my chance to live without having to deal with her. She got minimal contact with me while I was there. I ended up the other side of the country for work so that pretty much continued for a decade or so. At some point I settled for doing regular video chats to get her off my back about not visiting enough. Maybe that's a routine you can do.
The parent child relationship is one sided. The parent has memories the kid doesn't have. The parent put in a load of work, the kid couldn't understand that. I always find it a bit odd when parents expect their kids to care as much as them.
The parent child relationship is one sided. The parent has memories the kid doesn't have. The parent put in a load of work, the kid couldn't understand that. I always find it a bit odd when parents expect their kids to care as much as them.
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Soldato
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Was just about to say that. It's a big I told you so
when you talk to parents.
Pretty much what @SixTwoSix said.
I was an easy child / teenager, but my sister put my parents through hell. It's only now (with her own two children) that she realises how difficult she was to raise (literal screaming matches in the house, throwing things etc).
The relationship between my sister and parents is now great, but there's definitely some smugness on their face when she recounts the challenges she has with her daughters.
Absolutely. As an adult (well more as a parent) you realise the things that you could have better as a kid with the benefit of an adult's hindsight.
That is why I *try* to be more understanding of some of their "Rage Against the Machine" moments. Wasn't easy with one of mine earlier on...funnily enough, even though he is still very difficult, he is actually very easy in some areas maybe because I have a little more understanding into his particular needs. He is almost 13 going on 29!
The eldest (turning 17 and just started A-Levels) can be great to chat with like a mate at times and others is stroppy AF. Him I put down to discovering his independence and enjoying the feeling...like a gorilla, he looking to challenge the "Silverback" other times.
Middle one (all boys btw) can also be very sweet one minute and a Tasmanian devil other times...him I put down to hormones.
My wife has gone through similar with my 13 going on 20 step daughter. Constantly clashing, real edgy feeling in the house because you never knew when one of them was going to say something that set the other one off just generally a very combative relationship.
Step daughter moved out and back in with her dad approx. 4 months ago now and now the time her my my wife do spend together is great no arguments, no stress, no edginess in the house when she spends weekends with us. Him going off to uni might actually be exactly what you both need to repair your relationship.