**The Mental Health Thread**

[MookJong]

This thread is a pretty fascinating insight, kind of reassuring in one sense that you are not alone, but frighting in that the scale of these problems is clear. Do you think things are worse now than in the past? Or do you think every generation has felt like this and just got on with it, suffering for the most part in silence?

My own conclusion is that things are worse now. I think to some degree living a simpler more ignorant life had it's merits. Older generations had a lot more religion and community in their lives. Jobs were easier to come by and although probably more physical they required less mental stress. Modern society puts a lot of pressure on you to achieve and "be the best you". At the same time there is no underlying narrative of why you should bother. "For God and country" is no longer a motivator, when life is all about you and you know there is no reward waiting after death it's easier than ever to feel pointless and isolated.

 

[AHarvey]

This thread is a pretty fascinating insight, kind of reassuring in one sense that you are not alone, but frighting in that the scale of these problems is clear. Do you think things are worse now than in the past? Or do you think every generation has felt like this and just got on with it, suffering for the most part in silence?

My own conclusion is that things are worse now. I think to some degree living a simpler more ignorant life had it's merits. Older generations had a lot more religion and community in their lives. Jobs were easier to come by and although probably more physical they required less mental stress. Modern society puts a lot of pressure on you to achieve and "be the best you". At the same time there is no underlying narrative of why you should bother. "For God and country" is no longer a motivator, when life is all about you and you know there is no reward waiting after death it's easier than ever to feel pointless and isolated.

We'll never really know, and taking into count things such as world wars and PTSD etc it would be very hard to really compare.

A lot of factors result in mental health issues. My great grandfathers and grandfather used to spend hours gardening or just sitting outside, smoking and drinking tea, sat on their chairs watching the world go by. I can't remember them having any issues despite them being in the armed forces and combat. My father had a very troubled upbringing, locked in cupboards, beaten etc and still suffers. My parents split when I was 9, it started when I was 7. Fights, letters to each other, suicide attempts, physical fights. Emotional blackmail from my father, my mother being physical to me and telling me how much I am like my dad (who she hated more than anything). I was always going to have issues.

Does society today result in more mental health issues, definitely.

(Anti)Social Media - constant comparison between your life and the fake glamorous veneer of your 'friends' lives, as well as replacing actual human interaction with interaction via a screen.
Always being contactable, can you ever be alone any more?
Less in touch with nature.
Sitting in rooms working at screens for 8+ hours a day
Rushing around, sitting in hours of traffic while commuting
Constant negative news shoved in your face 24/7
Putting more emphasis on digital achievements in games than achieving anything in real life
Instant gratification left right and centre, even dating can be as basic as swiping right.

I think more and more people are going to start realising that things need to change, and hopefully we'll see a swing the other way, where technology becomes a part of our lives instead of the focus of it.

Or maybe I'm a secret geeky hippy

 

[AHarvey]

Big question for everyone

When was the last good deed you did, what was it and how did it make you feel?

Doesn't matter how small it is.

 

[JonnyT]

No issues are small in here. They are all treated equally.

Many thanks for taking the time to read, dissect and provide genuine, constructive and compassionate advice. I will reply in more detail soon.

 

[JonnyT]

This thread is a pretty fascinating insight, kind of reassuring in one sense that you are not alone, but frighting in that the scale of these problems is clear. Do you think things are worse now than in the past? Or do you think every generation has felt like this and just got on with it, suffering for the most part in silence?

My own conclusion is that things are worse now. I think to some degree living a simpler more ignorant life had it's merits. Older generations had a lot more religion and community in their lives. Jobs were easier to come by and although probably more physical they required less mental stress. Modern society puts a lot of pressure on you to achieve and "be the best you". At the same time there is no underlying narrative of why you should bother. "For God and country" is no longer a motivator, when life is all about you and you know there is no reward waiting after death it's easier than ever to feel pointless and isolated.

From my perspective, a lot of it is down to modern life and technology:

The constant need for instant gratification; people's attention spans seem to have to shrunk to near-zero. From simple things like the slow demise of 5-day cricket test matches in favour of 20-20, to marriages and relationships failing at the first sign of disagreement or trouble, rather than fighting to save what you have.

The portrayal of people as 'the best that they can be' through social media skews people's perception of what is 'normal'. All the time we see people off having the most "Amazing time!!!111" on holidays, nights out etc. that you can't help but feel shabby and inadequate in comparison, as it seems that everyone else is having a better time than you. This can lead into a spiral of debt, depression, anxiety etc.

Social Media, and the media itself also feeds into unrealistic expectations out of partners, relationships; I'm sorry to have to say this but a lot of seems female-led. The number of female profiles I've trawled through on dating apps/sites where they're seemingly always off travelling, expecting Chad to have a high paid job, house etc. whilst not being supermodel-esque themselves is astounding. A trawl round Mumsnet will give you an insight into the entitle nature of a lot of women these days. As a man I do feel marginalised somewhat; look at the attention Women's cancers get as opposed to those Men get, and the lack of attention on Male suicide rates is nothing short of criminal.

I probably sound quite bitter, and there may be some elements of that to it, but I dislike a lot of the modern attention on 'everything now' and being 'alpha' in everything you do; when you (I) fail to match up to these ideal standards, it can really affect you, causing a lot of unnecessary mental anguish.

 

[Ayahuasca]

I don't blame the women who are like that for being that way at all, it's the way they've been brought up and the way humans have been for thousands of years, the male is the provider and must offer resources and security for a family, it has became far more balanced over the past 50 years or so but there's a long way to go yet, if roles were reversed and females were the bigger and stronger sex then males would behave near enough the same (or maybe they'd just kill us off like certain spiders do to feed their young ) the issue now is compounded and has been taken a step further, a standard house, car and enough to live on doesn't cut it in a world where nearly everyone seeks materialistic possessions to flaunt their status.

 

[krooton]

I do wonder how long (if ever) it will be until micro-dosing certain illegal substances is accepted.

Research has been promising, but the government is so hardline anti-anything-drug-related that thousands could be suffering needlessly.

I mean, if people suffering with PTSD from wars are having positive outcomes, it could be a massive boon to the population in general.

 

[Ayahuasca]

@krooton Agreed, I'd love to give micro-dosing psilocybin or LSD a go as the research looks pretty nailed on for things like depression, I heard something on one of the BBC radio stations the other day that LSD micro-dosing in silicon valley has taken off, not only alleviates depression and stress but it's also helping hugely with problem solving for software engineers as it helps with creativity.

Reports are pretty widespread now about mushroom usage eliminating certain addictions in some people too, one trip can be all it takes to get rid of a lifelong addiction. I'm not advocating we all turn into hippies and are walking around high as kites everyday but these substances can almost definitely be used in a responsible way with regulations to help folk out.

 

[AHarvey]

LSD Microdosing hasn't been tested enough to be proven either way, I've looked into what research I could find and while it can help with mental health it can also lead to worse side effects, paranoia etc.

There is some positive research into Magic Mushrooms and how a single use can basically reset the brain.

 

[AHarvey]

Day 5 of no meds, still some side effects but powered through work more positive than yesterday.

Come home to my wife complaining because she went out last night with her friends to watch a film, didn't prebook and it was sold out, so they had to hang around for an hour before another film, one I wanted to watch, started. Having a go because I was snotty and didn't respond, well I was annoyed I wasn't going to get to see her and after putting the kids to bed and throwing up all evening I didn't get around to replying.

So, from there, it leads to doing something with one of her friends and her husband. We've been out before, he talks about buying a car worth double what I make a year purely because I've had a £4k golf and they both just talk about themselves, they don't listen and I find them boring as hell. I said I didn't want to but had mentioned about going out with 2 of our other friends who are 3 months preggers for a catch-up. 20 mins of her having a go about being antisocial and never wanting to do anything, so I leave and come upstairs. Kids bedtime so they come, followed by her who carries on just having a go. I start to get ****ed off and start biting back, I'm the bad guy again.

Then my 6-year-old appears in the doorway, crying her eyes out because we're fighting and we're going to have to live in different houses. *cries*

Sat here now trying to cope, trying to fight the need to cut myself to deal with the pain, typing this up hoping it works as a distraction... If it wasn't for my kids, I'd be dead already. **** end too an ok day.

 

[Ayahuasca]

From the way you’ve worded it, it sounds like you don’t want to hang around with your wife’s friends because it makes you feel inadequate (mentioning the cost of the car and your salary) your wife can probably sense this is the real reason and is why she’s acting up on it.

In my friend group people earn a whole host of different salaries and some like to speak about their purchases, I don’t see any issue with it really as they’ve worked hard for it.

 

[easyrider]

From the way you’ve worded it, it sounds like you don’t want to hang around with your wife’s friends because it makes you feel inadequate

This is the key right here,

The wealth and possessions dont make the man, They just sound very dull people...Nothing to talk about but owning stuff...Pretty meaningless actually. I wouldn't feel inadequate in fact I would feel blessed I wasn't such a bore

 

[AHarvey]

From the way you’ve worded it, it sounds like you don’t want to hang around with your wife’s friends because it makes you feel inadequate (mentioning the cost of the car and your salary) your wife can probably sense this is the real reason and is why she’s acting up on it.

In my friend group people earn a whole host of different salaries and some like to speak about their purchases, I don’t see any issue with it really as they’ve worked hard for it.

I understand what you're saying but doesn't actually bother me, he had a pay rise recently, of £8k which at the time was 6 months salary for me. It doesn't bother me, the guys got 15 years on me, a finance degree and it missing massive chunks of his kid's lives. I've a decent motor, a nice standard home and get plenty of time with my kids. Anyone that knows me know's money isn't an issue for me. From 9 to 14 I slept on a lounge floor on sofa cushions, wore hand me down torn clothes, some days eating 2 basic meals a day and didn't e 2 pennies to rub together. My mum had to raid my savings account to buy a £50 car that always broke down, an Ambassador or a Princes, dire cars

I've friends with R8's and they fly all around the world with work, it'd be nice but it doesn't bother me. In fact, only 3 things concern me enough to be on my mind, my family, learning and wanting to do something to make the world a better place. It's the fact that it's so important to him, trying to show off and feeling the need to want to beat my 200bhp 11-year-old golf, constantly rambling about his Uni days (20+ years ago) and the same old stuff.

I just think: I'd rather spend that time playing and reading with my kids, teaching them to code/fight/read/count etc or even just say alone learning something.

I've chilled out a little now, BPD can be a nightmare to cope with, such terrible mood swings. I was ready to end it over what is looking back just another silly fight, by that's not how my BPD takes it.

 

[regulus]

Yea I must say, my eyes will glaze over if I ever had to be in conversation with someone trying to 'convince' me that he/she is on the up and up buying bragging about utterly worthless baubles. I might even laugh out loud and pat them on the head and say 'good boy, now go play'. Friendship, relationships, real laughter ... only then do I start taking more interest in things. The rest if just dull humming noise of pointless people talking about pointless possessions.

 

[Scottland]

Hi,

Just posting this for a bit of catharsis really. I've suffered on and off with depression since my mid-teens (I'm mid-30's now) and have been on medication for about the past 10 years. Generally over the past several years, although having the usual mood dips here and there, have been quite stable and had a decent 'method' of self-recovery when low points hit me.

Unfortunately the last few months have taken their toll, a couple of stressful months of moving house and starting a new job were compounded with my dad being diagnosed with lung cancer about 8 weeks ago. Since then I seem to be stuck in quite a nasty spell of depression and finding it difficult to dig myself out of it; to the point where I'm considering asking the Doc to sign me off for some time so at least I don't have to try and balance everything with work as well. I'm just about treading water in work at the moment, I'm worried that I'm going to start going downhill at work - which will increase the stress levels and make me worse. But I'm torn between taking time off to ease the load, and focus on sorting myself out - and the worry and anxiety that will come with being off work due to feeling like I'll alienate myself etc.

 

[Dup]

Hi,

Just posting this for a bit of catharsis really. I've suffered on and off with depression since my mid-teens (I'm mid-30's now) and have been on medication for about the past 10 years. Generally over the past several years, although having the usual mood dips here and there, have been quite stable and had a decent 'method' of self-recovery when low points hit me.

Unfortunately the last few months have taken their toll, a couple of stressful months of moving house and starting a new job were compounded with my dad being diagnosed with lung cancer about 8 weeks ago. Since then I seem to be stuck in quite a nasty spell of depression and finding it difficult to dig myself out of it; to the point where I'm considering asking the Doc to sign me off for some time so at least I don't have to try and balance everything with work as well. I'm just about treading water in work at the moment, I'm worried that I'm going to start going downhill at work - which will increase the stress levels and make me worse. But I'm torn between taking time off to ease the load, and focus on sorting myself out - and the worry and anxiety that will come with being off work due to feeling like I'll alienate myself etc.

Are your work approachable? Obviously your father being ill is one issue they should be able to help with and give you some allowances over. It could be worth talking about the depression with them too. Taking time off could be as bad for you as suffering at work, but you may be able to find some middle ground. I preferred being busy as depression and too much time to think can be a bad thing. You may love the space but you still have to go back to the stress.

Lung cancer is not an easy ride I lost my dad last year 58 to it and helped care for him at home with my mum until his last day. You need to come to terms with the reality of what's going on quickly and keep at it. In a way my father passing like that was a positive thing for me. I wanted his suffering to end, but it taught me that life really is too short and it's helped me put my depression aside and appreciate life so much more. My dad had a crap life to be honest. I'm pretty much all he really truly achieved, so intend to make sure that I do him proud and life my life properly and not let silly things like depression hold me back from that.

You're gonna hit some bumps and it's going to be a tough time but it's important to keep some routine and normality, otherwise you just go from one extreme to another and don't catch a breath either way. One thing is for sure, life will go on, so make sure you're a part of it

 

[Scottland]

Are your work approachable? Obviously your father being ill is one issue they should be able to help with and give you some allowances over. It could be worth talking about the depression with them too. Taking time off could be as bad for you as suffering at work, but you may be able to find some middle ground. I preferred being busy as depression and too much time to think can be a bad thing. You may love the space but you still have to go back to the stress.

Lung cancer is not an easy ride I lost my dad last year 58 to it and helped care for him at home with my mum until his last day. You need to come to terms with the reality of what's going on quickly and keep at it. In a way my father passing like that was a positive thing for me. I wanted his suffering to end, but it taught me that life really is too short and it's helped me put my depression aside and appreciate life so much more. My dad had a crap life to be honest. I'm pretty much all he really truly achieved, so intend to make sure that I do him proud and life my life properly and not let silly things like depression hold me back from that.

You're gonna hit some bumps and it's going to be a tough time but it's important to keep some routine and normality, otherwise you just go from one extreme to another and don't catch a breath either way. One thing is for sure, life will go on, so make sure you're a part of it

I'm sure if I asked for some allowances they'd be able to offer something - my biggest problem work wise at the moment is I'm finding it really hard to concentrate on anything and my mind wanders. Being busy is helpful, but being sat in front of a computer screen makes it easy to lose concentration and not be able to focus on anything. My job isn't particularly stressful per se, it's just at the moment I'm viewing all the things I need to do as things I haven't done or can't do. If I'm not thinking about my dad, I'm worrying over stuff I need to do for work.

 

[helpimcrap]

After 3 months I've come to the point where I'm considering jacking the uni course in.

The stress!!!

 

[AHarvey]

After 3 months I've come to the point where I'm considering jacking the uni course in.

The stress!!!

Don't!

I was offered a 12 year career in the RAF as a pilot when I was 17 as part of a scholarship. I turned it down because the girl I was dating wouldn't travel with me.

I was 27 and turned down a job in the Halo Trust that would have paid my mortgage off in 2 years. My wife (the same girl from above) was against it was we'd just got married and she wanted a family, I'd have been gone for 2.5 years.

I was told I could have a job in Edmonton, Canada doing software development when I was 30, again, the wife didn't want to move away from her family and uproot the little girl.

Although I wouldn't change my life with my wife and kids, I regret the things I didn't do more than all the stupid stuff I did. Learning to cope with regret, missed chances, is hard, constantly thinking "what if?"

Do another 3 months, see how you feel.

 

[Ayahuasca]

...and from previous posts the wife you stuck by now makes comments about your weight and gets ticked off when you won’t hang around with her friends who obviously made something of themselves, it’s a funny old life isn’t it.