**The Mental Health Thread**

Scottland said:
Perspective always helps, even if your situation is different to others someone can always take something out of it.

My home situation is a bit different, the chicken and egg are reversed compared to your situation by the sounds of it. Last year I hit a wall leaving me feeling very down, lonely and feeling pretty unloved. Earlier this year I managed to pick myself up a bit and start to pull myself out of it. I’ve learned to like/love myself a bit more and don’t feel as dependent on my partner for happiness as a result.
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That‘s great to hear and well done

If things ever went bad for our marriage, I too would be fine living an independent life. I would be far more financially better off, I have a good network of friends etc etc however I still prefer the life we have. Even after being together 33 years, we frequently sit and chat over a few drinks, get a bit silly, play our favourite music (rather than watch tv) and talk a load of ******. It’s probably helped us never having had kids (which we may regret one day but probably not in all honesty). We are like best mates, which is great but I think we both now realise we are also lovers and had neglected that for some time. For example, we often preferred to be out with a bunch of friends rather than doing things TOGETHER which is when we were the happiest.

This year has been a terrible year for us but it feels like we’re making great headway now. I’m not taking anything for granted and my main focus is regaining her respect for me. She admits to some faults on her side but at least we’re talking now

Wow isn’t life tough but I don’t suppose it’s meant to be easy, that’s the whole point of it - experiencing difficulties and overcoming them. It’s easy to just think well whatever I’ve only got a few years left then I can be at peace but come on guys/gals(?) let’s try and make the best of it at least!
 
And may I add - after sitting and telling her to her face that no matter what happens I will never go back to that dark place and will stay strong and protect her. I think it’s what she really wanted and needed to hear. She’s the type of woman that, providing I’m trying my best she would respect me and live out her remaining days in a tent with me

I also now know that now we are communicating much better, we both feel much more comfortable opening up about how we feel

We did consider seeing a marriage counsellor but I think it worked out better for us by just being able to chat together. It was daunting but step by step we got to that point thankfully
 
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Unisol Magic said:
That‘s great to hear and well done

If things ever went bad for our marriage, I too would be fine living an independent life. I would be far more financially better off, I have a good network of friends etc etc however I still prefer the life we have. Even after being together 33 years, we frequently sit and chat over a few drinks, get a bit silly, play our favourite music (rather than watch tv) and talk a load of ******. It’s probably helped us never having had kids (which we may regret one day but probably not in all honesty). We are like best mates, which is great but I think we both now realise we are also lovers and had neglected that for some time. For example, we often preferred to be out with a bunch of friends rather than doing things TOGETHER which is when we were the happiest.
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I envy you because that’s what I want but the exact opposite to what I have :(
 
Scottland said:
I envy you because that’s what I want but the exact opposite to what I have :(
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I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s extremely daunting but sit your partner down and tell them what is making you unhappy. If they respect and love you they’ll probably get angry at first (because if makes them feel uncomfortable and defensive) but rest assured they will take it in after a day or two then I guarantee you they’ll want to bring it up again and give a rational response. It’s a huge uphill battle but be patient and ALWAYS admit any faults you’ve identified of your own. That will help massively however if it ends up feeling very one sided you’ll unfortunately have to question if the relationship will ever work. It’s a frightening prospect but you have to think of number one and your own happiness

Ive already told myself that if all these baby steps don’t eventually work, I’ll move on alone but be content that at least I’ve tried

Also - I’ve put a LOT of thought into all this recently and through this I’ve learned to like and respect myself more which has COMPLETELY cured my depression and anxiety issues. It’s worked for me anyhow.
 
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I had a decent afternoon/evening yesterday I actually felt better like the anxiety had lifted and I even had a really good nights sleep. This morning though I’m feeling shaky, hot & sweaty and unable to sit still for long. I know I need to take the good evening as a plus but it’s bloody horrid when you go to bed feeling good and then wake feeling awful again.
 
And, in the meantime, I'm focussing on fitness goals, which is helping me feel more comfortable in myself regardless. So... just patience I guess!
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This is something I need to do i have become quite unfit since my surgery 3years ago considering I had my large intestine removed I have put on a lot of weight. Being able to eat again without pain after 10 years meant I took full advantage of it… A bit too much.
 
MOOGLEYS said:
I had a decent afternoon/evening yesterday I actually felt better like the anxiety had lifted and I even had a really good nights sleep. This morning though I’m feeling shaky, hot & sweaty and unable to sit still for long. I know I need to take the good evening as a plus but it’s bloody horrid when you go to bed feeling good and then wake feeling awful again.
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Most peoples mood is the lowest first thing, especially with the crappy weather, so just try and focus on that

Maybe go out for a walk, do a jigsaw, vac the car out (if you have one) anything to distract your mind. I’m sure you’d be feeling better by mid morning
 
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Yes distraction is everything, I tend to focus on myself when I am board, hence constant activity, still on repeat metazapine really need to check back in with the doc but at least me cracking up gave me a reason to go part time.
Still isolating myself but I like my own company tbh, maybe should get more social though
 
Does anyone use any of these telephone helplines to talk things over with someone? I was given a list of numbers at my first CBT appointment but it's like a lucky dip as there are at least 10 to choose from.
 
Can't say I have. Always wanted to just have someone to listen while I scream into the void though.

Seriously considering getting myself along to my local Andy's Man Club instead just for some different people to talk to.
 
Unisol Magic said:
Most peoples mood is the lowest first thing, especially with the crappy weather, so just try and focus on that

Maybe go out for a walk, do a jigsaw, vac the car out (if you have one) anything to distract your mind. I’m sure you’d be feeling better by mid morning
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I think yesterday was a good day tbh. Felt awful this morning even with distraction and a walk. Felt very floaty and not quite with it but fully functioning if that makes sense. I nearly called 111 if I’m honest.

The physical feelings can sometimes be quite horrible.

Will call the Dr in the morning and see what they advise I imagine they will tell me to go back on the meds we shall see…
 
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ic1male said:
Does anyone use any of these telephone helplines to talk things over with someone? I was given a list of numbers at my first CBT appointment but it's like a lucky dip as there are at least 10 to choose from.
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I signed up for an excellent local free service who helped me massively

Zoom calls every couple of weeks who taught me the techniques I mentioned in an earlier post. They also emailed me some very useful guides which I printed out and always keep on my desk at work

Despite my success I did feel down today (but more in an angry fashion). Basically I went to the gym this morning, did a very intense workout, came home and told the wife I’d trained hard and her reply was like “hmmmm” to which I replied “oh I thought you’d be happy and proud that I’d done it” to which she replied “yeah but it’ll not be long before your moaning that you’re aching” so I thought “well, whatever at least I’m trying”. There’s no wonder we suffer as we do but I’m not gonna let it bring me down
 
Unisol Magic said:
I signed up for an excellent local free service who helped me massively

Zoom calls every couple of weeks who taught me the techniques I mentioned in an earlier post. They also emailed me some very useful guides which I printed out and always keep on my desk at work

Despite my success I did feel down today (but more in an angry fashion). Basically I went to the gym this morning, did a very intense workout, came home and told the wife I’d trained hard and her reply was like “hmmmm” to which I replied “oh I thought you’d be happy and proud that I’d done it” to which she replied “yeah but it’ll not be long before your moaning that you’re aching” so I thought “well, whatever at least I’m trying”. There’s no wonder we suffer as we do but I’m not gonna let it bring me down
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Your wife does ‘t seem very supportive
 
Bassmansam said:
Your wife does ‘t seem very supportive
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She is when it means keeping me sane enough to keep bringing the money in

She’s been testing the water all day as to why I’ve been so quiet so when she eventually asks I’ll tell her then she’ll feel bad tomorrow and be whittling that I’ll come in from work and tell her it’s not working out

I know it sounds childish but if they can’t consider our efforts and needs they can suffer too and only blame themselves

We’ll be fine again in a day or two but they have to know we are human beings too

Bit different to my earlier posts but I suppose that’s how it goes and an example of why we suffer with anxiety and depression so much.
 
Wish customers would understand that their rudeness, impatience is causing mental health issues with shop workers. About a third of us are on antidepressants since the pandemic. Almost all on antidepressants now and pre pandemic had time off work due to stress.

We have been in tears due to certain customers. Plus have to spend time in the staff areas to compose ourselves.

There are some wonderful customers but for every 1 lovely customer, there’s about 30 rude ones.

We are humans. We had enough of these customers’ behaviour. The day I will leave my job to start another non retail - it would be a great day.
 
cheesefest said:
Wish customers would understand that their rudeness, impatience is causing mental health issues with shop workers. About a third of us are on antidepressants since the pandemic. Almost all on antidepressants now and pre pandemic had time off work due to stress.

We have been in tears due to certain customers. Plus have to spend time in the staff areas to compose ourselves.

There are some wonderful customers but for every 1 lovely customer, there’s about 30 rude ones.

We are humans. We had enough of these customers’ behaviour. The day I will leave my job to start another non retail - it would be a great day.
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Very much this!

By virtue of a mid-life crisis (still waiting on my Porsche dammit!) I've escaped retail and really glad to see the back of it. The amount of times I had to bite my tongue and restrain myself was unreal. All of my co-workers were stressed/depressed/suffering from all sorts of issues and still soldiering on. Always wanted to win the lottery (in a big way) and buy them out of their contracts mid shift :cry:
 
On the posts re: the nature of supporting relationships…

I think being able to hurt each other, disappoint each other and be annoyed with each and still have a willingness to keep it going is probably the single most important thing to the success of any relationship…? It can’t be great all the time and the willingness to cope with things when they are ‘down’ is a sign of strength, even if that doesn’t come across in any particular moment. Everybody tantrums, everybody gets upset…

If anything, my wife’s over-tolerance towards some of my worse behaviours have had the adverse effect of ‘justifying’ my ‘righteous moping’. So we encourage each other to call out bull when we see it… and allow each other to be mad / upset.

All within reason of course… you shouldn’t be emotional punchbags for each other. When that’s happening, it’s probably a case of trying to be more tolerant of ‘difficult emotions’ and processing them internally, rather than ‘lashing out’ and ‘seeking to control’ your partner.
 
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