Paying for your own meal at a wedding?

[coolsurfer]

A contrarian view.

I wouldn't be friends with someone that cheap. They want a big wedding and make guests pay for it means they are trying to be something they are not. In life, do things within your means. Show off only when you've made it. Don't fake it.

 

[asim18]

I wouldn't be friends with someone that cheap. They want a big wedding and make guests pay for it means they are trying to be something they are not. In life, do things within your means. Show off only when you've made it. Don't fake it.

This really.

I know someone who'd do things like this. He is unbelievably cheap and greedy.

If I throw a party I'm going to invite people who I want to be there because I like their company and for that reason alone, not because I like their bank balance in an attempt to use them to make my party look more extravagant. That's just terrible.

 

[MooMoo444]

I would politely decline the invitation. The guests are making effort to go and support you on your wedding day, you should at least cover their meal.

 

[djshauny1]

Nein.

 

[semi-pro waster]

For me it would depend on the couple involved and my relationship with them - if I was good friends and I knew that me paying for the meal or making a contribution would allow them to have the day they wanted then I'd have less of an issue with it than if it was someone I barely knew. If I was that close to them though I'd almost certainly expect to know well in advance that this was the case. If it's people I don't know well and they told me shortly before the event then that would be slightly different, then it would be a judgement call of how much I wanted to go vs whether I thought this was fair - weddings can cost a huge amount of money so I understand that it might help significantly but it's good manners to be upfront about the costs. As has been pointed out it's often not cheap to be a guest at a wedding, particularly if you've been to the engagement party and any stag/hen parties as well.

I can't recall any occasion where I've been asked to pay but some weddings I've been to are more DIY than others, a couple of really good friends had one that was very much reliant on friends and family so I turned up and got told what it was I could help with - I didn't know in advance that this would be the case but knowing them I wasn't in the least surprised and it turned out to be a great wedding as I thought it would.

 

[xs2man]

Was at a Romanian wedding a couple years ago and everything was free (well, food and drinks). It was good fun. But the rest of the trip was pretty awful (mainly Buccarest, didn't like that city at all). But I guess it was probably cheap enough being Romanian. Usually get the first drink free, which is fine, as I usually buy the happy couple a drink in return anyway.

In response to the OP, it's a bit short-sighted not mentioning the cost upfront with the invite. If it were me, and I was close to them, I would pay up and not mention it. If you are not so close, then I would mention I'd only be able to make the evening bit, and not really interested in the meal. With that said though, I'm not a fan of weddings anyway.

 

[Nitefly]

I'd show up with a shotgun and kill them both.

So many dramatic responses in this thread. Yes, it is a weird thing to ask but it's only £23 just get over it tbh. Be glad you got an invite.

 

[BrightonBelle]

Chinese weddings you are expected to pay for your meal, but that is tradition.

I think more back story is needed here - how many people going?

It does seem rather odd though. I think in general, people would rather go for a cheaper option (buffet style food) rather than ask guests to pay.

If I was you I would do as you say - pay for the meal and just a card.

BB x

 

[Greebo]

That's nothing my old boss who is a millionaire has a annual fireworks party at his house every year. He puts all the food and drink and fireworks costs through the business but guests have to pay ten pound per head.

 

[Sega Mega Dave]

Weddings are a huge inconvenience for everyone apart from the bride and groom. Most people really don't care for your "special" day even when it's free, let alone paying for it.

Ask if you would be given a refund if they divorce within 5 years.

 

[teaboy5]

quite a common one is you get champagne/canapes etc.. after the ceremony/before the meal + a couple of bottles of wine with the meal + champagne for a toast...

after that the bar is open and requires you to pay

though have been to a couple of weddings where most/all drinks are free - one in a hotel where beer/wine was free but you had to pay for spirits

one in the bride's mum's back garden where they'd put up a big tent and bought a bunch of kegs, spirits etc.. and just had a free bar (which probably cost them less than renting a venue anyway)

Yes sorry I forget to say about the it's normal enough for the free bottle of wine etc.

I still don't get the massive cost of weddings at all. I would hate to be paying for people I haven't seen in years. If I was to have one I think my limit would be 30-50 guests at a nice venue and a great nights craic.

 

[Caged]

Don't invite people you haven't seen for years then

 

[Greebo]

One of my best mates is getting married next month and my gf is making the wedding cake for them and neither of us have an invite to the wedding or reception.

6 people are going. His and her mum and dad, her best friend and his.

That's it. Meal afterwards in a nice food pub.

That's how it should be

 

[teenwolf]

One of my best mates is getting married next month and my gf is making the wedding cake for them and neither of us have an invite to the wedding or reception.

6 people are going. His and her mum and dad, her best friend and his.

That's it. Meal afterwards in a nice food pub.

That's how it should be

amen to that.
hate weddings with a passion.

 

[Oh Ed not again.]

Can't say I've heard of it, but the Mrs has.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with it, and what they earn is irrelevant. They might be saving for a house, or in debt up to their eyes. They can but ask as its their day.

However, I would have done a picnic or something and asked people to bring their own food or come to some other solution.

In this instance if it's a close mate I'd either pay and buy a small gift, or don't pay and say you'll attend but later on or something once you've eaten. They'll have to understand the last compromise, if they don't then I'd say that's grounds for getting a cob on.

 

[Scott88]

If I was invited to a wedding including the meal then I would always put extra in the card to cover the cost of the meal. Having someone send you bank details requesting you to transfer money prior to the wedding to cover the cost seems a bit strange to me.

However it maybe that he knows that his friends are generally cheapskates and as such isn't expecting people like yourself to cough up with much money and wants the cost of his meal covered at least. If this is to be true then I see no issue with that.

You say you wouldn't be giving them any money in a card if you had to pay £23 for your meal. So I think he is justified with a response like that.

 

[koolpc]

Very odd. Take a big Mac with you to the reception!

 

[Maccy]

I would feel so awkward asking my guests to pay for their own meal. If I received an invite, had RSVP'd and was then told I had to pay I probably wouldn't go tbh.

Oh and I've now been married a week

 

[SexyGreyFox]

Have you ever been asked to pay for your own wedding meal?

Never and I must have been to 100+ weddings

 

[koolpc]

I would feel so awkward asking my guests to pay for their own meal. If I received an invite, had RSVP'd and was then told I had to pay I probably wouldn't go tbh.

Oh and I've now been married a week

Congrats