Post your Fav short joke!

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A man walks into a pet shop and asks "do you sell wasps?"

The pet shop owner says "sorry sir, no!"

The man replies "but you've got one in the window!!"
 
An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog:
"There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all." :D
 
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Most people get AIDS from sex; but President Clinton gets sex from aides

And finally:

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the blonde girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once."

:D:D
 
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
" Hi, is Tony home?"
" No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
" No, come in."
They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over. "
Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"


A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

What a Woman Says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon, You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor, and if we don't do laundry right now you'll have no clothes to wear."

What a Man Hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
 
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A scotsman is taking his driving test, the instructor says "Can you make a U-turn?" The scotsman replies, "Turn?? I can make her eyes water!!"

An eskimo takes his broken snomobile to the garage, the mechanic asks "have you blown a seal?" the eskimo replies "no, thats just frost on my moustache"

:)

G.
 
Six6siX said:
An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog:
"There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all." :D
Click to expand...

Me likes. :D
 
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough
 
I can't understand women;

Leg waxing, bikini waxing, plucking, botox injections, boob jobs, face lifts, nose piercing, nipple piercing, navel piercing...

Yet they won't take it up the **** because IT HURTS!? :confused:
 
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