Soldato
How're you doing?
**The Mental Health Thread**
- Thread starter Gabbatek
- Start date
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- mental health
Not too bad thanks mate its eased a bit although still hits me at times. I have been working through it with my Psychologist. How are you doing ?
Soldato
I’m glad it’s eased and you’ve got that external support.
I’m up and down at the moment, struggling quite a bit at the moment but I’ll get there, just come out of therapy this morning and know I’ve got to just tell people what I expect now.
Soldato
Well I've had a rough 6 weeks. Early September I'm in A&E with food stuck in my throat. Have an endoscopy and I'm told I have eosinophilic Esophagitis (basically my esophagus is inflamed due to a sneaky unspecified food allergy that has no other reactionary affect). I'm talking proton pump inhibitors to reduce acid in my stomach which might have a mild benefit, I can't start the main treatment (Jorveza / budesonide) until the follow up appointment in december. Now I'm pretty anxious that I will get food stuck in my throat again and I'll have another trip to A&E and results in my first panic attack in years when I'm in the office at lunch time.
Two weeks later I'm back in A&E with shortness of breath. Turns out I have multiple pulmonary embolism on both lungs and I'm on blood thinners. I'll be breathless for months whilst the clots dissolve. Signed off on sick leave from work who are being good and giving me full pay.
Currently got a cold which seems to be constricting my throat or airways or something. I can breath acceptably and having been to a&e a further 2 times for my PEs "getting worse" when they were in fact fine I've been assured I'm not going to drop dead.
But I'm feeling pretty tired now and it's only week 4 of this. This is on the back of historic social anxiety issues which are ironically fine now I'm stuck at home!
The good news is that hopefully I'll be put on the Jorveza steroids in December which directly anti inflame my esophagus. The other good news is I've slowly been getting strength back over the last month so hopefully I'll feel better in a month and better still in two months...
Given I feel like my plate is overflowing I'm on the waiting list for NHS CBT therapy (obviously there is a wait for everything) and I've also decided to sign up with Better help even if I have a low opinion of them thanks to their adverts lol. We'll see how it goes.
I just needed to vent really
Two weeks later I'm back in A&E with shortness of breath. Turns out I have multiple pulmonary embolism on both lungs and I'm on blood thinners. I'll be breathless for months whilst the clots dissolve. Signed off on sick leave from work who are being good and giving me full pay.
Currently got a cold which seems to be constricting my throat or airways or something. I can breath acceptably and having been to a&e a further 2 times for my PEs "getting worse" when they were in fact fine I've been assured I'm not going to drop dead.
But I'm feeling pretty tired now and it's only week 4 of this. This is on the back of historic social anxiety issues which are ironically fine now I'm stuck at home!
The good news is that hopefully I'll be put on the Jorveza steroids in December which directly anti inflame my esophagus. The other good news is I've slowly been getting strength back over the last month so hopefully I'll feel better in a month and better still in two months...
Given I feel like my plate is overflowing I'm on the waiting list for NHS CBT therapy (obviously there is a wait for everything) and I've also decided to sign up with Better help even if I have a low opinion of them thanks to their adverts lol. We'll see how it goes.
I just needed to vent really
Wow @almoststew1990 that's...insane you're going through all of that 
Fingers crossed your cold shifts soon and everything else starts to clear.
I always recommend venting
I've been in some dark places in the past and I thought that was all behind me and i could cope with whatever life threw at me until a few months back when I injured myself. Nothing compared to what you're having to go through but it took its toll and I felt like I had to keep it all in. I didn't tell anyone what was going on in my head, not properly. I opted to write it all in a diary how my pain levels were and how I felt mentally each day. Honestly thought I'd be stuck with the pain for good but I'm finally in a much better place, physically and mentally.
Hang in there
Fingers crossed your cold shifts soon and everything else starts to clear.
I always recommend venting
I've been in some dark places in the past and I thought that was all behind me and i could cope with whatever life threw at me until a few months back when I injured myself. Nothing compared to what you're having to go through but it took its toll and I felt like I had to keep it all in. I didn't tell anyone what was going on in my head, not properly. I opted to write it all in a diary how my pain levels were and how I felt mentally each day. Honestly thought I'd be stuck with the pain for good but I'm finally in a much better place, physically and mentally.
Hang in there
Soldato
@secretspy thanks. Honestly a diary might be a good idea. I like the act/physicality of writing!
The plot twist is this is bringing up lots of weird feelings about my Mum. She had Lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM) a chronic terminal lung disease that reduces your lung capacity over time. She effectively had it from 1995 till she died in 2016. As a child I watched her slowly lose the ability to do, well, most things. She was at 9% lung utilisation when she got a transplant in 2014 and enjoyed a normal enough life for 2 years, but she got ill (whilst on immunosuppressants) in 2016...
Now knowing what she physically felt like (and probably feeling far better than her in her later years) is making me feel guilty. Did I do enough as a child and teenage to help out? Could I have been more sympathetic and understanding rather than a normal stroppy teenager? I did help out because helping out was ingrained into my brother and I as a child as something we just had to do but I'm pretty sure we did the minimum...
Perhaps something to discuss with the therapist lol.
The plot twist is this is bringing up lots of weird feelings about my Mum. She had Lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM) a chronic terminal lung disease that reduces your lung capacity over time. She effectively had it from 1995 till she died in 2016. As a child I watched her slowly lose the ability to do, well, most things. She was at 9% lung utilisation when she got a transplant in 2014 and enjoyed a normal enough life for 2 years, but she got ill (whilst on immunosuppressants) in 2016...
Now knowing what she physically felt like (and probably feeling far better than her in her later years) is making me feel guilty. Did I do enough as a child and teenage to help out? Could I have been more sympathetic and understanding rather than a normal stroppy teenager? I did help out because helping out was ingrained into my brother and I as a child as something we just had to do but I'm pretty sure we did the minimum...
Perhaps something to discuss with the therapist lol.
Soldato
Ugh, I think I've finally realised that the last 10 years of my life I've spent being miserable because of controlling behavior from my wife.
We've been having marriage counselling on her request because our relationship has been pretty poor lately, but the counsellor has basically focussed entirely on her, and she's obviously not happy about that. The reality is that she's been pointing the blame at me for a long time, when actually most of the problems are hers. Digging up her past and her own self-discovery has made her investigate the potential of having PTSD. She's had psychological evaluations and is starting expensive eye movement therapy. I'm pleased she's getting help but there's no telling if it will help.
This evening we were talking and she was just moaning about my hobbies and my work and I decided to tell her that I think we'd be better off apart. I can't continue to be put down by her, continue to pick up the pieces. I've been so supportive of her for years, I've asked nothing of her, and I just can't take the negativity any more.
There are so many page to this book, so many massive chapters that I can't cover it all (we've been together for about 20 years). Needless to say, after that long together, I've got no idea what comes next. We've got two kids, a dog, a cat, a mortgage... and really we just need to lead separate lives. I don't know how to do that!
We've been having marriage counselling on her request because our relationship has been pretty poor lately, but the counsellor has basically focussed entirely on her, and she's obviously not happy about that. The reality is that she's been pointing the blame at me for a long time, when actually most of the problems are hers. Digging up her past and her own self-discovery has made her investigate the potential of having PTSD. She's had psychological evaluations and is starting expensive eye movement therapy. I'm pleased she's getting help but there's no telling if it will help.
This evening we were talking and she was just moaning about my hobbies and my work and I decided to tell her that I think we'd be better off apart. I can't continue to be put down by her, continue to pick up the pieces. I've been so supportive of her for years, I've asked nothing of her, and I just can't take the negativity any more.
There are so many page to this book, so many massive chapters that I can't cover it all (we've been together for about 20 years). Needless to say, after that long together, I've got no idea what comes next. We've got two kids, a dog, a cat, a mortgage... and really we just need to lead separate lives. I don't know how to do that!
The diary definitely helped me to track improvements in pain levels which in turn helped me mentally so it's worth a shot
I think it's normal to question if you did enough etc.
I certainly did the same when my dad passed. Should I have been more involved and chased doctors to get him treatment quicker? I should have stayed when the ambulance came instead of allowing my mum to boot me out the house because i knew she was going to cry.
You can only do what you feel or think is right in that moment. You were there for your mum and im sure she appreciated any help you gave.
Definitely something to talk through with the therapist though. I myself could probably do with going to one again soon. It certainly helped before
Soldato
Well, my wife has just moved out. Lots going on in my head but I'm not particularly upset which is telling...
Soldato
Wow.
I think the one takeaway I'd have here is that you've identified the issue and obviously given your latest post working on it. 20 Years is a very very long-time I'd say focus on yourself and your kids and push in to your habits - It sounds like she needs to take on her own journey right now and focus on fixing herself, and you need to give yourself time to recover from the years of trauma you've been suffering.
Soldato
Check in time! How's things?
I'm in a pretty **** place at the moment... had to go for a walk at gone 12 last night because I'm just so angry and resentful... I need to overcome my anxiety and just deal with it but feel I'm being greedy.
Soldato
Had some good months and even went outside (didn't touch any grass though...) to see my psychiatrist for ADHD medication checkup. Since then? Fatigued to the point of being virtually bed bound for 5 days. Still struggling now which is +9 days. Massive insomnia and unrefreshing sleep.
Not directly mental health related but obviously a huge impact on my ability to function etc.
Not directly mental health related but obviously a huge impact on my ability to function etc.
Don
Just about to start back on Escitalopram to cope with SAD. I've had a great few months and even still feeling ok, but as the weather gets worse, there's less stuff to keep me active (I've been busy in the garden almost all summer), and with the pressures of Christmas looming, I'd rather be prepared.
Soldato
Well, my wife has indeed moved out so we're officially on a trial separation. I don't think the chances of us getting back together are great either. I am still hopeful but it's fading pretty fast. Trying to get my head around it is really difficult. I feel like I just want to escape, disappear, put my fingers in my ears so I don't have to deal with any of it... but I know that doesn't help anyone.
She wants someone with high energy and high output... I'm just too much of a dreamer, too laid back. I would be more like the person but years and years of putdowns, pressure, and no support just remove any ambition or motivation.
I'm coming off my Escitalopram now too which is making me a bit cranky, light-headed, and emotional.
She wants someone with high energy and high output... I'm just too much of a dreamer, too laid back. I would be more like the person but years and years of putdowns, pressure, and no support just remove any ambition or motivation.
I'm coming off my Escitalopram now too which is making me a bit cranky, light-headed, and emotional.
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Soldato
Tried going down with the quetiapine at night time so that I can help my wife with our son more, too much too soon. Back up to the previous dosage but overall feeling calmer and sleeping better.
Soldato
It's incredibly stressful, my ex lived in the same house after she said it was over, my two main coping mechanisms were reducing my horizon to that day only rather than thinking too far ahead and weirdly red wine combined with music as a weekend escape, I still do that now obviously I can't recommend getting hammered on vino like I did , but I've eased up a little now ( well most weeks)
Not had meds since metazipene but have probably needed them
Soldato
Yeah, I really don't want to think about the future. We've got two sons who we absolutely adore, a cat and a dog so the upheaval is already big, but the potential upheaval is huge.
My worry is that I don't really have an outlet (the last 10 years of my life have been dedicated to raising a family), and my support network isn't great. I'll probably join a gym and maybe start playing some sport again. I feel like I'm going to have even less time to myself than I did before.
God damn.
After being cheated on back in 2019, I had some therapy and the like. Had a short thing with someone a year later or so, realised I had unresolved issues when she wanted to take things no further.
Have been focussing on myself since, just having fun with friends and doing what I want.
Unintentionally started talking to someone weekend just gone online. Shared photos/video chat etc. I hadn’t vibed with anyone so easily in at least a decade. We’d made plans to meet on Saturday. Unfortunately that can no longer go ahead, we kept talking and it seems that there’s not a lot of time free between now and the new year where we’re both free. (Few hours travel req’d, so more of an issue).
It’s come to we can continue as friends, in my head I got so carried away about how much we have in common, how attracted I am, similar interests etc.
Turns out this has made me incredibly upset, how the heck have I managed to build this person up into the ideal person in 4 days and I’ve not even met her!
I’m just venting really, I’ve got in touch with a therapist to go through whatever the hell is going on.
After being cheated on back in 2019, I had some therapy and the like. Had a short thing with someone a year later or so, realised I had unresolved issues when she wanted to take things no further.
Have been focussing on myself since, just having fun with friends and doing what I want.
Unintentionally started talking to someone weekend just gone online. Shared photos/video chat etc. I hadn’t vibed with anyone so easily in at least a decade. We’d made plans to meet on Saturday. Unfortunately that can no longer go ahead, we kept talking and it seems that there’s not a lot of time free between now and the new year where we’re both free. (Few hours travel req’d, so more of an issue).
It’s come to we can continue as friends, in my head I got so carried away about how much we have in common, how attracted I am, similar interests etc.
Turns out this has made me incredibly upset, how the heck have I managed to build this person up into the ideal person in 4 days and I’ve not even met her!
I’m just venting really, I’ve got in touch with a therapist to go through whatever the hell is going on.