Soldato
Well this is not normally a thread I follow but apologies in advance as I just need to vent as I’m having as dark a day as I can ever remember.
The past couple of years have been pretty difficult, right at the beginning of the very first Covid lockdown my cousin died suddenly due to complications associated with contracting Covid. A real bolt out of the blue, only 53 and went from being well to hospital in days. She was a nice person and missed very much.
Three weeks later we had one of those odd late night calls you don’t normally expect informing us a life-long friend had died suddenly. This was pretty tough as we’d grown up together and always been close.
Jump forwards to July 6th and we had awful news that my aunt had passed away suddenly (cardiac arrest) this felt crushing as I lost my farther as a teenager and my aunt had been like my second mum. My aunt was one of those family-rocks that cement everyone together. It’s difficult to put into words how hard that hit me and the family. Apart from being my mother’s sister she was her best friend so it felt devastating.
Mid October a friend and neighbor developed sepsis while being treated in hospital and slowly passed away over the course of a couple of weeks. Just a nice friend that I looked forwards to passing the day with and having a cuppa. A kind soul.
Calling it a tough few months was an understatement.
At the end of November my old mum (85) discovered a lump in her breast. By 2nd December mum had had a mastectomy to remove the cancer and scheduled a course of radio therapy. It’s a tough thing for any woman to have to go through but at 85 Jesus it was tough.
Just at the end of April due to an infection from the operation mum had a fall. Then the following day I had a heart attack so we were both in hospital at the same time. The world really did feel like it was starting to unravel.
Thankfully we both recovered slowly. Cancer treatment was successful and I started pottering around as normal. Life goes on.
Come July I was back in coronary care with another heart attack so another dire couple of weeks. I came out to the news that my mate and friend of 40+ years had died. No one dare tell me while I was in hospital. To be fair I’ve had long standing heart problems for 25+ years but I’m normally pretty stable and resilient. The friend I lost was my sounding board for years.
Jump forwards to November and I’ve had yet another small heart attack with suspected pericarditis possibly triggered by catching Covid. So another week in coronary care/cardiac wards. I made it a whole 3 weeks before the next heart attack and another 9 days in hospital. Very tough this time as the new medication I started for my heart just wrecked my stomach and bowel. Just not nice. MRI scan on heart said it’s had a kicking. Just to rub salt into the wound they tell me I only have around 3-4 months before my pacemaker will need changing so something else to look forwards to.
I’ve been home since Friday evening.
Upshot is I feel spent and the moment. I think it’s all just caught up with me. I’ve tried to just do normal stuff but I just feel absolutely numb somehow a very strange feeling, I can't seem to hold focus and concentrate on anything. Thought if I vent a bit it might help??
The past couple of years have been pretty difficult, right at the beginning of the very first Covid lockdown my cousin died suddenly due to complications associated with contracting Covid. A real bolt out of the blue, only 53 and went from being well to hospital in days. She was a nice person and missed very much.
Three weeks later we had one of those odd late night calls you don’t normally expect informing us a life-long friend had died suddenly. This was pretty tough as we’d grown up together and always been close.
Jump forwards to July 6th and we had awful news that my aunt had passed away suddenly (cardiac arrest) this felt crushing as I lost my farther as a teenager and my aunt had been like my second mum. My aunt was one of those family-rocks that cement everyone together. It’s difficult to put into words how hard that hit me and the family. Apart from being my mother’s sister she was her best friend so it felt devastating.
Mid October a friend and neighbor developed sepsis while being treated in hospital and slowly passed away over the course of a couple of weeks. Just a nice friend that I looked forwards to passing the day with and having a cuppa. A kind soul.
Calling it a tough few months was an understatement.
At the end of November my old mum (85) discovered a lump in her breast. By 2nd December mum had had a mastectomy to remove the cancer and scheduled a course of radio therapy. It’s a tough thing for any woman to have to go through but at 85 Jesus it was tough.
Just at the end of April due to an infection from the operation mum had a fall. Then the following day I had a heart attack so we were both in hospital at the same time. The world really did feel like it was starting to unravel.
Thankfully we both recovered slowly. Cancer treatment was successful and I started pottering around as normal. Life goes on.
Come July I was back in coronary care with another heart attack so another dire couple of weeks. I came out to the news that my mate and friend of 40+ years had died. No one dare tell me while I was in hospital. To be fair I’ve had long standing heart problems for 25+ years but I’m normally pretty stable and resilient. The friend I lost was my sounding board for years.
Jump forwards to November and I’ve had yet another small heart attack with suspected pericarditis possibly triggered by catching Covid. So another week in coronary care/cardiac wards. I made it a whole 3 weeks before the next heart attack and another 9 days in hospital. Very tough this time as the new medication I started for my heart just wrecked my stomach and bowel. Just not nice. MRI scan on heart said it’s had a kicking. Just to rub salt into the wound they tell me I only have around 3-4 months before my pacemaker will need changing so something else to look forwards to.
I’ve been home since Friday evening.
Upshot is I feel spent and the moment. I think it’s all just caught up with me. I’ve tried to just do normal stuff but I just feel absolutely numb somehow a very strange feeling, I can't seem to hold focus and concentrate on anything. Thought if I vent a bit it might help??
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. So 5hrs 'wasted' at A&E plus their time wasted to be told my heart is fine...
