Soldato
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spend more time in nature?
**The Mental Health Thread**
- Thread starter Gabbatek
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- mental health
It doesn’t really seem appropriate to list out examples in this thread. But generally, anything that has a sad, or melancholic vibe.
Soldato
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Its interesting because a lot of supposedly melancholic music gives me feelings of happiness.
I also used to think this. But I was only considering my conscious emotions and thought processes.
Melancholic music can be comfortable / enjoyable to listen to, for sure, and that is how I believe I perceived that I was ‘immune’ to its depressive effects. But from my own experimentation, I have to strongly concur that it clouds moods. You absorb it into your subconscious.
Try avoid listening to melancholic music for a prolonged period (I mean weeks), even go so far and listening only to upbeat music, and see if you notice any changes in your perception. If you strictly prescribed to this, and otherwise pursued a course of well-being, I would bet that you would notice a difference.
Anyone that takes comfort in sad things is going to have that affect their mood to some degree. Put it another way, try telling yourself out loud that “listening to sad music has no effect on my mood” and consider how that actually sounds…
(don’t get me wrong I’m not having a go, it’s more that I refused to believe this for a long time and it’s now clear as day to me that your environment, which includes your music, massively affects your mood on a level that you can’t consciously track over short periods of time)
Edit - of course, as is always the case for the healthy individual, good balance is key. I’m talking about getting yourself into a place to appreciate that balance, rather than indulging in just one theme of music.
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Soldato
- Joined
- 22 Nov 2007
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I also used to think this. But I was only considering my conscious emotions and thought processes.
Melancholic music can be comfortable / enjoyable to listen to, for sure, and that is how I believe I perceived that I was ‘immune’ to its depressive effects. But from my own experimentation, I have to strongly concur that it clouds moods. You absorb it into your subconscious.
Try avoid listening to melancholic music for a prolonged period (I mean weeks), even go so far and listening only to upbeat music, and see if you notice any changes in your perception. If you strictly prescribed to this, and otherwise pursued a course of well-being, I would bet that you would notice a difference.
Anyone that takes comfort in sad things is going to have that affect their mood to some degree. Put it another way, try telling yourself out loud that “listening to sad music has no effect on my mood” and consider how that actually sounds…
(don’t get me wrong I’m not having a go, it’s more that I refused to believe this for a long time and it’s now clear as day to me that your environment, which includes your music, massively affects your mood on a level that you can’t consciously track over short periods of time)
This is a fascinating topic. At this time of year i'm more inclined to listen to bands like Nightwish ( symphonic metal) which i guess tends to lean on the melancholic side but its also quite uplifting. Generally I have a varied taste though and like a bit of everything really, in fact i'm just to put on happy by Pharell Williams
.One good example of what i think is a melancholic song is Scar tissue by red hot chilli peppers, it has really beautiful instrumentals but i'd say its melancholic overall but definitely brings me joy.
Scary stuff.
There's one thing having all the money in the world with nothing to do... You can go places etc. But some people struggle with this. People working despite being multi millionaires or billionaires.
Then there's not having anything to do (ie no purpose) but no freedom either.
That's my biggest fear for AI. It takes away all purpose. We were talking at work about people's kids getting chat gpt to do homework.
That's fine.. We don't do long division anymore.
But at what point do We not have to do anything? What will that do to memtal health.. Not having any purpose?
I struggle with that all the time. Without kids I've filled this with holidays and experiences and active hobbies. But what happens when if/when I can't do that anymore (health +age)?
How to I keep from falling into the hole?
Its probably going to become bigger and bigger of an issue.
This works every time without fail for me. It's a saviour.
Time to look after yourself.
If you come out of this on top (ie pull yourself up) she could well start to get jealous.
You have a son too, always a curve ball. But you and them come first now.
Caporegime
Perhaps. I would wager that won't happen though. Its never been easier to do pretty much anything in human history and yet the majority of people still don't. Its never been easier to learn a skill, learn how to cook, find interesting people to talk to, join clubs etc and yet people spend all their spare time in front of the TV and on social media.
I'm sure I saw a study saying basically people are more unhappy if they are not working and thats not because they are job hunting or financially in trouble. They just lack purpose.
My partners dad has been retired for getting on for 20 years now and all he does is sit on the sofa and watch TV/sports. He claims thats what he wants to do but hes not happy. You can see how happy he is when there is something to do. Something as simple as helping me change the oil on the car or doing a DIY project.
He has loads of money, all the time in the world and yet he does nothing. Its a paradox.
Not going to happen and if it does it won't be happening in our time line. The whole AI argument has been blown out of proportion. Plenty of things in the world which require human interaction and the human brain which AI can't do.
On a darker side, plenty of people out there who love to disrupt the peace and cause war. That alone will give people purpose to fight for them or against. AI won't solve the creation of evil people and trouble makers.
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Associate
Talk to each other
Just lost my mate to suicide last week, been close since we were 10, utterly heart broken, and unknown to why he did it.
I’ve found being out in nature has helped me, aswell as talking about my true feelings and how I am day to day, check in with your loved ones and mates, and say hello or smile to the stranger you pass by in your day to day lives, something that little could help
Hardest part is processing it, which I’m struggling with to be fair, any help there ?
Just lost my mate to suicide last week, been close since we were 10, utterly heart broken, and unknown to why he did it.
I’ve found being out in nature has helped me, aswell as talking about my true feelings and how I am day to day, check in with your loved ones and mates, and say hello or smile to the stranger you pass by in your day to day lives, something that little could help
Hardest part is processing it, which I’m struggling with to be fair, any help there ?
Especially (assumption) guys. We don't talk as much typically. At least these things are being talked about more openly. But at an individual level talking to a friend about such feelings is hard. Don't think I'd talk to any but one friend about something so serious.
Sorry for your loss.
Associate
It looks like I’ll soon be heading for divorce after 12 years of marriage and my mental health has been all over the place. I’m constantly going between feeling positive that we can make amends to feeling utterly depressed. It’s all a bit of a shock as I didn’t see it coming. Over the last month or so she has been feeling down and was always getting irritated by me and the kids (8 & 11). She told me that she didn’t know if it was because of me or something else. Then just over a week ago she said that she has lost the connection with me and sees me more as a roommate/friend and doesn’t want to be together any more.
I’m determined to make better habits and improve myself. She says that she knows I’m trying. I asked her if she has already made her mind up that she wants a divorce but she couldn’t give me an answer. However she also says that she doesn’t believe I can make permanent changes for her to fall in love with me again.
We live in a small village and all our close friends are here. Our son is autistic and has just settled into secondary school. Apparently it’s the best one in the area for autistic children. I’ve been looking into our finances and if we split up there’s no chance of either of us could afford to live in the local area.
She wants everything to remain amicable and that she’s in no rush. We have a break at centre parcs booked for the end of February and she sees no reason for us not to all go as a family. We’re still sleeping in the same bed and from the kids perspective things are completely normal. I’m not sure if she’s just putting on a brave face but she does seem to be in a better mood and we are getting along fine. It almost seems like I was dreaming when she said she wanted to split up. I’m completely baffled!
She said that there is nobody else. I don’t really have any reason to suspect anything is going on. She’s not going out any more frequently and the people she says she’s with could easily be validated as I know their husbands.
I’m just really confused about it all. If things were bad enough that she was willing to move out the area then surely she would want me out of her life sooner. We’re planning to have a proper talk on Sunday so hopefully I can make sense of it all!
I’m determined to make better habits and improve myself. She says that she knows I’m trying. I asked her if she has already made her mind up that she wants a divorce but she couldn’t give me an answer. However she also says that she doesn’t believe I can make permanent changes for her to fall in love with me again.
We live in a small village and all our close friends are here. Our son is autistic and has just settled into secondary school. Apparently it’s the best one in the area for autistic children. I’ve been looking into our finances and if we split up there’s no chance of either of us could afford to live in the local area.
She wants everything to remain amicable and that she’s in no rush. We have a break at centre parcs booked for the end of February and she sees no reason for us not to all go as a family. We’re still sleeping in the same bed and from the kids perspective things are completely normal. I’m not sure if she’s just putting on a brave face but she does seem to be in a better mood and we are getting along fine. It almost seems like I was dreaming when she said she wanted to split up. I’m completely baffled!
She said that there is nobody else. I don’t really have any reason to suspect anything is going on. She’s not going out any more frequently and the people she says she’s with could easily be validated as I know their husbands.
I’m just really confused about it all. If things were bad enough that she was willing to move out the area then surely she would want me out of her life sooner. We’re planning to have a proper talk on Sunday so hopefully I can make sense of it all!
@Silent Bob sorry to hear that.
… for what it’s worth, she clearly hasn’t been communicating with you, which may mean she hasn’t felt like she could (for whatever reason).
Saying ‘it’s bad’ and moving immediately to ‘end’ is pretty drastic IMO. How could you both ever address what the problems are if you’ve never had the opportunity to talk about it and live through them for a bit… ? It would require ‘work’ over time to set things towards a better place. It could never be immediately move to ‘good’ from a prolonged period of moping around in isolation thinking your relationship is rubbish - it’s in ‘blinkers mode’.
Maybe find out what it is that’s she’s lacking. Feelings of want / attraction are very compelling and it’s easier to hunger yourself off a cliff on those. If it’s anything like that, consider what you could do over time to try and be more attractive to her…. if you want to, of course!
… for what it’s worth, she clearly hasn’t been communicating with you, which may mean she hasn’t felt like she could (for whatever reason).
Saying ‘it’s bad’ and moving immediately to ‘end’ is pretty drastic IMO. How could you both ever address what the problems are if you’ve never had the opportunity to talk about it and live through them for a bit… ? It would require ‘work’ over time to set things towards a better place. It could never be immediately move to ‘good’ from a prolonged period of moping around in isolation thinking your relationship is rubbish - it’s in ‘blinkers mode’.
Maybe find out what it is that’s she’s lacking. Feelings of want / attraction are very compelling and it’s easier to hunger yourself off a cliff on those. If it’s anything like that, consider what you could do over time to try and be more attractive to her…. if you want to, of course!
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Soldato
Sounds almost identical situation to me. I wonder if they've been listening to the same podcasts! I'm about a month down the line from where you are and feeling surprisingly positive and motivated. We're on a trial separation and that seems to be giving us the space to develop or re-develop ourselves and hopefully start some habits that the other party admires. The good thing about this is that it's temporary, in 6 months, year, even two, however long it takes I've still got hope. As long as we remain faithful there's no reason why things can't progress. I'm in the process of moving out after my wife tried to live at her mums which failed miserably.
Feel free to get in touch with me if you want, happy to have a call and talk through stuff. I've tried to log everything that's happened in my relationship on this thread, for my own sanity more than anything.
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Often the leaver has had time to process this. They are probably (not always) done. And just "trying to be nice".
They probably seem ok/normal as they've lost the feelings and literally do see you as a friend. So. It's not really hard for her to go to centre parks with you.
For the leavee it's the opposite. You might be shocked, living in limbo and full of anxiety "can we make it work?", "do I have a chance to turn it around?".
Mostly the answer is no, and the person leaver isn't being honest and is subconsciously trying to be "nice" but it's worse. Because it's dragging it out.
It isn't always like this.. But it often is.
It might be no ones fault, you might both not have talked about issues when they arise (common).
I hope there is a chance for you to fix it. But often "I want a divorce" has been thought about long and hard but no talking has been done.
Sorry to hear this.
Soldato
- Joined
- 22 Nov 2007
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She didn't say she wanted a divorce so maybe theres still hope.Often the leaver has had time to process this. They are probably (not always) done. And just "trying to be nice".
They probably seem ok/normal as they've lost the feelings and literally do see you as a friend. So. It's not really hard for her to go to centre parks with you.
For the leavee it's the opposite. You might be shocked, living in limbo and full of anxiety "can we make it work?", "do I have a chance to turn it around?".
Mostly the answer is no, and the person leaver isn't being honest and is subconsciously trying to be "nice" but it's worse. Because it's dragging it out.
It isn't always like this.. But it often is.
It might be no ones fault, you might both not have talked about issues when they arise (common).
I hope there is a chance for you to fix it. But often "I want a divorce" has been thought about long and hard but no talking has been done.
Sorry to hear this.
Caporegime
I think that’s usually a case of not wanting to mention the word as it escalates it straight from 0 to 100.
As soon as you mention a divorce to most men you’re immediately putting them on the defensive as thoughts of how it’s going to impact their finances etc will be rushing through their head right away.
There may still be hope but it sounds to me like she’s just letting go gently and trying to keep things amicable.
Divorce is one of the most brutal forms of rejection, particularly when it comes out of the blue as it has you questioning near enough every aspect of your life and those years that have passed.
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Have to say I agree.
Some people like to do it gently. Prepping the other party with "I don't think it's working but we can try".
Sometimes this isnt true. And the person saying it might not even realise it.
A lot of people don't want to seem like a bad person "I want a divorce" can make that person seem like the bad guy to their family and friends.
So much psychology, and it's hard to ascertain if it's a genuine "there may be a chance" or not.
A way to tell might be to suggest counselling. Usually dismissing this or "you won't change" is a sign it's done.
Associate
Deep down I think you're right. I'm just trying to stay positive at the moment for that slim possibility that we might be able to make amends. Otherwise my mental health takes a nosedive and feel sick and restless. We're not going to have a proper talk about it until Sunday so I don't want too beat myself up too much about it before then. In the meantime I'm trying to better myself. I've started playing Badminton again (I stopped about a year ago due to a knee injury) and arranged an evening out with some friends.Often the leaver has had time to process this. They are probably (not always) done. And just "trying to be nice".
They probably seem ok/normal as they've lost the feelings and literally do see you as a friend. So. It's not really hard for her to go to centre parks with you.
For the leavee it's the opposite. You might be shocked, living in limbo and full of anxiety "can we make it work?", "do I have a chance to turn it around?".
Mostly the answer is no, and the person leaver isn't being honest and is subconsciously trying to be "nice" but it's worse. Because it's dragging it out.
It isn't always like this.. But it often is.
It might be no ones fault, you might both not have talked about issues when they arise (common).
I hope there is a chance for you to fix it. But often "I want a divorce" has been thought about long and hard but no talking has been done.
Sorry to hear this.