***The All New OCUK Anonymous Confession Thread!***

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When i was 11 or 12 my aunt and uncle bought a huge house with an indoor swimming pool close to where i lived. Me and my siblings frequented the pool during one summer before they sold up and moved to Spain.

Anyway...To cut a long story short, i was extremely self conscious of my body when i was younger because i was overweight, and because we didn't really know my aunt or uncle that well i hated having them see my adolescent moobs so tried to stay in the pool as much as i could if they were around. One time when they were both around the pool i felt something brewing, you know, downstairs, and knew it was one of those turds that need to be set free asap or else! So instead of going through the embarrassment of getting out of the pool and having them see me, i lowered the back of my trunks and waded past my younger brother and squeezed it out. I started swimming when i had finished. I had got to the top of the pool and turned round to go back, and that's when my sister noticed the brown turtle in the deep blue (or in this case, my aunt and uncles pool). She screamed and swam away from it, i shouted "it was him" (pointing at my younger brother) and then started to say "i seen him do it, it was him". My aunt and uncle looked shocked and disapointed, stood at the side of the pool they told Mark to get out and go to the toilet, obviously he was protesting saying it wasn't him, but it couldn't of been his older more 'mature' brother could it :D I had the laugh of my life watching my uncle fishing the invader out of the pool with a net. All these years later and that story is still passed around at family get together and things much to the dismay of my brother, but to this day haven't owned up to it to my family, and doubt i ever will ;)
 
In response to Raist saying "This seems more of a story than a confession. Not sure why it would be sent anonymously."

The confession being that I actually offered the kids smokey bacon crisps to do it again when i should have just let them be!
 
Dj_Jestar said:
Does that even matter? It's a confession thread, all confessions should be posted, unless they are breaking the rules.
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Some I haven't posted because they either broke the rules or were borderline. As for whether all confessions should be posted, I tend not to post stuff like this:

Sometimes I wee sitting down because I can't be arsed to stand up.
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uber soldat said:
Burnsy are you actually getting any emails, or are these confessions secretly all yours? lol ;)
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The emails are starting to dry up, so get emailing ;)
 
About 10 years ago when I was still at school I used to really fancy one of the more popular girls. I was in the same geography class as her in the period just before lunch. I then stayed in that classroom over lunch to work on the school's weather station (sad enough to be a confession in itself, I know!). I decided it would be a kind of turn on to bend down and sniff the seat she had been sitting on, but unfortunately I got caught doing this by another boy from the same class. I decided that attack was the best form of defence so immediately started the rumour that it had in fact been him who was the chair sniffer! He got such a hard time for it, and the girl in question was so disgusted she never spoke to him again!
 
The girl next door fancies me, She's pretty but shes ginger :(It's not happening, shes a few years younger then me and the whole stalking me thing put me off, however thats another story.
Anyway, one summer was a nice hot day, and she was watching me in the garden as I read a book, did some kick ups and listened to music.
Fed up with my stalker, I proceed to wait until it was dark, whack one off and with contents in one hand, climb the fence and wipe in down the kitchen window. Then sat the next morning as her mother cleared my man juice off the window.


In my first game of football for my school we were playing our local rivals. As one "friend" who went to the other school lived close to me I went to see him a few days before the "big" game. He was sent to the shop by his mom, we were outside cleaning his boots and having a kick about. I took a wee in his football boots when he had to nip to the shop, He didn't figure this out ( they didn't smell nice to start with ), however after 10 or so minutes of the game we both slid in for a tackle, he broke his nose as his face hit my shoulder.
He had his nose patched up and came back on until half time. I broke his leg in the next tackle :( never told him about the weeing in his boots, he is still annoyed to this day about that tackle, telling him I urinated in his boots would probably result in him attacking me with a blunt object. I feel bad about this if I think about it.


When I was at college there was a little dog that lived near the bus stop, I was late as I had to stay behind for football training and when I got to the bus stop the little dog was barking and managed to get out of the front garden, it bit at my ankles so I resorted to sitting on a wall. However the dog was clever, walking along other fences to try and get to me, So i took my jumper off and threw it over the dog, picked it up, walked back in to college and locked it in a cupboard. It was found the next morning, the police were involved and I stopped getting the bus at that stop.


I was talking to a boy at college about his ... his lack of sex life due to him not being able to get it up, his girlfriend was good looking and he was a fairly good looking popular lad. I laughed so hard he had to do the heimlich maneuver on me to remove the food i was chocking on. funnily enough, that was my job at the time, a youth worker / couselor for the school, this was in my office, cue teachers and support staff running in to me bend over with a young man humping my back. Prawn sandwiches!


I slept with my ex's mom when she wasn't there one time, I went round after a long Saturday afternoon at the pub, and her mom was the only person in. So I chatted her up and ... Yeah she was a milf and there were / are pictures on my phone. She still doesn't know about this, and we are still really close and I talk to her mom a lot.
 
Azagoth said:
No it's not. It's a bunch of people making stuff up to see how far they can push the rules and still get it posted. I've sent off at least 20 different confessions to test this out, none of them as bad as the ones posted and yet not a single one has been posted. Now, is that because mine don't involve smearing faeces over people, rubbing one out into someone else's property or cruelty to animals I couldn't say. All I know is they were well written, contained no swearing and were a hell of a lot tamer than the ones posted here.
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No you haven't, or if you have they didn't arrive. There are only a few that havn't been posted and are not worth posting such as:

I have bought WoW gold and powerleveling as well as items for Diablo 2. :(

Complete waste of money and made my account feel dirty. :p
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Or

I'm so horny I'll probably screw the next person who gives me the chance!
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Or

I once deleted Coronation Street off the Sky+ planner before my Mum had chance to watch it.
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There are just three more that haven't been posted as they'd break the rules.

So, if you have any other confessions, then they haven't been delivered. That's neither my problem nor my fault.

Dj_Jestar said:
Ditto, but not that many. I've sent 3 from 3 different addresses. I'm actually starting to think Burnsy doesn't have access to that address or something and is just making them up or are all in fact his own confessions.
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Like I've said above. Either they're in this post or they haven't arrived.
 
Dj_Jestar said:
I've created hotmail, yahoo and even sent from my own email address. I've used 3 different anonymous sender sites, mulitple times from all.. and none have got through?! Right..
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Azagoth said:
Same here, but with various other free email addresses too. They all work as well, I've sent test messages from them to my own *@gmail address.
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CC a test message to [email protected], maybe it's an issue with gmail.
 
Last summer before I went to uni I wanted to do something really weird and kinky because I wouldn't be able to do anything like that in halls. I got a class of milk and a straw inserted the straw in my john thomas, got a little bit of milk in my mouth and blew down the straw, it felt strange but I did this a few more times. I then did a wee but I dont think all the milk came out. The next few weeks whenever I did a wee it really stung. I had given my self a UTI, I will not be doing that again.
 
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]About 6 months ago, i got invited to a party at my ex g/f's mates house. On the day of the party, me and her went out with a couple of others (mainly her friends but i knew them quite well by this point) anyway, one of them bought like 250 teabags so he could get a free beanie hat with a monkey on it. He then proceeded to throw the teabags around and there was a huge teabag throwing fight. Anyway, later on in the evening we went to the party, played some drinking/dare type games and as expected, i didnt know anyone else there (except the people i went with and one of the people i knew, was the guy who was "hosting" the party and his parents were away) So later on, i went upstairs with this other girl i half knew and i discovered about 50 teabags which i had in my pockets from the fight earlier, that i had stored for ammo incase of a suprise attack. So i thought it would be hilarious to put them in his bath and fill it with hot water.

So me and this girl, filled the bath up with the teabags inside and the entire room smelt SOOO strongly of tea, and all the windows were steaming up (it was just pure hot tap water) so anyway, we came out of the bathroom, closed the door and went back downstairs, and thought nothing of it.

15 minutes later, the guy whos house it was started shouting upstairs, "OH MY ******* GOD, WHAT THE ****?" he then came storming downstairs going "WHO THE **** FILLED MY BATH UP WITH TEA?" (i was trying sooooo hard not to laugh at the thought of his bath filled with PG tips and the color the bath must be after the water drained) He was going absolutely mental, swearing and shouting. I got a bit concerned and found the girl i did it with. We both agreed not to say anything, and we had told no one it was us. So anyway, he was rampaging around the house trying to find out who did it and then the kid who originally brought the tea got the blame for it (i think someone must have said he brought 250 teabags today) lmao... and the guy whos house it was, was going "GET THE **** OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU ****** , **** OFF" and this guy wasnt leaving (being innocent) From then on, the party went downhill, and lots of people left and this guy then lost the keys to his mums room (where he had put everyones bags for "safekeeping") so while he was looking for them, some guy wanted to leave with his bag so bad that he actually broke the door off the hinges to get in. I left shortly afterwards due to the increasing amount of shouting and violent behaviour haha.

Ive never told him it was me that made the giant bath full of tea :D

It was epic.[/FONT]
 
Well the other nite i met a girl and we decided to park up in a secluded car park, we had been there for about 2 hours talking and the usual.
At 10:10 we decided thats when we should be going home so started to pull away, as i look up i see a massive gate the length of the drive, locked chained the lot, suddenly thought ohh **** so got out and read the sign on the gate, it was the usual rubbish how the gate closed at 10pm. i then sat for 20mins waiting on someone answering the out of hours service number, then a following hour to get out.

How much of a complete fool did i feel that nght.

Dont think i will be seeing her again.
 
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