Paying for your own meal at a wedding?

Macro · 23 Aug 2015 at 16:53

As others have said - nope, absolutely not, never heard anyone do that before and most certainly not AFTER having sent out invites.. Slightly different story if they sent out the invite with a:

"As close friends you'll all know and understand things are a little tight for us at the moment, having said that we really want to get all our friends and family together so hope you won't mind if we ask if everyone would mind making a contribution towards the meal rather than buy presents, something in the region of £20 per person would be really helpful. If you would rather not join us for a meal then we'd love to see you in the dog and duck for some drinks and a dance later in the evening."

Mucky_Pup · 23 Aug 2015 at 18:39

Moses said:
I don't think I'd ask people for money when organising a wedding, but I absolutely would not be offended or put off in any way if someone asked me to pay (unless they were mega millionaires, or something). With the OP's example, £60k combined isn't exactly mind blowing considering house deposit costs, etc, nowadays.

Me and my GF are slightly north of £60k, but still wouldn't expect people to pay to eat at our wedding.

dpbadger · 23 Aug 2015 at 18:41

Say you'll bring your own pack up.

George Hincapie · 23 Aug 2015 at 18:45

Glaucus said:
Why is it supposed to be. Can be anything they want. Upto you decide if you want to pay it or not. Stiff tradition. Who wants to waste 15k on a single day.

It technically can be anything they want, but I expect 99.9% of the UK populace would think 'WTF?!'

Just because they can, doesn't mean they should. Tradition exists for a reason, so that everyone understands where they stand.

Em3bbs · 23 Aug 2015 at 19:03

Actually I have had this one before a few years ago. A friend had a wedding and was upfront about it and asked people pay £20 towards their food. I thought it unusual but was happy to pay it. In the case of the OP it sounds weird they are asking after people have RSVP'd.

The annoying thing was our young baby at the time got a really bad chest infection so I offered to be the one staying at home, couldn't go and my mother in law went in my place and got a free dinner!

arknor · 23 Aug 2015 at 19:09

maybe it's a test to see who their real friends are.

only logical explanation

gradyhawks · 23 Aug 2015 at 19:13

Haha that's a bit cheeky... but I've always thought even having a wedding present list or expecting anything at all is a bit cheeky.

They shouldn't be having such an expensive wedding if they need help to pay for the food.

arknor · 23 Aug 2015 at 19:14

gradyhawks said:
Haha that's a bit cheeky... but I've always thought even having a wedding present list or expecting anything at all is a bit cheeky.

They shouldn't be having such an expensive wedding if they need help to pay for the food.

I wonder if everyone got the same message or just a select few

spoffle · 23 Aug 2015 at 19:41

Johno please? said:
Only on ocuk is a household income of 60k not a large amount.

Id not be going if someone asked me to pay for the meal, its utterly mental.

Glaucus lives in pretend land, haven't you ever noticed?

Mucky_Pup said:
Ironic thing is, they're probably asking their guests to pay for their meals, and it'll turn out she'll be wearing a £10k wedding dress, and they'll arrive at their expensive stately home venue by horse drawn carriage.

I wouldn't have the nerve to ask people to pay for food at my wedding. I don't even want gifts off of people when I get married.

That's not ironic.

There isn't really an issue with the payment part. It's asking after the fact that's the issue.

dowie · 23 Aug 2015 at 19:44

gradyhawks said:
Haha that's a bit cheeky... but I've always thought even having a wedding present list or expecting anything at all is a bit cheeky.

They shouldn't be having such an expensive wedding if they need help to pay for the food.

wedding lists make sense, especially if the couple has been living together for a few years - they likely won't need 5 bread makers etc...

I mean most people do buy a gift so you might as well avoid duplication - tis normally not presented as being expected either - most I've seen will have a note saying something along the lines that they don't expect a gift, all they want is your company however if you do chose to buy a gift then please consider doing so from the following list...

Glaucus · 23 Aug 2015 at 19:46

Johno please? said:
Only on ocuk is a household income of 60k not a large amount.

Id not be going if someone asked me to pay for the meal, its utterly mental.

It isn't large, just have to use national average income to work that out.
Uk average for full time work is about 27k. So no, it really isn't a large amount. Pretty much average.

arknor · 23 Aug 2015 at 20:09

avg is inflated by high paying jobs?

Glaucus · 23 Aug 2015 at 20:13

Not really, even a Liberian is on about 25k. Plumbers about 30k etc.

Remove all the silly part time jobs and averages raise significantly and what year is that chart from.

mushtafa · 23 Aug 2015 at 20:18

How can a Liberian earn more than me!? So depressing!

arknor · 23 Aug 2015 at 20:19

I think 2011 but most wages probably didn't raise much since then anyway

mushtafa said:
How can a Liberian earn more than me!? So depressing!

yea I get the joke but anyway being serious
Starting salaries for public librarians can be around £19,500 - £23,500.
Gaining chartered status can increase salaries and with two to five years' experience chartered librarians could earn £23,500 - £30,000.
At management level, an assistant head could achieve a salary of £33,000 - £41,000 while a head of service could earn £49,000+.

Glaucus · 23 Aug 2015 at 20:21

arknor said:
I think 2011 but most wages probably didn't raise much since then anyway

Are you doing a job you like? If so then it can be worth not getting the pay. If you hate your job, might as well go for combination of money/home life, can at least enjoy, hobbies etc.

You probably don't want to look at this
http://career-advice.monster.co.uk/...-advice/uk-average-salary-graphs/article.aspx

arknor said:
I think 2011 but most wages probably didn't raise much since then anyway

+.

2013 the median was already 517 a week. Which is basically 27k

Caged · 23 Aug 2015 at 20:41

Glaucus said:
Not really, even a Liberian is on about 25k. Plumbers about 30k etc.

Remove all the silly part time jobs and averages raise significantly and what year is that chart from.

Removing certain jobs makes the median value not the median any more. You might as well stick a wet finger in the air and take a guess.

I wouldn't read too much into Monster's figures - it's going to be skewed towards professionals and doesn't say which average is being presented.

SexyGreyFox · 23 Aug 2015 at 20:43

Mucky_Pup said:
Me and my GF are slightly north of £60k, but still wouldn't expect people to pay to eat at our wedding.

You make that sound as though you're on a pittance and struggling to live.

dowie · 23 Aug 2015 at 20:58

Buffman · 23 Aug 2015 at 21:13

Dimple said:
You make that sound as though you're on a pittance and struggling to live.

Not everyone lives in Stoke, for a couple in London 60k is a pretty minor amount.

As for the question. Asking after an rsvp is odd, most normal people would say "we dint want anything but chip in a few quid if you like" /similar.
Unless it's a Chinese wedding operating on red letters etc.