**The Mental Health Thread**

[md85]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Have you got any family to talk to and help you with this difficult time

Thank you.

I do, I have two siblings and my dad who were there. They're a good support, but they're so practically focused, and I'm just not ready for that. My siblings also have partners and children to distract them, and I don't. I can't distract myself from the emotional side of it like they can.

We are in Jersey, and my mum was treated by a locum doctor from England for her final days in the ICU. The cause of death is currently unknown but she was discharged from Jersey hospital last Wednesday, having been refused an MRI for chest and abdominal pains and given a bill of good health. They instead scheduled the MRI for July 6th. The locum doctor was so shocked at that misdiagnosis and missing treatment my mum should have received over the last 6 months that she recommended to the coroner that it be investigated for potential criminality, so there have been police around to the house taking statements and gathering information. It's so much to process just 24 hours on.

 

[Steedie]

Was going to make a new account for this post but a lot of people probably going through the same, and definitely people going through a lot worse, so will just stick to this thread. And again, part of me thinks, is this really something you should share, but last time I was really low, I posted in here, and it genuinely helped, and @MrRockliffe, bless his heart, even reached out, which again meant a lot

But yeah...going through a really dark time at the moment. Nothing particularly triggering it, just similar to my last post, a lot of things slowly creeping up on me as well as a lot of things that end up in a vicious circle that compound things. As an example, a few months ago, I felt fairly good and was back in the gym regularly, started cycling again but last month or so, I've just gone downhill which means I've not done anything like that, which makes me feel worse as I hate it, but then feeling worse makes me feel even less like going in the gym. It's ridiculous as I know that dragging myself in there will make me feel a bit better, but I don't. I remember growing up when my dad was horribly depressed, and I'd just say stuff like "if you know doing this will make you better, why don't you?" thinking it was so easy, now I know that it's not.

The worst part is though, I really feel like I've hit that point where I could quite easily just not be here and I've never felt like that. I'm not going to do anything stupid, but the sad truth is that is only because I couldn't bear the thought of what it would do to my kids. I hate the fact that were it not for them, I really don't know if I'd bother. I see these videos on social media all the time of dads who lost their battles to mental health, and the effect it had on their kids, and it just breaks my heart.

I'm just so miserable and I hate the person that I am at the moment, I'm not nice to be around, I snap so easily and I'm just tired. I should be excited about going to the British Grand Prix tomorrow, like I do every year, but I'm sat here thinking of reasons not to go and selling my ticket because I don't really get enjoyment from stuff that I usually would.

I hate having to make these posts, but I literally have no-one to talk to, last couple of years of slowly getting to this point have just meant I don't really have close friends I would be comfortable talking to about this stuff, my girlfriend just tells me to get on with it and has no interest whatsoever, just makes it in to a competition about whose got more reason to be miserable if I try and talk about it. So occasionally I get to the point where you poor people have to read a post like this.

I know I should go to the doctors and get help, but I haven't because I'm scared what that will do for things like life insurance or our health insurance policies for the family, or just how it might have knock on effects for them down the line, stupid really.

Sorry guys. I really do appreciate threads like this though. I don't post in it often but I do regularly read it and love the support everyone gives each other

 

[Ayahuasca]

I know I should go to the doctors and get help, but I haven't because I'm scared what that will do for things like life insurance or our health insurance policies for the family, or just how it might have knock on effects for them down the line, stupid really.

I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but the risk of doing nothing is probably far greater than the risk of seeing a GP and at least exploring some options.

 

[koolpc]

Was going to make a new account for this post but a lot of people probably going through the same, and definitely people going through a lot worse, so will just stick to this thread. And again, part of me thinks, is this really something you should share, but last time I was really low, I posted in here, and it genuinely helped, and @MrRockliffe, bless his heart, even reached out, which again meant a lot

But yeah...going through a really dark time at the moment. Nothing particularly triggering it, just similar to my last post, a lot of things slowly creeping up on me as well as a lot of things that end up in a vicious circle that compound things. As an example, a few months ago, I felt fairly good and was back in the gym regularly, started cycling again but last month or so, I've just gone downhill which means I've not done anything like that, which makes me feel worse as I hate it, but then feeling worse makes me feel even less like going in the gym. It's ridiculous as I know that dragging myself in there will make me feel a bit better, but I don't. I remember growing up when my dad was horribly depressed, and I'd just say stuff like "if you know doing this will make you better, why don't you?" thinking it was so easy, now I know that it's not.

The worst part is though, I really feel like I've hit that point where I could quite easily just not be here and I've never felt like that. I'm not going to do anything stupid, but the sad truth is that is only because I couldn't bear the thought of what it would do to my kids. I hate the fact that were it not for them, I really don't know if I'd bother. I see these videos on social media all the time of dads who lost their battles to mental health, and the effect it had on their kids, and it just breaks my heart.

I'm just so miserable and I hate the person that I am at the moment, I'm not nice to be around, I snap so easily and I'm just tired. I should be excited about going to the British Grand Prix tomorrow, like I do every year, but I'm sat here thinking of reasons not to go and selling my ticket because I don't really get enjoyment from stuff that I usually would.

I hate having to make these posts, but I literally have no-one to talk to, last couple of years of slowly getting to this point have just meant I don't really have close friends I would be comfortable talking to about this stuff, my girlfriend just tells me to get on with it and has no interest whatsoever, just makes it in to a competition about whose got more reason to be miserable if I try and talk about it. So occasionally I get to the point where you poor people have to read a post like this.

I know I should go to the doctors and get help, but I haven't because I'm scared what that will do for things like life insurance or our health insurance policies for the family, or just how it might have knock on effects for them down the line, stupid really.

Sorry guys. I really do appreciate threads like this though. I don't post in it often but I do regularly read it and love the support everyone gives each other

You should seek medical help / advice. Dont go it slone.

I been on anxiety / depression meds for approx 30 years. I been through a lot too. Thought of ending it no end of times!! Thats a constant thought. But, what stops me is how that will affect my 18 year old!!

I have nobody else. It is a daily battle but its one that i am determined to win!

Seek help now. Dont keep it all inside my friend.

 

[chimponarope]

I know I should go to the doctors and get help, but I haven't because I'm scared what that will do for things like life insurance or our health insurance policies for the family, or just how it might have knock on effects for them down the line, stupid really.

Afternoon. Never posted in here before but I can offer some experience here. I’ve been dealing with depression for my entire adult life when I look back on it with hindsight. I was in my 30s when I finally decided I needed some help (sat in the docs and cried). It’s quite a scary prospect but it’s definitely for the best. It actually had very little if any impact on life insurance and such, definitely not enough to worry about vs getting the help you need for yourself and in turn your kids. Go and talk to the doctors at the very least. The stigma is definitely disappearing as more people understand.

If you ever want to chat about it give me a shout, goes for anyone on here, definitely don’t suffer alone.

 

[valve90210]

The worst part is though, I really feel like I've hit that point where I could quite easily just not be here and I've never felt like that. I'm not going to do anything stupid, but the sad truth is that is only because I couldn't bear the thought of what it would do to my kids. I hate the fact that were it not for them, I really don't know if I'd bother. I see these videos on social media all the time of dads who lost their battles to mental health, and the effect it had on their kids, and it just breaks my heart.

Sorry guys. I really do appreciate threads like this though. I don't post in it often but I do regularly read it and love the support everyone gives each other

As much as it pains me, I have to say this resonates with me greatly, were it not for my son I most likely wouldn't still be here. Through some very dark times in the past and in more recent months, just knowing he how much it would hurt him, has kept me going when I wanted to stop.

Reaching out to anyone even a bunch of strangers on a forum like this, is a courageous step and a very positive thing. Recognising you're struggling and being able to hold your hands up and say 'I need help' is an incredibly powerful thing and certainly nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about. I think of it like this, if my son is struggling the thing I most want in the world is to know about it and have a chance to help; so I always want him to feel able to be open and honest. How can I expect or hope that from him if I can't do it myself?

Look after yourself, and feel free to reach out any time, you're not alone!

 

[Steedie]

Thanks guys, apologies for the delay in replying. Been at Silverstone all weekend, wasn't ignoring you

Massively appreciate it and I know you're right, I need to just go and get some help from the doctor and see what happens, as someone else said, the risks of not getting it far outweigh the risks of I'm worried about by getting the help

 

[fez]

@Steedie I would suggest that the long term damage of not getting help and sorting this out will be magnitudes larger than any damage it could do to life insurance/medical insurance. Pretty much any money invested in your health is money well spent.

 

[413x]

Yeah definitely go because as said, there's more to lose than money.

Mental health is grim. Especially when you get in your head... nothing matters. At the end of the day, if I spiral I get to that thought pattern too. And tbh, it's only fear of 'nothing' that motivates.

I do fear at some point I won't be salvageable. For myself I'd say that would be if/when my physical health stops me doing stuff. It's really only getting outdoors that keeps me going. And even then it's a struggle to literally get out there.

For myself it's hard in OK times. But some stuff at home is taking the shine off everything. At the moment "OK" is best I can feel with flashes of good. It's not been this bad for a while.

I get peed off with it. It makes no sense. What's the point in being down if nothing matters? Why can't I think "it doesn't matter so enjoy it" rather than "it doesn't matter so just do nothing/wallow".


Man I hate mental health issues. It seems Irrational. It seems ridiculous. But when it cripples you, nothing seems to help.

I often wish I lived in an "ignorance it's bliss" state. Rather than be cursed with "intelligence". Intelligence certainly doesn't make me happy! That's for Sure!

I find when I get bad I withdraw from friends as I don't want the sympathy and asking "are you OK" and switch to more anonymous places (forums, Facebook group) where you can distract yourself and "hide" from the gloom. It's not great. But it's better than the gloom!

I've tried a few things to help, counselling, tablets, but I know my mind and counselling doesn't really help. Tablets are just numbing. But outdoors is best. But yeah. It's a constant fight. And right now mental issues are winning.

 

[413x]

Thanks guys, apologies for the delay in replying. Been at Silverstone all weekend, wasn't ignoring you

Massively appreciate it and I know you're right, I need to just go and get some help from the doctor and see what happens, as someone else said, the risks of not getting it far outweigh the risks of I'm worried about by getting the help

Doctors, counselling and staying active. Trying all of them is important I find. Because it's such an individual journey.

Nothing seems to work for my mum anymore and it's grim to hear about

 

[secretspy]

Makes me so sad to hear so many people feeling like they don't want to be here anymore I've had a fleeting thought of it when I was younger but it was when my dad was fighting and losing his cancer battle. I knew I didn't want to end things. I definitely recommend going to GP as soon as possible or contacting one of the other support lines like Samaritans etc in the interim.

I said for 10 years that I didn't think counselling was for me. Then GP referred me to it and it ended up being a big help to me, like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I did it again after my dad passed and unfortunately I'm now in a place where I feel like I need it again. If I had the spare cash I would pay but money is tight at the moment so I self referred to the NHS talking therapies. I'm doing a 5 week stress webinar whilst I'm waiting to be able to have CBT/counselling. Thankfully last session is next week so hopefully I don't have much longer to wait.

 

[hurfdurf]

Was going to make a new account for this post but a lot of people probably going through the same, and definitely people going through a lot worse, so will just stick to this thread. And again, part of me thinks, is this really something you should share, but last time I was really low, I posted in here, and it genuinely helped, and @MrRockliffe, bless his heart, even reached out, which again meant a lot

But yeah...going through a really dark time at the moment. Nothing particularly triggering it, just similar to my last post, a lot of things slowly creeping up on me as well as a lot of things that end up in a vicious circle that compound things. As an example, a few months ago, I felt fairly good and was back in the gym regularly, started cycling again but last month or so, I've just gone downhill which means I've not done anything like that, which makes me feel worse as I hate it, but then feeling worse makes me feel even less like going in the gym. It's ridiculous as I know that dragging myself in there will make me feel a bit better, but I don't. I remember growing up when my dad was horribly depressed, and I'd just say stuff like "if you know doing this will make you better, why don't you?" thinking it was so easy, now I know that it's not.

The worst part is though, I really feel like I've hit that point where I could quite easily just not be here and I've never felt like that. I'm not going to do anything stupid, but the sad truth is that is only because I couldn't bear the thought of what it would do to my kids. I hate the fact that were it not for them, I really don't know if I'd bother. I see these videos on social media all the time of dads who lost their battles to mental health, and the effect it had on their kids, and it just breaks my heart.

I'm just so miserable and I hate the person that I am at the moment, I'm not nice to be around, I snap so easily and I'm just tired. I should be excited about going to the British Grand Prix tomorrow, like I do every year, but I'm sat here thinking of reasons not to go and selling my ticket because I don't really get enjoyment from stuff that I usually would.

I hate having to make these posts, but I literally have no-one to talk to, last couple of years of slowly getting to this point have just meant I don't really have close friends I would be comfortable talking to about this stuff, my girlfriend just tells me to get on with it and has no interest whatsoever, just makes it in to a competition about whose got more reason to be miserable if I try and talk about it. So occasionally I get to the point where you poor people have to read a post like this.

I know I should go to the doctors and get help, but I haven't because I'm scared what that will do for things like life insurance or our health insurance policies for the family, or just how it might have knock on effects for them down the line, stupid really.

Sorry guys. I really do appreciate threads like this though. I don't post in it often but I do regularly read it and love the support everyone gives each other

Please see your GP, or call 111 and hit option 2 to see what they say, I think that’s the mental health triage team.

It could be something very simple like an issue with your dopamine that some time on some medication can sort out. It’s not worth trying to fight it alone if it is something like that, because your brain isn’t producing the chemicals, it’s nothing you are doing or not doing.

 

[cheesefest]

New store manager is a complete utter bully, a***hole, nasty, jobsworth, unsympathetic and doesn’t care that customers dump things like milk in the baked beans- to discover it’s too warm to put back the chiller. The way he talks to us is patronising and horrible. Colleagues and myself are asking customers who were in earshot of him talking to us to complain to head office about him.

He has created low morale, colleagues including myself are crying about work.

From his previous store, he made two decent department managers leave- they worked in my store in the past few years.

We want him out. Have colleagues who have worked at the store for 35 years (about 25 managers) and he’s the worst combined.

I’m wanting to leave.

 

[malachi]

New store manager is a complete utter bully, a***hole, nasty, jobsworth, unsympathetic and doesn’t care that customers dump things like milk in the baked beans- to discover it’s too warm to put back the chiller. The way he talks to us is patronising and horrible. Colleagues and myself are asking customers who were in earshot of him talking to us to complain to head office about him.

He has created low morale, colleagues including myself are crying about work.

From his previous store, he made two decent department managers leave- they worked in my store in the past few years.

We want him out. Have colleagues who have worked at the store for 35 years (about 25 managers) and he’s the worst combined.

I’m wanting to leave.

Below is something posted in the Two memorable work life lessons thread.

1: Remember it's a job. There are other ones out there where you don't have to work with toxic people or feel depressed for example.

 

[moon man]

I hate being socially anxious, went for a family meal and instead of being relaxed and enjoying, I am aware of the people around me and feel like I am in a vice , all tensed up, no idea where to look , I glance at people on other tables and damn they are looking at me so I stare at the table.
Undiagnosed autism? If I hadn't been driving I would have had a few drinks to numb it

 

[Ayahuasca]

Undiagnosed autism?

Could be, because that sounds a lot more serious than just social anxiety.

If you find basic social norms difficult, and you've never been able to learn or adapt to them, then that's a big sign.

There are a few posters here who have been diagnosed, and although autism is not a one size fits all, the social dysfunction is the biggest aspect, so it would be interesting to hear if they feel the same in similar situations.

 

[tangey]

Been reading this thread, and I guess like many I'm reading it because mental health issues aren't entirely foreign to me, although not a problem currently for me.

When I've felt lower, and I know this is just me personally, and is not a panacea for everyone, I've found that it is social isolation, lack of interaction, basically not being in and around people that is the main thing that affects me. Also the desire to have a purpose in life, and to be needed, to make some small difference.

I always feel not entirely natural when I'm out at family occasions, or gatherings. When everyone else appear to be enjoying it, I generally have a sense of forcing it, but I wonder sometimes that maybe that is actually what many of the other people are doing too, kinda fake it til it comes type of thing. Humans are by nature a pack "animal" , i.e. we are more like dogs than cats in that regard. I do know that I don't every really let myself go, I'm always a bit restrained than others, but hey everyone is different...right ?

So I think it's very important to recognise isolation and try and "force" yourself into situations where you are around people, assuming you are physically able to do so. It seems much easier to find a reason just to keep the status quo, and do nothing, rather than to move out of the comfort zone and try to interact. Most people won't have been depressed constantly thru out their lives, they will have been periods that you did have interests or hobbies. Try to re-enage some of those things, and join groups/clubs in your area that are into those things. So if you used to follow a football team, maybe find your local supporters club. If you used to do some exercise, find a walking group, or indeed build back you to running 5KM and look for your local park run group. Park run can be a great one, because they also regularly need volunteers to manage the saturday runs, so you don't have to be a runner. Yo will be surprised to find that many of the groups, there are a lot of people there not necessarily for the formal activity, but that acts as a cover for people just to get together.

I hope some of those thoughts/ideas are useful for anyone that's finding things tough at the minute.

 

[Shash]

I hate being socially anxious, went for a family meal and instead of being relaxed and enjoying, I am aware of the people around me and feel like I am in a vice , all tensed up, no idea where to look , I glance at people on other tables and damn they are looking at me so I stare at the table.
Undiagnosed autism? If I hadn't been driving I would have had a few drinks to numb it

I discovered that I'm neurodivergent (ADHD) not long ago. Many struggles I've had in my life make sense - including depression/anxiety that was recurrent but without the root cause being diagnosed. If you think you might be autistic, I would recommend exploring the Right to Choose route to pursue assessment given long local waiting lists. You can also get referred to your local service concurrently and take whichever comes up first. Happy to help anybody with questions about ADHD/autism especially - diagnosis has helped me tremendously.

 

[Ayahuasca]

So I think it's very important to recognise isolation and try and "force" yourself into situations where you are around people

It's a tricky one because if he's autistic then it's just going to lead to burnout because he's constantly masking and thinking about how he's going to behave around others. Neurotypical people don't really need to think too much about socialising, much of it comes naturally (Micro-expressions, tone of voice, body language, when to speak, etc), and areas they lack can be learned rather than masked.

I remember reading a thread on here years ago where people were very dismissive and uninformed about what autism actually is, and they were telling a poster who'd been diagnosed that he just needed to get out more and that exposure would work. Granted, this was at a time when very little was known about the disorder, but many people still hold these attitudes towards neurodivergent people.

It's since been proven that exposure therapy has very poor results for autistic people. That said, it could just be very severe social anxiety mixed with something like CPTSD that has developed over the years, so it's best that @moon man gets some professional help.

 

[moon man]

One thing that confuses me if I am autistic is that I can read expressions really well especially if someone dislikes me I find expressions crammed full of information, this is the opposite of autistic isn't it ?