**The Mental Health Thread**

[Dup]

Bumping an old thread, just looking to vent more than anything

My health anxiety has properly taken control at the moment, turned me in to a bit of a recluse (more than normal ) and just devoid of any kind of motivation to do anything productive, while my mind convinces me that everything is futile due to my imaginary illness that I must have. I was nearing completion of my first iOS app which I was hugely excited about, but can't even bring myself to finish that. Every time I sit in front of my computer, I just think way too much about other things or can't focus for more than a couple of minutes.

I hate it as I go through phases, years at a time sometimes with no kind of worry or any cause to be anxious, but then something will trigger it and depending on other things going on in my life, it will either pass or snowball. With remortgaging and applying for life insurance/critical illness cover lately, I think that has well and truly caused it to snowball. Since then I've just been worrying about anything and everything

Urgh, that is all.

I have been through the same sort of periods, although felt more off than on sadly. The best thing I did was break down life into a list of bite-size things that build up to a bigger achievements. That way you're not overwhelmed with dealing with everything at once and slowly feel like you're accomplishing something. Exercise made a huge difference to me too.

 

[TheMeekon]

Finally came out of a super anxious 5 month episode to be hit by a bladder problem for the last 3 months which might be caused by anxiety. FML

 

[G18241]

My meds seem to have balanced me out a little...i'm now on 200mg of Setraline, and having more and more days where i feel like i can get through

I have started running, we are expecting our 2nd daughter in August and spring is here so i can get back in the garden and finish off what we started last year I still have my really bad days, and the anxiety has gone, but for the first time in a long long time, i can see a slither of light at the end of this long, dark tunnel

 

[Daff_Duck]

I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar 10 yrs ago now in my 50s I cant remember the number of times I visited GP A&E and my wife of 30 yrs telling me I was not "right" severe depression and then wanton euphoria etc
Suffice to say I am on Lithium and also SSRI's, thing is... I asked for a review as I was concerned about taking drugs in the first place CBT didnt work by the way, do I really need them I thought? What happened to the people back in the day, before Bi Polar was diagnosed as mental condition?

On seeing the consultant he basically said, look whilst their are lots of side effects, for me man boobs, excess weight, the alternative is you go back to how you were, At my darkest I would have quite happily killed myself and had a plan on how to do it. If it wasn't for my wife I would not be here today. Its a constant struggle and never goes away it just, seems to level itself out, I still dont sleep well maybe 4 hrs at most, and I hate having to take my meds its a constant bind, as I cant afford to miss a dose.

I dont choose to live this way and would give anything to be "normal" whats worse is that it seems my eldest son is showing all the traits and has been for CBT, I wouldn't wish mental illness on anyone, just because you dont have a visible injury doesn't mean, you aren't ill. At the moment I survive and have done for the last x years I wouldnt say my life has been a success or what I thought it would be, but then who does.

 

[solado]

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in 2016 (26 years old). Pretty much not been right since the age of 15 so I am told by family, my mothers always goes back to random behavioural changes she likened to living with 3 different people which seemed to switch every 2-3 months.

After my diagnoses I was pretty much rushed onto medication which made me really physically sick. My skin pretty much peeled and scabbed over & couple this with 14 - 15 hours of sleep a night. Holding down a job and living my life on meds wasn't possible so iv'e decided to go medication free and deal with the condition for as long as I can before it get's the best of me.

The worst part of the condition is always feeling "not right" and the inner voice telling me to basically just kill myself when I am at my lowest or just generally not feeling like doing anything what so ever. The upswings in mood are amazing and iv'e experienced some pretty amazing things while in an elevated mood state but the cost of these is depression for weeks on end.

Holding down a full time job is extremely difficult but I have no choice as I need the money. I have tried to do ICT as a career but I can't handle it as it just isn't compatible with my illness, making my education pretty much useless. I am stuck in low paid work as I never know what's going to happen and can't dedicate myself to something.

On the outside I know I have a good life but I can't appreciate it as I always feel like I am sad / upset / angry.

 

[Gabbatek]

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in 2016 (26 years old). Pretty much not been right since the age of 15 so I am told by family, my mothers always goes back to random behavioural changes she likened to living with 3 different people which seemed to switch every 2-3 months.

After my diagnoses I was pretty much rushed onto medication which made me really physically sick. My skin pretty much peeled and scabbed over & couple this with 14 - 15 hours of sleep a night. Holding down a job and living my life on meds wasn't possible so iv'e decided to go medication free and deal with the condition for as long as I can before it get's the best of me.

The worst part of the condition is always feeling "not right" and the inner voice telling me to basically just kill myself when I am at my lowest or just generally not feeling like doing anything what so ever. The upswings in mood are amazing and iv'e experienced some pretty amazing things while in an elevated mood state but the cost of these is depression for weeks on end.

Holding down a full time job is extremely difficult but I have no choice as I need the money. I have tried to do ICT as a career but I can't handle it as it just isn't compatible with my illness, making my education pretty much useless. I am stuck in low paid work as I never know what's going to happen and can't dedicate myself to something.

On the outside I know I have a good life but I can't appreciate it as I always feel like I am sad / upset / angry.

Have you considered claiming benefits, pip aka disability benefit to sustain you? It's what it was designed for, to help those with disabilities that are struggling.

You can also claim it while working, so you could reduce your hours if your employer is understanding until you feel well enough to do full time.

 

[UKImperium]

I'm not sure if I am classed as depressed or not but I'm always unhappy. I feel like I'm cursed sometimes since nothing good really ever happens. I've already lost two girlfriends, one of which I was engaged which left me for someone else. Another who was absolutely horrible towards me and others around her. I've had three dogs all of which live elsewhere. I don't even have a lousy drivers licence at the age of 29. I only did about two years in total of high school due to being targeted by bullies, even in primary school this teacher was really horrible to me. I'm stuck in a job I don't like but can't leave since I won't have much luck finding a job anywhere else. I currently live with family, my friends have all taken their own paths and we no longer hang out. I honestly feel alone and sad. Sometimes I think about offing myself but I'm too much of a coward to go ahead with it. I think about going the doctors about it but what's the point? Only to tell me that I'm depressed and try to shovel pills down my throat or even counselling? I don't really see the point in it. I don't really suffer in silence since I'm happy to talk to people about my problems(but only if they ask). The only thing that makes me happy is gaming but that only lasts for so long. Only thing I want outta life is a family, house, car, gym and gaming. That really isn't too much to ask for, is it? All this causes me to lash out sometimes since it can become very overwhelming. It's strange, I was always a happy person that was always laughing.

 

[malachi]

Only thing I want outta life is a family, house, car, gym and gaming. That really isn't too much to ask for, is it?

No, it's not but have you thought about whats stopping you from achieving these? As it sounds like you don't want to leave your comfort zone.

 

[UKImperium]

No, it's not but have you thought about whats stopping you from achieving these? As it sounds like you don't want to leave your comfort zone.

What stops me is the lack of courage and determination to go out and do something about it. I've had so much crap happen to me that I've come to the point that I stopped trying. I question everything I do. I always beat myself up about my choices and actions. It would be nice to meet a woman who's into the same things as I but with me being emotionally broken it would be unfair to drag a girl into this but at the same time I can't help but think it would help since I could do with a friend in my life right now.

 

[malachi]

What stops me is the lack of courage and determination to go out and do something about it. I've had so much crap happen to me that I've come to the point that I stopped trying. I question everything I do. I always beat myself up about my choices and actions. It would be nice to meet a woman who's into the same things as I but with me being emotionally broken it would be unfair to drag a girl into this but at the same time I can't help but think it would help since I could do with a friend in my life right now.

There you go Thankfully, you don't have a mental illness and you right. If you did go to the doctors then would give you pills but that would not fix the root cause of the problem. You be back to square one once off them but perhaps counciling would help you?

Doing certain things in life to be a better person/successful isn't easy and the slight bump on the way many will give up because its the easiest thing to do, just sit there and do nothing or the bare minimum just to get by.

Years ago I was in a similar position to you and one day I woke up and said enough is enough. Purchased a few self help books, changed my mindset about everything in life and im a better person for it.

I just needed the motivation and kick up the backside, it hasn't been easy but I am seeing results for the better and everyone else round me has too.

 

[SixTwoSix]

Sometimes I think about offing myself but I'm too much of a coward to go ahead with it. I think about going the doctors about it but what's the point? Only to tell me that I'm depressed and try to shovel pills down my throat or even counselling?

Medication and seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist got me through a deep depression between october last year and well...about now. We're not allowed medical threads here but I can't say more strongly...DO NOT dismiss taking medication for depression. It doesn't make you emotionless or a zombie or anything of the sort, it just takes the edge off and combined with CBT enables you to get to a route cause.

 

[robfosters]

Ive been seeing a psychologist lately. My cardiologist referred me after deciding my alcohol abuse was a way for me to escape my heart problems.

So far we’ve just done a lot of talking about my life and what my fears are. She feels that because of my condition, I have a very severe, but understandable fear of death, both for myself and my family, and the drink helps me to block those feelings out. I do literally think of death all the time. Every time I get a little pain or think of my heart in the future, I just get a panicky feeling that I’m going to die soon. It can be quite trying.

This fear stops me doing things I enjoy, so the psychologist is going to work with me to set goals for things for me to do that involve overcoming this fear I have.

 

[UKImperium]

Thank you, all three of you for replying. Typing this up and reading your comments is making me feel a little better.

SixTwoSix, my dad is depressed and he takes meds to help him cope. He told me I should go the doctors and see about getting some medication for myself. He says it worked for him but what helped him was fishing. I'm not sure what his depression is all about or even if he takes it anymore but as malachi said, medication won't fix the root cause of the problem. I'm not actually sure how anti-depressants even do for people. Perhaps talking to a professional may help. I thought that taking up the gym and focusing on work to try and get my own place to rent would help keep my mind occupied but it doesn't work.

robfosters, that sounds awful what you are going through. I really hope it all works out for the best for you.

 

[SexyGreyFox]

medication won't fix the root cause of the problem.

Some people like me haven't got a root cause of the problem and the professionals have been trying to find it for 30 years but they won't succeed.
Every day I think about suicide and I don't know why. It's not fair on my wife because, especially when I'm depressed, she never knows if I'm going to be here when she comes home.

 

[SixTwoSix]

SixTwoSix, my dad is depressed and he takes meds to help him cope. He told me I should go the doctors and see about getting some medication for myself. He says it worked for him but what helped him was fishing. I'm not sure what his depression is all about or even if he takes it anymore but as malachi said, medication won't fix the root cause of the problem. I'm not actually sure how anti-depressants even do for people. Perhaps talking to a professional may help. I thought that taking up the gym and focusing on work to try and get my own place to rent would help keep my mind occupied but it doesn't work.

I'm off the medication now but it was a massive help is stabilising me to the point where I made progress doing CBT, i've gotten to the root cause of my depression which I won't elaborate on as it's intensely personal.

I will say this, if you go into counselling or therapy without absolute honesty, no matter how painful or embarrassing it may be to talk about certain things, you'll make no progress. It took me months to open up but a good cognitive behavioural therapist won't go head on. They'll talk about seemingly unrelated issues, gauge your reactions and how you respond, then after a while ask some very open, yet seemingly strange questions. What I found is that upon answering these odd questions, I suddenly understood my own self amazingly well.

I'm not out of it yet, I still have really bad days but I don't need medication anymore and as cliché as this may sound, i've found out how to live more in the moment. For someone with a crushing fear of death (one of my issues), this makes a massive difference.

Oh and finally...if you're using it, get off any kind of social media as you're only ever seeing most peoples best selves in snapshots and just makes you feel worse.

 

[robfosters]

I'm off the medication now but it was a massive help is stabilising me to the point where I made progress doing CBT, i've gotten to the root cause of my depression which I won't elaborate on as it's intensely personal.

I will say this, if you go into counselling or therapy without absolute honesty, no matter how painful or embarrassing it may be to talk about certain things, you'll make no progress. It took me months to open up but a good cognitive behavioural therapist won't go head on. They'll talk about seemingly unrelated issues, gauge your reactions and how you respond, then after a while ask some very open, yet seemingly strange questions. What I found is that upon answering these odd questions, I suddenly understood my own self amazingly well.

I'm not out of it yet, I still have really bad days but I don't need medication anymore and as cliché as this may sound, i've found out how to live more in the moment. For someone with a crushing fear of death (one of my issues), this makes a massive difference.

Oh and finally...if you're using it, get off any kind of social media as you're only ever seeing most peoples best selves in snapshots and just makes you feel worse.

I see you have a fear of death too. Do you fear just your own death or other people’s as well?

 

[Cheroulam Nab]

I think way back I posted in this thread about my issues probably buried now. I read this thread a lot but have not been logged in but have been reading and theirs a lot of emotions and feelings running through my brain. I feel for a lot of you and hope to god you all find the right support and balance. Just recently I was put on heavy anti depressants due to a host of things. They are most certainly not working I can tell you that. It's a long story but basically I was failed on by multiple doctors who thought I was hyper when I was a kid, so they put me on Ritalin.. and I swear it destroyed my brain and thought processes over the years. My parents always disagreed with the doctors but the schools and doctors aka specialists insisted I try it so we did and I was a zombie. I failed all my qualifications at school.. I couldn't even have basic thoughts doped up with Ritalin. When I came out of school I was so deranged and drained by Ritalin I become do depressed my parents forced me to come off it. Within about a year I started to remember stuff and regain myself to a normal functional being. Turns out all that time I never was hyper and had extremely bad ADHD I was autistic and had Asperger's. Most of my young life was pure hell. I tried to fight it when I was young but the drugs aka Ritalin just won every time. That is a really basic and quick explanation as I'm at work but hey thought I was chip in I love reading everyone's issues here I care a lot for everybody.

Forgot to put they put me on strong anti depressants at the moment due to a combination of insomnia and just overall depression in general. These drugs are nothing like Ritalin thank goodness.

 

[wedrum]

Prozac seems to be working for me and a positive mind. Keep away from negative people.

 

[SixTwoSix]

I see you have a fear of death too. Do you fear just your own death or other people’s as well?

It's purely my own, not so much dying itself but as with most other people who suffer the same existential dread, it's the absolute nature of it. I'm not religious in any way therefore I have no faith system that tells me i'm going to heaven or being reincarnated after death. I know, for a fact in my mind that once i'm dead, i'm dead and that's it, the universe will carry on for billions of years and i'll just be gone.

I think it got heavily triggered prior to the birth of my son a year ago, since my wife got pregnant i'd have long deep thoughts about dying and end up with panic attacks if I went too deep down that hole. I still circle that hole a lot when i'm alone and thinking deeply but I now can steer my fear another way with the help of CBT.

 

[itchy]

What I have found with mental issues which I thought I had, its not you its them.

When you are very intelligent you find it hard to deal with the general population, it makes you feel out of place and gives you a general feeling of discord so to say.

I just try to stay out the way of people and get on with things that are important, even though I feel the things I need to deal with are not that important.